Fragile Longing by Cora Reilly

It was the last summer before I’d be married. I’d seen Danilo only once since our engagement, last December at the Cavallaro Christmas party. He’d commented on my brown hair, which almost made me regret my choice to dye it back, even if I’d missed my hair color. Apart from that, our interactions had been sparse like before, but I managed to distract myself with schoolwork and the preparations for our wedding. Most importantly, I stopped searching for articles about Danilo and his blonde conquests. In my mind, he’d stopped, and I wasn’t keen on finding images that would prove me wrong. I wanted to enjoy my life without constantly worrying about Danilo.

“So, you really can’t stay longer than the weekend?” I asked Samuel again as we drove along the narrow road that led to the Cavallaro lake lodge. Anna, Emma, Leonas, and I would spend a few weeks of the summer holidays up there. It was the first year Anna and I would be at the lodge without our families. Anna’s younger sister was staying in Chicago with her parents, and Samuel had business to attend to, so he’d only drive me up and spend a night before returning to Minneapolis.

Danilo was driving Emma to the lodge, which was why I hadn’t chosen my usual lake style of shorts and a top. Instead, I was wearing a beautiful summer dress to impress him. He would also be spending the night before returning to Indianapolis for work.

Of course, we wouldn’t be staying in the lodge unsupervised. Anna had her bodyguard Santino with her who’d guard her and Leonas, Emma would have one of her own bodyguards, and Carlo was accompanying me. He’d barely left my side since Danilo made him my personal bodyguard years ago.

The forest finally opened up before us, giving way to the beautiful timber lodge situated next to the lake surrounded by firs. The sun was glittering on the blue water.

“I can’t wait to take a dip,” I said. The temperature was in the high nineties, and I desperately needed to cool down.

“The others probably won’t be here yet. Plenty of time to go swimming before dinner.”

I nodded, then slanted Samuel a curious look. “Are you excited about seeing Emma again?”

He’d blocked every attempt to talk about his engagement to Emma so far.

“I won’t be spending time with her. I’ll only spend the night because I don’t want to drive right back.”

“You don’t seem happy about your bond.”

Samuel let out a short laugh. “Sofia, arranged marriages aren’t about happiness, they’re for tactical purposes.”

My lips thinned. “But what kind of tactical purpose could there be? Our families will be linked through my marriage to Danilo anyway.”

“My wedding to Emma will solidify the union.”

I could tell that he wouldn’t say more. He parked the car in front of the lodge. Carlo’s car was already parked off to the side. He’d headed out two hours ago to make sure everything was in good condition. My family had a spare key for the Cavallaro lodge, just like the Cavallaros had one for our lodge, which wasn’t quite as splendid as this one.

I didn’t waste any time to storm to the guestroom I usually chose and change into a bikini—a white knit piece I’d fallen in love with the second I saw it. My skin wasn’t tanned enough to build a strong contrast to the pale fabric, but I was determined to work up a decent tan during our time at the lake. My hair was caught in a strange mid-length because I was trying to grow it out for my wedding updo. My bangs reached my cheekbones, so I had to put them back with pins or they’d cover my eyes, and the rest of my hair almost touched my collarbones by now. Still some way to go before I could pull off my bridal hairstyle.

When I rushed back downstairs, familiar voices reached me from the living room. I headed straight for them, finding Anna, Leonas, and Santino talking to Samuel and Carlo.

I made a beeline for Anna and threw my arms around her. When she pulled back, she nodded appreciatively. “That bikini looks hot on you. Good choice.”

I grinned, flushing when I felt everyone’s attention on me.

“Yep, you look like a hot piece of ass,” Leonas drawled as he leaned against the back of the sofa like a goddamn king.

“Shut it,” Santino growled. He sounded as if he was already at the edge of his meager patience. As usual, his furious eyes sent a shiver down my back.

Samuel walked over to Leonas and hit the back of his head. “Watch it. You’re not Capo yet, so we can still kick your scrawny ass until your balls shrivel to the size of raisins.”

“As if they were ever bigger than that,” Anna muttered, giving Leonas a smug smile.

Santino sent her a hard look. “I don’t care if you two torture each other. The only thing I care about is that you’ll return to Chicago more or less alive and that you don’t get on my fucking nerves.”

“Our other bodyguards don’t say fuck because our mother hates the word,” Leonas butted in.

“File an official report and see if I give a fuck,” Santino said before turning to Samuel and Carlo. “I’m heading to the guard house. I’ll trust you to keep them alive.”

Carlo grunted, which was the equivalent of a yes from him.

I nudged Anna. “What’s gotten into him?” I rolled my eyes toward Santino’s broad retreating back.

“Let me change. I’ll tell you at the lake.”

“All right, but hurry. I need to cool off.”

Anna snatched her small bag. “You can carry up my luggage, Leonas. All your work-outs must be worth something, right?”

Leonas gave her the finger. “Later. I’m busy. I’m sure you’ll find one of your fifty bikinis in that ugly shopping bag you carry around.”

“It’s a Louis Vuitton shopper, you moron,” Anna said in a sing-song voice as she ran up the stairs.

I turned to Leonas. “You’re really going to carry her luggage?”

He grimaced. “Lost a bet. Don’t ask. Santino refuses to do it and so she finds new ways to bribe, coerce, or blackmail me into doing it.”

I giggled. Those two were like cat and dog sometimes.

Samuel gripped Leonas’ shoulder in what looked like a tight grip. He was still a head taller than my cousin at fourteen, but Leonas was slowly gaining some muscles, even if Anna still called him a scrawny shit often. “I want to go hunting for our dinner. How about you come along so I can keep an eye on you?”

“Cool.”

They left for the weaponry at the back of the lodge, and a few minutes later, Anna sauntered down the stairs in a dark green two-piece. Linking hands, we headed out to the lake. Sunchairs were arranged on the sundeck over the lake. We dropped our towels on the sunchairs and flung ourselves into the water.

It was ice-cold, sending a shockwave through my body.

Bursting through the surface of the water, I coughed and giggled. Anna was laughing hysterically. We swam around a bit before we stretched out on the sundeck to warm up.

I didn’t know how much time had passed until a scratching sound woke me from a slight slumber. I sat up, blinking against the sunlight, and spotted Emma on the upper deck, looking down at us. She wheeled down the narrow path to the sundeck we lay on. I stood, unsure if she needed my help. What if her wheelchair rolled into the water?

As if she could see my uncertainty, she smiled. “I’m fine.”

Anna sat up on her sunchair.

Emma was in a bathing suit, a fact that surprised me. She arrived on the sundeck and arrested her brakes close to the edge of the boards. My eyes widened when she pushed up to her feet slowly. Her legs were shaky, and she had to grip the handles of the ladder leading into the water to steady herself. “I can stand and even walk a couple of steps with support,” she explained. “The accident crushed my spinal cord, so I have paresis.”

She let herself sink to the edge of the deck and awkwardly lowered her legs into the water.

“Did it get better over the years?” I asked.

Emma shook her head. “Paresis usually can’t be healed.”

I nodded and watched with worry as she lowered herself into the lake. Noticing Anna’s and my wide eyes, she said, “I’m a good swimmer, don’t worry.”

“Okay,” I said, then got into the water, just in case she needed help at some point, but soon Anna, Emma, and I swam around, chatting about wedding plans. Well, Emma and I chatted about them. Anna’s wedding date wasn’t scheduled yet. She’d be attending college first.

Emma acted so much freer and happier in the water, and we forgot the time.

“Girls, we’re about to barbecue the meat,” Samuel called from the upper deck where a grill was situated.

We got out of the lake and dried off, then Anna and I slowly walked up the trail to the upper deck so Emma could keep up. The sun was sinking over the forest, tinging the sky pink and orange, and I was beginning to feel cold without the rays warming my wet skin.

My belly erupted with butterflies when I spotted Danilo beside Samuel at the barbecue. It was the first time I’d seen him in a tight T-shirt and dark jeans, and he looked marvelous. Even if he’d been less of a Disney prince than I’d childishly hoped for, he was sexy.

“We shot a few rabbits,” Samuel explained but my eyes were on Danilo, who was skinning one of the small furry creatures with precision. When he was done, he looked up and his eyes locked on me. Bloody hands holding on to the knife and carcass, he scanned me from head to toe, lingering briefly on my short ponytail before his gaze wandered lower once more.

Was he checking me out?

It seemed too good to be true.

Samuel cleared his throat, and Danilo handed the skinned rabbit to him, tearing his gaze from me. Its bowels were already in a bucket at his feet.

“That’s disgusting,” Anna said.

“Don’t be such a diva,” Leonas muttered as he sauntered onto the deck, carrying plates.

I stepped up to the barbecue to be closer to Danilo, eager to coerce a reaction out of him, but he kept his eyes on the meat.

“You should get changed,” Samuel said sharply, giving me a hard look. “You need to make a salad if you want to eat more than meat.”

“So, we have to make the salad because we’re girls?” Anna asked.

“Next time you can go hunting if that’s what you want,” Samuel said.

Anna rolled her eyes, then together with Emma, we moved into the house. Emma had a room on the first floor while Anna and I had to go upstairs.

“Danilo checked you out,” Anna said.

If Anna had noticed, I hadn’t imagined it. Maybe Danilo and I were finally getting somewhere.

The dinner was a relaxed affair. The guards joined us at the big wooden table. The men, even Leonas, talked about work, while we girls chatted about our plans for the next day and the school year.

I occasionally stole a glance at Danilo, but overall, I focused on Emma and Anna. Once or twice, I thought I caught Danilo sneaking a glance at me. Anna had advised me to wear a white summer dress and let my hair airdry so it curled naturally. She insisted the wild mane looked good despite the length.

After dinner, we settled around the fire pit. It got quite fresh out here at night, and goosebumps soon covered my bare arms despite the roaring fire. I didn’t want to go inside to grab a jacket—I was enjoying myself too much. Emma had been clever enough to bring a cardigan.

I rubbed my arms, trying to warm them up a bit. Danilo got up and headed into the house. A few minutes later, he returned with two blankets, one for Anna, and one for me. I gave him a grateful smile when he handed it to me. I liked this side of him. He walked back over to his chair and sank down. Samuel looked as if Danilo had committed a crime. Maybe he should try to act like a gentleman around Emma now and then.

Danilo caught my gaze over the flames and gave me a small smile.

My heart sped up, but I simply returned his smile. He looked relaxed, lounging in the teak chair in jeans and a tight t-shirt, beer bottle in hand, dark hair tousled. I hadn’t taken Danilo for the beer-drinking kind of guy. He seemed too sophisticated, like a red wine or expensive whiskey kind of man. He looked approachable, not like the unattainable knight-in-shining-armor, the powerful Underboss. Maybe this trip was my chance to get to know the real Danilo. Our last encounter had been bumpy, but I was willing to put it in the past and move on.

“I want to take a dip,” Leonas said eventually.

My eyes had been drooping by then, but the prospect of seeing Danilo without a shirt for the first time had me wide awake in a heartbeat.

“Sounds good. Maybe a creature of the lake will devour you,” Samuel joked.

“We could go skinny-dipping,” Anna suggested.

I looked at her in disbelief, but she was giving Santino that challenging smile she’d adopted around him.

He downed his beer. “Clothes stay on, and you two won’t behave like bickering toddlers.”

“I’m not a kid, Sonny,” Anna muttered.

His eyes flashed. I wasn’t sure why Anna loved to piss him off by using that stupid nickname, or pretty much anything else she did. It had become her favorite pastime.

Leonas got up from his chair and pulled off his shirt, then shimmied out of his pants without shame, leaving him in dark boxer shorts. “I’m going. You keep on chit-chatting.”

He ran down the path to the lower deck and catapulted himself into the black water with an ass-bomb.

Samuel sighed, but he also began to strip down to his boxer shorts before he followed Leonas into the water with a more elegant dive.

I stood, eyeing Danilo. He seemed torn on whether he should join the night swim. His eyes slanted to Emma, who was huddled in her cardigan. “I’m off to bed,” she said with a yawn. “You go ahead and take a dip. I’ll get ready to sleep.” She began wheeling toward the patio.

Anna stripped beside me, clearly giving Santino a show. He leaned back in his chair with a mildly pissed expression. I still had my bathing suit on beneath my summer dress, but Anna didn’t. She dashed toward the lake in black underwear and dived in.

“I’ll ask for a fucking pay raise once I’m back in Chicago,” Santino growled as he got up and began to undress.

I couldn’t help but giggle.

Danilo sent me a hard look I didn’t understand, as if me laughing at Santino’s joke was inappropriate. But I was momentarily distracted from this when he pulled off his shirt and slacks, leaving him in boxers. I couldn’t stop myself from admiring his six pack and muscular chest, his strong arms and the fascinating trail of dark hair disappearing in his shorts. Santino strolled down to the lower deck, leaving me alone with Danilo.

I realized I was still in my summer dress.

“Aren’t you going to take a swim?” Danilo asked. Was he waiting for me?

I quickly dragged my dress over my head, then wondered if I should cross my arms over my chest because my nipples puckered in the cold, but that would have looked awkward, and maybe Danilo couldn’t even see that much in the dark. The fire didn’t give off that much light.

Dropping the dress on my chair, I gave Danilo a smile. “Ready to go.”

He nodded, but then his eyes briefly darted to my chest and I knew the dark wasn’t hiding enough. Luckily, it hid my blushing. Danilo and I headed down to the lower deck to the sound of splashing and shrieking from the lake at a slow pace. Anna and Leonas seemed to be involved in a water war.

Danilo got into the water first then drifted close to the deck, watching me. “Do you need help getting in?” he asked when I hesitated on the upper step of the ladder.

I shook my head. “No, it just makes me nervous that I can’t see what’s below the surface.” I moved down the ladder and sucked in a sharp breath when my toes touched the water. It was much colder than before.

“Jump. Drawing it out will only make it worse,” Samuel commented as he swam closer as well.

“Okay,” I said hesitantly. I checked that the coast was clear before I hopped into the water. My body seized up for a moment, paralyzed by the cold before my head burst through the surface. I gasped for breath.

“Are you okay?” Danilo asked.

“I’m fine,” I managed. Samuel was close behind Danilo, as if he thought I needed more than one savior. Of course, Leonas had other things in mind and thrust water into Samuel’s face. Samuel whirled around and tried to catch Leonas.

Anna winked at me, then swam closer to where Santino was floating on his back. I stared up at the beautiful night sky and let the water carry me, trying to come up with a topic to talk about with Danilo since he was still close by. He followed my gaze to the sky, and I wished, like so often in the past, that we were normal lovers and I could just swim over to him and kiss him.

Something wrapped around my ankle and I let out a startled cry, floundering wildly to get rid of whatever it was. In my panic, I swallowed water and my head sank under the surface briefly. Then an arm wrapped around me, and when I got my vision back, Danilo was at my side. “Calm down. I’m here.”

“Something grabbed my ankle.” I cringed when I realized how that sounded . . . as if a sea monster had attacked me.

“Sofia?” Samuel asked, worry ringing in his voice. I could hear him coming closer.

“I’ll handle it,” Danilo clipped, surprising me with the protective note in his voice. Then he faced me. Our faces were close because he was still holding me. I could have swum by myself now that the first wave of panic had subsided, but I didn’t say anything.

“Try to lie back and float on the surface so I can remove what’s on your leg,” Danilo instructed calmly. I nodded and slowly relaxed until my body drifted up to the surface. Even before Danilo reached for it, I recognized what had grabbed me: seaweed was wrapped around my ankle. Heat shot into my head when Danilo removed it from my leg and thrust it away.

“Sorry,” I said in embarrassment. “I’m not usually this jumpy.”

“Don’t worry.” Danilo didn’t leave my side after that, even though Samuel shot him warning looks. I wanted to smack my brother over the head. With his constant hovering, he was ruining my chance to have a moment of privacy with Danilo.

“I’m going to check on Emma,” Danilo said eventually.

“Will you be back?” I asked.

His lips twitched, then he nodded and got out of the water.

Anna swam over to me. “Nice job playing the damsel in distress, so Danilo would save you.”

I glared. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Well, it still worked perfectly. Say what you want, but he’s protective of you. That guy doesn’t want to lose another girl, that’s for sure.”

I grinned. Not wanting to lose me was a good start.

She nudged my shoulder. “Pretend you need to go to the toilet and intercept him on his way back. Samuel, Leonas, and Santino are talking about rifles, and I can distract them for a while.”

“And then what?”

Anna gave me a look as if I was a stupid kid. “Have you ever kissed a guy?”

“Of course not.”

“Then that’s your chance. You’ve been engaged to him for years and you’ll be married to him in less than twelve months. Get some action.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Don’t be such a goody-two-shoes. Sometimes we need to bend the rules a little to live. You just have to make sure people believe you always follow the rules.”

“All right,” I murmured then louder. “I’m heading to the bathroom.”

I climbed out of the water, grabbed my towel and headed up the path.

My heart sped up, thinking of what to say, and worse: what to do. I tried to channel my inner Anna. I’d be daring and take a risk. I wanted a reaction from him. No risk, no fun—that was pretty much her motto.

I was glad to be away from Sofia. In the past, our encounters had been mildly entertaining due to her awkwardness and crush on me. I’d watched her innocent flirting with amusement but never taken it seriously. She was a child and I couldn’t imagine her as a grown-up, much less my wife. Our life together had been an abstract concept.

Already at our last encounter I’d noticed a change, and now it was impossible to ignore. I noticed Sofia, not because she deserved my attention due to our planned future together. No. I noticed her curves, her beautiful face. Sofia wasn’t a kid anymore. She was a young woman with a desirable body. Now, her flirting didn’t seem amusing or like a game. It felt like a promise of what would soon be in my reach, a dangerous temptation.

I wasn’t a man who acted on impulse or followed his sexual drive without a second thought, but the mere fact that Sofia tempted me when she was still off-limits set my teeth on edge. I didn’t enjoy this feeling of being a slave to my instincts, but when I saw Sofia’s body, certain body parts definitely held more power than others.

The house was quiet and dark as I made my way toward Emma’s room. I carefully opened the door and peered in. Emma was asleep, her back turned to me. She was still my little sister, still a little girl in my eyes, which was at odds with my perception of Sofia who was barely older.

I closed the door again and headed back out because I’d promised to return.

When I stepped out onto the patio, my body tensed at the sound of steps but relaxed when Sofia appeared before me. She had her towel wrapped around her shoulders, for which I was grateful.

“Are you heading to bed?”

She shook her head. “Actually, I was looking for you.”

My eyebrows shot up. The way she said it raised my hackles. It was difficult to make out her face in the dim light, but I had a feeling she was flirting with me.

“Maybe we can take a walk?”

“Okay,” I said slowly, not wanting to deny her even if I didn’t think being away from the others was a good idea. To my brain’s displeasure and my body’s delight, Sofia dropped her towel on the chair then headed down the path that meandered around the house. I followed her, trying not to pay too close attention to her peach-formed ass in her tiny bikini bottoms. “Is there something specific you want to discuss with me?”

Sofia stopped and looked up at me. She appeared nervous. “I just wanted to be alone with you. We’re engaged and are soon going to be married, but we’ve never been alone. We never really got the chance to get to know each other better.”

Sofia probably meant it in a very innocent way, but I couldn’t help but imagine all the ways I wanted to get to know her, especially when my gaze dipped to her erect nipples straining against the wet fabric of her bikini top. “We’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other once we’re married. Being alone with you like this is against our rules.”

Sofia shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but it did. We didn’t need another scandal on our hands. The Serafina debacle had caused enough uproar.

Sofia glanced around, and then without a warning, she tugged her skimpy bikini top off, standing before me with her perky breasts and puckering nipples.

Blood roared in my ears. “What are you doing?” I growled, grabbing her arm. The motion caused her nipple to graze my skin. I released her and picked up her top, then held it out for her. “Put that back on.”

She stared at me. “I’m not a child.”

“Put your top back on,” I gritted out, keeping my eyes on her face. She’d be eighteen in a few months, and I wouldn’t fucking touch her until then. Eight long months to go.

She snatched the bikini top out of my hand and finally covered herself with it. “I bet you wouldn’t have made Serafina put it back on.”

She’d mumbled the words under her breath, so I almost missed them, but I got the gist of it. As usual, the mention of her sister made my blood boil, but I held onto my control.

I chose to ignore her comment, saying instead, “I swore to your parents not to touch you before our wedding, and I’m a man who keeps his oath.”

“But you don’t want to keep your oath?” she teased, trying to sound all flirty, but there was a darker undertone to her voice that hadn’t been there before.

What a question.

Of course, I wanted her body, but not before we’d said our vows. If things went downhill for whatever reason before our wedding day—if I got killed—Sofia would still be able to marry someone else.

I looked back toward the house, avoiding her question. On the outside, I was the epitome of control, but inside a storm was raging. In my darker hours, I’d have gladly taken Sofia up on her offer, to make her mine before someone else could take that from me. Like Remo had taken Serafina from me. Women often connected sex to emotions, especially if it was their first time. That’s why Remo had had it easy winning Serafina’s heart after he’d fucked her. I wasn’t sure if he’d raped her or if it had been consensual like she claimed—if there’s even such a thing as consensual in a captive situation—but whatever had happened, it had made Serafina fall for him.

Sofia stepped closer and touched my arm lightly. The feel of her soft fingers against my skin felt good, but I pulled back. “Sofia,” I scolded her, trying to make her feel like a child so I could keep thinking of her as one, even if she wasn’t anymore. “You should go back to the lake.”

“Yeah, I should,” she whispered. It wasn’t what she wanted, and I could tell that she took my rebuke to heart. What had she hoped for? That I’d whisk her away to a secluded corner of the forest and kiss her, maybe even more? Though in her innocent fantasies, she probably would have stopped at kissing, making our encounter into some kind of romantic fairytale. Problem was, I didn’t want to stop there. I wanted to make her mine as soon as possible, wanted to stake my claim. But unlike Remo Falcone, I had honor and a sliver of a conscience. I’d wait until our wedding night and give Sofia the chance to make people forget the shame Serafina had brought over her family.

I waited until Sofia was out of sight before I followed her. I didn’t want to make Samuel suspicious. Of course, he narrowed his eyes at me in distrust when I appeared on the lower deck. Sofia was already back in the water and talking to Anna. I could imagine who they’d be talking about. Another reason for me to be wary. Maybe Sofia trusted Anna not to blabber to Dante or Valentina, but I didn’t want to take the risk. Dante hadn’t been my biggest fan since I’d challenged his decisions in the months after Serafina’s escape with Remo.

“Took you two awfully long to return,” Samuel said, climbing out of the lake. He stopped close in front of me. “What the fuck happened up there?” he asked in a low voice.

“Nothing,” I said with a hard smile. What happened between Sofia and me wasn’t his business. He was too pushy.

“I doubt you’d be happy if I went off into the dark woods with your sister.”

I leaned forward. “So far, you hardly notice her existence, so anything else would be a fucking improvement, Mione.”

His lips curled. “Stay away from Sofia until the wedding. Our family doesn’t need another pregnancy out of wedlock.”

“You don’t seem to have much faith in your sister.”

His eyes flashed with rage, but he didn’t say anything.

I doubted Sofia would have gone further than kissing. She sought my closeness, but she wouldn’t risk more. Yet, I understood Samuel. He’d put all his trust in his twin and she’d thrown it in his face.

“Maybe we should have another talk when we’ve calmed down,” I said eventually. I didn’t want a war between Samuel and me, especially because Emma’s well-being would soon be in his hands.

“Tomorrow morning. I want to work out at the lake. You can join me at sunrise.”

I nodded my consent, then with a last glance at Sofia, who was watching me and her brother, I went back to the lodge.