Where We Found Our Home by Natasha Bishop
Lincoln
Imiss her.
I know that’s weird considering she didn’t go anywhere, but that’s just the bottom line—I miss her. Bringing her family here to visit was the best decision I ever made. I’d do anything to keep that smile on her face, but I did not think the ladies would insist on sleeping on her living room floor while here, preventing me from making my woman scream my name every night.
I’m so proud of how far Ciara has come. It motivates me to do better for her and to do that I need to address the shit that’s been clouding my judgment for years.
While Ciara is driving her family to the airport to say her goodbyes, I’m making the one and a half hour trek to San Antonio to see the people I haven’t seen in three years.
The door opens, and shame fills me at the sight of eyes that have haunted me for so long. Erica looked so much like her mother. After she died, it was too hard to look at her mom and see those same eyes, knowing Erica would never grow old with me like we planned.
“Lincoln! It’s so good to see you. Please, come in.” She steps aside so I can walk in, and I’m immediately hit with the ghost herself. Right in the entry hallway, there are two side-by-side portraits. One of Erica’s younger sister, Christina, and one of Erica. I look at Erica’s mother and she gives me a sad smile, silently taps my hand, and leads me into the kitchen. Erica’s dad is making grilled cheese sandwiches and turns to me with a smile.
“Lincoln. How are you, son?” He sticks his hand out for a handshake, and I’m suddenly at a loss for words. I have no idea what I’m supposed to call these people. Do I call them Michelle and Henry like they insisted I do when Erica and I were together? Do I call them Mr. and Mrs. Sanders? These people were once going to be my family. That was taken away from us, and I put the final nail in the coffin when I distanced myself from them.
“I’m good, Mr. Sanders. How are you?”
“You can still call me Henry, son. We still consider you family.” Well, that answers that.
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“We told Christina you called to say you’d be visiting. She’s so sad to be missing you. She’s on vacation in Puerto Vallarta with her husband, but she said to tell you hi.” I still can’t believe little Christina is married. Three years ago she was a twenty-two-year-old college grad set on taking the world by storm. Now she’s doing that with a husband in tow. The family invited me to the wedding, but I couldn’t do it.
“Tell her I said hi and I hope she’s doing well.”
“So, how are you doing, really?” Michelle always reminded me so much of my mom. Strong, supportive, intuitive.
“I just want to say I’m sorry.” Michelle and Henry both look baffled at my admission. I know I’m three years overdue with this apology. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for pushing you away and not returning your calls when Erica died. I’m sorry I couldn’t save her. I’m sorry she wasted her time with me. I’m so sorry.”
Henry’s eyes crinkle in understanding. “Sit down, Lincoln.” Henry leads me to the couch, and Michelle passes me a glass of iced tea. She always has some on hand. “I want to make this very clear. You have nothing to be sorry for. You never have. We missed you after Erica died. You were the son we always wanted, but we understood why you distanced yourself. You had to do what was right for you. And you are under no circumstances responsible for what happened. There was nothing you could have done to save her. It was her time to go, and we have come to accept that. It will never be easy to cope with, but we’ve taken steps to move forward. Why do you say she wasted her time with you?”
I clear my throat before continuing. “Well, you know we were broken up when she got into the accident. She said I didn’t love her enough and that I put my job before her, and she’s right. She asked me to step down as a firefighter and I refused. I was selfish. I’m still selfish, and she deserved better. She left this world heartbroken, feeling like the man she spent three years with didn’t love her enough to put her first.”
Michelle and Henry exchange a concerned look, and Michelle taps Henry’s hand before speaking. “Lincoln. I loved my daughter with all my heart. I still love my daughter with everything I am, but she wasn’t perfect. No one is. Can I be honest with you? I didn’t have high hopes for your relationship.”
I’m sorry, what? They just told me I was the son they always wanted. Erica and I were engaged. I was literally going to marry their daughter, and they’re telling me now that they didn’t see us lasting?
She continues, “I wanted so badly for you two to work because you are a good man. You were so good to her, and you were good together. But Erica was never going to accept you.”
I shake my head. It’s all I can do. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”
“What she means is Erica had it in her head that she could change you. She loved you, but from day one she was convinced that she’d eventually get you to quit being a firefighter and find a ‘mainstream’ career elsewhere. We knew that would never work. Public service is in your blood. I saw that in your eyes the same way I saw it in my father’s eyes. He was a police officer. He bled black and blue and there was not a damn thing that would stop him from putting that badge on every day. If my mother had asked him to quit, he would’ve refused her too, but he loved her and us something fierce and we never doubted that.”
Michelle adds, “She knew you loved her, Lincoln. Anyone who looked at you two knew that you loved her completely. I just think she finally accepted that she wasn’t going to get her way, and she couldn’t deal with that. That is nothing against you.” She takes a pause. “Being the spouse of someone in public service is not for everyone.” Ciara’s words jump out at me again.
“My daughter had a lot of insecurities, Lincoln. And I pray that she found peace when she left this world. But you’re still here. Do not let her insecurities become your own and drag you under.”
I leave Erica’s parents’ house with a lot of unresolved emotions. I think I’ve known all along that I’m not to blame for what happened to Erica, but that guilt has been eating me alive for so long that I don’t know how to function without it. I’m not fully prepared to let go of everything that I’ve felt these past three years, but I’m ready to start clearing the fog.
I’m lost in my own thoughts on the drive home until a bright pair of high-beams blinds me from behind. I look up to find a truck speeding toward me. The truck taps my bumper, and I speed up to get away from the asshole. The truck catches up and I reduce my speed because I know if he hits me at this speed the outcome will be ten times worse.
I try to get a good look at his face, but he’s wearing sunglasses, a hat, and a hoodie so I can’t see. I’m willing to bet my paycheck that this is the infamous Eddie though. I look at his hands on the steering wheel, and I think I make out a few scars from here but I’m not sure. Fucker. I’m ready for your ass. Next thing I know, Eddie’s window winds down and he pulls out a gun. I swerve to avoid his shot but he shoots my front left tire. My car immediately swerves to the side of the road to slide into a nearby ditch. Eddie speeds off, and I punch my steering wheel in frustration.
I know there won’t be much the cops can do in terms of evidence, but I call a friend of mine in the Austin Police Department to come to the scene and look around. We’ve told the police everything about Ciara’s past and Eddie, but they’ve given us the same bullshit the Baltimore cops did. There’s nothing proving Eddie is here in town. No credit card usage in Austin. No residence, no car registered here. No sight of him on any security cameras. The man really is a fucking ghost.
I call a tow truck and I call Shane for a ride. I text Ciara to make sure she’s home safe and remind her to keep the door locked, but I don’t tell her what happened. Not yet. I want to see her face to face for this.
Shane pulls up to Ciara’s building, and I take a deep breath about to step out of the car when he snags my attention. “By the way, man. I told Ciara what happened, and she sounded pissed that you didn’t tell her when you texted her, so watch your back,”
Shit. “What the fuck did you tell her for?”
“She low-key scares me, bro.” Fair. I thank Shane for the ride and head up to Ciara’s floor. She rips the door open before I even knock, so she must have been checking the peephole for me. She grabs me and yanks me inside before pulling me in for a hug.
“Are you okay?” she asks with her hands on my shoulders, looking me over from head to toe.
“I’m fine, Angel. I promise.”
“It was Eddie. I’m sure of it.”
There’s no point in trying to deny it. Denial gets you killed. “I think you’re right.”
“Fuck. This is exactly what I didn’t want. I hate this.”
“I know but I’m fine.” I try to reassure her but I know I’ve said the wrong thing.
“He had a fucking gun, Linc! What if he had decided to shoot you instead of your tire?”
“We will deal with this. Together.” I take a deep breath and tell her about the day of the fire where I was trapped. I might as well rip that Band-Aid off while she’s still riled up.
She gasps, pushing me away. “Are you fucking kidding me? Why didn’t you tell me about that? He’s been here for so long! Fuck, every time I felt like I was being watched, he probably was lurking around somewhere. He just didn’t make himself seen. Fuck!” I grab Ciara by the shoulders and push her head into my chest. She immediately releases a sob but then lightly punches my chest and pulls away.
“This is fucked, Linc! He’s coming after you! Just like I thought. I can’t…”
“Ciara, do not finish that sentence. You promised you’d stay. You promised to give me the chance to protect you, and I will.”
“And who’s going to protect you?”
“You.” She freezes. “You have me and I have you. That’s how this works. Don’t freak out on me now. Okay?”
She nods. It starts off slow but as my words sink in it gets quicker, more certain. “What do we do?”
I have no idea what we do next. But I do know, there’s no way in hell I’ll ever let him get near her.
“We call in reinforcements.”