I Dare You by Lylah James

There was a sudden rapping on the door. I glanced up from my textbook, surprised at the interruption. Maddox was in class, and Riley had a test. I got off the couch and walked to the door, peeping through the tiny hole.

Savannah. Oh shit! Maddox’s mom. What was she doing here? My heart felt like it was practically going to burst through my chest, as I patted my untamed hair down and opened the door. I was in no way presentable to accept guests, but I also couldn’t keep his mom waiting at the door.

Savannah gave me a timid smile, and, as usual, she was dressed prim and proper, in an expensive suit and heels. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, and she kept her makeup minimal. She looked absolutely gorgeous and ready to walk a runaway.

While I looked like a stressed-out college kid who hadn’t showered and was wearing the same clothes for two days. I winced, expecting her judgmental stare, but she didn’t give me one.

“Um, hi?” I said, pressing my shaky hands against my thighs. When I realized she was still at the door, and I hadn’t invited her in yet, my eyes widened, and I flushed in embarrassment. Stepping away from the door, I motioned her inside. “Come in.”

I closed the door behind her and noticed her looking around the apartment. “Maddox is not here right now.”

Her blue eyes twinkled, the same eyes as Maddox. Maddox was a carbon copy of his father, but he got his eyes from his mother. “I’m here to see you,” she said.

My breathing halted, and I felt a sense of panic well up inside me. “Me?” What could she ever want with me?

“Can I sit?” Savannah asked, giving me a small smile.

“Um, yeah. Sure.” I motioned toward the couch. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Water is fine.” I came back with a glass of water, and she mumbled a quick thank you, when I handed in to her. Savannah appeared a bit nervous, fidgeting with her dress, as she took a seat.

“We heard you moved in with Maddox,” she started.

Ah, so his parents were keeping tabs on him. “Yes, about three months ago.”

She looked around the apartment with a timid smile. “You have a nice place.”

“Thank you.” I couldn’t tell if she was judging my décor or appreciating it. Everything felt so awkward, us sitting… trying to have a normal conversation, when we barely spoke more than a sentence to each other in the four years since I’d known Maddox.

“It’s very… homey,” she expressed.

“Is that a bad thing?” I blurted out, without thinking it through. Maddox loved it, our little apartment together. Sure, our taste was quite different, but he gave me free rein over the décor. I left a touch of Maddox – the curtains were black; our bedroom was all black… but I added a bit of Lila to it, too. Flower pots, paintings and pictures – he didn’t have any frames on his walls before, but now, he did. Photos of us, Colton and his friends. He called it… home. Ours.

Savannah was shaking her head. “No, not at all. I’m sure Maddox likes it.”

Her gaze landed on the huge Christmas tree we’d gone out and chosen together. She glanced down at the gifts under the tree that were slowly accumulating. It was only mid-October, but I was Christmas ready. I was a holiday person and wasn’t ashamed of it.

“Maddox didn’t like all the Christmas stuff,” I confessed. “Because he doesn’t really care for the holiday since you and Brad were never big on Christmas. But since this is my favorite time of the year, I know I went a bit overboard, but he lets me do whatever I want. He’s starting to like the Christmassy stuff. He says he finally has a home.”

Okay, maybe I was taking a dig at her. I was pissed with the way his parents treated him. True, maybe I was trying to make Savannah feel shitty about being a shitty mother.

She swallowed and ducked behind her hair. I saw a flash of shame in her eyes, before she looked down at her knees. “I’m glad. You make him happy.”

My heart swelled in my chest. “I do,” I agreed.

She cleared her throat, and I watched as she pulled out an envelope from her purse. It looked like an invitation. “Brad’s birthday is in two days. He thought it’d be the perfect time to throw an early winter gala. We’re also holding a charity event.”

Oh. I took the envelope from her. “Maddox didn’t tell me.”

He barely spoke about his parents. In fact, he never mentioned them anymore. “That’s because he refused to attend the gala. I called him a few days and…”

His mother broke off, sounding dejected. If she called him… that meant Maddox ignored her calls and never got back to her. There was an enormous divide between Maddox and his parents, so much pain and hatred. They had failed him, over and over again. And Maddox? He was stubborn, and he hid his real feelings behind a carefully put together mask. There was a wedge, so deep between them, that I didn’t know if they’d ever be able to cross it.

“Brad wants him there,” Savannah said quietly. “It’s his 50th birthday, and he wants his family present. And that also includes you.”

“Does he?”

She blinked, looking shocked at my blatant response. “Excuse me?”

“Does he really want Maddox there?” I questioned, feeling the anger rise inside my chest, coursing through my veins. “Or does he only want us to show up, so we look like the picture-perfect family… since Brad is running for Senator.”

I resented them for hurting Maddox the way they did… and if I had to keep him away from them, so they’d never hurt him again, I would.

Her eyes widened, and she was already shaking her head. “No, no. That’s not true. Yes, Brad is running for Senator, but he truly does want you and Maddox to attend the gala. For his birthday. Nothing more.”

Savannah actually looked sincere… and my lungs clenched. She was giving me a pleading look. I didn’t understand it or her motives.

“Why didn’t he ask Maddox himself?” My voice was barely restrained.

She gave me a pained smile, looking so different from the Savannah Coulter I knew. “You know him better than us. Do you think he’d let his father get even a word out?”

No, she was right. Maddox barely spoke with his father, and whenever they did, they were fighting about something. I didn’t think Maddox and Brad ever had a real conversation.

Savannah reached forward and clasped my hand, squeezing. Her eyes silently pleaded with me. “Please. Maddox needs to be there. It’s very important for Brad. And me. Please bring him to the gala. It might be our last…”

What?

My back straightened. “Sorry?”

Her throat bobbed, as she swallowed hard. “I mean, Maddox never attends any dinners or parties that we invite him to. Maybe you can convince him to come to this one. Please.”

I mulled her words over, chewing on my lip. She was asking me to do a hard task, and I worried I was about to cross over an invisible boundary between Maddox and I. “Maddox is stubborn. What makes you think I can convince him?”

Her eyebrows quirked up; a small smile painted on her pale face. “Because you’re Lila.”

Because you’re Lila.

Because I was Maddox’s Lila, she meant.

With my heart in my throat and sweaty palms, I waited for Maddox to come home. Things were good enough between us, after the time in the library. But I knew something was still wrong with the way his eyes would cloud over. Some days, he was quieter than usual.

But it wasn’t the peaceful quiet, the type that soothed you.

It was the type of silence that waged war inside him. I could tell he was battling something fiercely, and he wasn’t letting me stand next to him, to fight with him.

I told myself that maybe he really was worried about his exams.

But then I realized… Maddox was distracted. He was drinking more, smoking more cigarettes than usual. That was my first clue that something was terribly wrong. Most days, he walked around like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I couldn’t wrap my finger around it, but I didn’t push. I waited for him to come to me, waited for him to confess his secrets – whatever they were.

The new Maddox worried and scared me.

I inhaled a ragged breath, as the door opened and Maddox walked in, looking like a beautiful, avenging god.

Smoothing a hand down my olive tulle gown, I got to my feet and waited for him to notice me.

He did, slack-mouthed. His eyes widened and then they turned into dark slits. “Where are you going?” he questioned, carefully, pointing at my dress.

Savannah sent the gown this morning when I told her I wouldn’t be able to get one of my own in such short notice. I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear and gave him a tight smile. “Your mom invited us to the gala.”

He knew… and he didn’t need me to elaborate. Maddox threw his backpack on the couch and angrily pulled off his jacket. “You’re not going.” His voice brooked no argument.

My throat bobbed with a hard swallow, even though I had been expecting this response. “Why? Your mom personally came over to invite us yesterday, and she was sweet about it,” I said, trying to pacify him.

His head snapped up, and he glared. God, that look was threatening. “You didn’t tell me she came.”

“I didn’t have a chance. You were so busy, and we barely saw each other,” I argued. With both our exams clashing together on the same days, we barely even saw each other in the last twenty-four hours.

I grasped his arm. “Maddox, please. Just this once. We have to go. In the last four years, your mom never–”

He cut me off with a low snarl. “I don’t care what she said. You. Are. Not. Going.”

You… Me? Wait, what?

My brows pulled together in a frown. “I don’t understand.”

“We’re not going to the gala, Lila. Take off that damn dress.”

I stood my ground. “I want to go.”

His left eye was twitching, as he scowled. I had seen him give others this look, but it was never directed at me, until now. “Why?”

“Because your father wants you there and because your mother actually looked sincere when she asked me.” My fingers curled around his bicep, and I squeezed. “I know they’ve hurt you, but just this once… maybe…”

I told myself that I wasn’t going to push him. If Maddox refused to go now, after my attempt to convince him, I’d leave it be. I’d remove the dress, text Savannah and tell her we weren’t coming. Then, I’d get in bed with Maddox.

Just because Savannah pleaded with me nicely, I wasn’t going to force Maddox.

But then…

Maddox wrenched his arm away. and I stumbled back, almost falling on my ass. He raked his fingers through his hair and glowered at me. “It’s not about me. I don’t care about the gala! I’ll go, for fuck’s sake. But I don’t want you there.”

Something happened.

Something snapped in my chest.

“What?” I breathed. “Maddox, what are you talking about? Why can’t I go?

His head lowered and fixed me with an intense, crazed look. “Because I don’t want you anywhere near them! You don’t belong there.”

I flinched, and my heart dropped to my feet, laying there… cold. “Right. Because I’m not filthy rich.”

His back snapped straight, and his whole body tensed. His face hardened, and his jaw twitched, as a flash of regret pooled in his blue eyes. “Lila,” he groaned, as if he was in pain. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

No, I didn’t know what he meant. He was so goddamn confusing. Every day I had to deal with his mood swings: his hot and cold attitude.

I was sick and tired of him, keeping me in the dark and treating me any differently than before, when I had been just his friend – his best friend.

Now that we were more, everything had changed.

Maddox had changed.

And I didn’t know how to deal with it.

It hurt, watching him slowly pull away from me.

“Guess what, Maddox?” I stabbed a finger into his chest. “I don’t care if I don’t belong in your world. You are mine, and if I have to weather a storm for you, I will. Even if I go there and all I get are dirty looks, as these people stand there and judge me, I’ll deal with it. Because you are mine, and I will stand by your side. For you.”

Maddox stood there, like a goddamn statue. Fists clenching, jaw twitching, eyes dark and pained. Harsh realization dawned on me, and I suddenly felt sick. The voices in his head and the demons he carried on his shoulders were winning. They were stealing my Maddox from me.

What is wrong with you? I wanted to scream but held back.

I grabbed my purse and stalked past him. “Your mom told us not to be late. We better get going.”

I walked out, without waiting for his response. My heart hammered in my chest, as I counted the minutes.

One... Two… Three… Four….

Fifteen…

Fifteen minutes later, Maddox climbed into the car, dressed in the black tuxedo suit I had laid out for him. We didn’t say a word to each other. Not for the length of the thirty-minute car ride.

Coldness seeped through me and acid ran through my veins, as the tension between us grew so thick, I could barely breathe.

As the car came to a stop, my stomach turned, nausea building in my throat. We got out, still not speaking to each other. An apology was on the tip of my tongue, for pushing him harder than I should have, but I never got a chance.

The moment we walked through the double, wooden doors of the venue… all eyes were on us. That was the thing about the Coulters. They were always the center of attention.

Maddox grasped my hand and brought it to his elbow. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft. “Don’t leave my side, please.”

What was he so worried about? Yes, this was out of my comfort zone, but it wasn’t my first time attending one of these fancy parties. In fact, we attended a charity gala just about six months ago.

The same one that led us to skinny dipping in the ocean…

Maddox tensed as his father walked over to us. “You came,” he simply said, with a nod of acknowledgment in my direction. If I wasn’t mistaken, I saw a silent thank you in his eyes.

Tonight, Brad Coulter looked… different. Wary… tired, like he was carrying a heavy burden on his shoulders.

Too soon, we were surrounded by business partners and acquaintances. They were all interested in Maddox and what his plans were, meaning when he was joining the family business. We were approached left and right… and I was jostled and soon forgotten.

I slipped from Maddox’s arms, and Savannah was by my side immediately. I breathed a sigh of relief at the familiar face. She grasped my arm and pulled me to a quiet corner, handing me a glass of wine. “I was just like you when I was around your age. We rarely fit in places like this. I remember the first time I attended a gala; it was quite overwhelming.” She patted my hand. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

Huh? She didn’t fit in? What the hell?

“I don’t understand,” I said, taking a slow sip of the white wine.

Savannah fixated on me. “Neither me nor Brad were born into a rich family,” she started, and I blinked, my jaw slackened. “Brad didn’t live with a silver spoon in his mouth, like you’d think. In fact, when he was a teenager, he lived several months on the street. He was that poor. Everything you see today, everything he has – his empire, his legacy, he built it with his bare hands. He didn’t happen to inherit his wealth.”

That was news. What the hell? I almost had whiplash from this new discovery.

My eyes found Maddox, and I saw the grimace on his face, as people hounded him. He said something, and they laughed, oblivious to his discomfort. “I didn’t know that. Maddox…”

“Neither does Maddox,” she confirmed. “He doesn’t know a lot of things.”

I was so… confused.

Savannah was acting unlike herself, talkative and sharing information I never thought she would. Brad acknowledged me for the first time today.

They were acting almost like they… cared.

Did they come to the sudden realization of just what kind of shit parents they were?

Savannah must have noticed the look on my face, because she gave me a tight smile. “I know how it looks. But, Lila, his father loves him.”

Ha, that was the joke of the century. She could have almost fooled me if I, myself, hadn’t seen the way Brad treated Maddox. He was neither a caring nor a loving father.

“Well, he has a shitty way of showing it.” I speared her with a look that said I wasn’t falling for her bullshit. “So do you. You’re his mother. You should have done a better job.”

“I know,” she nodded solemnly, “but it’s too late now, isn’t it?”

“It’s never too late.”

“For Maddox, it is. I just wished–”

“What?” I asked, my heart tripping over itself, when she fell silent.

“I wished I could go back and change the past. But then…”

“Then?”

She smiled and patted my hand. “He probably wouldn’t have met you then.”

That was a strange way of putting it and an easy way out for her. I was about to tell her what exactly I thought of such a shitty excuse, when another voice joined us.

“Savannah,” a sing-song voice called out. “There you are, Dear.”

A woman joined us in the corner, looking just as prim and proper as Maddox’s mother. Another elite wife.

She barely spared me a glance and completely ignored my existence. I internally rolled my eyes, but I was starting to get used to it. I didn’t have a rich family last name attached to my first name, so I didn’t matter in their world.

Fine by me. I didn’t want to be friends with these stuck-up, trophy wives anyway.

When I tried to slither away unnoticed, Savannah grasped my elbow and pulled me back. Damn it, why was she being so attentive tonight?

“Lila, meet Anna Carmichael. A close friend of mine.”

Carmichael.

Anna smiled a fake, plastic smile, but I didn’t even notice… didn’t breathe…

Carmichael.

“Oh, there are your boys,” Savannah said. She waved them over, and my entire world suddenly became blurred.

My heart stopped and then it crashed against my rib cage.

Everything happened in slow motion. There was a flimsy barrier over my eyes, and I was watching everything through muddled lenses.

Two men joined us, standing in front of me.

Savannah was talking, but her voice faded away, like I was underwater, and she was screaming from above me.

My flesh crawled, and the urge to scratch and tear my skin off my bones was strong, so very strong.

“This is Anna’s younger son, Rion. He’s the same age as you and Maddox.” She was pointing between the two of them, but I wasn’t really paying attention.

Breathe,

Breathe.

Breathe, Lila. Breathe.

“And this is Christian Carmichael, the older brother. They are Maddox’s childhood friends. The three of them were thick as thieves, back in the day.”

Thud. Thud. Thud.

My chest ached. My scars… burned like someone was pouring gasoline over my torn, opened flesh.

I couldn’t see anything. Everything was so dark… so empty…

I remembered the sound of crushing glass, mixed with the distinct crack of bones breaking. I remembered my mom screaming, and my dad… I remembered…

Pain came next.

My bones and fragile organs felt like they were being smashed and crumbled into a tiny, suffocating box. I couldn’t breathe. It hurt so much. My torso hurt and burned, the pain almost unbelievable. There was a knife dug, painfully, into my chest… no, not a knife… I didn’t know what… but it hurt. It felt like a knife or a hammer being pounded into my chest.

I blinked… forcing myself to breathe. I couldn’t. My lungs contracted with such force that I was afraid they would fold into themselves. When I coughed, agony strummed through my body, and my cracked lips parted with a silent scream.

Mom… Dad…

I couldn’t speak. The buzzing noise in my ears wouldn’t stop.

The taste of coppery blood pooled in my mouth; it tasted bitter, and I could feel it soaking my tongue and the inside of my mouth. Blood…?

No…

How…

What…

I remember…

The fight…snow outside… in the car… mom… dad… me…

I remember the screams…

My bones felt like they had been mangled together, and my chest, it was being carved open. I lifted my head up a bit and looked down at my chest to see… blood. Everywhere. So much blood.

I sucked in cramped air and tried to scream, tried to breathe, but my lungs refused to work.

No. No. No. Please. No. Oh God, no.

MOM, I wanted to scream. DADDY.

The pain never ended. The darkness never faded away.

My world tilted, swaying back and forth, and then crashed.

Christian Carmichael.

Carmichael.

Carmichael.

My gaze found his, and I saw no recognition in his eyes, as he stared at me with avid interest. He didn’t recognize me. Of course, he didn’t.

I was a nobody. Just like… eight years ago.

Christian Carmichael…Maddox’s childhood friend.

My past… my present… my life crumbled around me.

My heart bled at my feet… at Christian’s feet.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

Sourness rose in my throat, and I almost choked on it. Acid clogged my veins, and my body started shaking. Someone was saying my name.

I can’t breathe.

I… can’t… breathe.

The air felt, so thick, I couldn’t inhale. The lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger, until it became too hard to swallow. I suffocated in plain sight.

Nobody noticed.

Nobody cared.

Christian Carmichael was still staring at me, and bile rose in my throat, tasting bitter on my tongue.

Did he see me?

Could he see who I was? Or did he… forget?

He did…

He forgot…

He didn’t know… didn’t remember…

Thud. Thud. Thud.

He forgot…

A shuddering breath escaped me, and my body felt too warm and then too cold. I swayed on my feet, and my head pounded, a searing pain in the back of my skull. My eyes twitched, and I took a slow step back.

“Lila.”

It was him. He said my name. Maddox said my name.

I looked away from Christian, and my gaze found Maddox. The horror in his eyes told me everything I needed to know.

The world spun and spun, and I fell off my axis.

Breathe.

Breathe.

FUCKING BREATHE!

I gasped. Maddox took a step forward, reaching out for me. “Lila,” he said my name again, begging me, pleading for me. He looked pained, his expression raw and panicked.

For the first time, I felt nothing for him. For his pain.

I felt… nothing.

It was too late.

My heart had withered and died.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

I still couldn’t breathe.

When Maddox touched my arm, my skin itched like thousands of tiny ants were crawling from underneath my flesh. I wrenched it away from his burning touch. My scars ached harder, not a ghostly echo, like I used to experience. No, the pain was so brutal, my body almost succumbed to it.

I ran.

From Maddox, from Christian Carmichael… from everyone… from myself.

I ran until my lungs gave out, and I stumbled out into the cold air.

I ran until my legs stopped working, and I slid to the ground, my knees digging into the muddy grass.

Breathe…

Breathe…

Breathe…

No… I didn’t want to breathe…

I wanted to go to my parents.

I didn’t want to breathe…

I wanted my mommy to hold me; I wanted my daddy to kiss my forehead and tell me everything was going to be okay.

“Lila.”

He whispered my name.

“Lila.”

His voice cracked.

“Lila.”

He came closer, and my body tensed at his close proximity. Standing on my weak legs, I buried my shaky hands in my gown and turned to face him.

Maddox.

My love.

My protector.

My mistake.

“Your childhood friend is my parents’ murderer,” I said, my voice dead and empty.

Maddox stared at me, his blue eyes sparked with guilt and hopelessness. His shoulders dropped, and he looked like he was about to fall to his knees.

He reached out for me, but I stepped back. “Lila.”

If it was Christian who killed my parents that night, then it was Maddox who smashed my heart to dust.

“You lied to me.”