Blue 42 by C.A. Rene
Chapter twenty-one
Dixon
My Bluetooth rings throughout the interior of my car and I groan when I see it’s an unknown number. After the last few days, there’s not much more I can deal with and if this is another one of Danny’s ‘friends’ calling to threaten me, I will turn around and shoot that whole place up. Fuck a career.
“Hello,” I answer, my irritation evident.
“Where the fuck are you?” His voice fills the car and I almost groan at how fast my cock fills with the sound of it.
“Sebastian-”
“You spoke to her but you couldn’t fucking call me?” he cuts me off.
“Spoke to who?” I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, “and I don’t have your number, asshole.”
“Dani, and I don’t want to hear your excuses.”
I haven’t spoken to Dani since before I left and that was to tell her we couldn’t go out as planned.
“Dani? I haven’t spoken to Dani.” I snap.
“Then how’d she know you were with your family? Don’t fucking lie to me.” Fuck, the gravel tone to his voice has my cock jerking in my pants.
“Probably from her father?” I retort and he goes quiet on the other end, “why is Dani telling you she’s talking to me?” I muse out loud.
“Because she wants my dick and thinks it’s making me jealous.”
“You must think everyone wants your dick, huh?” I snort.
“Do you want my dick, Dixon?” his voice drops and my heart goes with it, “because I want to give you my dick. Better yet, get the fuck home so I can beat you with this fucking dick.”
I think I just came in my pants. His tone and those demands, beat me with his dick he says. That shouldn’t sound appealing right?
“You’ve gone quiet,” amusement laces his voice, “you’re thinking about it, aren’t you? Come over here and I’ll give you the real thing, no more thinking about shit.”
“You leave your wife or something?” I throw back as soon as I bring myself under control.
“I’ll never leave my wife.” There. He said it and maybe that’s exactly what I needed to hear.
“I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.” I say before hanging up on him.
I want to see Sebastian, I’ve thought of him plenty over the last few days, but he’s intense, and I can’t handle anything else right now. I’m failing my brother and I don’t think I can pull him back from the life he’s living. He’s hoping to initiate soon and refuses to come home. He says he has a new family now and I don’t know how to tell my mother without feeling like I failed her too.
He looks different now and he speaks differently, he’s not the boy I left behind. That’s exactly what I did, I left him behind, and he found his own family to fill the void. I didn’t think it was necessary to assure him I was still here and that when I made all my money, I would show him it was all for them. It’s too late now.
My fist hits the wheel as I scream, my vision blurring as my eyes fill up. How the fuck do I get him out? I don’t know enough about gang life to even figure this out on my own and I’ve never been close to anyone in a gang either. That’s when Sebastian slams back into my head, he’s affiliated with a gang because I’ve seen the tats, and he just oozes gangster. Could he somehow help me? Do I want to confide in him? Do I have a damn choice? I pull into my driveway and rest my forehead on the wheel, I’m so fucking lost. I feel like I have the weight of a father’s responsibility on my shoulders and I don’t know how to carry it. No matter how strong I am, I’m crumbling beneath it, and the people closest to me are the ones getting crushed.
I have pride and I want to be able to do it all on my own, but I’m failing. I get out of my car and walk inside my house, hoping with the insane part of my brain that Sebastian would somehow be in here, ready to tear me apart. Of course, he isn’t, I’m alone, and forced to face my problems. My mistakes are heavy and my accolades are light, redemption seeming impossible. Danny and I were supposed to be all we had, best friends and brothers. I failed because I thought he was strong enough to be alone while I sorted us out and that’s on me. I feel the cool air touch the moisture on my cheeks and I sob into my empty house, finally letting loose the torrent of pain inside of me.
The amount of stress and pain I’ve endured and put my body through over the years, all of it is feeling like it’s for nothing right now. The nights I ran my ass off around a track and the days I spent throwing a ball until my shoulders ached, all for nothing. I love football, but it was never a passion, and I did it because of the privileges that came with it. I made it my passion to help my family and football was the key to that. I fucking failed.
I no longer want to get up in the morning and go to the stadium, it feels like a waste of what little time I have left. I feel like I need to take my ass back home and find a way to get my brother out of the mess he’s in, then take care of my mom. She’s aged in the few months I’ve been gone and even though she’s only working one job now, she looks more tired than she ever did. She’s worried about her baby and that’s something I will never forgive myself for. She couldn't do it on her own and I knew that, but I still went chasing after the American dream, thinking my ass deserved it.
With lead feet and a heavy heart, I shuffle to my bedroom. I pull my clothes off and crawl into bed, the blankets cool. I pull out my phone and pull up Danny’s number, he rarely responds to Ma or me but I’m sending him a message anyway.
I love you no matter what, you’re my brother.
Sebastian
It’s nearly five o’clock in the morning and my ass is resting against the stadium’s brick as I wait for him. I think I’ve lost my damn mind but I feel like something’s really wrong and Dixon has no one. I want him to know as fucked up as we are and after everything that’s happened between us, he at least has me. He doesn’t want anything to do with me until I leave my wife, but he can’t help himself when we’re alone, and I need to help him stop burying us.
Finally, his car comes into the parking lot and he parks in the same spot as always, opening the door. He gets out and stands still, his shoulders slumping forward. I can see the despair pouring off him and my heart begins to pound, what happened while he was away? I know the brother is fine, my source said as much, and his mother is now in a safer neighborhood. What happened to make him look that sad? He walks towards the entrance, never seeing me, and keeping his head down. When he reaches for the door, I grab his wrist, and he looks at me shocked.
“Let’s go for a walk,” I gesture around the building and he stays rooted in place. “Please?”
“For what, Sebastian?” even his voice sounds ladened down with sadness.
“Just to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk,” he shakes his head.
The door opens then and Dani sticks her head out, she’s never here this early. She steps out and reaches her hand out to brush his cheek, his jaw clenching in response.
“Hey baby,” she croons.
He doesn’t say anything but allows her to come all the way out and wrap her arms around his neck. She kisses his cheek and I clench my fists to stop myself from tearing her off him. Finally, as she buries her head into his chest, she sees me.
“Oh!” she exclaims and straightens up, “Sebastian, I didn’t see you there.”
“I bet you didn’t,” I sneer sarcastically.
“Come on, Dix,” she grabs his hand and tugs him behind her, “Dad wanted to have a word with you.” Did she call him Dix? That’s just weird.
He doesn’t give me a second glance as he follows her inside and I watch as the door shuts behind them. I know she doesn’t want him and all of this is to make me jealous, stupid dirty whore. She’s interfering with Dix and me, pouring gas on an already raging inferno, and she’s about to be incinerated. I would never lay my hands on a woman, but she’s forcing my hand, and I need to expose her for exactly what she is.
“Bro, let’s hit up Sky Lounge tonight,” Jameson says as we finish up our showers.
“Fuck yes,” Ortiz agrees.
I shrug my shoulders not really caring what we do and my mind not on the conversation. Practice was shit today and Dixon was out of it, kind of like he didn’t really want to be there. His drive is gone, that swagger he had when he walked on the field that first time is gone, and he looked fucking miserable.
“Did y’all say Sky Lounge?” Zeal grins as he gets out of his shower.
“Yeah,” Jameson holds out his fist and Zeal bumps it with his own, “let’s get this team’s morale back up with some drinks and titties.”
I roll my eyes but Zeal laughs and nods, “sounds good. I’ll let everyone know.”
I walk back out to my locker and I see the sauna light on, I want to go in there. I want to force him to talk to me but I can’t do that, it’s time he comes to me on his own, and I can’t always be there waiting for him to do it. If he wants to stick his dick inside Dani, then I’ll stand back and let him do that, watching for the perfect moment to rip the rug out from under them. No matter how hard he tries to ignore what he feels for me, it’ll always resurface, and when that happens, I’ll be there.
I quickly change and watch as Zeal opens the sauna door, I can’t help but wonder if he was hoping it was me. Zeal yells out to him the plans for later tonight and when he comes back out with a smirk, my heart races knowing Dixon is coming. I can’t help but remember the last time we were at the club and what went down between us in that bathroom. The tension was so thick, even then, and the hatred only masked the feelings brewing underneath. It’ll be interesting to be back in that setting but with our emotions more tumultuous and the hatred waning.
After I get home, I sit at my table, and stare at the lines I’ve cut in front of me. My head is killing me and I know I need it, but something is nagging at me. This last concussion has been different than the last few and I’m still not fully recovered.
The headaches are constant, some less severe than others, and the dizzying spells aren’t going away. If I go to a doctor about it, Coach will pull me, and I can’t have that happen. I can’t fuck up my career because my head isn’t right and I need to provide for my family. I sniff the first line and groan as immediate bliss permeates my head, the thudding of my brain slowing. I take the next line and sit there, absorbing the relief of having no pain.
My doorbell rings, pulling me out of my trance, and I yell out for them to come in. Jameson and Ortiz are loud the second the door opens, but it doesn’t bother me now that my headache is gone, and I’m grinning when I see two large blunts in Ortiz’s hands.
“Yes,” I reach for one.
“Heads up,” Jameson cuts in looking serious, “I heard a piss test is coming up this week.”
“Get us piss,” I shrug.
“I’m on it,” Ortiz nods.
Listen, I get the need to knock out performance enhancing drugs, and I agree eliminating them makes the game fair, but coke isn’t gonna do shit for the talent I already possess. Piss tests can fucking suck my dick.
“I’ve noticed Rookie is a bit off lately,” Ortiz beams at me, “what did you do to him?”
I can’t explain the sudden rush of anger and it takes me a minute to tamper it down, my muscles trembling from the force.
“I haven’t had anything to do with the bitch,” I say through my teeth and light the blunt.
“He was off for a few days and when he came back, he looked like shit.” Jameson chimes in.
“Who cares?” I grind out and smoke the J.
“We thought you were up to something,” Ortiz continues, “we saw you sitting beside him on the ride back from Cincinnati.”
“I like making him uncomfortable,” not a damn lie.
We leave after we smoke and Jameson and Ortiz do a few lines, I wonder if that waitress is working tonight. How fast can I piss off Dixon by having her like putty in my lap again? Or would he see an opportunity he’d want to join in on? The thought of us sharing a female is not as appealing as I thought it would be, I want him to myself, and after I get it, then he can go back to fucking females.
The club has a lineup that runs along the front of the building and curves around to the side, thankfully we don’t stand in that shit. As soon as the bouncer sees us, his fist is out and the rope is opened, each of us pounding our fists to his. The place is packed and the women are eyeing us closely, we look like sex on a wealthy stick. Our big athletic bodies draped in designer names, iced out chains gleaming from our necks, and pockets fat with bills.
Jameson and Ortiz grab a group of girls to follow us to the back and I notice one eyeing me down. She’s sweet looking with an innocent flare to her, I like that. She has long braided hair and her skin is ebony, popping against the ivory, lace dress she’s wearing. We head to the VIP and the rope is lifted, the music drops a few notches. The room is already filled with the team and the women they’ve grabbed off the floor. I head straight for the bar and I’m floored when I see Dani there, tucked under Dixon’s arm. She looks content and secure as she runs her hand along his torso, while he’s chatting up Zeal.
“Avando!” Dex Carver comes up behind me, clapping me on the back, “shots?”
I startle out of my thoughts and smirk when both Dixon and Dani look our way, “fuck yeah.”
Dani gives me a smug once over and Dixon barely spares me a glance, I can already see how this night is going to go down. I follow Dex to the bar and he orders two shots of tequila, my stomach flips as the golden liquid pours. I can feel Dani’s eyes on me as I tip back the glass and take the shot, signaling the bartender for another round.
“Yes!” Dex exclaims, “I love when Avando comes out to play.” You bet your fucking ass I’m ready to play.
I want to crush Dani’s perfect bubble about Dixon and I know I can, it’s just going to take some time. Unfortunately for her, I got all the damn time in the world and he’s with me for most of his days. I can feel a plan forming in my mind but it won’t work unless I have Dixon trusting me and that’s where my work will lie, especially after everything I’ve done. How do I make him see I only want what’s best for him?
I head to the table with Jameson, Ortiz, and the ladies they grabbed on the way in, the sweet one eyeing me over her drink, her gorgeous brown eyes shining with interest. I can start on Dixon tonight, fan the flames I know are building inside of him, and help him see what he genuinely wants. I hold my hand out for the girl and when she obliges, placing her hand in mine, I pull her to her feet.
“Name?” I breathe into her ear and her shudder has me chuckling.
“Nicole.”
I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her in closer, and keeping my mouth to her ear, “do you dance, Nicole?”
She nods and I lead her into the middle of the room just as Too Close by Next starts playing, too perfect. I grind my pelvis into hers and delight runs through me when she matches me move for move. My hand moves to her ass and I grip it in my palm, moving against her harder. She looks up at me almost shyly, and I look down at her, amused. She is exquisite.
After our dance, I head to the bar to grab us drinks, and Dixon appears at my side. I hide my grin in my hand and ignore him. I can feel his eyes on me and when the bartender steps up, I ask for two beers.
“I wonder how the last chick you were here with would feel about seeing that display.” He sounds jealous and it makes my heart soar.
“She could join if she wants.” I flash him a smile and grab the beers. The scowl on his face has me laughing as I walk back to the table.
I will have him eating out of my hand in no time.
