Blue 42 by C.A. Rene

Chapter nineteen

Dixon

Dani lets me sleep the six hours it takes to get there and I can see the exhaustion in her face. I started to feel guilty but then remember she practically begged me to ride with her and told me she didn’t want to go alone. We park in front of the hotel and I groan when I realize my bag is on the bus, which doesn’t look like it has arrived yet.

“Don’t worry,” she says, reading my groan, “I texted my dad and told him to grab your bag.”

“Thanks.” I’m not sure how much I like Coach knowing I’m with his daughter.

“Can I stay with you?” her voice is small and her eyes pleading.

“I have a game later, I really need to rest.”

“I know,” she chuckles, “just to sleep. I don’t want to sleep alone right now.”

I should refuse her but as I stare down into her eyes and I can feel myself giving in, even though we’re not dating. Why aren’t we dating though? If shit hadn’t started up with Sebastian, I would’ve been down to date her, and I’m attracted to her. Fuck it, I’m wiping my mind of him, right?

“Yeah,” I nod and smile at her, “I would like that.”

We get inside and I get the keys for the room booked under my name, both of us still so exhausted. We ride the elevator up and it dings on my floor, sliding open to reveal a long corridor.

“Dad usually books out the whole floor for the team.” She says as we walk to my door.

“Is this going to be a problem?” I ask her, referring to us being together.

“I spoke to him and he knows how I feel about you,” she answers as she follows me into the room.

“How you feel about me huh?” I grin, “and how do you feel?”

Her eyes slowly blink and her small smile is so damn cute, “right now? I could sleepwalk and get in that bed.” She unzips her dress, the zipper running down the side. She shimmies it down her hips and steps out of it, the fabric pooling at her feet like glistening emeralds. She's wearing a black lace bra and thong and my mouth waters at the sight, I need to sleep. I scrub my hand down my face and chuckle when I hear her laugh.

“You’re gorgeous,” I haul her into my body and kiss her softly. “I want to do so many things to this body right now, but Coach will kill me if I’m not in top form later.”

“I couldn’t anyways,” she smiles and rests her head on my chest, “I am exhausted.”

I nudge her towards the bed and remove my suit, leaving my boxers. I crawl into bed beside her. As soon as her head hits the pillow she’s out and I pull her in closer, resting my head on top of hers. Feeling content as I drift off to sleep.

“Get up.” I feel cold metal press into my temple and my eyes pop open quickly.

Dani is sleeping soundly beside me, her small snores filling the room, and her lace bra on display.

“Get the fuck up or I’ll blow her brains all across this fucking room.” Sebastian growls and I do as he says. I can feel the rage rolling from him and I don’t doubt his words for a second. He has a gun to my head.

He shoves me into the bathroom and I hit the small counter, hissing when my hip bone bangs against it. He shuts the door and I look up at him in the reflection of the mirror, his eyes look haunted.

“What are you doing?”  I ask him as he holds the gun to the back of my head, “you gonna kill me?”

“I fucking want to,” he growls through his teeth, “after the shit you pulled.”

“Me?” I begin to chuckle because this is actually crazy, “the shit I pulled? Bro, you’re married, go talk to your wife.”

“That’s why she’s lying in your bed?” he grins, “so you can try to get over me?”

“Get over you?” I turn to face him and smack the gun out of my face, no longer able to hold my temper in. “I never had a thing for you.”

That grin stays on his face as he steps closer, he’s still in his dress shirt and slacks, the top four buttons undone at the top. His eyes are bloodshot like he hasn’t slept at all and the blue bags under his eyes make him look sinister.

“I think you do,” he leans in, his hands and gun rest on the counter at my sides, “and I think it scared the shit out of you. But you felt something Dixon, why else would you spill your dinner when you found out I was married?”

“Because I was disgusted.” I try to sound disgusted but my voice drops an octave and instead sounds raspy.

Our noses brush and I bite the inside of my cheeks to hold in a moan, but I lose that battle as soon as his tongue snakes out, brushing along my lower lip. His scent - something that is uniquely him - fans my face and I cave, giving in to a craving so fucking strong, it’s stealing all logic. I grab his waist and grind my cock into his lower belly, slamming my mouth to his. His lips open instantly and our tongues glide together, turning our heated exchange into something sensual. We’ve never been sensual, it’s always been aggressive, and right now it’s like we’re feeling something more than anger.

He thrusts his cock against mine and then his hands are at the waistband of my boxers, pulling them down over my hips. I should be thinking of the woman sleeping soundly in the next room; I should be thinking of the woman he’s married to, and I should just shove him away from me, but I can’t do any of it. I’ve never seen myself as a weak man but right now in this moment, as his hand wraps around my throbbing cock, I am powerless. Our mouths break apart and both of us are panting when he finally strokes my cock, the feeling of his hand so different from a woman’s.

“Did she make you come, Dixon?” he sneers as he squeezes me.

“No,” the word tumbles out before I can even think of lying to him.

“No?” his voice smug, “is this only for me?”

I grit my teeth to hold back the word vomit that wants to admit everything to him, how I’m feeling and what I want him to do, and he chuckles at my tightened jaw.

“Don’t worry, Dixon,” his tongue runs down my neck, “I already know.” He gives my cock a hard squeeze and continues stroking me.

My balls tighten and my head falls back as I begin to feel the euphoria spreading throughout me. His grip is sure and I can feel the callouses scraping against my sensitive skin.

“Come for me,” he demands and then sinks his teeth into my neck.

As much as my mind wants to fight him, my body listens well, and I come all over his fist, making the most embarrassing noises as I do. I haven’t been with anyone like this, where the hatred and need are on par, and my heart is constantly fighting my brain. I can’t deny I’ve been wanting this moment - constantly thinking about it - but now that it’s happened, I just want to take it all back. Now we’re stuck in a place where we can’t go back and moving forward is impossible.

“Stop thinking,” his fingers - soaked in my release - curl around my chin, “don’t do that.”

“Sebastian, what are you doing?” I whisper, “you’re married.”

“You don’t know everything.” He releases my chin and steps back, looking at my cum on his hand.

“I don’t want to know everything,” I shake my head and pull up my boxers, “this is it, Sebastian.”

He pushes me aside to wash his hands and I watch as his jaw flexes, anger creasing his forehead. Once he’s done and dried his hands, he picks up his gun.

“It’s over when I say it is,” he makes me look down the barrel, “and not a moment sooner.”

Sebastian

Maybe that was extreme, getting into his room, and holding a gun to his head, but I was so damn mad. I was stewing in that anger for over six hours, he’s lucky I didn’t shoot them both on sight, and walked back out. I fucking wanted to. I saw her curled up onto his chest in just her underwear and I saw red.

Practice is shit since half the team is hungover and the other half doesn’t look like they’ve slept. We’re going to lose tonight and there’s nothing this practice is doing to improve that. It’s always different on away games, the field isn’t ours, the fans aren’t the same, and our determination isn’t as strong. Today, it’s just me and Dixon giving it our all and Coach is ripping the guys a new one. It’s so funny to watch and a few times I’ve heard Dixon snort at something Coach had said.

Dani is watching the practice today and sitting on the bench, I can feel her attention mostly on me. Dixon is a real idiot for entertaining her because she’s only out to get me. She wants me and always has, she’s like a rabid squirrel chasing a nut. My fucking nuts. She’s been bringing him his Gatorade or handing him a towel and the whole time I’m growing more and more heated, he came for me last night, not her. That’s the only thought keeping me sane right now.

“Fuck this!” Coach throws down his clipboard when Dixon literally skips and jumps around the useless guys on the field. “Go to your rooms! Use the gym!”

He storms off the field and I look at Dani with my brow raised, of course her eyes are already on me. “Shouldn’t you go check up on daddy?”

“My man needs me.” She shrugs and tosses me a smirk.

“Your man?” I laugh heartily and shake my head, “girl I see what you’re doing.” I lick my lips slowly and watch as she stares transfixed. “Like I said, I see what you’re doing.”

I hear her growl behind me as I grab my helmet off the bench and head inside behind Coach. What the fuck does she mean ‘her man’? My fingers clench around the helmet’s cage and my teeth crack as I grind them, she better watch her attitude. Maybe I need to show her a thing or two about her man.

I hate locker rooms in other stadiums, they fucking suck, and it’s just not home. I grab a quick shower and get the fuck out of there before I have to see Dixon and Dani together again, I don’t think I could refrain from shooting them this time. We’re dropped back at the hotel and I hit the weight room. I’m tired but a nap won’t do shit for me now. Regardless, sleep is hard to come by at the moment.

Jameson and Ortiz show up around an hour later, both looking like death, and guilt raging in their eyes.

“Coach is fucking pissed.” Jameson mutters as he sits on the weight bench.

“Naturally,” I snicker, “you looked like a pair of dogs chasing your tails out there.”

“Looked like Dani hooked herself another rookie last night.” Ortiz says as he rubs his temples.

See what I mean? She’s a team pass around and we all know it, fuck, we all rode it. Dixon was supposed to be different, I saw how he avoided her, and I didn’t think he was one she could get to. Goes to show that every man is weak for pussy.

“He’ll learn.” I shrug.

We are dragging ass and down by two touchdowns in the fourth. Dixon and I are trying our best but it’s not enough, we’re going to fucking lose to Cincinnati. I don’t care how much Coach wants to rag on us, he should’ve realized what that gala would be like. Open bar with unlimited booze and a bunch of guys wanting a good time equals hangovers.

“Fuck!” Dixon curses as we gather around Zeal to hear our final play. He’s tired and I know how he feels because I am just as dead. Zeal sees it when he looks at the both of us.

“I want to win,” he starts and looks around into all of our faces, “but I know when I am kicking a dead fucking dog.”

The guys look guilty but they also look really damn green in the face and even I know this game is done. So do the Cincinnati fans that are here screaming in victory. I don’t think I have another run in me and when I look at Dixon, he’s the same.

Zeal tells us a play that fakes out throwing me the ball and instead, he’ll throw to Dixon. It’s tricky and sometimes if done right, it can be pulled off. I want to disagree, to tell him that the other team knows we’ve been relying on North this whole game, why would we switch that up now? I don’t though because I’m tired and arguing about the final play is energy I can put into winning this game.

Maybe it’s because my eye follows North or maybe it’s like I thought and they just know that Dixon will be the one to run that ball, but they crowd him. Zeal has no other choice but to throw it to me and I know without a doubt, I won’t get far. The defense men are closing in on me and as soon as I have the ball, I’m running. I try avoiding the defense, running around them, and turn back, but it’s wasting too much time. The whistle blows and I am twenty yards from the end zone. Game lost.

Dixon storms into the locker room, throwing his helmet into the wall, and cursing loudly. It should’ve been an easy game to win and yet we threw it away, I feel his anger too. He rips his uniform off and I lean against the locker watching him, he’s hot when he’s this worked up. He curses again as he heads to the showers and the rest of us stay in silence. I can feel the shame pouring from the guys and I feel the need to up the morale.

“It’s one game, guys.” I clap my hands, “we’re better than we were last year. Let’s not have this game hover over us, we’ll get the next one.”

Zeal tosses me an appreciative look and the guys all get up, making their way to the showers. He lingers, waiting for the last one to shuffle in, and then turns to look at me.

“Thank you for that, I know I should be saying it, but fuck,” his hand drags through his hair, “I’m fucking ashamed too.”

“You played well.” I shrug, “I didn’t see you pounding them back last night.”

“I should’ve stopped them last night.” He claps me on the back and goes for the shower, “thanks again.”

I watch as he bypasses an angry Dixon coming back into the room, his body dripping wet. My dick perks up and I groan into my fist as I stick my head in the locker. I have seen hundreds of naked guys and I’ve never had a reaction so primal, so damn visceral.

“Fucking bullshit,” he mutters and I can hear the rustling of clothes as he changes.

“We can’t win them all,” I say without looking at him, knowing the temptation would be too much.

“Sure, we can.” He growls and slams the locker.

He brushes by me and I turn to watch as he leaves the locker room, throwing open the door with force. We’re getting on the bus from here and heading back to Buffalo, he better be on that bus.

Chapter Twenty - Dixon

“Do you want to ride with me, hot stuff?” Dani calls out and I cringe. I like her but she’s becoming clingy and I haven’t made any promises to her.

“Nah,” I turn and look at her, “I should stay with the team, we’re all feeling a bit down.”

“Right,” she looks disappointed and I stuff down the frustration. I know I’m reacting like this because my emotions are still running high from our loss.

“I’ll see you later.” I give her a nod.

I turn but suddenly she appears in front of me and wraps her arms around my neck, “I had a good time last night.” I open my mouth to speak but her lips press into mine and her tongue jams inside. It’s a weird kiss, a little too forceful and a lot fucking strange.

I hear a snort behind me and break the kiss - if you want to call it that - to look over my shoulder. Sebastian walks by with a small smirk on his face and all I can see is both of us in the bathroom, with my cum on his hand. I look down into Dani’s face and see her eyes trailing him as well, probably with similar thoughts as mine. It dawns on me then, she did this so Sebastian would see. Is there something she knows about him and me? My heart thunders in my chest and I can feel my mouth go dry in utter fear. Was she awake last night?

We both watch him as he walks to the bus and when he gets to the door, he tosses us a wink. She quickly turns back around and I see the blush on her cheeks, she wants him. She’s with me and kissing on me to make him jealous. But why? She knows he’s married. Not that I can say much, I know he’s married too, and that didn’t stop me last night. It didn’t stop either of us. I should be hurt that she’s using me to get to him, instead I’m thinking maybe I can pull the same shit, only my intentions would be to turn him away. If he thinks I’m dating someone and if it looks serious, he’ll know he doesn’t stand a chance.

“How about dinner tomorrow night?” I ask her and her eyes brighten.

“Sure.”

I lean down and kiss her softly, “see you then.”

I step up into the bus and see Sebastian sitting at the far back, his hoodie obscuring his face. I like the back too, always have, and I’m not letting him take that from me either. I walk down the aisle and he looks up, his golden eyes twinkling with humor. I sit in the row in front of him and lean my head back, closing my eyes. I’m so tired and my body feels drained, I need rest. The physical exertion and then the emotional drain is becoming too much.

The seat beside me dips and I know without even looking that it’s him. His scent is as familiar to me as my own and I keep still, my eyes remaining shut. He doesn’t say anything either and when everyone gets on the bus, I steal a look at him from the corner of my eye. His head is also back and he has earphones in his ears. I don’t know how - maybe he senses my watching him - but without looking at me, he takes an earbud out, and offers it to me. I take it and pop it in my ear, curious to find out what he listens to. I’m shocked when I hear the subtle notes of a classical symphony. I turn to look at him and find him smirking, like he knew I’d be fucking shocked.

 

Dixon

Fingers brush along my cheek and down my neck, the calloused tips making me shudder. I slowly wake up and the sound of the orchestra floods my senses once again. I turn my face and Sebastian is right there, so close. I look down to his lips, watching as they turn up in the corners, and lick my own.

“Watch it, North.” He whispers, “people might see.”

I doubt it, the high back seats provide cover, and the both of us are slouched down even further. So, without much thought and with my senses still half asleep, I lean in the few inches. I press my lips to his, softly, and nip his bottom lip with my teeth. His hand lands on my cheek and pulls me in closer, his tongue licking across the seam. I open for him and our tongues glide against each other, the sensuality of the kiss taking my breath away.

“Fuck, North,” he whispers against my mouth, “what the fuck are you doing to me?” he grabs my hand and places it on his cock. He’s hard and pulsing, just as I am.

I pull away and let my head fall back against the seat, “I don’t even know.” I answer truthfully and close my eyes.

I don’t sleep for the rest of the trip but I keep my eyes closed, I don’t know what’s happening with us, and the constant feel of his heat beside me is driving me insane. I need to get out of this confined space so I can think clearly once again.

It’s about an hour later when we’re pulling up to the convention center, most of our vehicles are still parked in the lot, and everyone begins to file out. We stay in our seats and wait, Sebastian’s eyes flicking across my face. His phone rings then, forcing him out of his head, and he picks it up.

“What’s up?” he’s still watching me but a crease appears between his brows, “and the father?” I can tell he’s talking to a guy and I stand up out of my seat, needing to get the fuck off this bus. “Thanks man, talk soon.”

I’m halfway down the center aisle when I feel him close at my back. His scent and the temperature of his body is seared into my brain, I’ll know him anywhere without ever having to look.

“You should come over,” he says into my ear and I stop walking. He steps closer, his chest brushing my back, and I shudder at the proximity. “We can go for a jog or something.”

Or something. I want to say yes, my mouth opens with the word about to spill out, and I stop it just in time. I’m not ready and I don’t think I ever will be, he has a damn wife.

“I’m tired.” I say and continue walking.

“Tomorrow night,” he suggests and I look at him over my shoulder.

“I can’t, I have a date.”

“With her.” He rolls his eyes and I step down from the bus.

I don’t answer him because it wasn’t a question and I don’t owe him an explanation, although I do like the fact that he’s fuming about it. He brushes past me and grabs his bag off the ground, stalking to his vehicle. I watch as his ass bunches when he steps and the fact that his track pants are so thin, molding to his muscular legs perfectly. I shake myself out of it and walk to my car, my thoughts a jumbled mess. I want Sebastian, there’s no denying it, and yet I want a normal life. For me and how I was raised, being gay isn’t normal. It won’t be accepted and I can’t give my mother that stress on top of everything else.

I can’t be gay though, it’s just one man, and I haven’t found any other attractive. So, I’m straight but lusting after one guy. I don’t know what any of it means and it’s so exhausting to always swallow down my needs, so naturally it boils over sometimes. Like on the bus when I kissed him. I can’t let it go further, he’s married, and I know there’s no future there. It would all be a waste of time and energy. I can’t deny though, in those moments when it’s just him and me, there’s no worry or confusion, and that’s why I forget this is just a dead end.

My phone rings and I see my mother on the screen, I release all thoughts of Sebastian and pick up the phone, preparing for what I know will be bad news.

“Hey, Ma.”

“Sorry about your game, Dixon. Was it because of me telling you about your brother?” she sounds worried and I don’t want her to be.

“No, Ma, just a bad day. Where’s Daniel?” I ask her.

“Don’t worry about that, son.” I can hear the worry in her tone.

“Ma, I will come there if I don’t hear what’s going on.” I warn her and she huffs into the phone.

“He’s been gone for a week.”

“What?” I sit up, “like missing?”

“No, people see him around but he’s running with those boys back in our old neighborhood. He doesn’t like the new house.”

“Then we need to consider a bootcamp or something like that.” I exhale in irritation. “His future is flushing down the drain.”

“Yes,” she sniffs and her voice shakes, “you’re right.”

“I’ll figure something out and I’ll be home in a few days.” I tell her.

“Your career is important, Dixon.” She says sternly.

“It was always to make our lives better, what’s the point if I have all this money and no family to give it to?”

“One day you will have a family of your own.” She explains.

In that moment, Sebastian’s face floats through my mind, and I feel my throat close. I may not have a family of my own.

“I will have enough for that, too.” I assure her, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

My next call is to my college coach, he runs a camp for troubled teens, and I know if there is anyone to help me, it’ll be him. It would mean sending Danny to a whole other state but maybe that was exactly what he needed. After an hour of sitting in my car, I had a plan, and now all I had to do was execute it. That means going home back to my old hood and finding Danny, pushing through a group of hardened individuals to get it.

It’s a risk but he’s my family and he’s worth it, I can’t let him become another statistic.

Sebastian

I have his number, I found it in the directory in Coach’s office, and I’ve been staring at it for over a day. Coach is punishing us for our loss by giving us brutal practices early every morning and it’s not so bad, only Dixon hasn’t been to them. He missed yesterday and today, prompting me to steal his number. Now that I have it, I don’t know what to do with it. When Zeal asked Coach where he was, we were all told that Dixon was off and he’d be back in a few days, nothing else. Was he sick? Was his mom sick?

I found out that she’s a single mother and had been struggling with three jobs to raise her sons. That’s how a mother should be and it explains the drive in Dixon to overcome his environment, I know that all too well. But it also explains his younger brother and the acceptance he’s craving by joining a gang. With a mother who was rarely home and a brother working constantly to be great, I bet he was lonely. Probably still is and I would assume seeing his brother accomplish his goals is not working in his favor, especially when maybe he doesn’t share the same talents. I don’t know the story and a lot of this is assumption, but I can imagine his pain. I had it, too. My boys became my family and yes, my life can get crazy, but I’m happy.

Maybe there was an emergency with his brother and if so, I’m sure I can get that info. I call up Delano and bark some orders for him to get me what I need to know, telling him he has two hours to do it. Then I grab my bag and leave the locker room. I don’t get far when I smell her and trust me, I know her scent because she wears so much of it.

“How’s your wife?”

“Where’s your man?” I smirk at Dani and walk by.

“He’s dealing with some family bullshit right now,” her voice is taunting and smug, “we talk every night.”

They talk every night? He’s really getting serious with her after everything we’ve done. I know she’s saying it hoping to make me jealous of him, but it’s the damn opposite. I’m jealous she gets to talk to him when that’s all I’ve wanted the past few days. He just feels that comfortable spilling about his family to her? That’s where they’re at right now? Great.

I don’t bother giving her any more of my time and the sound of her chuckle behind me only has me more heated, I’m fucking calling his ass when I get home.