Where We Found Our Home by Natasha Bishop

 

Ciara

I’ve become the damn princess in the castle with everyone acting as my bodyguard by order of the king. I hate it.

I spend each day at Sasha’s writing and editing but now, conveniently, everyone in our circle has decided they want to spend all their time at Sasha’s as well. Isaiah comes to visit his sister, but his eyes are always on me. Shane stops by on his lunch break and pretends to be shocked I’m there. Kai comes in claiming to crave some of Sasha’s pastries even though I’ve never once seen him eat one. Dom stops by to “check on Sasha’s alarm system” an awful lot. Nina already spent a lot of time with me at Sasha’s, but she’s taken to spending every free moment with me now and bringing Jada and Logan along when her parents take off on yet another trip.

Nevaeh is the only one who is honest with me about her new duties. She runs into the shop behind Carter and gives me one of her infamous hugs. “Ciara! I asked Mommy if I could help babysit you today.”

Sasha sucks her teeth. “Little girl! No one is babysitting Ciara.”

“Oh, well you said everyone is coming by to keep an eye on her so I thoughted you meant babysitting.”

My grin grows even wider. At least she’s honest. “I gotta say that you are, by far, my favorite babysitter.” She takes pride in my compliment and stands as tall as possible.

“Thank you! I like being the babysitter. It’s usually me getting babysitted.”

“I bet. You should get your mom and dad to give you a brother or sister so you can practice babysitting with them.” I stick my tongue out at Sasha over Nevaeh’s head. She flips me off and then calls Nevaeh over to pick out a muffin for her snack.

I pull out my phone to find Lincoln has finally answered the text I sent him earlier.

Me: You know… you’re the one Eddie is shooting off the road and trapping in burning buildings. Shouldn’t you be the one with the bodyguards?

Lincoln: Whatever do you mean?

Me: Do not play dumb with me sir

Lincoln: Ooh sir. I kinda like that

Me: Don’t try to get me all hot and bothered when I’m trying to yell at you

Lincoln: LOL but you’re giving me Blanche vibes with ‘hot and bothered’ so now I’m really getting started

Me: Impossible man

Me: But seriously this is what I didn’t want, Linc. To be a burden

Lincoln: Would you still feel like a burden if I told you this wasn’t even my idea? That the guys insisted on doing this when I told them I was confident he was here

Me: It would depend

Lincoln: On?

Me: On if that’s true or just bullshit so I won’t yell at you

Lincoln: I don’t bullshit, Angel. Everyone loves you as much as I do. They wanted to do this.

Lincoln: Don’t worry, Dom is never far from me on shift so I’ve got a bodyguard too.

Ummm, record scratch. What? Did he just tell me he loves me in a text?

Should I… should I address that?

Me: I…I have short-circuited

Lincoln: Do you need a factory reset?

Me: Ha! I think so

Does he not realize he said it?!

Me: Ummm welp okay then. Are you coming to Sasha’s soon?

I decide that I will not address this over text. This requires a face-to-face conversation. He’s fucking good. I’m so twisted up over him mentioning the word love that I forgot to be mad about the bodyguard thing.

Lincoln: Yep. Shift change is in a few minutes. I’ll shower and head over.

Me: See you soon

I toss my phone face down on the table, still baffled.

Thirty minutes later, he walks into Sasha’s and flashes me that damn smile that makes me want to rip all his clothes off. What an ass. I swear I’m going to make him buy me my panties from now on since he insists on making me soak through mine every day. He raises his brow at me, and I know he’s asking if I need a refill. I told myself I had enough caffeine today, but if I’m going to sit here with him and not address the “love” comment, I think I need a fix. I nod yes, and he goes up to Sasha to order. Two hours later, Carter comes in to pick Nevaeh up for her karate class, and she’s sad to see her babysitting duties come to an end, but I promise her she’ll have another shift soon. Now that I only have one Cole family member to entertain I can go back to my writing. Lincoln doesn’t mind just sitting with me while I get my work done.

Lincoln is rubbing my shoulders when we hear glass shatter. Everything happens in slow motion. Lincoln’s head snaps to the source of the noise as he grabs me and rolls us to the floor, managing to cover me completely without crushing me under his body weight. He yells for Sasha as a few patrons behind us scream and take cover. Lincoln takes off to see if he can catch the violator or at least get a direct visual. I run over to Sasha to make sure she’s okay. Her phone is poised to call the police, but her hand is shaking. I offer my hand in comfort which seems to ground her enough to connect the call.

Lincoln returns a minute later and eyes the brick that was thrown through the window before making eye contact with me. I can feel the anger radiating off of him, but his eyes are soft with worry. He stalks over to me and I crash into his arms.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Sasha, you okay?”

“I’m good. Police are on their way.” She looks over at the brick and lets out a deep sigh. She’s probably thanking the heavens that Nevaeh wasn’t here to witness that.

The police arrive to take pictures and bag up the brick for evidence. I’ve been chomping at the bit to see the brick because I could see there was a note attached to it, but we refused to touch it in the hopes that Eddie left fingerprints behind. I’m not holding my breath on that though, considering he’s never left them behind before. The cop on the scene turns over the brick so I can see what message Eddie’s left for me this time. “The time is coming. Hope you’re ready.”

Looks like he’s growing tired of this game he’s forced me into. Good, I’ve been tired. I just want this to finally be over.

Isaiah and their dad show up to board up Sasha’s windows while Lincoln and I sweep up the broken glass and help straighten up. She’s going to remain closed until her window is completely fixed, and I feel horrible that I’m costing her business. I take a moment to remind myself not to be selfish and take everyone’s choices away from them. They told me they wanted to stand by me and asked me not to push them away. I’m trying to honor that, but alarms are going off in my head, telling me we are in no way ready for what’s coming.

“Ciara.” Lincoln calls my name, and my attention snaps back to him. We’re standing in front of my door. I don’t even remember leaving Sasha’s. Fuck, I can’t afford to zone out like that. Stay vigilant. Lincoln covers my hands with his own, and I realize my hands are shaking too hard to put the key in the door. He grabs them from me and leads me inside to the couch before going through my security checks. Every time he does that for me, another piece of my heart becomes his. The pieces are falling so rapidly that his name is the only one my heart knows now.

“Everything is going to be okay,” he exhales as he sits down by me, and I can’t tell if he’s trying to convince me or himself.

“You can’t promise that, Linc.”

“There is no other option.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I decide to move on to the other elephant in the room. Jesus, was it just earlier today that he implied he loves me in a text? It feels like years have been shaved off my life since then. “So umm…we should probably talk. About what you said earlier.”

He seems grateful for the subject change. I’m glad I’m not the only one. “What did I say?” he asks.

“You know, when we were texting.”

“Oh, when you were getting all hot and bothered?”

“After that.”

“When I told you the whole bodyguard thing was the group’s idea?”

“After that.”

“When your brain short-circuited?” Oh, so we’re playing games now, I see.

“Before that.”

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

I roll my eyes and move to stand up when he grabs my wrist, rubbing his thumb over my pulse point.

“Ciara?”

“Yes?”

“I know what I said.” He pauses. “And I meant it.”

My breath rushes out of me. And again because Mama ain’t raise no fool, I need further clarification. “And just so we’re both on the same page here, what exactly did you say?”

He chuckles. “I love you. I think loving you was inevitable. I didn’t want it to be, but my soul recognized its match in you the moment you jumped in front of that car. It forced my heart to start beating again, just to answer your siren call.” My breath hitches as his words etch themselves onto my soul. “I’m not telling you this so you’ll say it back. It’s okay if you’re not there with me. I know life is complicated right now, and you may not be ready to hear this but I don’t want to go another day without telling you how I feel. Your courage feeds the piece of me that’s been hiding beneath the ashes of my life. Your selflessness calls out to my soul that’s been drifting away so slowly I didn’t even recognize it at first. I feel like myself again with you. You set me free, Angel. So I don’t care if you’re never ready to say the words back to me. I will always be yours.” He doesn’t even wait for me to respond. He just kisses the top of my head and then goes to the kitchen to make dinner.

Well…fuck.

Later that night, we’re lying in bed and I can’t bring myself to sleep. Every fiber of my being is pushing me to tell Lincoln how I feel, but the idea that I may not survive this is cutting the words short. I thought I had come so far, but I’m still letting Eddie control me. I’m still letting my fear stop me from living.

Lincoln has been through a lot. He was made to believe he wasn’t worthy of love because of his need to serve his community, and he fought through that to fall for me anyway. Me. The girl whose life is in shambles. The girl whose heart is covered in scars. Without even trying, he’s been soothing those scars away since the day I met him. He told me I set him free, and I think if I don’t make it out of this, my biggest regret in life will be not telling him he set me free too. He deserves to know that he’s more than worthy of love and he is loved. If I can’t keep him safe, I can at least give him that.

“Hey, Linc?”

He opens one eye and wrinkles his brow. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He opens his other eye, smiles brightly, and pulls me into his chest. “Good night, Angel.”

I drift off to sleep in his arms and dream of a future where life is fair and two people who are meant to be together can actually keep each other.