Where We Found Our Home by Natasha Bishop

 

Lincoln

I’m not naive enough to think that because Ciara and I have confessed our true feelings for each other that everything will work out in the end, but I have been riding a high the last few days knowing we’re on the same page. It’s still surreal exchanging “I love yous” regularly now.

I pull out my phone to call Sasha. She’s opening the cafe back up today, and I know the brick incident got to her more than she let on.

“Hey, Linc,” she answers on a sigh.

“Hey sis. How’s today going?”

“Good, I’ve got my little helper today. We’re getting everything ready to open.” To anyone else, she would sound confident, but I hear the slight shake in her voice. She’s nervous.

“Are you ready to reopen?”

“Yeah. I mean the window has been fixed. I’ve just been taking a few ‘me days’ but my baby needs me. No, not you, baby. The store. Well yes, I know you need me too but I meant…ugh, you’re too grown.” I laugh as I listen to Nevaeh give Sasha shit on the other end of the line. “Your niece is too much. Do you know she asked me if she was going to get paid for helping me today? I almost whooped her right there.”

“Stop the cap. You have never whooped Nevaeh a day in her life.”

“I know, I know. Doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it. I just don’t need it. I’ve got the look.”

The fucking look. It’s a look all the women in my family have perfected that tells their kids they’ve pushed the limits too far. When you get the look, you know you’ve fucked up and you better run as far and as fast as you can and don’t come back until you’ve gotten your shit together.

“You do have the look down.”

“Hey, is Ciara avoiding me? We’ve been texting like normal, but when I asked her if she’s coming to the store to write today, she said she had other stuff going on. How much of that is bullshit?”

I asked Ciara if she was heading to Sasha’s at some point, and she was adamant she wanted to just stay home today. I think she’s feeling guilty for the damage done to Sasha’s store, and she knows Sasha was freaked out by the whole thing. I hate the idea of her being vulnerable at home alone, but I can’t force her to go. But regardless, what I won’t do is throw Ciara under the bus. Sister or not.

“Nah, I think she actually had some errands to run.”

Sasha is silent for a moment. “Hmm, okay, good answer.”

“Why do you say it like that?” I’m not sure why I even ask because I’m pretty sure I don’t want the answer.

“Because I know you’re full of shit. But we raised you right, you took your woman’s side. Good. I’ll just harass her ass later.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that, and the laugh became louder when Sasha once again shut down Nevaeh’s request for a swear jar. We’ve been having this talk since we were teenagers. “Sasha, you’re only one year older than me. You did not raise me.”

“You keep telling yourself that, but it took a village for us to keep you and Izzy in line.”

“You know he hates when you call him that.”

“Oh, I know. Alright, let me go. I’ve gotta finish getting everything together.”

I‘m still not convinced she’s okay enough to handle this. “Okay, sis. But Sasha?”

“Yes?”

“You’re sure you’re okay. After…everything?”

“Oh my gosh. Yes, Linc. I’m fine. I was freaked out when a brick came sailing through my window, yes, but I’m over it now. My main concern was Nevaeh, and she wasn’t even there to see it so we’re good. If anything, it made me respect Ciara even more because she’s been dealing with shit like that for the past two years. You got a good one, Linc.”

Don’t I know it. “I know.”

“Okay, get off my phone.”

“Bye, sis.”

“Bye.”

I put my phone away and go back to creating the shift schedule at work when the alarm rings, signaling it’s time for the real work.

False alarm.

The call we responded to was a false alarm.

I don’t mind a false alarm because it means no one is in danger, even if it’s a pain in the ass to process, but something in my gut is telling me that something is wrong. The guys and I get back to the station, and I check my phone and find ten missed calls from Sasha and four from Ciara. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Whatever the fuck is going on is not good. I decide to call Sasha back first.

“Lincoln, Nevaeh is gone!” Sasha screams into the phone the minute the call connects.

I still. “What do you mean she’s gone?”

“I went into the back room to grab something, and when I came back out, she was gone! I don’t know where she went. She wouldn’t just go off on her own, Lincoln. She knows better. Something happened.” Sasha speaks a mile a minute.

I give my captain the bare minimum of information and get the fuck out of there. “Sasha, I’m on my way. Did you call the police?”

“Yeah, they’re here asking questions. Ciara is here too.” Good, at least she and Sasha have eyes on each other.

“I’m on my way, just hold on for me.” I can hear her hyperventilating, and suddenly Ciara is speaking to me.

“Linc.”

Her voice calms me, but I’m still dangling on the edge. “Are you okay?”

“I…fuck. Just get here.”

“I’m coming.” We hang up, and I speed the whole way there, praying I’m not too late.

When I get there, Ciara has her arms around Sasha, and it seems like she’s the only thing keeping Sasha standing. The police are looking around for evidence while one officer asks Sasha questions that I don’t even think are registering. When they look up to see I’ve joined them, Ciara supports Sasha until she can transfer her into my arms.

“We’re gonna find her.” I look over to Ciara, but her eyes are completely vacant. She’s shutting down before my very eyes.

“Okay ma’am, can you tell me again what Nevaeh was doing when you went into the back room?” the officer inquires.

“She was sitting at a hightop with her tablet. We were the only ones here at the time, so I stepped into the back to grab clean mugs for the front.”

Ciara reminds the officer that this could be connected to her situation with Eddie. Her voice is so cold and distant, I don’t even recognize her.

I turn back to Sasha. “You gonna be okay here? I wanna go out on my own to look for her.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I look up at Ciara and tilt my head toward the door, silently asking if she wants to come with me. She nods, rubs Sasha’s arm, and follows me to the door.

“Um, officer? Can I…?” She motions for the officer to meet us by the door. He comes over and waits for her to speak. “You need to have your guys checking obvious places near the shop. He probably didn’t go far with her,” she whispers. My heart breaks for her all over again. I know she’s right back in that trunk right now. If this bastard shoved my niece in a trunk somewhere, he is going to beg for death by the time I’m finished with him.

Ciara and I climb into my car. Her knees are tapping hard, and she has one of her braids wrapped around her finger so tight I think she might rip it out. I place my hand on top of her thigh, and she jumps before relaxing and giving me a fake smile.

My eyes are zeroed in on the streets, looking for any sign of Nevaeh. Ciara suggests we park and walk around, listening for seemingly ordinary things that are out of place or off in any way. She pays special attention to the trunks of cars as we walk around, tapping them lightly to see if she gets a response.

We spend hours searching for Nevaeh with no luck. My fear and anger are catapulting to new heights with every failed search. We’ve been checking in on Sasha and Carter the whole time we’ve been out, and Sasha is falling apart at the seams. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now. Our parents, Nina, Logan, Jada, Reggie, Michael, Niecy, and Malcolm are all at the shop. Isaiah, Kai, Dom, and Shane are all out searching like Ciara and me.

When my phone buzzes with Carter calling me, I almost fumble the phone trying to answer. “Carter, what’s up?”

“They found her. She’s safe but shaken up. Get to the police station.” I hang up, and Ciara and I rush to the station.

When we get there, Sasha is sobbing uncontrollably while hugging Nevaeh, and the family is crowded around them. Isaiah and Kai come in behind us, and Isaiah taps me on the back before we move up toward the commotion.

“We want to ask her some questions about what happened today. Do you want to come back to one of the interview rooms with your parents, sweetie?” A female police officer kneels down to Nevaeh’s level. She nods silently and grabs one of Sasha’s hands and one of Carter’s. They follow the officer to the back, and the minute they’re out of sight, the family explodes into chaos.

“How the fuck did he grab her so quickly?” Isaiah yells.

“Are we sure it was that guy?”

Isaiah looks at Reggie, bewildered. “Don’t be a fucking lawyer right now, Reggie. Of course it was him, who else would do this?” Ciara shrinks into her chair at that. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and give Isaiah a hard glare. “I’m sorry, Ci. Didn’t mean it to sound like that. This really isn’t your fault. It’s that sick fucker’s fault.”

Ciara shakes her head, but her eyes remain on the floor. “Doesn’t matter. All that matters is Nevaeh.”

Everyone continues talking, speculating about where he took Nevaeh when Sasha, Carter, and Nevaeh return to the lobby. Sasha bends down and whispers something to Nevaeh that makes her smile. Carter grabs her hand and leads her out of the building, waving goodbye to all of us on the way out.

“Umm, we’re going to get Nevaeh some ice cream and take her home to watch movies and relax. Just let us have tonight—just the three of us—and then everyone can come visit her tomorrow. Okay?” Everyone nods in agreement.

“Did she say where he took her?” my mom asks. My dad nudges her, but she dismisses him.

“She was in the park. She said she was so wrapped up in her tablet that she didn’t even hear him come into the store, but he grabbed her around the mouth so tight she couldn’t even scream.” Mom gasps and turns into Dad’s arms. Reggie hugs Malcolm and Niecy extra hard. Isaiah curses and slams his fist into the seat in front of him. I’m clenching my jaw as tight as possible, but I’m barely holding it in.

“She said he threw her in a car and tied her arms behind her back. Then he drove her to the park and tied her to a tree. A hiker found her and ungagged her. She said she was crying so hard and repeating that she wanted to go home that the woman just took her to the police station instead of waiting for police to arrive.”

“Fuck.” Is the only word spoken for a moment.

“Did he…did he touch her?” Dad asks. Mom cries harder into his shoulder.

Everyone freezes with rapt attention, but Sasha puts us out of our misery quickly. “No, he just tied her up and dragged her through the trees. She said he never even spoke to her. She didn’t see his face, but she said he had really bad scars on his hands. That’s all she got.” I turn to Ciara, and her entire face has gone gray.

“Why the hell would he do this? What’s the purpose?” Reggie wonders, and I think she’s more trying to piece it together herself than actually asking.

“I don’t know. Listen, I gotta go. Today has been too much, and I don’t want to spend anymore time tonight without my eyes on my baby. She’s surprisingly okay as she can be after everything, but I am far from it. Thank you all for coming to help. We appreciate it. I love you.” She rushes off, leaving the rest of us to try to collect ourselves. After saying our quick goodbyes, we all go our separate ways.

On the car ride back to Ciara’s, you can cut the tension with a knife. Nervous energy is flying off of Ciara, and I’m not sure how I can help her get through this. I reach for her hand, and she hesitates but she takes it. She doesn’t hold it tight though.

Walking to her door, I feel like I’m walking to a firing squad. Ciara takes off to do her security checks and I get the message loud and clear—she needs to do it herself tonight. When she comes back to the living room, she makes no move to sit down.

“It’s been a long day. What do you want to eat?”

Her head snaps up at my words. “Lincoln,” she sighs. “I’m tired. I think it would be best if I just spend the night by myself tonight.”

No. “No.” It comes out louder and firmer than I mean it to, but I don’t take it back.

“No?”

“No. Do you really think I’m okay with leaving you home alone after everything that happened today?”

Her fists clench at her sides. I welcome the anger. I would rather us duke it out right now than her shut down on me. “You’re not my babysitter.”

“No, but I love you and I would feel much better if we were together tonight.”

Her fists unclench and I think she’s softening on me, but her next words deliver a crucial blow. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?”

“This, Lincoln. This whole fucking thing. This is out of control now. We tried it your way, and now we’re doing it mine.”

Jesus. My brain is barely functioning after today. I can’t even begin to process what she’s saying right now. “What is your way?”

“I need to leave.”

Suddenly I’m transported back to that dream where Ciara told me Erica was right. That we’d never work out.

Fuck that. She’s mine. I made my choice. I choose my future and that’s Ciara, and I don’t accept her telling me otherwise.

“Ciara. We talked about this. You promised to stay, to give me a chance.”

“This is not about you being able to protect me, Linc,” she insists. “This is beyond you now. You can’t be everywhere at once. Up until now, he’s threatened the people I care about, but he’s never touched them, and now he’s grabbing Nevaeh?! She’s a fucking child!”

Like I don’t fucking know that. Like I don’t want to rip him apart even more now because he had his filthy hands on my niece. “I know that. But you can’t just run away. That doesn’t solve anything.”

“It solves everything. With me gone, he’ll come after me and leave you all alone.”

Jesus. “I’m sorry. Are we back to you being the fucking martyr now? You want to act as bait so he can kill you, and I’m just supposed to accept that?” Our voices are at a ten right now, but neither one of us is backing down.

“Would you rather everyone you care about die?! Who’s next? You want to wait until he grabs Malcolm and Niecy too? Want to wait until he actually kills somebody? Until he picks you all off until he gets tired and kills me anyway? What’s the point of that? Just let me leave and end this once and for all.”

“I’m not letting you go, Angel. I’m not.” I step toward her, and she steps backward, putting her hand out.

“Enough. You need to stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your head!”

What the fuck?

“My dick? You think that’s the only part of me that doesn’t want to lose you?”

She sighs deeply. “It doesn’t matter. This has gone too far. Why don’t you ask Sasha and Carter how they feel about me leaving town? I bet they’d be all for it considering they could’ve lost everything today because of me.” No. What’s going too far is implying that I only think with my dick when it comes to her. This woman owns me—mind, body, and soul. Doesn’t she realize that?

I’m seconds away from punching a hole in the nearest wall. “Jesus. That’s not fucking true. No one wants you to sacrifice yourself. We can fix this together.”

“There is no together! You’re insane if you think you can make a difference at this point. He apparently can’t be caught. The police don’t give a fuck because they can’t prove anything. What’s another dead black woman on their doorstep? You can’t protect me. Just. Let. Me. Go.”

“No!” I’m not doing this. I refuse to lose another person I love. Ciara scoffs. I don’t care. I keep pushing. “He wants you to do this. He wants you to isolate yourself away from everyone. This is all a game to him.”

“Yeah, well, he’s winning.”

I open my mouth to say something when she throws her hand up. “I need you to leave, Lincoln.”

“What happened to I have you and you have me?” I’m grasping at straws trying to hold on to her.

Her eyes soften. “I love you, Lincoln. I really do. I can’t bring myself to regret our time together right now, but I will if this goes any further. If something happens to your family. I love you for accepting me, and I love you for giving me your heart despite what you’ve been through. I’m just sorry I’m too much of a disaster to hold on to it. I can’t, Lincoln. Please.” She moves to her door and opens it without looking at me.

I move to the door and stand there, imploring her to look at me.

When she finally does, I speak. “I don’t regret anything, Angel. I meant what I said. I will always be yours.” I caress her face, and she lets a tear fall before her face hardens again.

I head out to my car, but I don’t leave. I stay parked, watching her building for the rest of the night, my heart cracking with every moment that passes.