Knocking on Helen’s Door by Eve Langlais
5
“I am not going to Hell!”Helen squealed, mostly in shock. Had she damned herself? She’d not meant for her restless feet to get her condemned.
“Seems logical given you appear to have fallen.”
“I am not…That is…” She bit her lip. He might have a point. She’d broken the rules and now found herself far from home.
“Why was that angel trying to smite you? Aren’t you guys all about love and peace?” he asked.
“Obviously he was seduced by the devil. Why else would he attack me?” Her mind still had a hard time grasping what had happened.
“He was obviously worried about something. Did you catch him being bad?”
“I did! Him and Michelina.” It emerged hot and indignant. “They were fraternizing. Indulging in the rite of fornication!” Her cheeks warmed.
“You caught them fucking? That’s not a big deal. People fuck all the time. Or was he married?”
“Is fucking another word for fornication?” she asked, unfamiliar with the term.
“Um. Er. More like a slang word for it. Have you never heard anyone cussing in Heaven?”
“Cursing is against the rules. As is fraternization and killing.”
“How many rules do you have to follow?”
“At last count? One hundred and eleven thousand four hundred and sixty-three. But I heard they’d be adding four more soon.” The latest ban being for a fruit called pineapple on something called a pizza. An Earth thing, obviously, so she wasn’t sure how it applied in Heaven.
“Did you say over one hundred thousand? That’s fucking insane. And you obey every single one?”
“Usually. Except for tonight.” Her head drooped. “I just wanted to go for a walk.”
“And saw something you shouldn’t.” He sighed. “Sorry for your luck.” He actually sounded sincere, although it was hard to tell given his cloak swirled around him still, hiding his features, concealing him. Yet she wasn’t scared.
“I need to return to Heaven and explain. Accept my punishment for leaving my room after sundown.”
“What makes you think that angel won’t kill you if you try?”
“Because that’s evil!” she huffed.
“You do realize he tried to take your head off with his oversized knife?”
“He was trying to scare me.” And he’d succeeded.
“He would have killed you if I’d not stepped in, Curls. You’re a witness to him being bad. He won’t want you coming back to Heaven.”
Much as she hated to wrap her mind around it, she knew he spoke the truth. “I’ll find a way.”
“Does that way involve waiting here for him?”
“I should change locations.”
“Yes, you should. You got a place to go?”
She opened and shut her mouth before admitting, “No.”
“I might know a few places, Curls. Let’s boogie.” Snaring her hand, he tugged her out of the alley into a busy thoroughfare that had her flinching at the stimulation overdose.
Lights.
Noise.
People.
Humans!
Holy Father who art imprisoned in heaven. Real humans. She could tell because none of them had shadow wings or halos.
“Um, you might not want to say that out loud, angel,” her rescuer murmured, drawing his arm around her shoulders and tucking her into the pocket of swirling darkness that flowed from his shoulders.
She thought he read her mind until she realized she’d murmured aloud. “I’ve never seen any before. They look quite…” She paused, only to blurt out, “Ordinary.”
He chuckled. “You mean, like you?”
“Not entirely. They don’t have wings or halos.” She glanced at him. “Neither do you, and yet you’re not like them. What are you?” Because while he didn’t sport extra parts, he did have a cloak at his back that undulated like smoke and kept his face hidden.
At her query, he finally shoved back his hood and she saw a solid man with a jaw bearing a shadow of facial hair. “Told you, I’m a reaper. Name of Julio. And you are?”
“Helen,” she muttered in reply as she eyed Julio. “Nursery nanny in Heaven.”
“Lucky babies.”
She blinked, not quite sure what he meant and eyed him more closely. “When you say you’re a reaper, do you mean a grim reaper, the monsters who steal souls?”
He chuckled. “We don’t steal, just guide them to their final destination.”
“Hell,” she stated.
“If that’s their fate, then yes.”
“I was taught you were at least twice our height with great big swords to cleave our souls from our bodies.” She slashed a hand.
“Sorry to disappoint.”
She wasn’t. He actually pleased the eye. She felt heat in her cheeks again and eyed the ground as they walked. “Given that we are not supposed to see death coming, does this mean since I have that you’re here to take my soul?” Did she have a soul? Wasn’t that a human thing?
“If I wanted you dead, I wouldn’t have saved you.”
“I suppose not. I’m very confused, and I don’t like this at all. I just want to go back to Heaven.”
“Afraid you’re stuck, Curls. But it’s not all bad. Earth’s got some cool shit to offer. I mean, um, stuff.”
Curls? Her hand went to her hair. She’d never had a nickname before. Or was it because he’d forgotten her proper one already?
“What would I do here? Would the humans assign me a home?”
“Only if you pay rent. Which means money.”
“You mean riches?” She pursed her lips. “I have nothing. Material possessions are for the covetous.”
“You don’t own anything? Knickknacks? Books?”
“I have a Bible in my room.”
“So you own something.”
She shook her head. “I borrowed it from the library.” Shelves of the same seven repeating books.
“Well, on Earth, people like to own stuff. And to buy it, you need money, which means you’ll have to get a job.”
Her expression brightened. “I can work.”
“Most places will want identification.” He frowned at her. “I don’t usually deal in that department.”
“I have identification. My face and name.” Each one was unique in Heaven. Except when it came to rare twins. If too identical, they got numbered. Like Manfred One and Manfred Two, cherubs that recently graduated from the nursery.
“That’s not enough. You need plastic. Like this.” He pulled something from a pocket and showed her a slim card with his image and writing on it.
“This is a horrible picture.” She pointed. “Doesn’t look like you at all.”
“Yeah, but that’s what they want you to carry around. To prove who you are. You need one to get a job and open a bank account for direct deposit.”
“What’s a bank?”
His lips flattened. “You have a lot to learn, Curls.”
Helen frowned. “Surely it can’t be that difficult.” After all, humans managed it. “I will provide my services as a nanny and receive a room and sustenance.”
Julio rubbed a hand over his jaw. “Wow, you really have no clue. Do you realize there are millions of people living in this city?”
“Millions?” The very concept floored her. Heaven didn’t have that many living in it. Then again, what did she know? She knew nothing outside of the nursery. Tonight had proven she was woefully lacking in education.
“Yes, millions. That many people in one concentrated area means there’s competition for jobs and housing. For someone like you with no skills, no proper identification, who needs to hide…” He whistled. “You might have been better off dying. In Hell, all that shit is taken care of for you.” He slipped and didn’t correct his swearing.
“I don’t belong in Hell.”
“It’s so cute when angels deny the truth.” It wasn’t Julio that replied to her statement but a stranger who suddenly appeared, bringing with him the most obnoxious smell. However, that wasn’t what drew her attention.
Older than Julio, the male stood a few inches shorter and definitely not as wide, yet he took up more space as if his body couldn’t quite contain him. Heat spilled from the man’s frame. It blurred the edges of his shape, making her imagine giant leathery wings and curling horns.
Upon seeing the flames dancing in his eyes, Helen did the sign of the cross and screamed, “It’s the devil!”