I Dare You by Lylah James

They say lies always find a way to catch up to you. Lies never stay hidden for too long. Secrets are never truly buried.

Lies and secrets can protect…but they also can destroy…

My secrets obliterated us. My secrets burnt my love for Lila to the ground.

It wrecked us.

I was the only one to blame, and Lila was my victim.

I’d cut off my fucking arms and legs if I could just go back from this very moment and change the ending of this chapter.

But the black ink on the pages were permanent. I could rip off the pages, burn them to ashes, but then… that would change our story, missing pages… an incomplete… and ruined story.

The look of raw pain on Lila’s face decimated me.

I tried to reach for her. There was a fierce need inside of me to comfort her, to take her pain away, even though I was the reason for it. My mouth went dry, and a heavy lump settled inside my throat, when Lila stumbled back, out of my reach.

Away from me.

Like she couldn’t bear my touch.

As if I disgusted her.

The reaction sliced through me with the power of a sword. Too bad I wasn’t wearing any armor. The sharp blade connected with flesh, and I fucking bled.

Lila faced the other direction, without saying a word, and started walking away. I followed after her, a careful distance behind. “Lila, where are you going? It’s so late.”

She didn’t answer.

She kept walking, walking… walking away from me. Far and out of my reach.

I quickened my steps and followed. I finally noticed the direction she took and realized she was walking back home. Shit!

“Let me drive you home, please. It’s too late for us to be walking home, and we’re too far away.” She didn’t speak. Didn’t berate me. Didn’t acknowledge me.

In fact, I thought she was barely even breathing.

Lost in her own world, in her head… drifting away from reality. My fingers circled around her bicep, and I tugged her back toward me. Lila wrenched away with a hiss. “Don’t.”

One single word. Said with so much venom and torment.

My heart hammered, a vicious beat in my rib cage. My chest echoed with a familiar ache.

“Please,” I croaked, pleaded. I didn’t recognize my own voice or its tone. I sounded so goddamn weak. Weak for Lila Garcia. “Let me drive you home. I know I’m the last person you want to see or hear right now. I understand, but it’s complete madness to walk all the way back home, right now, at this hour,” I tried to reason with her. “I won’t touch you. I won’t even say a word. Fucking hell, you don’t even need to look at me or say anything to me. Just, let me drive you home.”

“It’s madness that you thought you could get away with this. It’s madness that you swept my life right out from under my feet and watched it crumble like you had the right to destroy me,” she whispered.

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the burn in the back of eyelids. My head pounded, a distant ache, as Lila resumed her walking. Her tulle, feathered dress was heavy, and she was practically dragging her feet behind her. She stumbled a few times. I reached for her, but she righted herself, before I could help. She continued walking. Stumbled again, then straightened her back and resumed the same insane pace.

It was maddening, watching her crumble before my very own eyes. Knowing full well who she fell victim to. Not Christian Carmichael and his family. But me.

Without even realizing it…

I became her enemy.

And she was my unwilling casualty.

My fingers curled in my hair, and I tugged, until my scalp burned. The pain kept me grounded. I had to stay grounded, for Lila.

It took us almost two hours to get home. By the time we reached our apartment, Lila could barely walk. She held onto the walls for support, as she waited for the elevator, in complete silence.

I peeked down at her face, behind the curtains of black hair. I didn’t know what I expected. Maybe tears? Anger? Pain? Brows pinched, lips thinned, a hard expression?

But I hadn’t expected this.

Her face was completely blank, devoid of any emotion. Lila was the image of an empty canvas. She showed no outward reaction or emotion to my presence or her reality.

I watched her get into the elevator, almost like she was on autopilot. Moving around without really knowing what she was doing.

So, this was what it felt like to die?

To crash and burn.

To wither away.

Because I felt it. Right in my bones, down to the marrow of me. I… died as the elevator closed and she was… gone.

I took the stairs two at a time and cursed my claustrophobia, my inability to stay in closed places. I couldn’t even take the goddamn elevator with Lila.

When I reached our apartment, I found it…empty.

My heart dropped to my feet, and I went cold. My stomach seized up, and bile rose in my throat. Frantically, I knocked on the next door. She had to be in there. She has to be.

Riley opened the door, her face pale, her brows creased with worry. “Oh, Maddox. You’re here! Something is wrong with Lila.”

I pushed past her, not even waiting for her to finish her sentence. Lila had to give me a chance to explain, even though I didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but I’d beg for it for the rest of my miserable life.

If only she’d give me a chance to explain. If only…

Lila was standing in the middle of the living room, looking so sad… so lost…

She picked at the feathers in her olive tulle dress.

I had never gotten a chance to tell her just how beautiful she looked tonight. Exquisite.Gorgeous. Beautiful. Stunning. Lovely. Angelic. Breathtaking. Ravishing. Elegant. Bewitching. Alluring. Heavenly. So. Fucking. Exquisite.

I wanted to tell her all of it, wrap my arms around her small frame and kiss her red lips. I never got a chance to kiss her before our world collapsed and shattered into fragmented pieces.

“How long have you known?” Her voice cut through the air and sucked all the oxygen out of my lungs. I knew the question was coming, but still hadn’t been ready for it.

“Lila.”

She raised her hand, cutting me off. “I asked a question, Maddox. I want an answer, not your excuses. How. Long. Have. You. Known?”

I couldn’t meet her eyes any longer, couldn’t look at her anymore. My head lowered, my eyes shuttered close, and I struggled to breathe, as my lungs squeezed.

Lila let out a warlike cry, and my head snapped up, just in time to catch her, as she flew at me. She gripped my collar and hissed in my face. “Answer me, goddamn it!” she screamed. “Stop standing there like a fool, like an emotionless statue. When did you find out about Christian? How long have you been lying to me? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO MY FACE?”

Her carefully layered walls came down, and I watched as she snapped, right in front of me. Her eyes blazed with fire and hurt.

My secrets had caught up with me, and I was drowning in the aftermath.

“Eight… months…” I croaked.

“Eight months,” she repeated carefully. “Eight months.”

My hand came up but stopped a hairsbreadth from her cheek. “I didn’t lie.”

Lila let out a humorless laugh. A dead, empty laugh. She laughed until her laughter turned into a loud sob.

“A lie by omission is still a lie, you fucking bastard.” Her gaze shone with unshed tears, but she didn’t let them spill.

My little dragon. She was breaking on the inside, but she refused to cry. “All this time…you knew,” Lila said. “He is your friend. Your childhood friend,” she gritted through her teeth. “Your friend is a killer. Your friend was drunk that night. Your friend got away with murder. Your friend scarred me for the rest of my miserable, fucking life. Your friend should be in jail. Your friend KILLED my parents, and he got away with it! YOUR friend played god, tried to pay for my silence. He held my whole future in the palm of his dirty, filthy, rich hands, and he destroyed me. YOUR friend.”

My stomach churned, and I felt sick. Bitter nausea built in my throat, and I worried I was going to throw up.

Lila slammed her fist into my chest. It didn’t hurt. I almost wished it did. “Say something, Maddox!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, that’s rich.” She laughed, almost manically. “That’s fucking rich. Go ahead, lie to my face, and then say you’re sorry? Sorry for what, Maddox? Are you sorry for keeping this secret? Or are you sorry you got caught? Are you sorry because your friend murdered my parents that night? Or are you sorry that you destroyed me and trampled all over my heart.”

She stabbed a finger into my chest, punctuating every word with a sharp stab. Again and again. Right over my beating heart. “What exactly are you sorry for, Maddox Coulter? For being a shitty boyfriend or for hiding the secrets of your dear childhood friend, Christian?”

If only you knew…

But the truth wasn’t always easy or simple. The truth held hidden layers, like an onion. The more you peeled it, the harder it made you cry. The deeper you peeled it, the closer you got to its core. The truth. The reality of it.

Acidic. Sour. Bitter. Pungent.

But the layers… the fucking layers were there to make our life harder.

And so, my truth was just like that.

My hand came up again, before I could stop myself. My fingertips skimmed over her jaw. Lila flinched but didn’t pull away. She allowed me this one touch. “I broke your trust, and I hurt you. I’m sorry for that,” I rasped gravelly.

“Aren’t you sorry for breaking your promises?” she whispered.

My heart stuttered. “I didn’t…”

She smiled without humor, she smiled with cruelty. A smile of disgust.

I shook my head. “I promised to protect you. And I thought I was doing that.”

She finally pulled away, and my hand fell to my side. Instantly, I missed the feel of her skin under my fingers. “Lila… just, listen to me. Please.”

She stepped back, her dark eyes growing darker. Furious. Pained. “Keep your sorry excuses to yourself. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve heard and seen enough.”

“No,” I growled. Fear tightened around my lungs. If I let her walk away now, I was going to lose her. Forever. “You need to hear the rest. You don’t know anything!”

I reached for her, desperate for a chance to explain. I didn’t see it coming, although I should have expected it. The moment I clasped her wrist, tugging her back to me, Lila turned around with a vengeful cry.

She slapped me, right in the face.

I stumbled back, and she twisted out of my hold. There was so much… anger… so much hate in her dark eyes. “Don’t touch me,” Lila warned, her voice cracking over the words. She leaned closer, jerking her head back, so she could stare right into my eyes.

Her next words killed me.

Killed any hope I had for us.

“When you touch me, my skin crawls,” she practically spat, with so much venom in her sweet voice. “When you touch me, my scars burn. When you touch me, I want to throw up.”

“No. Stop,” I croaked. I pleaded… begged. “Lila, no.”

Her eyes were dull again. My Lila was… gone. “Don’t you dare touch me, Maddox.”

All the air had been sucked out of my lungs, and I was… suffocated.

“Get out.” She pointed at the door. “Get. Out. You’re no longer welcome here.” My chest squeezed, like a heavy metal chain was being wrapped around my already tortured, bleeding heart.

If it hurt for me…

I wondered how much it hurt for her…

“I’m going to leave, and I’m going to wait for you. Tomorrow, you have to listen to me. Please, Lila. You have to let me explain why.”

“I don’t want to see your face,” Lila sneered. “Tonight or tomorrow.” She was never so vicious, but in this moment, her words were laced with enough acid to burn even the thickest layer. Me? I was just a mere mortal. My heart disintegrated.

“You should leave.” Riley walked up behind me. I had forgotten she was even there, listening to us. “Do as she says, Maddox,” she lamented.

Lila’s face hardened, and she stalked away, into the room that used to belong to her. Her place was with me. Not anymore…

“What’s going on?” I let my head fall back against my shoulders, staring at the ceiling as another voice joined us.

I heard his steps, as Colton approached me. “I was at the gala. I saw Lila and you leave…”

Of course, he was. We ran in the same circles. Of course, he saw. Everyone watched it unfold, but no one knew why.

“What’s going on?” he asked again, looking between Riley and I, waiting for one of us to answer.

“Ask Maddox.” Riley sighed. “Lila is hurt and angry right now. You two better leave.”

My chest hurt, and I rubbed the ache with my fist.

“Maddox?”

“I need to get out of here,” I murmured, looking at her closed door. My presence was unwelcomed. And I knew I’d cause my Lila more pain, if I stayed.

“Okay,” Colton said. “Where?”

I dragged my legs behind me and walked away. With each step that took me farther away from Lila, coldness seeped through my bones, and my body grew numb.

“The gym.” It was that or I’d drink myself into oblivion. Maybe I’d do both. Take all my fuckedupness out on a punching bag and then drink until I forgot tonight ever happened.

Colton didn’t ask any questions. He drove us to the gym, and everything was just a goddamn blurred mess to me. I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t even breathe.

The punching bag became my salvation.

The pain coursing through my body, as I pushed myself over, became my only solace. It felt good. I needed it. Needed the pain, so I could feel something.

Lila’s face flashed through my mind, the image searing into my brain. The tormented look on her face. I could almost taste the saltiness of her tears on my tongue.

She hated me.

I hated myself. What a fucking pair, we were.

Two hours later, all my muscles were dead and numb. I could barely feel my arms or my legs. I sank to the ground, my body too weak to keep me upright any longer.

“Better now?” Colton asked, joining me on the ground. He laid on his back beside me with a groan.

“No,” I said.

He sighed. “Look, I don’t wanna talk about your feelings. We can leave that pussy talk for some shrink, but you don’t look good, man.”

My eyes closed, and I breathed through my nose. Silence filled the gym for a long time before I finally spoke. “I fucked up.”

He hmphed “Yeah, that’s obvious.”

“She hates me.” I could barely get the words past my clogged throat.

“Nah. Lila can’t hate you.”

“Christian was driving the car that night… the night of Lila’s accident, the night her parents…”

Colton paused, mulling over my words. “Christian Carmichael?”

I nodded.

He swore under his breath. “Shit. You knew?”

“I found out a couple of months ago, when I was digging into Lila’s accident. It always bothered me, and I wanted to know, wanted to bring her justice. I found out it was Christian,” I explained.

“Before you two started dating?” he questioned.

“Way before,” I confessed quietly.

Colton swore again. “Lila found out? Oh shit, the gala! Christian!” Colton finally put two and two together.

My chest tightened with a vice grip. “He was there. Lila came face to face with the person who killed her parents, Colton. Do you realize what this means? I did everything to protect her from the truth,” I croaked, my voice barely audible.

“Shit, Maddox. I don’t know what to say.”

“Lila hates me.” Saying the word out loud caused me to almost double over in pain. I hadn’t expected it to hurt this much, but it did. Everything fucking hurt.

“She doesn’t.”

“You weren’t there. You didn’t see the look in her eyes.” The look of pain and disgust. Betrayal and broken trust.

“I should have fought harder, should have stopped her from going to the gala, but she was so goddamn stubborn. I thought I’d be by her side all night, keeping her safe, and away from Christian. I thought we’d be able to leave before anything… I thought…”

I rubbed a hand over my face, so exhausted, so mentally… done. I just wanted to wrap myself around Lila and forget about this chapter. I wanted to turn the pages over and begin anew. “I thought a lot of things, but I still messed up.”

And the worst part of it? Lila didn’t even know half of it.

All my secrets…

If she knew the rest of it…

No. The mere thought of it made me sick.

I wasn’t strong enough to love… and then lose her. Not like this.

Lila was a maze with no escape. Once I had entered the labyrinth that was her, I lost sight of the exit and never bothered to look for it again. I didn’t want to leave the maze. I didn’t want to escape her.

I wanted to stay and bleed at her feet. Because I found what I needed there.

My salvation.