Hateful Saint by Ivy Blake
Chapter Nineteen
Ava
“This smells amazing, Mom,” I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she stirred the pot on the stove.
“Thanks, Ava. Have you set the table?”
“It’s all done. He should be arriving any moment from now.”
Mom wiped her hands on a cloth and turned to me.
“Do I look okay? Is this too formal?” she chattered, smoothing her blouse. “Is it bad that I’m nervous?”
“Mom, it’s okay, you look great, and it’s all gonna be fine,” I said gently, in an attempt to quell her nerves. I could relate because I was feeling the pressure, too. We both wanted everything to go well, but had turned into nervous wrecks instead as we’d cleaned and gotten the house ready for Harrison to come over for dinner.
“He’s probably feeling just as nervous, so just try to keep calm. There’s no pressure, it’s just a family thing,” I said with a reassuring smile.
“You’re right,” said Mom. “It’s just a family thing.” We both jumped at the sound of three knocks on the door. “I’ll get it,” I said, walking towards the door, which gave Mom the chance to turn down the heat on the stove.
“Hey Harrison!” I exclaimed when I opened the door, allowing myself to fall into my brother’s arms.
“Hey yourself,” said Harrison, scooping me up into his arms. I’d always wanted a sibling when I was younger and in a weird, twisted way, my dream had finally come true. I pulled away, even though I was glad that our hugs were steadily getting less awkward.
“I brought these.” Harrison bent down to pick a little gift bag that he’d set down at his feet. “Is she a fan of chocolate or orchids?” he asked.
I shut the door behind us and gave him a reassuring smile.
“What mom isn’t?”
“That’s what I thought!” Harrison and I chuckled together just as Mom came to meet us in the hallway.
“I’m glad you came,” she said with a nervous laugh. I could tell that Mom wanted to hug Harrison, but she was worried about crossing his boundaries.
“Me too,” said Harrison. “I’m sorry about last time-”
“Don’t be silly, there’s no need to apologise,” Mom cut Harrison off before he could finish his sentence. “Emotions were high, but now that we’ve had some space, we can all start again.”
“I’m down for that,” Harrison said with a smile. He held his arms out awkwardly and Mom allowed herself to be scooped up, too. It would take some time for them to stop showing affection like robots, but it was a start.
We sat at the table and chatted away over dinner, my head bouncing between Mom and Harrison like I was a spectator at a tennis match. It was interesting to watch them slowly creeping out of their shells as they grew more comfortable in each other’s space.
I was really proud of Mom for not mentioning the last interaction the three of us had had together, or crossing into the territory of talking about Harrison’s adopted family. The conversation stayed focus on Harrison and his life- they had plenty to catch up on.
If this was an everyday occurrence, I’d probably be a bit jealous or feel like I was intruding on their personal time together, but I was just as interested in what Harrison had to say and the questions that Mom was asking that I didn’t mind. In fact, I was really happy at the fact that I no longer had to lie to Mom about who I was chatting to or speak to Harrison in hushed whispers in my room.
After we’d finished dinner, me and Harrison cleaned up the table since Mom had done all the cooking, before we sat back down again to resume conversation.
It was still so amazing to me that the one thing that had threatened to split my family apart had actually brought us closer together, and if there had been one good thing about moving back, it was definitely this.
What about Ross?My conscience taunted me. I ignored the voice and tuned back into the conversation happening at the table.
“So, are you seeing anyone at the moment, Harrison?” Mom asked, an excited expression on her face.
“Mom, slow down!” I teased, hoping that Harrison didn’t feel put on the spot to reveal his dating life at his first family meal.
Harrison chuckled lightly and shrugged. “It’s honestly no big deal at all. I was seeing this guy, but we’re actually on a break right now,” said Harrison before he took a sip of his water.
“Oh, that’s fair enough,” said Mom, her voice going up slightly. I gave her a look to warn her not to pry further. Even though I knew she wasn’t homophobic, I could tell that the mention of Harrison’s potential male partner made her want to ask more questions and I knew that her enthusiasm could be jarring to some.
“Well, I hope you figure it out eventually,” I said, turning to Harrison.
“Yeah, it’s whatever. How about you, Ava? Spill the tea.” Harrison waggled his eyebrows at me and I let out an exaggerated groan. He knew exactly what my situation was. He just wanted me to take the limelight instead.
“Mom, look what you started,” I said sarcastically.
“What? You guys live interesting lives. Of course I’m curious!” she exclaimed.
“So?” Harrison’s eyes widened with intrigue. My relationship, or whatever it was right now, had been the last thing on my mind tonight. I’d hoped to distract myself enough, so that I didn’t have to think about how my phone had still not received any communications from Ross and that I was starting to lose hope. I opened my mouth to push the conversation away from me when there was another knock on the door.
The three of us exchanged confused looks as the person on the other side knocked again.
“Are we expecting more company?” asked Mom. She pushed back her chair and was about to stand up when I stopped her.
“I’ll get it. You guys keep chatting,” I said quickly. My heart was thumping hard in my chest and with each step I took, I grew more and more on edge.
I opened the door a crack and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.
“Hey.” His voice was smooth as silk, the way it was when we were in bed together cuddling. Completely at odds with the icy tone he’d given me when I’d last seen him at the hospital. I was pretty sure my jaw was scraping the floor, hanging open out of shock. I closed it abruptly and tried to keep calm.
“Ross,” I breathed, still shocked that he was actually on my doorstep after so many days without hearing a word from him. “What are you doing here?” I stammered.
“I’m here to see you,” Ross said, glancing inside the house behind me. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“A bit, hold on a second,” I said quickly. “Wait here.” I shut the door and practically ran back to the dining room, where Harrison and Mom were looking up at me expectantly.
“Who was that?” asked Mom.
“It was Ross,” I said, suddenly realising how breathless I sounded. “Sorry to be rude, but I need to talk to him really quickly. Is that okay?’”
“Of course it is, Ava. Do let him know that he’s always welcome to come in.” The words had barely left Mom’s mouth, and I was already halfway to the door. I was sure that she and Harrison would gossip about me and Ross, but I didn’t have the time to worry about that. A small part of me was paranoid that when I opened the door a second time, Ross would have disappeared.
I was relieved to still find him standing there in his skinny jeans and hoody, with a curious look on his face.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d come back,” he said gently once I’d joined him outside, closing thy door behind me gently.
“I wasn’t sure you’d be here,” I breathed, feeling that warm sensation in my chest now that I could smell his cologne again. It had been so long, and I just wanted to jump back into his arms and never let him go. But there was still so much between us. Neither of us could deny the thick tension and unspoken words lingering in the air.
“We’re kinda shit when it comes to trust, aren’t we?” Ross chuckled lightly.
“It seems to be our trademark,” I teased. “So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked after a moment.
“I want to show you something first, actually. Walk with me?” Ross gestured to the street and even though I had a million questions, I obliged and walked beside him in the direction of his house.
“How’s your Mom?” I asked, regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth. I hadn’t intended to make things even more serious. I was just genuinely concerned about her wellbeing.
“She sounded better when I last spoke to her on her phone. Seems to be making friends too,” Ross said, his pale eyes focussed on the street notified me that he didn’t want to talk about his mom’s stay at rehab. We walked the rest of the way in tense silence and I wished I could just read his mind so I could know exactly what Ross was thinking.
We arrived at Ross’s house and I couldn’t help noticing how different it looked when there wasn’t a mad party going on. Ross turned to me before we got to the door.
“Are we going in?” I asked, confused as to what was going on.
“Close your eyes,” Ross ordered me, and I could tell that even from his assertive tone, he was struggling to hide the excitement from his voice.
“Is this a prank?” I asked, raising one eyebrow in disbelief.
“Just close your eyes, Ava,” Ross said gently, so I did. I felt him take my hand in his and nearly shivered from his touch. It had been so long since I’d felt him this close to me and I hadn’t realised how much I’d been craving his touch.
We started walking slowly, and I got the sense that he was leading me to the back garden and when the smell of grass and flowers entered my nose, my suspicions were confirmed.
“Okay, you can open your eyes now,” said Ross.
I opened my eyes and nearly wanted to cry. In the middle of the garden there was a big bell tent lit up with fairy lights. Peeking inside, I could see cushions, blankets, some snacks and fancy looking drinks. The trees and flower beds around the garden had also been adorned with fairy lights, which made the whole place look magical. Around the tent were some heart-shaped helium balloons which I knew we’d definitely have fun with later.
“Ross, what’s all this?” I asked, lost for words.
“Have your eyes stopped working?” Ross teased, pulling me towards the opening of the tent. We went in together and sat opposite each other on different cushions.
“I figured we’d needed an upgrade from the tent we used when we were kids,” Ross said with a shy smile. It was definitely an upgrade. I looked around in awe, imagining how long it must have taken him to get this all ready.
“It’s really lovely,” I said quietly after a moment, turning back to Ross. His eyes softened when they met mine and I had to look away when my chest grew too heavy with emotion.
“I’m so sorry, Ava. I’ve been so unfair to you, and you didn’t deserve any of it,” Ross said gently. He grabbed my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine, drawing it into his lap. Again, his touch sent sparks through my body and I looked into his eyes again to see if he was being serious.
“No, I didn’t,” I said indignantly, sitting up straight. “It really hurt me when you just let me walk out and when you pushed me away.”
“I know, but I’m never going to do it again.”
“How do I know that’s true and that you won’t suddenly turn on me the next time you feel insecure or you’re upset at me?” I asked. Ross ran a hand through his short hair and I could tell that he hadn’t been expecting me to put up a fight. I wasn’t going to put myself in a position where I could get hurt again, even if it was him doing the hurting.
“Because I love you,” Ross said after a moment, the serious expression on his face indicating that he was serious. I felt butterfly wings flapping incessantly in my stomach and made myself concentrate on his hand in mine.
“I love you and now that I realise that, I never want to hurt you again. My trust issues started with my parents. None of it is your fault. But it’s my responsibility to sort out my shit. At the same time, I want to support you and help you through your own shit.” Ross swept a strand of my hair behind my ear and caressed my cheek tenderly.
“If you give me the chance, I still want to be your boyfriend, but this time I’ll be better at communicating my feelings instead of just acting out of fear,” Ross’s voice wobbled on the last word. I was still shocked at the words that were coming out of his mouth . I met his gaze and melted from the way that he was looking at me. Like I was the air he needed to breathe.
“I love you too,” I breathed, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders once the words were out of my mouth. “Didn’t want to admit it, but it’s true. I’m sorry I didn’t message you-”
“I’m sorry I didn’t message you!” Ross said, cutting me off. “It’s so stupid now, looking back. I was just being childish, and I was scared you were going to reject me.”
“Would you believe me if I said the same thing?” I chuckled, realising how dumb we both could be when it came to our feelings.
“I find it hard to believe that you’ve ever been rejected, but it’ll take your word for it.” The wicked smirk I loved and had missed so much returned to Ross’s face. “Does this mean we can start again?”
“Only if you promise never to lick my forehead again,” I said in a fake stern voice.
“I cannot promise that, princess,” Ross said, a smug expression on his face. “I’m afraid it comes with the package.”
I rolled my eyes, but allowed him to pull me close into his body. “I’d like to start again,” I said gently, my gaze dropping to his pink lips. Ross’s lips spread into a grin before he pressed his lips against mine. His lips were soft as pillows and as the kiss deepened, I allowed myself to fall into his arms, the sweetness from the kiss filling me from the inside out. Ross ran his hands up and down my bare arms, reminding me of how gentle he could be while also leaving goosebumps there.
Our breaths were synchronised as the world washed away around us and it was just me and Ross, tasting each other, our tongues dancing hungrily in each other’s mouths making up for all the missed time and apologising in ways that words failed to do so.
Ross gently pushed me down onto the bed of cushions and lowered himself on top of me, pausing to look in my eyes before smiling and bending down to plant sweet kisses on my neck .
“I’ve missed you so much, Ava,” he whispered against my skin, the warmth of his breath filling my body with love and passion. In that moment, I know that we were meant for each other. He was mine, and I was his and no one could tell me otherwise.
“I missed you too,” I whispered, feeling him smile against my lips at my words. It had taken us so long to get to this point, but at the same time, it had always felt like this is exactly where we were meant to end up.
I pulled away when I felt a buzzing in my pocket. Mom was probably getting worried that I hadn’t come back yet.
“I should probably get back,” I said to Ross apologetically, wishing that I could stay.
“No worries,” he said, even though I could tell that like me, he also didn’t want to stop. We’d spent far too much time apart from each other recently and we had a lot of quality time to catch up on.
“I’ll walk you home, and we can come back later if you want?” I nodded, allowing him to help me up by giving him my hand.
We got to my house and stood on the doorstep, unable to take our hands off each other.
“You can come in, you know,” I said to him gently.
“Do you want me to come in?” Ross asked, his hands caressing my waist.
“I think Mom and Harrison would like that,” I said with a smile.
“Let’s do this then,” Ross knocked on the door and we smiled at each other as we waited for someone to open the door.
Mom’s face popped out at us, and a huge grin spread across her face.
“Ross! It’s good to see you!” she exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.
“You too,” said Ross with a chuckle.
“I have someone who’d like to meet you.” She stepped aside to reveal Harrison, who also had a matching smile on his face. I was glad to see that their time alone had gone well, seeing as they were both in high spirits.
“Hey man, I’m Ava’s brother,” he said proudly, pulling Ross into a man hug.
“Nice to finally meet you,”Ross said.
“I’ve got desert, come into the kitchen now or risk losing out!” Mom exclaimed as she hurried to the kitchen. Harrison, Ross and I gave each other one look before following Mom into the kitchen, the door shutting loudly behind us.
The four of us sat and ate fudge cake and ice cream in the living room while the TV was on, chatting about all sorts of nonsense. Ross leaned against me, flashing me his cheeky smile, but I managed to refrain from kissing him in front of my family. I don’t think I was ever going to get to that stage. I leaned against him and looked from Mom to Harrison and back to Ross again, my heart overflowing with warmth and joy.
I’d been through so much with each of them, but as we sat in that room together, it felt like all that shit hadn’t happened and for once I felt a semblance of normality and contentment and dare I say, happiness.
