Chasing Heartbreak by Kat T. Masen
KATE
An empty feeling in the pit of my stomach grows larger with every step closer toward the hotel.
As I stand outside the main doors, I stop and stare at the building before me, giving myself a few moments to regroup. Behind the doors is a man who will use his power to control the energy around us in his favor. Yet for years, we’ve been sneaking around, allowing him to do just that, and it never bothered me. Until now.
My lips press together in a slight grimace, struggling to take the next step forward. On top of my already heightened nerves, my earlier argument with Noah only adds to the stress of it all. I hate the fact that I’m even thinking about him right now. All of a sudden, he strolls back into my life, and I’m supposed to factor in his opinion?
You hate that he’s right.
With my shoulders back while inhaling a deep breath, my feet move forward and through the doors into the lobby. I agreed to meet him at the bar inside the hotel rather than the room. It was that or nothing. Despite his resistance to doing so, he finally agreed.
The bar is located just near the main desk, small with dim lighting creating an intimate environment for patrons enjoying a drink. The walls are a deep red with velvet chairs in the same color scattered around the round tables inside. Toward the back corner is a booth where Dominic is sitting. His head is bowed, and the thick black mane of hair which is normally styled perfectly, looks messy and misplaced. The weight of his gaze is fixated on the tumbler in his hands. As I move closer, the amber liquid appears to be whisky—his choice of drink.
I slide into the booth, his head rising to meet my eyes, though without a greeting or even a welcoming smile. Sitting on the table is a glass of wine he pre-ordered. Raising the glass toward my lips, I drink the entire contents before even speaking.
“I never explained to you why I married Allegra.”
“You said you got scared,” I so easily remind him.
“Yes, I did, to an extent,” he admits with a hoarse voice. “About five years ago, I helped an old friend of mine who was in trouble financially. I was naïve to think loaning the money would’ve solved the problem. He owed the wrong people, and when they found out I had some tie to him, I was on their radar.”
I’d heard the story too often in the corporate world—corrupt dealings, hands in the black market, all sorts of trouble which is fatal to any reputable business.
Dominic runs his finger along the edge of the glass before continuing, “Allegra’s father offered me a lifeline… marry his daughter, and the problem will disappear.”
“So, your marriage is somewhat a business deal. Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
He simply nods his head, keeping his words at bay. “Kate, I want you, but ending my marriage is complicated.”
“But where’s this coming from? I don’t understand, Dominic. You made it clear from the beginning that you didn’t do relationships. Period.”
“You don’t understand love?”
I never in my wildest dreams expected Dominic to say the four-letter word. When told in the right circumstances, this word can seal your future, fill it with joy and happiness. And then there are moments like now when a man carelessly uses the word like it means nothing.
Staring at the table, I have nothing positive to say right now. A sudden feeling of heaviness expands within me, causing my muscles to turn numb. I’m unable to smile, laugh, cry, or evoke any emotion besides shock.
Dominic places his hand on mine, a loving gesture, unlike his usually distant self. “I think about you all day and all night. When she’s lying beside me in bed, I picture it being you. It always comes back to you. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s driving me fucking crazy.”
The desperation in his tone is difficult to ignore, along with the heavy weight of his hand on mine.
“And then I see you with him? It kills me to see you with someone else. That’s when I realized I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want another man touching you. I want you to be all mine.”
I drag my hand back toward my lap, the hurt on his face evident.
“So, this is about Noah? Are you jealous? Let me guess. Your ego has taken a hit, so now you think that telling me you feel something is going to make me do what, exactly?”
“Not something, I love you, Kate,” he finally admits.
My skin begins to flush, and the room becomes incredibly hot all of a sudden. With my lips pulled back baring my teeth, I stand quickly, willing this conversation to end. “I need to go. This conversation is over. Sort out your marriage, Dominic, but don’t make decisions based on what you think you feel.”
I storm out of the bar, not turning around to watch him try to intimidate me, and through the lobby back onto the street. The threat of rain lingers in the air. I keep my head down, trying to shut out the noise on the solemn walk home. After several blocks, the pitter-patter of the rain begins to create a shield around me. The drops fall hard, soaking my hair and clothes while cooling my skin. The beads trickle down my face, washing away the uncertainty of my life, if only for a few moments.
In the space of a week, my simple life went from zero to a hundred.
Noah’s back.
Dominic professes the word love.
And all of this complicates my life no matter which way I turn.
I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.
My pace slows against the unpredictable storm which lashes our city. The strands of my hair cling onto my skin, a sticky and uncomfortable feeling which is rampant with the humidity. In the reflection of the glass, my makeup is strewn. The so-called waterproof mascara has left me with panda eyes. Fumbling inside my bag for my keys, I lift my head and see Noah standing against the wall beside my door.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, catching my breath.
“Waiting for you. I wanted to apologize for what I said tonight, but perhaps I’m the idiot,” his tone turns deep with resentment. “You went to him, didn’t you?”
“See, this is why we can’t be friends, Noah. What I do with my life is my choice. Not you or Charlie have any say. Just like I never once stopped you from marrying Morgan.”
“I’m not stopping you from doing anything, okay? I’m pointing out that he’s no good for you. You deserve better.”
“I deserve to make my own choices. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m drenched, drained and want to go to bed.”
Finally, finding my keys, I jiggle them in the lock and open the door. Noah hovers at the entrance, and with my shoulders slumped, I pull him in without saying a word.
In a sudden move, he wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace. As my face falls onto his chest, inhaling his scent, I beg myself not to cry in his presence. I can’t even recall the last time I shed a tear. I’m not an emotionally driven person, and tonight has fucked with my entire belief system.
“Remember when you told me we all make mistakes?” he whispers softly. “Just a mistake, Kate. Move on.”
In the time we were apart, I forgot what it was like to have someone who knows the pits of my soul, who understands my resistance to fail and knows precisely how to make me move forward to better things.
Noah has always done this until, of course, I was pushed aside.
My hands fall flat against his chest, creating distance as I avoid his stare.
“Go shower. Then we’re watching a movie and ordering takeout,” he demands with a warm smile. “I need some American food because I’m missing it like crazy.”
I drop my head with a soft chuckle. “So that you know, we’re watching The Breakfast Club tonight.”
“Is it about breakfast and eating?”
“No, consider it a rite of passage into adulthood.”
“I think I’ve heard that before.” He smirks.
“And before you ask, yes, it’s the same actress as in Pretty in Pink.”
I step away to the sound of his groan. Taking a quick shower to wash tonight off me, I throw on a pair of gray bed shorts and a matching tank. I brush my hair aside, letting it dry naturally as I head back to the living room.
Noah’s eyes turn as I sit down beside him.
“What?” I ask, grabbing the remote.
“You’re half-naked on me.”
“I’m not half-naked on you. This is bedwear from a very expensive boutique in Italy.”
“I can literally see all of your tits.”
My hands cover my chest while I turn to face him in shock.
“You’re such a man. The fabric isn’t see-through.” I remove my hands, trying to prove a point. “See?”
Noah’s face strains. “What do they charge you for a piece of fabric which barely covers you, and also, are you cold?”
I grab the pillow, smacking him with it, which causes my strap to slide and an accidental nip slip. “Oh, sod off!”
Noah laughs. “The Brit is back. And just so you know, ready when you are but with those girls on show, I probably won’t last long.”
“Hey, ground rules, buddy,” I remind him. “We’re just friends. The sexual innuendo stops here.”
“Can I make one more comment about your nipples?”
“No.” I yawn while using the remote. “I get it. I have big tits. Now shut up.”
“Is your yawn an indication of how boring the movie will be?”
I smack his arm. “Just watch, no questions.”
Only ten minutes into the film, he clears his throat. “Can I ask just one question?” he begs with his eyes and a naughty smile.
I pause the film, turning to face him with an annoyed glare.
“How much did you miss me?” He grins.
Unable to hide my smile, I nudge him before resting my head on his shoulder.
“No more questions,” I tell him before whispering. “And a lot. More than you can ever imagine.”