Running For It by Allyson Lindt

Eighteen

Getting up early, so I could open the cafe, was the most familiar and normal thing I’d done in days. Stumbling bleary-eyed through unfamiliar rooms, and a shower… not so much.

My plan was simple. I’d be out of here and on my way to work before Hunter woke up, and I’d send him a text letting him know I’d be home late, which would happen even if I weren’t avoiding him. No need to for awkward conversation. For pretending I didn’t ache over my break-up with Ramsey last night.

The pit in Hunter’s eyes last night, when I told him why I’d rather eat somewhere they weren’t, had been bad enough.

I liked plans, and this one was straightforward.

Except I had to pass by the kitchen to get to the front door, and the light was already on.

“Coffee?” Hunter asked.

I steeled myself—now was a good time to practice for the rest of the day—and turned to find him leaning against the far kitchen counter, next to the coffee maker. “I’ll grab coffee at work.” My tone was light and pleasant.

“You doing okay?” he asked.

“I’m good.” I was so, so not good.

“No. Really. How are you?”

I sighed. “We’re not performing for anyone in here; you don’t have to do this.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you talking to me, or yourself? You know I genuinely care.”

“I do. I just…” Another sigh. I’d have to get that under control too. “I’m running on determination and if I stop, I’ll stall.”

“You have to process.”

I leaned against the door with my arms crossed, more to hold myself in than to keep him out. “If I do, I’ll crumble. I won’t be able to stop fixating on how fucked up this all is.”

“All right.” Hunter sounded as unhappy with the conversation as I felt. He grabbed a travel mug from the counter next to him. “Take the coffee anyway? I don’t drink mine the same way you do, and it would be a shame to dump this.” He crossed the room to hand me the stainless steel.

Warmth sparked in my stomach, and a resigned smile slipped out. I took the mug from him. “All right. Thank you. By the way, I’ll be home pretty late tonight.”

“Is it something I said?” His laugh was weak.

“No. I promise. Even if I weren’t here, doing”—I waved my free hand in lieu of words—“I’d have to work late. After Lyn’s, I have a bunch of shelter work to do, and it’s easier from there.”

“That’s fair. Be safe.”

I nodded. It felt odd walking out the door. It wasn’t like I was going to give him a goodbye kiss or anything, though.

When I got to work, I found Lyn in the kitchen, as was typical in the mornings. She’d already been up for hours, baking for the day. She looked surprised to see me. “I kind of hoped you’d call in, and take me up on that offer for time off.”

“Do you even know me?” It was a struggle to keep my teasing from sounding forced.

Lyn arranged croissants in a neat row in a wire display basket. “You just got married.”

Right. “And we’re planning something big”—it wasn’t really a lie, the big thing was just more like divorce than honeymoon—“but he has obligations, I have things I can’t let slide. Trust me, things are still intense at home.” Suffocatingly.

Lyn handed me the basket. “Hunter always struck me as a good guy.”

“He really is wonderful.” The truth was so much easier than bullshit. “I’m gonna prep to open.” I walked back into the main shop, placed the croissants on display behind glass, and got to work.

The rest of the day was long, but uneventful, and I was worn out when I got home that night. The small lamp left on in the living room, even though Hunter had gone to bed, made me smile. I shut everything off, and as I climbed into bed, I let exhaustion take over my mind.

The next morning, Hunter was up and waiting, with coffee, when I got to the kitchen. I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to do this for me, but when I’d dated Ramsey—my heart ached at the name—Hunter had always been up this early.

“Still a morning person?” I asked lightly. “And thank you.” I took the coffee he handed me and sipped cautiously. Perfect temperature.

“I am until someone makes me stop. And, sorry to get all business on you first thing in the morning…”

My sliver of disappointment wanted a friendly, no-pressure chat, but business was probably better. “It’s fine.”

“Will you be home for dinner tonight?”

“Is there something on the calendar? Are we expecting guests?” I hadn’t been told and forgotten. Had I? Dinner with his mother was tomorrow night, but I’d set aside time to dread that after work.

“The question is exactly what it is.” Hunter almost looked amused. “If you’re going to be here, I’ll plan on enjoying your company.”

Oh. There was that spark of warmth again, bigger this time. “That sounds nice. I’ll be here.”

My mood was lighter than in a few days—charcoal instead of pitch black, but I’d take it—as I headed to work. Once there, things ran the way they should. The way they always had. It was soothing to fall into the familiar routine, including my weekly, mid-morning meeting with Lyn to talk schedules and ordering, and just check in.

Elle, one of the bakers Lyn had finally hired as backup, on Owen’s insistence, poked her head into Lyn’s office. “Ramsey is here for you.”

His visiting wasn’t unusual—though the knot that formed in my stomach at his name was tighter than I was used to. He was a fan of the chocolate croissants, and stopped by a lot to chat with Lyn.

She looked at me as she stood. “Do you want to hide back here? I don’t know how things are with—”

“Sorry, no,” Elle said. “He’s here for Violet.”

My blood ran hot and cold at the same time. Pretty sure that wasn’t good for me.

“I can tell him you’re busy.” Lyn looked concerned.

So, so tempting. I stood anyway. “It’s okay. I’ve got this.” When I saw him, the way my feet threatened to stop without my permission, maybe I didn’t have it after all. A pang of hurt and longing gripped me. When we’d gotten back together, I had a fantasy I hadn’t dared vocalize even to myself. That if he and I made things right, if we were back together, when he came in here he’d greet me with a long kiss, and no one would bat an eye.

That wasn’t happening.

His smile was a poor substitute for more, but I’d take it. I stopped close enough to be polite, but far enough to try to keep temptation at bay.

“Hey.” His greeting was as casual as his posture.

Fucking bastard. Would it be worse if he could hide how this was impacting him, or if his stance was genuine. No, I knew better. He missed me too. “Hey.” I couldn’t fake it as well as he did.

“Can we talk someplace?”

Out here is fine. That was what I wanted to say, so I wasn’t sure why, “The storeroom?” came out instead.

He nodded, and followed me. The room was barely big enough for two rows of shelves, and freezer against the back wall. I had no idea why I locked the door behind us.

Ramsey raised an eyebrow. “If this is your office, I need to talk to Lyn about giving you an upgrade.” His tone was light.

“What, you don’t like the place?” I swept my arm to gesture to everything. “I decorated it myself. And I have fast access to the chocolate stash.” I patted the freezer.

“I am a little jealous of that. I— Oh my God.” Ramsey’s gaze stalled on the top of the shelf dividing the room. “Is that the new Wing Zero Custom?”

So freaking adorkable. Damn it. “They came in a week ago. Lyn was supposed to tell you. I asked her to make sure she got you an extra one when she placed her order.” I sat on the freezer. This should keep some distance between us.

He stepped closer, between my legs, and settled his hands on my knees. “You’re sexy when you feed my Gunpla fascination.”

My entire body lit up like a Christmas tree, and my heart hammered against my ribs. It would be so easy to say I didn’t mean the other night. To take it all back. He’d accept that. “I’m a married woman now.” My retort came out far flirtier than I intended.

“To my boyfriend. And your husband knows I’m here.” Ramsey slipped even closer.

The conversation with Luna popped into my head, maybe as a way to distract me from Ramsey, or simply my brain’s screwed up sense of humor. “Do you remember when Luna was arrested.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

Fair point. “She says someone pulled strings to get her a reduced sentence. She told me that yesterday. Do you know anything about that?”

Ramsey twisted his mouth. “Should I?”

“She thinks it was you. Was it?”

There was a long pause before Ramsey said “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I did it because it was the right thing to do. Luna didn’t deserve that situation and I could help. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel obligated for… anything.”

“Thank you. A few years late, but thank you.” I poured the sincerity into my words. While secrets were status quo for Ramsey, he loved recognition as much as he did anything. It must have devoured him to keep this to himself.

“Now that we have that out of the way…” His voice was low, with a hint of growl underneath. He tilted closer, angling his mouth toward mine. “I miss you, Taffy.”

I swore my heart paused. It took all of my willpower to plant my palm on his chest and stop him. “Nothing’s changed.”

He sighed and straightened, but didn’t move away. “How are you?”

“Fine.”

“No, really.”

“Perfectly all right. I’m still keeping everyone’s secrets.”

He traced his thumb along the seam of my jeans, near my knee. Did he know he was doing it? “This is me you’re talking to. No secrets in here, and I’m worried about you.”

“Did you bring me a solution that doesn’t force you and Hunter out before he’s ready? That doesn’t hurt anyone we know?”

“I’m working on something, and those aren’t just words. But everything I’ve come up with so far is going to hurt Hunter.”

Aside from stepping out of the spotlight and letting us end things quietly. But that wasn’t Ramsey, and it never would be. I was okay with that, until the fakeness came into play.

His hands inched higher on my thighs. “Ravyn stopped by my office to tell me she knows this entire wedding thing is bullshit.”

“That sounds like her.” I let a tiny smile slip out.

“Kingston keeps asking if I’m all right with losing you.”

Odd. I barely knew Kingston, and really only through Lyn. He hadn’t lived here when Ramsey and I dated, so the first time I met him and Owen was when they tried to buy Lyn’s shop. “Why would he think you aren’t?”

“Because he’s heard me talk about you.” Ramsey made it sound like the most obvious answer in the world.

“Ramsey…” I was short on protests or the desire to use them, but I needed to.

“I know. It still doesn’t change anything.” His hands were on my hips now. “I had to see you today. I had to tell you…” He sighed and pressed his forehead to mine.

I couldn’t pull way, and I struggled to find my voice. “Tell me what?”

“Everything. So much more than I can put into words.”

Like the other night, when I’d told him we were done, I didn’t want to pull away. “I have to get back to work.” Such a simple phrase for something that was so hard to say.

Ramsey let go and stepped back. “Yeah. I’ll see you around.”

I sat on the freezer for who knows how long after he left. It didn’t help me collect my thoughts any. I finally hopped to the floor and tracked Lyn down in her office to finish our meeting.

“Close the door,” she said.

Odd request, but I did and settled into the seat across from her desk.

“Do you remember the remodel?’ Lyn flipped her pen between her fingers. She was staring at her computer.

“The one where you gutted half the store and expanded? Vaguely.”

“And that I had cameras installed almost everywhere except the kitchen, for insurance reasons.”

“Of cour— Oh.” Reality slammed into me. Including cameras in the storeroom.

Lyn frowned. “Yeah. Oh.”

She’d seen me cuddled with Ramsey. “It’s not… I mean… Hunter knows.” I was so bad at keeping these secrets.

“It’s not my place to tell you how to live.” Lyn’s expression softened. “To say what kind of relationships you should or shouldn’t have. As long as all of you are on the same page, I don’t have to worry about who I let down by either telling or keeping the secret.”

I didn’t know what to say, and I hated that.

“You’re not just an employee, you’re a friend,” Lyn said. “I want you to be all right.”

“Me too.”

“As all right as those people around you.”

I clamped my jaw shut again. It was a convoluted way to say it, but she didn’t understand, the people around me came first. I wasn’t ready to get into that argument with Lyn.

She tapped her pen against the desk. “I don’t bring up that I saw you two to make things weird. It’s a warning. If you’re hiding something, and I found out in just a few days, other people will too.”

“I know.”

“Do you? Owen and Kingston work hard for their anonymity, and it is work. Ramsey. Well…”

Ramsey was exactly the opposite.

“Trust me, I’m very aware.” But this drove home the point.