Gray by Shaw Hart

Three

Gray

It’sTuesday night and that means tacos. I swing by Nora’s favorite place on the way home and grab a dozen, plus chips, salsa, queso, and extra guacamole. Nora always asks for extra guacamole even though she will end up eating three tacos and then snacking on the chips and queso.

I can’t stop thinking about what Rooney said today. He had asked me what I was going to do if someone ever made a move on Nora or if she ever found a boyfriend. I know that he was upset because things weren’t going well with him and Sayler, that he was just lashing out at me, but that doesn’t make his words any less true.

I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing her with someone else. Even just thinking that has my fingers strangling the steering wheel so hard that it creaks.

I don’t know what to do. Do I tell her how I feel and risk losing her? Or do I keep the status quo and at least get to keep her in my life as my best friend.

I still don’t have an answer by the time that I pull up outside of our apartment building and by then, I’m out of time.

Nora is outside trying to wrangle the puppies up the steps when I park and I hurry over to help her.

“How about I trade you?” I offer as I pass her the bag of tacos.

Moose and Marley must smell the food because they practically pull me up the stairs after Nora.

“They already ate,” she tells me as she starts to unpack the tacos and I unhook the puppies, watching as they scramble across the floor toward her.

“I’m not sure that the puppy training class worked,” I joke and she smiles, passing me a plate.

“Yeah, it’s weird how one class didn’t teach them everything,” she says sarcastically and I laugh, nudging Moose down when he tries to sniff my plate.

I decide to put the dogs in the crate while we eat as Nora makes us margaritas. They whine as I put them in their little pen so I bend down, petting each of them until they lay down.

Nora has poured the margaritas into two cups by the time that I return and I grab mine, following her into the living room.

“What are we watching tonight?” I ask her as we both carry our plates and glasses of margaritas over to the couch.

“Outlander?” Nora says hopefully and even though I don’t really care for the show, I know that it’s one of her favorites.

“Sure,” I say, pulling it up and hitting play.

Nora grins as the opening credits start to play, sitting cross-legged on the couch and balancing her plate on her lap. I lean back against the couch, watching her more than the TV screen.

We just started this show, so we’re still on the first few episodes. I knew that it was supposed to be a little racy but nothing so far had prepared me for episode seven.

Nora and I don’t speak as we watch Claire and Jamie on their wedding night. I can see Nora’s face is heated and she keeps stealing glances at me as the two actors go at it onscreen.

The room is filled with sexual tension and even though I’m still hungry, I don’t dare pick up my last taco.

When Nora licks her lips, her breathing coming faster, her chest rising and falling rapidly, I can’t help it. I let out a little groan, coughing right after to try to cover it up.

“Pretty steamy, huh?” Nora asks, trying to change the energy that’s taken over the room.

I will myself to urge down my erection before Nora can see it. Luckily, my plate is covering most of it.

“Yeah, I think this show might be interesting after all,” I joke and she laughs, but I can see that she’s still a little awkward about watching this together.

I wonder if she can feel how much I want her. I wonder if she can tell how much I want to do everything that Jamie just did to Claire, and so much more.

The dogs whine and the spell is broken.

“I’ll walk them,” I say, jumping up from the couch and hurrying into the bedroom to get them.

“Want me to help you?” Nora offers but I wave her off.

“Nah, I got it.”

She nods, setting her plate aside and grabbing her laptop, and I leave with Moose and Marley. We head downstairs and start to make our way around the block when my phone rings in my pocket. I pull it out, hesitating when I see my brother’s name on the screen.

We’re not the closest. Not after he left me to fend for myself with our dad. Part of me knows that he had to leave, that his paycheck from the Army was the only thing keeping the roof over my head and food on the table, but it’s still hard not to be angry with him, no matter how unreasonable that is.

“Hey, what’s up?” I ask as soon as I answer.

“Hey, Gray,” he says and he sounds tired, like he’s a hundred years old instead of just twenty-nine.

“Hey, are you back in the states?” I ask him.

He’s an Army Ranger and has been deployed for the past few months. I like to think that that’s why we’ve only talked a handful of times in the last six months.

“No, but I’m headed back now. I got some news today,” he starts and the tone of his voice lets me know that I’m not going to like it.

“Yeah?” I ask nervously.

“It’s Dad, Gray,” Jasper sighs.

“What about him?” I ask, every muscle in my body tight.

I don’t even realize that I’ve stopped on the sidewalk until someone runs into me and I move over, leaning against the building.

“He’s dead,” Jasper says flatly, and it feels like the world drops out beneath my feet.

“What?” I ask and I can hear my brother talking, but it’s like he’s in a tunnel all of a sudden.

“…so the funeral is going to be this weekend. I’m headed home to plan it now. I didn’t think that you would want to be there for the planning,” he says, trailing off.

He’s right. I have no interest in going home, but I definitely don’t want to plan that monster’s funeral.

“I can if you need me to,” I offer, praying that he won’t take me up on it.

“No, Gray. It’s okay, I can take care of it.”

Suddenly, I realize that this grudge that I’ve been holding against Jasper for leaving truly isn’t fair. He never could have supported us if he stayed and worked in Rosewood. We would have had to move somewhere else where we could all find jobs, and I never would have left Nora.

Maybe he knows that. Maybe he was trying to help keep Nora and I together and support us. Maybe it was the only option.

“Thanks, Jasp. Let me know if you need anything before this weekend.”

“Will do. Do you want me to pay for your ticket home?”

“No, Nora might come with me, so I’ll get my ticket. But thank you.”

He clears his throat and we both stay on the phone.

“I’ll see you and Nora this weekend,” he says finally and I nod even though he can’t see me.

“See you.”

The dogs are tangled up in the leash and I bend down, freeing them and turning to head back toward our building.

“Perfect timing! I just finished up with work,” Nora says as I walk back in, letting Moose and Marley off their leashes.

“Did you want to watch another episode or…” She trails off as she gets a look at my face and she’s over the couch and in front of me in an instant. “What’s wrong?”

“My brother just called.”

“Oh, god. Is Jasper okay?” she asks, concern etched into her eyes.

“Yeah, he’s headed back to the states. Back to Rosewood.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“My dad died. The funeral is this weekend,” I blurt out and she reacts to the news just like I did.

Her body tenses, her arms tightening around my waist as she hugs me.

“I have to go back to Rosewood for the funeral.”

She snaps out of it then, nodding firmly.

“I’m coming too.”

This, this is why I love her. She has always and will always be there for me. Nora is loyal, smart, funny, and protective. I’m not even surprised that she’s going back to Rosewood with me. Even though we both hate it there.

Nora hugs me tighter and I wrap my arms around her, resting my head on top of hers. It’s then, as we hold each other, that I realize that I can’t put this relationship in jeopardy. I need Nora. I wouldn’t make it a day without her in my life, so I’m just going to have to be okay with us being just friends.

I know that that’s a lie though. The thought of us only ever being just friends makes it feel like another piece of my soul just died.

It’s time for me to man up.