Knocking on Helen’s Door by Eve Langlais

6

The ninth circle disappeared overnight,and no one noticed until the morning. But once the Hellwork got wind…

It was everywhere. HellBC. The New Hell Times. Hellbook. The titles accompanying the articles varied only slightly.

“Dark Lord Losing His Grip Along With the Ninth Ring.”

“Is This the End of Hell As We Know It?”

The Antifa, sent to hell during a purge after their last round of rioting, began a campaign in the seventh ring that involved defunding the legion. Joke was on them. The legion worked for free. But a perk of the job was they got to pound on the Antifa agitators and take all their things. After all, sharing was equitable.

But the underlying message was Lucifer’s minions, damned and demon alike, were losing faith in him. And he didn’t know how to stop it.

Gaia patted him on the back. “There, there, Luc. If the rings get devoured and your kingdom disappears, you can always live in my garden.”

The Garden of Eden, with all its healthy growing things where he’d have almost no power. Where Lucifer would be a lesser demon relying on his wife to survive. It was beyond emasculating.

“Shouldn’t you be worried? What if this thing comes after you next?” he snapped.

“Testy, testy. Did Jujube keep you up last night?”

“Our daughter is a demanding wench, just like her mother.” She’d insisted they care for their progeny themselves. Didn’t Gaia remember how tending them would lead to liking them? Liking them always made it harder to kill them later on when they betrayed him.

So far, Muriel was almost thirty and still not interested in his throne, but of late, he had to wonder about his oldest living child, Bambi. She’d gone from biddable to confident with authority. Never a good sign. Plus, he kept hearing rumors she was seeing someone. But who? Because War’s armor was rusting with the tears he’d shed after being jilted.

Lucifer didn’t like being in the dark. He also didn’t like being made a fool. Which was why, after his wife’s offer, he stood on the edge of the eighth ring, within inches of the border, and did his best to sound confidant and reassuring to the crowd as he said, “I am sure that, whatever is happening out there in the Wilds, we needn’t worry. Think of it as our dimension adjusting to recent drops in numbers.” Blah. Blah. Blah. He spun them a line of bullshit that could almost be believed. Numbers were down, and the kingdom was resizing so as to not waste space.

Some people swallowed the lie. Others saw the holes in his explanation. Especially the older demons and beings who remembered the emptiness of Hell after the hundred-year war with Heaven. Whole neighborhoods went quiet, and yet they’d not lost a single foot of any ring. What was different this time?

Lucifer dressed casually in his new jumpsuit so as not to appear worried. The material was covered in fanged and evil pineapples chewing on people. Like a tri-dimensional image, as he shifted so did the images, so it appeared as if they truly were grinding up bones and flesh. Usually his outfits were a crowd pleaser. Only the damned and demonic didn’t admire him this time but rather remained riveted by the fog. It didn’t help that every so often someone suddenly ran past him to be swallowed by the mist.

“Nothing to worry about,” Lucifer said. His words fell on frightened, deaf ears.

“Why haven’t you fixed it? Are you scared?” someone dared to ask.

Lucifer would have smitten them, but the damned couldn’t exactly be killed. Tortured yes, but only the pit could recycle the dead souls that ended up in his kingdom.

A demon made it worse by saying, “Don’t question the Dark Lord’s plan.”

Lucifer only wished he had a fucking plan that didn’t involve stepping into that fog. He could swear it taunted him. Dared him to enter. Teased him.

“Yellow-bellied coward.”

Wait, that was a damned one calling him a yellow belly. He turned his glare on Lester, a guy who used to swindle women out of money when they brought their cars in for repair. He’d served his time but remained a dick. A snap of Lucifer’s fingers sent Lester for further punishment, but the insult remained.

Lucifer steeled himself, ready to show them all he didn’t fear by walking into the mist, when Bambi appeared.

“Dark Lord!” she called to him. “A moment of your time.”

He stifled his relief as he replied, “I’m terribly busy.”

“I know. Apologies.” She even dipped into a curtsy so respectful with her eyes downcast it made him sick until she shot him a sly glance through her lashes. “It is a matter of urgency, your excellency.”

“Then let’s make haste. I’ll be back later for this,” he declared as he snapped his fingers and brought the two of them back to his castle.

“Looks like I rescued you in time,” she said the moment they arrived.

“I’m not a coward.” The devil feared nothing except his wife on a rampage.

“I must have misread the situation. If you’d like to return and check out that mist, my news can wait.”

He glared. “You lied about the urgency?”

“Well duh. I had to since I didn’t want you going into that fog. As a matter of fact, I’d recommend staying far away. We can’t afford to lose you.” Her concern made him frown until she added, “Hell must have a leader so no doing anything rash before we have a proper replacement.” For a while, he thought he had a son who would challenge him, but Chris—raised to believe he was the antichrist—turned out to be Elyon’s indiscretion.

“As if anyone could take my place,” Lucifer blustered, ignoring the fact he finally had a true son. A cute little helpless thing. They choked so easily at this age. Who knew, maybe the little shit might even live long enough to try and mutiny against his Father.

If his mother didn’t kill him first. Good news was she appeared to be over her postpartum depression and just in time. He’d been worried she’d heard about the rumors that Jujube would kill her and take her place. But after a few tense moments, where he’d snared his wife’s wrist as she held a knife over the crib, and the time he’d caught her tossing Jujube into the pond, she appeared to have adjusted to motherhood.

Bambi snapped her fingers. “Yoohoo. Hell to Lucifer. I lost you there for a second. You okay?”

“Never better. Although I could do without this sudden fake affection you’re showing me. What is the real reason you came to get me?”

“Because I thought you’d want to hear the news. Heaven’s on high alert. Apparently, an angel has gone missing after committing a boatload of sins. Presumed to have escaped to Earth.”

“Really?” His expression brightened. He rubbed his hands and said, “This I’ve got to see!”