Blue 42 by C.A. Rene
Chapter twenty-three
Sebastian
It’s been a few days and little North hasn’t shown up at Dixon’s house, but Dixon has been growing quieter. He doesn’t interact too much with the team and he looks like he doesn’t sleep. I’ve been watching the house and Dani comes over every night, but she never stays. It doesn’t make the anger any less and every time she steps up into his house, I can feel that jealousy grow. I’m a damn mess, but I think hiding his feelings is taking a toll on him. Good.
It’s game day and that means light practice on plays we’ll be using later, then some gym for weight training. I’m fucking exhausted but I need to push through for the team, we’ve been on a winning streak and even though I hate to admit it, Dixon has been a huge help with that. He’s fierce out on the field and he takes no prisoners. He has a single goal and he pushes himself until he gets it.
Dani has been lingering around us all day, her cloying perfume, and her arrogant face is starting to make me nauseated. The one single thing that’s holding me back from flipping my shit is the fact that Dixon is just as distant with her, he doesn’t smile while she talks, and his body language is closed off. Just like he is with me and that gives me some comfort. She still hasn’t won him over completely and that means I still have a chance at breaking this up without losing him in the process.
I say all this but in reality, I don’t know what the fuck I want from him. I’m not looking for a relationship, I have one, and besides, I’m not going to be with a man. But I want to experiment and work through my sexual feelings for him, the same feelings he has for me. No amount of ignoring or pushing them away will change that, we have this connection, and ignoring it will only fan the flame.
Am I selfish? Fuck yes, but I always have been and that’s not changing now. I don’t care if he wants a relationship, but first he’ll be with me, and then he can choose a woman that actually wants him. Dani is up to something and I know it has everything to do with me. She was in love with me and when I dropped her like a used rag, she didn’t take it well. Not that I wasn’t completely transparent with her, she knew the deal was to fuck until one of us didn’t want to fuck anymore, and unfortunately for her, she caught feelings. Most females do and I warned her not to.
We’re lining up to run out onto the field, the crowd roaring, and the energy is coursing through us. Dixon is at the end of the line with Dani and I can hear him telling her not to sit on the bench tonight, he would rather she be in the stands. She attempts to argue but his continued silence on the matter pisses her off and she storms off towards her father’s office. I can’t help but let my mouth tip up and maybe I won’t have to go through with my plan after all.
The stadium erupts into chants and screams as we circle the field, some of them calling out our numbers. It’s a feeling that never grows old, no matter how long you play, and it gives us that extra bit of strength to push through to the end. I can’t seem to take my eyes off Dixon as he circles the field, his hand is up waving, but his face is a mask of indifference. I don’t know what’s wrong with him and he would never give me the chance to find out. He’s been so distant and cold.
By half time, I can feel the repercussions of lack of sleep, and my body is becoming sluggish. We’re up but not by much and Coach is looking a bit tense. We’re used to losing and our initial reactions are to expect it, but with how hard we’re working this year, we can start to change that. It’s not changing yet because we all look defeated and tired, all except Dixon. He looks fucking livid. I want to ask him what the fuck is up but I don’t think I’d receive an answer.
Even behind the helmet, he looks murderous, and I can’t help when my dick twitches with appreciation.
Dixon
We can’t find Danny.
Ma says she’s called everyone but no one has seen him. He missed his weekly call in twice now and it looks like I’ll be heading back home after this to find him. It really pisses me off that I have to do this at all, he’s nearly grown now, and needs to start minding his responsibilities. At seventeen, he’s still a minor, and I’m having Ma sign the papers to put him in the program for troubled youth. He’ll have no choice and I can only hope he comes out of it a changed man, otherwise the consequences will be dire when he’s an adult.
This game has been a blur and even though we’re up, my spirits are so damn low. Football isn’t the same driving force it has been for me all these years and I know why, it was always a means to provide for my family. I can’t do that if I no longer have a family.
With half time over, we head back out to the field, and Zeal stands there with his hands on hips, ready to call the shots. I’ve been feeling Sebastian’s eyes on me constantly but I can’t deal with him and his warped mind right now. Same with Dani, she’s trying hard to be the understanding girlfriend, and I can’t help it that I don’t feel a strong connection with her. I jumped into something to avoid something else and that’s my mistake to fix. I just don’t know how to do it. Breaking up with her feels sudden, it’s only been a couple of weeks, and saying I’m just not that into her would be rude. I want to be into her. Without a connection forming and all this stress on my shoulders, it’s been hard to do that.
Zeal calls the play and it’s the same one we’ve been practicing all day, I could do this shit in my sleep. The whistle blows and I’m off, my feet digging into the grass. By now, the Cowboys defense tries to crowd me but it’s to no avail, I am either too fast, or our offense takes them out, and maybe I’ve grown slightly cocky about it. I lose my focus for one second, my eyes up on the ball sailing towards me, and just as I reach for it, a body slams into mine. The air rushes from my lungs in one fell swoop and I’m hitting the ground hard on my knee.
The pain that rips through my leg is intense and I scream as my vision blurs. It’s the same injury I had before and the pain is all too familiar. I wrap my hands around the knee, holding it at a bent angle. Straightening it out would be excruciating and the tremors wracking my leg muscles is agonizing. I can’t concentrate on what’s going on around me but I see two medics appear above me.
“Can you stand?” one asks and I grit my teeth.
“Yeah,” I can stand but putting any weight on it would be impossible.
I’m hoisted up and as soon as my toes touch the grass, the pain courses up my leg causing me to cry out. My arms are slung over each medic and I’m walked off the field to a roar of boos. I don’t care about anything else now, except for the fact that I am injured again, and a reinjury is always worse than the initial.
I’m laid out on a stretcher inside the locker room as the medics haul off my pants and shoes.
“It’s swelling fast,” one of them says, “get the ice pack.”
It’s like being transported in time, back to the beginning of third year at Clemson, when I laid on another table, ice sitting on my knee.
“Dixon?” Dani’s screech hits my ears and I can't decide what's more painful. “Oh my god, are you okay?”
The fuck does it look like? I continue to stare at the ceiling and the fluorescent lights, eerily reminiscent of when I fucked her on my kitchen table, only reversed. I can see how this can be distracting enough to imagine a whole new scenario as another reality plays out.
The ice pack is placed on my knee and I can hear Dani asking the medic if I hit my head, probably because I’m not answering her. I don’t really care right now and I’d be happier if she just went back to wherever it was she came from, permanently. That’s not nice, I know it’s not, and I’m in pain so I feel justified. I want to be left alone.
One of the medics appears over my face again, this time I get a good look at him. He’s got a thick beard on his face but it does nothing to cover the long scar stretching from the center of his top lip and over his nose, cleft palate.
“According to your file, this knee was injured fifteen months ago, correct?”
Before I can confirm it, Dani is whining to my right about needing me on the field and how pissed off her father was going to be. That pretty much sums up my usefulness to her and I can’t even be mad at it, hers is even less for me. Just pisses me off that I’m laying here again, my knee propped up to drain, and all for reasons I can’t seem to remember. My body goes through degradation and stress, all for dreams I see disappearing before my eyes.
I hear the crowd outside roaring in triumph and I know that means we won the game. I try to dig inside and feel something, pride, anything. But right now, I just want to go home to be with Ma, and to find Danny.
“Where is he?” I hear Sebastian say as the doors to the locker room bang off the walls. “Dixon!” His face appears over mine, he’s sweaty and streaks of dirt line his cheeks, “is it bad?” he looks to someone to his right.
“Looks like a strain, hopefully it’s not a tear,” the medic explains, “we won’t know more until the swelling is down.”
“Oh fuck, a tear? That means surgery, right?” Dani’s panicked voice soars, “that’s the end to him this season.”
“Will someone get this whore out of here?” Sebastian demands and I snort, the first thing I’ve reacted to. He looks down into my face and when he sees my smirk, he answers with one of his own, “you’re dating an annoying whore.”
I shrug and hiss the air through my teeth when the medic lifts my leg, “I think an x-ray would be better so we can determine the damage.” Coach says from somewhere down near my feet. He appears in the spot Sebastian was just in and lays his hand on my shoulder, “you need rest and we’ll check up on it in a few days.”
I give him a nod and then I’m being wheeled out through the double doors, depression hitting me hard in the gut. How the fuck can I find Danny if I’m stuck to a bed for days?
“Where are you taking him?” I hear Sebastian asking the medics. They tell him a hospital but I don’t care to hear it, I don’t have anyone here with me to care anyway.
It’s four hours later and the result of my x-ray is a sprain, I should be relieved but I’m simply happy to get my ass out of there. I’m prescribed anti-inflammatories and some pain meds, then wheeled out into the main area. I see Dani sitting in a chair, her hair dishevelled and her makeup a mess.
“Hey,” she gives me a tentative smile, “I’m here to take you home.” I can see she’s a bit nervous and looks slightly ashamed.
I give her a small smile and decide to forgive her, it was a stressful fucking moment for all of us. Plus, she’s here, right? She cares enough to be the only person here with me and make sure I get home. The doctor hands her a pair of crutches and tells me to lay on my back for a few days, doing the minimum. Then I need another check up.
I take the crutches from Dani - not at all a stranger to them - and let her lead me out to her car.
“I’m sorry for my behavior earlier,” she whispers into the silence of the car.
“It’s all good,” I shrug, “emotions were running high.”
My left knee begins to throb, the pain meds wearing off, and exhaustion rolling over me quickly. I need to get home and call Ma, then I need to figure out a way back to Baltimore. No matter my injury, Danny is still missing, and I can’t shake the feeling he needs me.
