Tarnished Love by Bianca Borell
FILIP
There is something in her coaxing the part of me which loves to see her smile, those emerald eyes turning shiny and wide every time I try to top our dates. And every time it’s the same, wow! This one word and my heart skips a beat because I touched a part of her, but with every day she opens more, my own fears fade away. It brings me a glimpse of genuine love, genuine happiness in the wreck of everything that happens around me. It’s her birthday today, and she giggles as I cover her eyes. I hope she thinks it’s not too much. Scratch that, by now she knows I have no idea what too much means.
The moment the doors swing open as we enter the sky lounge, Chloe exhales, looking at me over her shoulder. It’s just her and me, and Mumford and Sons while a five-star chef delights us with his finest meals.
Her eyes glisten as she crashes into my chest, murmuring, “Okay, I love you. You did it. I am in love with you.”
The elation of her words strokes my heart and weakens my balance. I wrap myself around her to support myself while I force the tears not to reveal what this means to me.
“I love you too, honey, so very much.”
She smiles, while some tears leak from her eyes, so much braver than I for showing me her true feelings. I press my lips to her forehead. I never thought someone else could be responsible for one’s happiness, but right now it is as if she has the key to it, and only she can open it for me.
We eat, and I spin her around.
“You make a fool out of yourself.”
“I’ll make myself anything you want to see you happy.”
“What you do to me.”
There is no place for melancholy, we’ve been stable for a while now, I can’t wait to make this official, but I let her decide when she wants that. Being with her, whatever she wants to give me is enough for happiness to emerge.
When we get back, I slip the dress off her and savor her body with my lips. My need for her stretches into moans on her part until her voice breaks.
“Filip, I want you inside of me now.”
It will never cease to amaze me, I always make her come with either my mouth or my fingers, but if I don’t give her my cock, it’s as if it doesn’t count. But the bewilderment stops when I get inside her, her tightness, just her rocking with me. Yes, it can’t be complete until we come together like this either.
***
I prop my back against the headboard while she spits toothpaste in the sink, wearing only panties. A smile parts my lips, I am not used to this happiness. I love her confidence, her body, nothing is shy about her.
“Creeper,” she smiles, and her head pops into the entrance.
“Liar, you love how I see only you.”
“I do.” She crawls back in bed when my phone rings.
“Soph.”
“When are you coming?” Between work and meeting Chloe so often, I skipped on seeing her.
“Tomorrow.”
“Are you bringing Chloe?” We had this discussion repeatedly. She doesn’t want it yet. It angers me, but I have to respect this.
“No, she doesn’t want to.”
She shoots me an angry look while Soph says, “Yes, well, can you blame her? What about Bria?”
“Soph, your office is next to hers.”
“She shuts herself up in there.”
“They’re flying to the States for Christmas.”
“Everything is crumbling down.”
“At least your brother is getting married.”
“The crowning of pretense.”
When I hang up, a silence stretches between us.
“The boys are coming tonight. It’s a poker night, it’s our tradition. How good are you?”
“I am good.”
“Glad to hear it, because they wipe me out every time.”
“Not happening again.”
***
They both grin as if she is easy prey when Nico deals the cards. I like to entertain them because after so many years it’s not funny anymore, always losing to them.
“Ten thousand to start.”
“What?”
“It’s just the entry.”
“Are you crazy?” Her jaw drops, incredulity flashing in her eyes. “So, if you’ve never won, how much have you lost?” I shrug. My accountant knows, I said I don’t want to know.
“That much, huh? What friends you two are, obviously he can’t bloody play.” We burst into laughter, but at her fierceness and how she protects me and my pride, love skyrockets in my chest.
“He’s good enough,” Nico says while she leans in and whispers, “It’s payback time, love.”
I love her a bit more every day. How it’s possible, I have no clue.
One hour into the game, I lean on the wall because I am out. Two hours later, Micah follows.
“She’s good.” Nico goes all in, just to unbalance her. She grins at him.
“It would have worked a while ago.”
She rips him off, while he stares at her, halfway in love, halfway cursing her name.
“I want a rematch.”
“Every bloody time.” She tilts her head to me, grinning, while I wink at her. I am proud of her.
“Here, love, it’s for you.”
“No, no, it’s your win.”
“Be a man and accept it.”
“She’s ruthless, man. Never thought to see you this pussy whipped.”
“You’re wrong, I am pussy obsessed with her.”
***
“So, you’re going to spend Christmas on your own?”
“Yes,” she offers. I rake my hand through my hair.
“Why are you so stubborn?”
“Filip, we went through this.”
“We’re good, what are you afraid of?” My patience wavers off, my good mood plummeting.
“Because it’s too good.”
“Now, you’re afraid it’s too good? Come on, decide already.”
“I never had this, so let’s take it easy.”
“It’s been half a year already. Maybe you like it like this when no one knows. Do you have some bloke on the side?” How the fuck did this escalate this quickly.
“Yes, now you caught me.” For a second my heart stops, but my rational side wins over.
“Fine, spend Christmas on your own,” I say, then grab my luggage, and get in my car, watching as she peers at me through the kitchen shades.
***
“I have no idea what to do anymore, Soph?”
“Don’t pressure her.”
“Why am I talking to the one who succeeded in keeping an over six-year long relationship a secret?”
“Because I am still your best friend. And I am a pro at pretending, except . . .”
“What?”
“I am not happy for Damien.”
“You should be, it was his decision.”
“He’s not happy.”
“I don’t care.”
“Filip.”
“How’s Liam?”
“Mine, just mine.”
“So?”
“I gave him an ultimatum.”
“And?”
“And he said he’ll take it.”
“Finally.”
“I am afraid for when we’ll be official, how do I do that?”
“By being you.”
“I am me with you and him.”
My phone rings, it’s Chloe. I can’t take it right now.
“Pick up, Filip.”
“No.”
“Stubbornness ruins everything.”
I shrug, bitterness mixing with the alcohol.
“Have you learned to trust her?”
“It gets easier.”
“She’s not pregnant even though you use no condoms. No worry she poked them to get her pregnant?” We never talk about that time in my life. “Have you seen her around?”
“No, maybe she found another stupid one to trick.”
“Do you wonder at times?”
“I was eighteen, a kid was the last thing I needed back then, but it was her choice.”
“I am sorry.”
“You did what you had to do to protect me. I will never regret it.”
***
“I am leaving after breakfast,” my sister announces.
“Greet Quinn for us.” My mom offers a small smile.
“I will.”
“But next year we’ll spend it all together.” She nods, even though her fingers halt on the fork. Why?
“I am very proud of you, Bria.”
“Thank you, Daddy.”
“Please, reconsider accepting the position.”
“I am fine as I am.”
My sister has never been one for titles, she’s just brilliant at what she does. Even if she would quit today, she already established a legacy at not even twenty-five.
“You set a new record, sis.”
“Filip, it’s just my work.”
“Twenty successful store openings on three continents in one month, sister? No one set foot in South America, you did. You might even revolutionize the company since you came on board. Have you seen the numbers?”
“Thank you.”
“I’d like to negotiate like you, to lead my team like you.”
“Don’t be modest.”
When she leaves, she waves. When was the last time she hugged us? We stopped because every time she stiffened in our arms.
“I don’t get it. Is she considering going back to Holex? Why would she decline?”
“I stopped knowing what Bria thinks a long time ago, honey.”
“But . . .”
“Dad, she is more than an asset.”
“Filip, don’t be disrespectful. I need to be informed if my child wishes to leave us to lead another company.”
“A company that is not yours?”
“Filip.”
“Let her go if she wants to. She shouldn’t have come back at all.”
Don’t they see it, it’s us who pushed her back, we never accepted the new her, just wished for the old one, buried under layers of guilt and numbness.
“I don’t know how to do this anymore.” My father breaks down. He loves me, but Bria was his everything. My mom sobs quietly in his arms as they embrace each other.
“Did she tell you she’ll leave?”
“No, Mom, but she should. Maybe now she can get better.”
I don’t say she came back for him, but Damien chose someone else. She will leave. When will she go—that’s the other question.
***
It’s Bria’s absence that rings loudest at Christmas dinner. Only Monica cheers as if she has not a care in the world.
“Bria’s spending Christmas with Alexander and Quinn. I guess this happens when you have two families,” my mom offers, a half-smile stretching her face. “I hope they’ll marry too, after you two of course.”
Damien grips the knife; his fingers turn white. Serves him right.
“I don’t understand why they don’t?” Genuine curiosity lacing Sophia’s question.
“All that matters is she’s well. And they are good together,” Andrew, Soph and Damien’s father says, and my father nods.
For someone who is engaged to his love, I have never witnessed Damien this forlorn.
I sip from a whiskey glass when he pours himself one.
“How is she?” He must have reached his breaking point, but he doesn’t deserve to know.
“Who?”
He clenches his jaw. Her name is something he still can’t utter, and so the conversation ends. Our fathers join us, where the same topic follows.
“Damien, why didn’t Bria accept the position?” He finds my gaze as if questioning if they have seen how they interact the last few years. Yes, still oblivious to our emotional turmoil.
“Who knows? Quinn taught her everything and well, she and Alexander . . .” Words stick in his throat as he opens and closes his mouth.
“What do you know?”
“She has a good reason. I wonder what it is?” He winces, and Rebecca comes inside.
“Is it true?”
“Answer your mom.” The fury blazing in his eyes as I point at him amuses me.
“I haven’t received anything.”
“Damien, she can’t leave the company. She is irreplaceable.”
Yes, what else, she stopped being a human being a while ago, but hey, as long as their legacy goes on. I breathe through my fury, trying to accept that it was their gift to us, and they raised us in this mentality. Is it any wonder Sophia never pursued something she wanted?
“Rebecca, perhaps Holex can offer her something we can’t.” It’s as if I slapped everyone with my words as they stare at me.
“She won’t leave the company,” Damien deadpans, and I arch my eyebrow at him.
“Yes, I want to see that. You still remember the girl who doesn’t give a fuck as long as she wants something. Well, let me tell you in only this aspect is she the same.” They gasp as I walk outside while Monica shows my mother some wedding dresses. So, this is why she wasn’t there. I wave to Soph, who’s on the phone, while she lifts a finger in the air. I shake my head and mouth, I’ll call you.
When I reach my car, I do a double take. Chloe leans against the hood, her cheeks red from the cold, matching the red on her lips that I can’t wait to kiss away, her oversized coat covers a long fuzzy sweater and her trademark skinny jeans.
“Do you need a ride?” I shake myself off, a grin splitting my face.
“Can I book your services for an indefinite time?” My sour mood vanishes as I approach her.
“Hmm, if you pay in what I want.”
“Try me.”
Her curly lashes give in to a sultry glance as she pops her lips.
“You.”
“I can do that.” Face to face, I interlink our fingers.
“The keys, please.”
“I can drive.”
“Filip.”
I extend the keys while she plucks them from my fingers and sways to the driver’s seat.
“Afraid?”
“I might piss myself.”
She pins me with a glare.
“Come on, I don’t drive that badly.”
“If we ever have kids, you bet your ass you’ll either take driving lessons with someone I recommend, or you’ll get a driver.”
“You are still a kid yourself.”
“Yes, well, kids can’t make kids.”
“Thankfully, I am on the pill.”
“So, which one would it be?” I ask as I buckle myself in.
“I’ll tell you when we come to that.”
“You didn’t say no.”
“What has gotten into you? Kids?”
“Yes, I want some, with the right one, somewhere in the next five years.” She gasps, and I let the thought settle in. If this isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.
