Tarnished Love by Bianca Borell
FILIP
She looks gorgeous, wearing a green dress that compliments her eyes. She catches me staring at her in the mirror, but I can’t peel my eyes away from her. I hoped by now she would say she loves me and give me another chance, but my hopes diminish by the second.
“You look beautiful, handsomely beautiful.”
I should have said that to her first. She always beats me at word play, maybe because I can’t think straight when she’s around.
“If I look handsome, then how beautiful you look, there are no words.”
A blush covers her high cheekbones, and she bites down on her lower lip. She’s attracted to me, but I want more than that, I want her mind, body, and mostly I want her heart.
We drive to the church, and everyone gawks at us as we walk by.
“They’re staring.” She points to the obvious.
“We arrived together,” I retort, and we slide in the pew next to Sophia.
“This is really happening.”
It’s now when emotions assault me, and my gaze finds Damien. I have seen him in many situations, but not undone like at this moment. His energy is palpable, and it ranges from nervous to pure elation when “Ava Maria” resounds through the church that is decorated all in white for this event. I turn my head toward where my sister, accompanied by our dad and Quinn, enters the church. Everyone stills, enthralled by how ethereal she looks. Our eyes lock for one moment as we smile at each other, before they are glued on him. Everyone goes silent as they exchange vows, bringing us all to tears.
When the ceremony ends, there is a blur of activity as everyone congratulates them. I burst into laughter when Damien grits his teeth, while offering a smile that resembles more of a snarl. “Thank you, but you’re suffocating my wife so . . .” Translation, back the fuck off.
Bria shakes her head at him, drinking him in while he draws her to his side, his eyes on her, just on her.
I search for Chloe, but she must have found another ride.
I halt when I spot her leaning on the car.
“Where were you?”
“I refreshed my makeup. There was a line.”
The knot in my core loosens. I slide in the driver’s seat and drive to the party location.
She gasps when she detects the tent and the view.
“Is this?”
“Yes, their spot.”
“Wow.”
I have attended a lot of parties over the years, but this one tops everything.
“You outdid yourselves.” I tell Damien’s mother.
“Don’t insult me, Filip.”
“Rebeca.” I love this woman. She gazes at us, always sharp, always seeing through everything.
“You were never intended for my son, but let me tell you, Filip is the better one.” She winks at me while Chloe’s mouth hangs open.
“What was that?”
“Women love me more.”
Maybe one day I’ll tell her, Rebecca was the one I could talk to when everything felt too much, she’s a secret keeper herself.
“They love Bria and Damien, but Soph and me have always been here, while they were always off by themselves,” I say and step inside the tent where Sophia gestures for us to walk to them.
A live band plays in the background.
“Where are they?”
“Making out somewhere?”
“No, they’re having their pictures taken.”
We exchange a knowing glance, as we share a smile of years of friendship, family, kept secrets, knowing the other the best.
“Weddings,” we whisper while both Alex and Chloe say, “Creepy, right?”
“Shut up,” we retort back at them.
When Damien and Bria appear, glowing, and start their first dance together, all attention is on them. We roll our eyes as they keep dancing, ignoring everyone else.
“I don’t know what we did wrong with these two,” complain our mothers while Sophia and I suppress smiles.
“George, get over there if you want a chance to dance with your daughter.”
This time we lose it completely and burst into laughter.
***
“I am happy for you, sis.”
“Thank you, Filip.”
Right now, I am not mad at her anymore, or even at myself. I want to put the past behind us. I spin her around, while she giggles, and Damien watches me like a hawk.
“Good luck with that one.” She smacks me playfully on the chest. Only they can say something about the other.
She asks me about Chloe, and my heart cracks a bit.
“She’ll take you back.”
It’s the only sentence I hear while I stride toward her. Chloe’s eyes widen while I grab her hand, and for a few seconds the gaze of everyone else is on us. We reach the dock, a hundred artificial lights twinkle above our heads.
Now would be a good time to say something, but the emotions, the fear hold me back. Instead, I cram my hands into my pockets, staring at nothing in particular.
“Filip.” Her voice, sweet, but ending on a questioning note. Everything about her says something about the wonderful woman I don’t want to lose.
“Tell me what you want, I swear, Chloe, I’ll do anything.” Pleading it is. She sighs, and I turn to her while she takes a seat, her hands tucked in her lap.
“I am afraid.”
This is not good, right? It means I did nothing to erase her fears. I failed. I breathe through the wreckage of my heart, and I crash next to her on the bench.
“I understand.” It’s another moment I realize how much I love her, even my voice adapts to my insides crumbling. She interlinks our fingers, while I caress her thumb with mine. We could have been so good for each other. A new beginning happens inside the white tent behind us, while we reach our end.
Even just thinking about it pains me. I cock my head to her, wanting to memorize her like this—forever beautiful—her hair ending in loose waves, her elegant nose tipped up, her pouty lips coated in red, those few freckles I want to kiss, trace, count again and again.
She cups my face in her slender fingers and places her forehead on mine.
“I love you.” How can three words bring you back to life only to kill you again? I wait for the but, for the end. I shut my eyes, but my ears, my heart, they will have to face her words.
“I want this. I want us.”
Wait, what? My eyes fly open. She smiles as if she knows a secret I still have to discover.
“Chloe, don’t mess with me.”
She giggles. “Let’s try this again.”
“Really?”
“You asked me what I want. I want your love, and all the possibilities of a life together, and most of all I want your over-the-top dates. I missed them.”
“I recall you called me obnoxious in every one of them.”
“Because they were, but it’s who you are, and it just so happens that you snuck inside my heart and stayed there, you parasite.”
My heart tears through my rib cage, the feelings she awakens dizzying me. I lean on the bench and thread a hand through my hair.
“If you get cold feet now, I will kill you.”
“Fuck, no, I am just relieved. I am not made for this.”
“For what?”
“For this train wreck of the past few weeks.”
“Come on, you’re a big boy.”
“At least I am not a child anymore.”
“I recall calling you a baby. There are still some steps. We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves.”
“Chloe.”
“You wanted me, now you have me.”
I grin because nothing ever felt this good. I slam my mouth on hers, devouring her moans, my fingers digging into her waist, while hers lock around my neck.
“Happy you made up, but the party is inside.”
“Soph,” I mumble while Chloe smiles against my neck.
Sophia takes a seat on the bench. She’s happy for everyone except for her.
“I’ll go refresh my makeup.” I kiss her and mouth a thank you.
“Cock blocker.”
I smile, but Soph’s dies on her lips.
“I am happy for them, I really am,” she says, her voice quivering.
I press her to my chest, while she cries in my arms.
“I miss him so much. He should have been here with me.” I caress her back while she rips herself apart. Both she and Damien are good at this.
“I don’t deserve someone like Alex. I am a terrible person, Filip.”
“Hey, he knew what he was getting himself into. You did too.”
Her vulnerability vanishes as she straightens her shoulders, dabs at the corners of her eyes and slips the mask on, even though her fingers trace the small marks. I wanted to kill him that day, I never thought they would offer her comfort someday. It’s as if in his absence they represent him, skin deep, forever tormenting and comforting her.
“Does he still love me?”
“He loves you.”
“And Chloe loves you.”
“I was sure she would break up with me.”
“Don’t do stupid things again. She wants nothing other than what’s inside of you.”
“Took me long enough to see that.”
“You love her.”
“Soph, I am madly in love with her,” I confess.
“It’s been only us for a long time, somehow our family gets bigger.”
“I want you happy, Soph.”
“I am.”
Her lips turn into a half smile.
“You would take me always as I am, ha? Even at my worst.”
“Especially at your worst.”
“Come on, let’s get inside, we have to keep their make out sessions at bay.”
“Those two will never change.”
“They and their stupid love.”
“Epic shit.”
