Knocking on Helen’s Door by Eve Langlais
8
“Well, that was fun.”
Not.
Julio had gotten used to the devil popping in at the Grim Dating office, but by himself? That was a first. And then to assign him cultural duties with an angel who redefined stubborn? Like fuck.
“You serve the Dark Lord,” she stated.
“Yeah, but only because no one else will touch us. Your boss up there pretends we don’t exist. Angels tend to give us the cold shoulder, too. Limbo is still leaderless. The Dark Lord ensures we have a home and a purpose.”
“Seems a dark purpose to me.”
He shrugged. “Death is only dark if you see it as the end. For many, it’s a new beginning.”
“When angels die, we become part of our Father, who is resting in Heaven.”
“If you say so.” And then because he couldn’t help himself, “Do you really think Elyon is your Father?”
“As much as you know the devil is yours.”
“The devil isn’t my dad. My dad was a piece of shit who beat me. My mom worked three jobs and dropped dead of a heart attack. I was an asshole while alive. When I died, the devil offered a chance to become something better. A reaper.” Lucifer had given Julio a job with purpose.
“And that was a good thing?”
He smiled. “Fuck yeah, it was. I became less of an asshole.”
“Well, our Father, who created Heaven, made me. Makes everyone.”
“Not everyone. Humans fornicate, remember?” He winked as he reminded her.
She blushed. It was really too cute. She bit her lip. “Not angels.”
“Then how are you made?”
“I don’t know. Do you?” The query was much too eager.
He frowned. “How can you not know? Don’t angels have sex and pop out babies like everyone else?” Even demons procreated that way.
“No!” she hotly exclaimed, her cheeks bright red. “Babies arrive by stork. No one seems to know where they come from.”
“Stork?” The ridiculousness of it almost had him laughing until he saw her serious expression. “Fuck me, they really do exist? I thought the stork thing was a myth.”
The shake of her head sent her curls dancing. “It’s true. Cherubs arrive by stork.”
“From where?”
Her shoulders rolled. “I don’t know. Although I did know another nanny who said something about cabbage patches.”
“The doll?” he asked. Weren’t they a fad in the eighties or nineties?
She pursed her lips. “Dolls are the devil’s toys.”
The very fact she believed it filled him with pity. “Oh, Curls. You’ve got so much to learn.”
“Not from you, I don’t. I won’t do the devil’s bidding.” She lifted her chin.
“You’re gonna conquer the world on your own?”
“I don’t need to conquer. I shall have truth as my sword. My integrity as my shield.”
His steps slowed as they reached the offices of Grim Dating. “You think you can do this on your own, then I guess this is where we part ways, Curls. If you change your mind and need me, call.” He flipped out a card and pressed it into her hand. “Good luck.”
“You’re leaving?”
“Yup. That’s my office. Sure you don’t want my help settling in?”
“Never, demonic minion!”
He snorted. “Suit yourself.” With a wave, Julio left her and crossed the street.
He could have sworn he felt her staring between the shoulder blades. An incredible urge filled him to turn around to march right back. She was too innocent to be wandering around on her own. Innocent being another word for dumb. She’d probably end up mugged or worse within the hour.
Not his problem. If it was her time, nothing he did could change that. The Final Destination movies had gotten that part right. Only it wasn’t an invisible force that made sure order was kept but a squad of Death Marines who appeared out of nowhere and left as eerily, the human shell dead, the soul bound and gagged for Hell.
The devil ordered me to teach her. Couldn’t teach someone who wouldn’t listen.
Still, the reminder of his orders had him turning around to glance back at Helen, only to realize she’d left already. How long before she either ended up dead or called the number on the card?
Entering the Grim Dating headquarters, he barely noticed the slick chrome and marble. Everything was brand spanking new and ash free. He had to admit he liked the new digs and the perks. Earth-side, he got to enjoy everything from food to music to the amenities that didn’t always work so well in Hell, like kick-ass sound systems and video games.
More than a few mommas’ basement-dwelling darlings got a shock when they arrived in Hell to discover their slovenly, lazy behavior meant an eternity of working the slop jobs and at the end of their shift? Sixty-nine channels of nothing on the Hell-tube.
The angel he’d met would have her entire worldview rattled. He’d heard of living a sheltered life. Apparently, it didn’t compare with a brain-washed, heavenly resident.
Julio waved hello to security as he made his way to the top floor with the executive offices. Because hell yeah, he’d made executive. He even had a door with his name. Field Operation Manager being his formal title. Mostly, he made sure the demons and denizens from Hell that were brought Earth-side for hookups behaved, and if they didn’t? He dragged them in kicking and screaming, sometimes with their pants still around their ankles.
The receptionist, wearing tight serpentine curls and slanted cat-eye glasses, sat at the curved reception desk and offered him a smile. “Julio, what a coincidence. The commander is here and wants to speak with you.”
“What’s he doing here this late at night?” Brody usually preferred to keep daytime hours, whereas Julio liked to switch them up.
“He popped in to handle something. Wanted to set up a meeting for tomorrow but given you’re here…”
“I’ll go see what he wants then.” Julio strode quickly across the carpeted floor, a slate gray that complemented the other shades of gray that decorated the place. Grim Dating didn’t have gimmicky hearts and cupids like other matchmaking places. They took their business seriously. Except on their merchandise. The cartoon reaper with his scythe stabbing a heart was turning out to be a big hit. They couldn’t keep the bumper stickers or T-shirts in stock.
The glass door set inside a frosted wall led into a lush vestibule for the big man’s office. Brody, the commander, and Posie, recently appointed partner—and Brody’s pregnant, eating-everything-in-sight fiancée—were standing in front of the secretary’s desk rather than inside the office with its panoramic view.
Bambi, the devil’s own daughter, sat in the secretarial seat, twirling around. She wore a skirt that actually reached her knees, ankle boots, and a blouse tucked into the waistband and not cropped under her breasts. She almost looked mature.
Then she saw him and winked, offering the most lascivious smile possible. “There’s that hunk of Latino burning love we wanted to see. Wearing way too many clothes, I should add.”
“You can’t say that,” Posie chastised. “It can be construed as sexual harassment.”
“You’re ruining my fun. Do you know how long I’ve waited to be in charge so I can use my position of power to demand favors from people?” Bambi pouted. “Besides, I was just telling the truth from a position of experience.”
“And for it to be harassment, it has to be unwelcome. The CEO of Grim Dating can compliment me any day.” Julio winked but didn’t worry about Bambi taking him up on the offer. Rumor had it she was getting serious with someone. Love appeared to be in the air, and contagious. He’d been taking extra vitamins to avoid getting contaminated.
“Ugh, now I remember why I avoid coming here. Such spoilsports. Why did you call me, anyhow?” Bambi complained.
Brody slung his arm around Posie’s waist. “We’re going on a trip.”
“And you wanted to invite me along to spice things up?” Bambi’s expression brightened.
“No!” Posie and Brody exclaimed as one. They did that every so often. If they kept it up, they’d end up with a cutesy name like Brosie. Maybe Pody?
“Just the two of you? Sounds dull to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat.” Bambi rose, readying to leave.
“Wait.” Brody held up a hand. “I called you both to talk about delegation of duties while I’m gone. Julio, you’ll be my eyes and ears but only report if it’s something I need to know or deal with. Bambi, I figured you’d take our spot.”
“Work here? On Earth?” Bambi’s nose wrinkled. “No thanks. I’m enjoying the break. Make him do it.” She pointed.
“Me?” Julio exclaimed. “Oh no. Spying I can do, but I am not management material.”
“Meaning you won’t try and steal my job,” Brody mused aloud. “You know what, that just might work. Julio, you’re in charge.”
Having seen what Brody dealt with on a daily basis, Julio roughly shook his head. “You can’t do this to me. I’m not meant to be fettered to a desk.”
“It’s only for two weeks.”
“Two weeks!” His voice reached a pitched he’d not heard since his teenage years.
“Yeah, two weeks. Try not to screw it up.”
He’d try. He really would. But it didn’t help that the moment Brody left, and Julio was in charge, the devil appeared wearing an evil grin.
“Hello, Julio. Miss me?”
“I saw you less than fifteen minutes ago.”
“And already disobeying I see. Where’s the angel?”
“Off proving she doesn’t need me.”
“Fear not. She’ll be back. In the meantime, I’ve got a special job for you.”
Was it just him that heard the ominous music?
