Hellbent Hero by Naomi Porter
5
Hero
RUDY DUTRA WATCHED me from across the yard, a tall wire fence between him and the rest of us.It was the first time he laid eyes on me in prison. I stared at him, letting him know I was coming for him. The Knights were well known in the Upper Midwest. People stayed out of our way because of the club’s reputation. It was no secret I was the Sergeant at Arms. The Prez’s and club’sprotector.
It was also known that guys like my brothers and me were ruthless, deadly outlaws. We didn’t sit back and take shit from anyone. Mess with our club and us? You had a death wish.
After a week, word had spread inside. Nobody fucked with me if they ever wanted to see the light of day again.
I tore my gaze off the prick when I noticed Ryder exiting the building with his hands rolled into fists, carrying himself confidently. The dude had a deadly expression he sported when not locked in the cell. Inmates stepped out of his way. I liked that—a lot. The more I got to know the kid, the more I considered offering to sponsor him as a prospect for the club. If he wanted to prospect. Hell, he already had the perfect road name, Ryder. With a name like Ryder Reynolds, the kid was born to be a biker.
It didn’t sound like he had anything on the outside waiting for him. I’d yet to question him thoroughly about his situation and family, but I would, once Rudy Dutra was dead and buried.
“Hey, man.” Ryder dropped onto the bench beside me. “I heard you have a visitor.”
I cut my eyes to his.
“Monday is your visiting day, right?” Ryder kept his voice low. Like he instinctively knew to be discrete. Fucking amazing. Made to be one of us.
I grunted. Storm told me last week he’d come at the end of the day. So my plan to send the enforcer to hell had been delayed until this week. It ticked me off, but I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I had no choice but to follow Prez’s orders.
Strange that Storm was here. It wasn’t even noon yet. I didn’t want to overreact, but instantly, my mind went to Roja. Unpleasant thoughts of her in danger or wounded pummeled me.
“While mopping, I saw a redhead signing in.” He clasped his hands in front of him, bracing his elbows on his knees. “She requested to see you.”
She? My stomach churned as I clamped down my molars. “You sure it was for me?”
He nodded, scanning the yard. “You’re the only Hero Fuentes in the joint. She’s pretty hot. Is she your girl?”
A low growl rumbled in my chest as a warning for the kid to be careful.
Ryder raised his hands. “Sorry. Just asking.”
“Did anyone else see her?” It was stupid of Tara to come here. Winters might be in Knight’s Legion territory, but the pigs in this place were corrupt. A perfect example was Deputy Miller and his partner Sonny who’d planted that shit on me. But Miller would get his. Storm would make sure of it. After the way he treated Madeline when the Hunter’s had her, revenge would be sweet.
“No.”
“Fuck,” I hissed. How could Storm let her come? Or maybe he didn’t know. I wouldn’t put it past that defiant redhead to keep her plans secret. Why wasn’t she at school?
“Fuentes!” a DO shouted from the door.
Ryder lifted his chin. “Enjoy your visit.”
I muttered curse words as I made my way inside. I could refuse to see her, but I wouldn’t. She had to be here for a good reason. I wanted to know what was so important she felt the need to come to the county jail.
Like when Storm came, I was seated in a room and reminded of the rules. It didn’t take long before the door opened behind me. I smelled her before I saw her… Strawberries and vanilla.
“Fifteen minutes,” the DO gritted out.
“Thank you,” Tara sat in front of me. Her red hair framed her face, drawing my eyes to hers. I had to control my hands from reaching across the table to touch her silky locks. My gaze dropped to her tempting rosy lips. Then up to those big, chocolate doe-eyes fixed on me.
“How are you?” Her voice was a little raspy and a lot sexy.
Everything about her made me happy. Filled me with warmth and peace. But she couldn’t know how much I wanted her. Needed her. Would die for her.
“What are you doing here?” I hissed as if I were pissed so she’d know this wasn’t a fucking social call.
“I—”
“You shouldn’t have come here.”
“But—”
“Does Storm know you’re here? Shouldn’t you be at school?”
“Well, it’s—”
“Spit it out,” I growled like an asshole, covering up how happy I was to see her. “Tell me what you’re doing here, Roja?”
“If you’d shut your damn mouth for one fricking minute instead of trying to intimidate me, I’ll tell you!” Her face turned red. The way her lip snarled gave me an instant boner.
“You gonna be quiet, big guy?”
I grunted, narrowing my eyes. I loved when she called me, big guy. I shouldn’t, but it made me feel powerful like a goddamned king.
“Good.” She exhaled an exasperated breath. The fire she’d exhibited faded as she fidgeted with her nails.
I didn’t push her as I drank in her fair skin and the mouth I dreamed about every night. Her full lips had branded my cock. Ruining me for any other woman. When she’d told me she had never sucked so much cock before, I’d have sold my soul to the Devil just to rewind time. I wanted to relive every detail of that night I was drunk after AJ’s funeral and burn it into memory.
Well, I didn’t have to go as far as selling my soul. Roja had loved on my dick several times before I’d left on the run to Canada. I fought a shiver, remembering every touch, kiss, word she’d given me. I’d keep those memories forever in my heart.
“Shit… Now I don’t know why I came here.” She teared up and rapidly blinked her emotions away. “Why didn’t you come back after the run? You told me to stay in your room.”
“I did and you left.”
“Christ, Hero. You didn’t even send me a piddly text. After everything we went through together. After we spent that Sunday together. I thought I meant more to you, but I was just sex.”
I reached for her hand and laced our fingers together, not caring if I’d get in trouble. “You weren’t just sex, Roja.” I couldn’t tell her she meant everything to me. Made me feel whole again. How each time I saw her, my heart thumped and fluttered like it had when I was a young, married dude. But having those feelings for another woman terrified me.
I’d had an awakening with Tara. Flickers of love had sparked inside me.
Then guilt choked me.
Instead of emotionless sex as I had with the kittens, I had opened myself up to Tara. Let her claim my soul with a passion I’d never experienced before. Not even with my wife. My Roja held nothing back when we were together. The woman didn’t have a modest bone in her body. She gave me hell with her smartass mouth one second, then whispered the sweetest words.
“Then why?” A tear rolled down her stunned face. It cut me deep.
“I can’t give you what you need.” I squeezed her hand when she tried to pull away. “Listen to me, Tara.” My words came out harsher than I intended, but I needed her to hear me. To not misunderstand what I was telling her. Roja was everything I wanted, but here I was locked up. She shouldn’t wait for me. I was a criminal—an outlaw.
What if I couldn’t be all she wanted? All she deserved?
“Don’t do this, Hero.” The emotion in her voice and the agony in her brown depths sliced me open. I didn’t want to hurt her, but with me, pain was inevitable.
“I promised myself I would never fall in love again.” Shit, was I really telling her this? Destroying her so she’d stay away from me?
“Again? Jesus…” she whispered, her bottom lip trembling. “This has to do with your wife.”
How did she know about my wife? Had I talked about Monica when I was drunk? Fuck! What a cruel thing to do while I was having sex with Roja.
“I know you don’t understand, but horrible things happen to those I love. Just look at where I’m at. I’m bad luck, baby.” I swallowed bile creeping into my throat. “I won’t have you putting your life on hold for me.” Way to confuse the hell out of her, Fuentes. But honestly, what if I was caught taking out Rudy? I’d get life in prison. I’d be a bastard if I gave Tara false hope.
“It’s my life, Hero. I make my own decisions.” She tried to pull her hand away again, but I wasn’t having any of it. Selfish as it may be, I needed the connection to her. Once I let go, I knew I’d never get it back.
“No.” I shook my head. “Not in this.”
“So I’m just supposed to pretend like we never met? Never bonded in the silo? Act like the time together in your bedroom wasn’t soul-binding?” She stared at me, utterly shocked at what I was asking of her. “Was it all fake?”
“Yes,” I blurted. Stabbing myself in the heart would’ve been less painful than lying to Roja, then telling her to forget me; less painful than making her believe everything between us was fake.
She gasped, jerking back like I slapped her. “You asshole! Why are you doing this?” She pulled her hand away. This time I released it. Pointing her shaking finger at me, I almost took back everything I said. Almost.
“I’m not like some women who will beg and cry at a man’s feet. You better be sure this is what you want because if I walk out that door”—she motioned her hand to behind me—“you will be dead to me.” Fuck, her words blew me away. My badass Roja.
I steeled myself, a stoic expression. This was it. “I understand, mi vida.”
She gaped, clutching her chest. Did she know what mi vida meant? Dammit. I couldn’t stop the words from leaving my mouth. It was the truth. Somehow, Tara had become my life.
“Damn you,” she whispered.
I heard the crackling of her heart shattering, or maybe it was mine. Or both of ours. We’d bonded over the fear of death and absolute deliverance when we made love to each other. We were two broken halves with jagged edges. Not meant to fit with anyone, but somehow we did together… And I was letting her go.
“I mean it! I’ll find another man, someone who will love and respect me.” She inhaled a breath and held it. I sensed she was nearing the edge of breaking down. I hated myself for doing this to her. I’d suffer the ultimate punishment; not having her in my life.
“I’m not kidding, Hero. I won’t wait with bated breath for you to come for me when you’re out of here.”
“I know.” I gritted out the two words through clenched teeth to stop myself from begging her to forgive me for lying. To stop me before I turned into a pussy and confessed my true feelings. I felt the words on the tip of my tongue.
Shaking her head, tears pooled in her eyes.
Fuck, I wanted to give her what she wanted most. But I wouldn’t be a selfish bastard. “I want you to find everything you want, because it’s not me.”
Tara didn’t know it, but she deserved the best of everything. A good, solid man who would only love her and no one else. Not someone like me, damaged and haunted, an outlaw who was an addict, albeit clean for now.
Once an addict, always an addict.
She shouldn’t want someone who might spend life in prison.
Her eyes went wide in a dramatic blink. They overpowered me until I felt her affliction bleed into my soul. Seconds ticked by. All I could hear was my erratic, whooshing pulse in my head.
Tara gave nothing away. No words. No more tears.
I registered the faint hammering sound of the symbolic nail in the coffin.
The end of us before there was an us.
The end before the beginning.
The end of everything I wanted but didn’t deserve to ever have with such a magnificent woman—with my magical redheaded mermaid—mi vida.
She rose with unwavering resolve and went to the door.
I didn’t turn around for one last look. No, I sat there holding my breath and fisting my hands as I waited for it.
Two soft knocks.
A creaking door.
The click of the latch as it closed.
The end.