Running For It by Allyson Lindt

Seventeen

Now that I was alone, I needed to think. Clear my head. I walked the few blocks to where Hunter was. Nothing had changed by the time I arrived; go figure.

As I approached I saw Hunter at the back of the dining room, on his phone, tablet set up in front of him. Was it wrong to be jealous that he’d found time to work? Maybe I should be grateful I’d married such an efficient man.

I wanted to roll my eyes at myself.

When I walked inside, he looked up. Like I’d flipped a switch, he set his phone down, and packed up his things as I approached. When I reached the table, he was on his feet, greeting me with a warm Hey, and a long, sweet kiss that was a heartbeat too long and too short both at the same time.

“I thought you were going to call me.” He still sounded like the Hunter I knew. Kind. Polite.

“I needed to think.”

“Did it help?”

I shook my head.

“Do you want coffee? Anything.” He asked.

“No. That’s the last thing I need.” This was going to take some getting used to. Not his behavior—he wasn’t acting much differently than I was used to—but my mind asking how I was supposed to act, with every single exchange. It wasn’t like there were cameras in here. We weren’t on display. But, best to get in the habit now.

“But if you have things to do, I can...” wait? I had a schedule to keep as well. “Have Luna drop me off.” Was that the right response?

“Nope. I’m good to go.” He wove his fingers through mine.

Holding hands as we walked out to his car was the most awkward thing we’d done so far. He was the gentleman I expected, opening the passenger door for me and making sure I was settled before hurrying to the driver’s side.

As he sat, he didn’t start the engine.

“Are you sure you don’t have more to do?” I asked, hating that this disrupted two afternoons.

“I cleared the rest of my day for you, sweetie.”

I winced at the awkward pet name.

Hunter furrowed his brow. “Babe?”

“That’s a hard no.”

He screwed his face up in thought. “My little flower blossom of sticky sweetness.”

My laugh slipped out on its own. That felt nice. “Definitely not. Violet is fine.”

“Violet it is.” Hunter grasped my fingers to kiss the tips, then started the car and pulled us into traffic.

“You can just drop me off at my place,” I said. “I have to do a few things before I pack, so I’ll take my car. Meet you at your condo later.”

“I really did clear my day. I’ll go with you.”

“I’m not going to run away.”

Hunter smiled. “Hadn’t considered it for a moment. But the longer you leave me alone with my thoughts, the bigger I realize the rock and hard place are that we’re stuck between.”

“Same.”

“Settled.” He navigated afternoon traffic with ease. “Where to first?”

“I need to stop by the shelter and tell the kids to pack, so they can move into the temporary place.”

He turned down the next street that took us in that direction. “Done.”

I didn’t have the strength to argue the escort, and I didn’t mind his company, so I settled in for the ride.

When we reached the shelter, I worked for several minutes to gather the kids, and was met with one give me a minute after another. I didn’t want to let my impatience show, but my brain was ticking and I couldn’t help but fidget.

Hunter squeezed my hand. “I’ve got this.” He stuck two fingers in his mouth, and let out an ear-splitting whistle that the neighbors probably heard.

Impressive.

The sound of footsteps echoed back, all rushing toward us, accompanied by several people asking, “What was that?”

Double impressive.

“Is this everyone who’s home?” I asked when most of them were gathered. There were only a couple of kids not here.

I was met with nods, but gazes were fixed on Hunter. Time to get this over with. “All right, here’s the deal. We need to have some major remodeling done, and you’re all going to a new place for just a little bit, while that happens. If you pack up, the bus will—”

“Is this the new ball and chain?” Someone asked

Another voice chimed in. “He’s cute for a shackle.”

Order was gone.

“Why haven’t we met him before?”

“He’s famous, right?”

“Does he know any basketball players?”

“Movie stars?”

“Is he good in bed?”

“Hey, Violet, my gaydar is going nuts over your new husband.”

A fist squeezed my lungs, and I fought to breathe. I couldn’t lie to these kids. “Pack your stuff.” My words came out sharper than I intended. “This is all personal.” I tried to soften my tone. “You can talk to any of the other volunteers if you have questions. I’ll be right back.”

I headed outside as fast as I could without looking like I was running.

“Violet.” Hunter’s voice hit my back.

I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t—

He grabbed my arm and spun me.

I tried to gulp in the air, but it didn’t work. Was this a panic attack? I was going to pass out. What the fuck was I doing?

“Hey.” Hunter cupped my cheeks and forced my gaze to his. “Focus on me. Nothing else.”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” My reply was shrill. “The focus is on you. Nothing else.”

He didn’t flinch. “Focus on my face. My voice. Climb out of your head, and live out here for a few.”

I did what he said, pouring my attention toward his touch. His calm presence. “I can’t do this.” I managed to keep my voice steady. “I can’t lie to those kids—to everyone. Nothing personal toward you.”

“I get it.” Hunter studied me. “Do you want me to call a lawyer? We’ll tell everyone the truth right now.”

If we did that, he’d have to deal with the fallout. Letting Ramsey down. His parents.

“What about... everything?” I floundered for a better word. If I backed out, I let him down, and I reneged on a promise. That was at least as bad as what we were doing now. “Why isn’t there a third way to do this?”

“Maybe there is.”

“How?”

“If there’s one thing dating Ramsey taught me, it was how to keep a relationship private. We don’t have to do this in front of the cameras. If you want a third option, an in-between point, that’s it. We do this, but privately.”

I couldn’t see it. “You live a public life.”

“Ramsey lives a public life. Most of our day-to-day isn’t together. You and I will be the same.”

But that wasn’t the problem. “I don’t give a fuck what the public thinks. What about the people we care about? Your parents will want to meet me. Lyn’s throwing us a surprise party—surprise by the way, you didn’t hear that from me.”

“Do you want out?” Hunter’s question was sincere, free of any accusation.

That people we care about included him. If ended things now, I definitely let him down now. If I didn’t, I let other people down later. “I don’t know.”

“Then work with me to sort out the cleanest way possible to do this.”

“Yeah.” Did I have a choice? I was a slave to my own sense of responsibility.

I shut off my mind as best I could, to muddle my way through the rest of the conversation at the shelter, then through packing some essentials at my apartment. At Hunter’s condo, he showed me the guest room. Told me the place was as much mine now as his, and to make myself comfortable.

I didn’t see that happening, but that would be the case anywhere I went, not just here. Since I wasn’t ready to unpack, I spent the next several hours doing shelter work. Calling contractors, getting estimates, making sure payments would clear until the money from these two fundraisers hit the accounts.

When Hunter knocked on my open door , my eyes were dry and my neck ached from me sitting on the bed to work, but I’d managed to forget the world for a while.

Now it was back.

“I’m going to pick up dinner,” he said. “What’re you in the mood for?”

My stomach grumbled at his question. Had I eaten today? “A lot of anything? Whatever you’re in the mood for.” I climbed from the bed to find my purse and give him cash.

“I was thinking burgers. And it’s on me.”

Yup, I was definitely hungry. And not letting him carry me. I handed him a twenty.

He refused to take it. “Let me. I’m not asking. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

“But—”

Hunter turned away.

Rude. I sank onto the edge of the bed as the front door opened and closed. Now what? I’d lost the groove I was in, and now my mind had time to wander.

“Hey.” Ramsey stepped into view.

Or not. Every circuit in my brain shut off, leaving me with no idea of what to think or feel. “Hey.”

“Hunter said you’re having a hard time.” He crossed the room to stop a short distance from me.

“Do I assume anything I say to him, you’ll hear?” The question came out more sharply than I intended. “It’s been a long day.”

Ramsey sat next to me, and his leg pressed against mine. “He didn’t tell me what you said, just that you were struggling. He’s worried, and so am I. I think I’m allowed concern, as your boyfriend.” His tone was light.

It still weighed heavily on me. “I’m coping.”

“I know what you’re—”

“You don’t have any idea what I’m going through. Lying to people is your life.”

There was no response. I glanced sideways to see him frowning.

“I’m sorry.” I hadn’t meant my words to be so harsh.

“No. You’re right. There are maybe three people in the world who I let see me. What else am I supposed to do?” Ramsey asked.

“You could stop pretending in front of everyone else.”

“It’s not that easy.”

I wanted it to be. There were few things I wanted more than for Ramsey to be able to bury the mask. “What would happen if you did? If you came clean about everything? Or even just some of it? About Hunter.” About me.

“My career would be over.”

I couldn’t deny that was a likely outcome. “If you keep on this path, the persona becomes the rest of your life. You’re city council now, and you’re already hiding something big. State senate is only a step or two from DC. Any secrets you have at that point, will have to be buried so deep they’ll devour you.”

More silence.

I sighed. “You’re tired of hearing me say it, and I’m tired of saying it.”

“I’m scared.” His voice was so soft, I wasn’t sure I heard him right.

I wasn’t going to ruin the moment by asking him to repeat himself. I held my breath, not wanting to miss what came next.

“This is who I am,” Ramsey said.

“Not to me. Not to Hunter.”

“This is what I’ve worked for. It’s the thing I know. It’s how I make a difference in the world.”

“If you want to help, what you did in Vegas? That’s help. Not empty promises you may or may not be able to keep, but bringing funds and positive attention to places that need it.”

He shook his head. “But that’s not where I am right now.”

My shoulders slumped. Here we were again, in the same place as when we’d broken up. There was less yelling this time, and I was more willing to admit it was going to hurt like hell to lose Ramsey. But it had been a day, and I was already cracking. “What I told you in Vegas, that if you ask me to do this…”

“That it’s over for us.” He sounded resigned.

“And I know I made this choice. I’m here because I said I would be, and I’ll see things through with Hunter. But…” My throat ached. I didn’t want to reach for the next words. Thinking them, vocalizing them, would make them real.

Ramsey twisted on the mattress and placed a finger under my chin. “I love you.” Sincerity bled from his words.

And it almost tore my heart apart. Of course the bastard would pick now to say that. “I love you too.” So much. “But the life you live? I can’t. I can’t sign on for years or even months more of lies. Even when the wedding issue is fixed, there are still more. Will you keep pretending you’re single? Finally come out? Tell the world you’re with one of us and ask the other to hide? I can’t do that. Hunter deserves better that that. I don’t have a problem with you seeing both of us, but the secrets? I can’t be a part of that.”

“I’m not going to stop trying to make things right.”

I shook my head. “Only one thing makes this right.”

“There has to be a compromise, and I’m stubborn.” Ramsey dropped his hands to my hips and tugged me toward him.

I clenched my jaw. “You think now is the time for sex?”

“No. But let me hold you for a little while.”

I wanted to push him away, but I also wanted to climb into his lap and never leave. I leaned into him and pulled his arms around me. I wanted to cry, but the tears weren’t there. Why did this have to hurt so much?