Beautiful Outlaw by Emily Minton

Me Again

Shay

I stare into the mirror as I run a finger over my overly full lips.  After years of injections, I wonder if they will ever look normal again.  Moving from my lips to my nose, I feel hollow when I reach the spot where the bump used to be.  My hands then go to my eyes, reaching the skin that is pulled taut from multiple Botox injections.  I wonder if I will ever look like me again. Will I always look like Marcus’ doll?

I continue to stare at my eyes in the mirror, noticing the brown contacts are still covering the blue they should be. When I woke up, I instinctively put them back in.  After years of being reminded to wear them, and threatened when I didn’t, I never forget to put them in the moment I crawl from bed.  My fingers shake as I prepare to remove them for the final time.  Just as I gain the courage, a knock sounds at the door.  My hands fly down to my side, fear flowing through my veins. 

I hear the voice of a girl, not young but not quite grown either, coming through the door.  “Hurry up, Shay.  I can’t wait to get to the mall.”

What?  I reach for the knob and slowly pull it open to find a teenage girl standing just a few feet away.  Her hair is blonde, a bit lighter than mine used to be.  Her eyes are green, reminding me of the deep shade of a four leaf clover.  Her face is beautiful, in only the way a young girl can be. When my eyes narrow in on her nose, I know it’s Rachel. She’s the girl from the pictures I saw last night, the sister Bowie calls Priss.

“Hey, I’m Rachel.” She introduces herself, proving my assumption true.

“Hi, I’m La…  I’m Shay.” Fumbling my new name already is not a good sign. 

“I know who you are.  Mamá called a little while ago and told me all about you.  She said to take you to the mall with me.”

“The mall?” 

The last thing I want to do is go shopping.  If anything, I want to curl up in the bed and cry.  I have questioned my decision to leave home since the minute I told Jeremy the truth. I wonder if I should have stayed, remained where everything is familiar.  At least with Marcus, I knew what to expect.  I knew that my mother would be cared for.  Now, I have no idea what is going on with my family.

I also feel unwanted and discarded by the one person that I was told I could trust. When Bowie walked out the door last night, I felt that regret for the first time.  I regretted trusting him, thinking he would be everything my brother had said he would be. I shake my head, knowing I’m being petty.  He did do as he promised.  He brought me somewhere that I would feel safe, somewhere I’m sure Marcus will never think to look.  Bowie didn’t disappoint me; I disappointed myself by forgetting that I had to depend on myself, not on some stranger, even if that stranger was a handsome man that made me feel things I didn’t understand.

“Are you ready to go or what?” she asks, bringing me out of my thoughts. 

“Uhmm...  I don’t really want go anywhere today.”

She sticks out her bottom lip, giving me the perfect teenage pout.  “I just got my permit, so I can’t drive by myself yet.  Mamá said you could ride to Owensboro with me.  You have to come to the mall with me, please.”

I want to tell her no, I really do, but I’m not sure anyone could look in her eyes and say no.  “I guess I could go for a little while.”

“You need to go anyway.  Mamá said you didn’t have any clothes, and you’re too skinny to wear either of ours.” She looks up and down my nearly emaciated frame.  “I wouldn’t buy much though.  Mamá will fatten you up really quick.”

Hearing her calling Nina her Mama has me a bit confused, but then I remember how little she was in the picture with Bowie that I saw earlier.  If Nina took her in at that age, then she is the only mother Rachel knows.  From what little I saw of her, I doubt a young girl could ask for a better Mama, other than mine, of course.  Just the thought of my mom brings on a wave of sorrow.  Even though I didn’t get to see her or Dad often, it was comforting knowing they were so close. 

“Come on.” With those words, she grabs my hands and starts to pull me through the house.  Leading me to my bedroom, she pulls me through the door.

“Grab your stuff so we can go,” she orders with a smile in her voice. 

I walk over to the bedside table and grab my purse, which holds the money Jeremy gave me.  I will buy the necessities, but nothing more.  Until I can get a job, it’s all the money I have in the world.  I can’t live here for free forever.  Just thinking about having to find somewhere to go sends a sharp pain through my head. 

“Hurry up,” Rachel calls from the doorway, completely oblivious of my worries. 

Shaking away my thoughts of where I will go or how I will survive, I slide on my shoes and walk to her.  “Just remember, I don’t want to stay at the mall too long.”

“Don’t worry.  We won’t,” she says with a huge smile on her face.

 

*****

Three and a half hours later, we are still walking from store to store.  I have two bags full of clothes and anything else my new friend thought I might need, none of which I paid for.  According to Rachel, Bowie left money with Nina for me to get what I needed, and she’s determined to spend every penny of it. 

Holding up a purple tee-shirt with JUICY written across the chest, she smiles.  “How about this?  You would look so hot wearing it.”

“I don’t think so,” I say with a shake of my head.  I’m getting casual clothes.  I plan to never wear anything with a designer label on it again, but I think that shirt is a bit much for me. 

She goes on and on about how good it would look on me, as my eyes wander across the store.  Settling on the doorway, the salon across the corridor catches my eye through the storefront.  I watch as a woman walks out, running her hand through her hair.  My own hand mimics hers, pulling my hair forward to look at it. Seeing the bright red strands against my skin, I make a decision. 

“I want to go to the salon,” I whisper out, not believing I’m about to do this. 

Her eyes move to mine. “What did you say?”

I straighten my shoulders and say it again.  “I want to go to the salon.  I need to get my hair cut and colored.”

“Spa day,” she squeals as a smile spreads across her face.  “We’ll have to get our nails done too.”

Without giving me a chance to respond, she grabs my hand, for the hundredth time today, and rushes us out of the store.  Walking right into the salon, she smiles at the receptionist.  “This is Shay. She wants the works. I just want a mani and pedi.”

The woman looks over her shoulder and sees an empty chair.  “Just a sec.  Valerie had a cancelation, so she can help you.”

The words barely leave her mouth before a pretty brunette walks up and motions for me to follow her. “Come with me, please.”

My legs feel boneless as I follow her to the chair.  As soon as I sit down, she reaches for my hair.  “What are you thinking?”

“I want a cut and color.”

She continues to run her fingers through my long locks.  “How would you like it to look?”

Not giving myself a chance to question my decision, I smile.  “I want to look like me again.”