Knocking on Helen’s Door by Eve Langlais
7
The devil smiled at Helen.He was a charming thing with dimples that made him more handsome than he should be.
“I see you’ve heard of me.” Lucifer sounded quite pleased. “All bad, I hope.”
“The worst!” Helen exclaimed.
“You flatterer.” The demon actually pretended to be abashed.
It seemed her insults catered to his evil ego. “Begone, foul thing. You have no power over me.” She held her fingers in a cross like she’d been taught.
The devil sighed. “Seriously? Thousands of years and they remain idiots.”
Even Julio appeared incredulous as he exclaimed, “What the fuck was that supposed to do?”
Feeling a tad foolish, Helen shrugged. “Everyone knows the symbol of the cross keeps evil at bay.”
“Who the fuck told you that?” Julio asked.
Her shoulders rounded. “It is common knowledge that Lucifer fears the Lord’s holy cross.”
That made the devil snort smoke. “I can’t believe that useless crap is still being taught. But your lack of proper education isn’t why I’m here. Apparently, you’ve been a bad angel, Helen.” He shook a finger at her, the ring on it etched into some kind of monster head with winking bright green eyes. It matched the green on his satin pants and vest. He didn’t appear as she’d imagined.
Her teachers had described the devil as a massive monster with horns and hooves. Evil in his gaze. Not a dimple in his cheek. Or a flower in his buttonhole.
“I am not bad. I did nothing wrong,” she said, defending her innocence.
“Lie!” the devil yelled.
She flushed. “Only a little one. I admit to walking outside after curfew.”
The devil made a noise. “They wouldn’t have condemned you for wandering after dark. According to the warrant for your capture, it’s much worse.”
“Warrant?” She knew what they were. After all, Heaven sometimes had troublemakers.
The devil snapped his fingers, and her image appeared. Her name written underneath, along with a listing of her crimes.
“Being sought for the subversion of cherubs. Illegal association with humans. The smuggling of banned items from the Hell plane.” Her voice raised in pitch with each ridiculous claim. “I didn’t do anything on that list.”
“Truth!” The devil wrinkled his nose. “Ugh. That did not feel good.”
“Someone is making false accusation against her?” Julio asked.
“Apparently someone is mad at little Helen here. What’d you do? Piss in their cereal? Short sheet their bed? This is Heaven. Maybe you forgot to say a prayer a thousand times every single day.”
“No. Never.” She sought to follow the devil’s rapid-fire speech and the accusations he made. How dare Lucifer accuse her of wrongdoing? Her only crime was walking outside. It didn’t deserve this punishment, especially given what she’d seen others doing.
“Doesn’t matter what you did,” Julio pointed out. “The fact of the matter is someone is angry enough they’re pulling out all the stops to ensure you don’t make it back to Heaven.”
“This is because of Michelina and the angel she was…” She trailed off, unable to repeat the blasphemy she’d seen with the devil leering in anticipation.
“Go on, Helen. Tell us what you saw. In detail. Lots of detail.” Lucifer rubbed his hands.
“No. What they were doing was a sin. And once I expose them, everyone will see the lies being told about me and know I’m innocent.”
Lucifer barked with laughter. “So naïve. From the sounds of it, you caught one of the Archangels fucking. And they are not people you want to cross.”
“Angels do not fornicate. Only humans and animals do.”
Again, the devil laughed. “The dumb is strong in you, but I digress. My babies won’t sleep for much longer, which means I need to finish this conversation. There is a warrant for your arrest.”
“Let them arrest me, then. I shall prove my innocence.” She lifted her chin.
The Dark Lord turned to Julio and said, “Is she really that dumb?”
The reaper shrugged. “It would seem so.” He then turned to her and said slowly, “I highly doubt you’ll make it to Heaven alive if you turn yourself in.”
“Someone wants you dead, dear Helen, and that is a problem,” the devil stated. “Currently, you are too good for Hell, but Heaven doesn’t want you either. Meaning, if you die, you’ll end up in Limbo.”
“The nothing place.” A shiver went through her.
“What can she do to avoid that?” Julio asked.
“It would only take a little sinning to join the most awesome club in the universe. Become one of my minions and you’ll live forever, short of severe injury or decapitation.”
“I don’t want to be a demon.” The very idea horrified.
“Oh, you wouldn’t be a demon. But I have plenty of positions perfect for a fallen angel.”
“I won’t become a citizen of Hell.” She lifted her chin. “I am wrongly accused. I will prove my innocence and return to Heaven.”
For some reason both Julio and the devil laughed, hard enough the Dark Lord wiped his eyes.
“Oh, goodness, you’re a rare one. An angel with a sense of humor. Love it. Wish I could stay and chuckle some more, but duty calls. Julio, I want you to take special care of Helen for me.”
A puzzled expression creased Julio’s face. “You want me to reap her soul?”
“Only if someone does manage to kill her. Otherwise, the poor girl needs a guide in this world.”
“I’m not a teacher,” he growled.
“Never say never. I’ve had some of my finest orgasms with eager pupils.” With a wink and a snap of his fingers, the devil disappeared.
But the offer he’d made to become one of his evil minions lingered like the sulfur stench of him.
Never.
