Love, Ally by Hannah Gray

twenty-nine

Ally

After hours of using each other’s bodies to escape reality, we lie there, wrapped up in one another. I know he has questions for me that he’s dying to ask. But because Cole is so invested in being there for me, he’s not making this day about him. I don’t want him doing that anymore. We are in this together. And as much as I need his emotional support right now, he needs mine too.

Turning to my side, I prop myself up on my elbow and face him. “Cole … what I said earlier, about … people offering money for you?”

“Were Jenn and Matt part of the equation?” he asks softly, putting his hands behind his head. “Did they illegally offer money for me too?”

Sadly, I nod.

“Fucking awesome,” he mumbles. “Have you known the whole time?”

My heart sinks. What if he leaves me for not telling him? What if he’s mad? He should be mad.

Sitting up, I pull the sheet with me to cover my bare chest. “Yes. And I am so sorry for that. But at dinner, when you first walked away from the table, I put them on the spot about it. Told them I knew.”

His eyes dart to mine. “How’d they react to that?”

“They didn’t deny it. But they said they would explain everything really soon. And that they promise, as bad as it looks, it isn’t what it seems.”

“And?” His eyes narrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re probably going to think I’m crazy, but … I don’t know … I believe them. I think they did what they did for a reason. I think they aren’t like Dave and Marion. I think they might be all right people,” I tell him honestly.

Moving his hand to his face, he drags it down and lets out a long breath, blowing his cheeks out. “So, now what?”

Lying down on his chest, I press a kiss to his skin. “Now? Well … now, I think you talk to them.”

He doesn’t get angry. He doesn’t run away. He doesn’t accuse me of keeping secrets about Matt and Jenn. He does none of that. Instead, he just holds me. Because that’s the kind of love he has in his heart.

And I don’t think words will ever express how much I love this man.

He was there for me at a time when I felt like I wasn’t wanted by anybody. I pray my gut feeling is right and that Jenn and Matt are good people. But if they aren’t, if they really are using Cole for his talent, I’ll be here for him. The way he was for me that day. The day that I asked him to help me find my own dad.

“Cole?”

“Yeah, Al?” he asked softly, lacing up his cleats.

“Could you, um … help me find out who my dad is?” My cheeks burned. I shouldn’t have cared to find out who my dad was. But there was some part of me that thought maybe he was looking for me. Maybe my mother never allowed him to know me.

I was embarrassed to bring this up, but I knew he wouldn’t laugh at me. He never laughed at me.

He stopped mid-lace and looked up. “I, uh … I guess.” After he saw my cheeks redden deeper, he grabbed my hand. “Hey, if that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do. Okay?”

I had a name written on a photo I’d found in my mother’s trailer. Maybe it wasn’t him, but I was ninety percent sure it was because I’d heard her talking to her friend once. They’d needed money for drugs, and she was going to call him and ask for money to take me to the doctor. She was going to tell him I had some rare disease.

I kept thinking, What if she never allowed him to see me? What if he tried?

“Before we do though, I need you to promise me that if it doesn’t go well, you won’t get down on yourself.”

I shook my head. “No, I won’t. I’ll be fine. I’m just … curious.”

He gave me a sympathetic look. “Ally, I need you to promise me. Because right now, it’s easy to feel that way. But if he ends up being a complete waste of space, I don’t want you to blame yourself. So, I need you to be sure.”

“I promise. I just feel like if I never find out, it will haunt me. You know, the what-ifs?”

He nodded. “I understand.”

“Do you want to look up your mom?”

“No,” he answered sharply. “I don’t.”

The way he loved me was unlike anything I’d ever known even existed. I shouldn’t have pushed to know my father when I had a guy like Cole in my life, showing me love every day. I didn’t know why I cared so much about the man who was basically a sperm donor.

Over the next few weeks, we used the computer at the library along with Cole’s boss’s social media to track my father down. And after finding his phone number, I decided to call him.

As I dialed the number, I sat at the desk at the tattoo shop as Cole cleaned. Everybody had gone home for the night, making it a quiet place to make a call like this.

My palms were sweating, and my stomach turned as it rang once and then twice, and by the third time, I felt like I could puke.

“Hello?” a deep voice rasped.

“H-hi … is this Wesley?”

“Maybe,” he said back sharply. “Who’s speaking?”

“Um … well, my name is Ally. I’m Holly’s daughter.”

The line was quiet for a few moments, making my anxiety only grow.

“Are you there?” My voice shook slightly.

“How’d you get my number?” he said, not sharply, but not softly either.

“I … well … I researched you a little.”

“Look, I’m not sure what you’re looking for, but I have no money to give.”

“I don’t need money.” I frowned. “I just thought …”

I glanced at Cole, who was as pale as a ghost, his hands on the top of his head. He had been so worried about me doing this. Scared to death I’d get hurt.

I gulped, daring to get the words out. “I just thought you might want to … you know, meet me?”

“Sorry, kid. When I was with your mother, I was so high that I didn’t know where I was. That woman turned my life upside down. I heard about what happened, and I’m sorry you lost your mother, but I’m not the guy your hopes and dreams are made of.” He sighed through the phone. “I’m sure you’re great, but I don’t ever want to find out. I’m not meant to be a dad. I wouldn’t be any good at it. Trust me.” And with that, he ended the call.

And even though I had promised Cole I’d be all right, I crumbled onto the floor.

But as always, he was there to pick me up. He spared me the I told you so. He showed no judgment. Instead, he just held me and rocked me until I calmed down.

This was the day I stopped looking for comfort in other places. To take what I had and absorb it. Because what I had was pretty freaking awesome.