Fractured Trust by L. M. Dalgleish
Chapter 29
The roar of the crowd was distorted; the sound almost muffled—as if he were wearing noise-canceling headphones. Noah’s gaze scanned over the stands, cell phones lighting up the sea of fans, mouths open as they roared their appreciation. Normally he’d be soaking it all in, letting the energy fill him until adrenaline pounded through his veins. But nothing seemed to be able to penetrate the invisible barrier that had formed around him two weeks ago when Summer had left him for the second time.
He felt numb.
Noah slammed his sticks into the cymbals with an explosive crash to end the song. He lifted his shirt and wiped the sweat off his forehead to the screams of the women in the crowd as he flashed his abs. He grinned, but it felt more like a baring of his teeth than anything remotely resembling a smile. Reaching for the bottle next to his drum kit he took a hit of bourbon just before the next song started. He almost missed his cue, and Connor shot him a look. Staring back coolly, Noah let himself fall into the music again, letting it carry him away to a place where all that existed was the rhythm and the beat and the alcohol burning in his veins.
When they finally left the stage following their encore, he almost tripped over a cord snaking across the floor, barking out a humorless laugh. Connor dropped back to walk next to him. “What are you doing, man? You’re too old to be screwing around like this.”
“You’re right,” Noah said, staring straight ahead.
He could feel Connor’s green eyes boring into the side of his head. “Okay…. So, are you going to pull your head out of your ass?”
He shrugged. “Probably not.”
Connor grabbed Noah’s arm and stopped, forcing him to stop, too. “I know you’re in pain, but you need to sort yourself out. You’re not doing anyone any favors by fucking up like this. You’re hurting yourself and you’re hurting the band and you’re doing a massive disservice to the fans. And it’s not going to change a goddamn thing except to make you hate yourself.” He jabbed his finger into Noah’s chest. “Sort. It. Out.”
He turned and stalked off.
Noah rubbed his chest, then rolled his shoulders and kept walking. What did Connor know about it? He was married to a woman who was crazy about him. His gaze fell on Tex, striding a few steps in front, and he scowled. And fucking Tex, smugly in love with Noah’s own sister; he was just as bad. He met Zac’s eyes and raised his brows. Zac stared back at him, his expression impassive except for the slightest narrowing of his eyes. Feeling uncomfortable for the first time, Noah looked away. Time for a shower and the after party. Just what he needed to take his mind off everything.
* * *Noah drained the last of his third beer, handing the empty bottle off to his bodyguard, Will, who said nothing, his expression so carefully neutral it was almost insulting.
“Whatever,” Noah mumbled under his breath. He’d already signed his autograph for most of the fans, joking and laughing, although his smile was so fixed his cheeks had begun to hurt. His head thumped and the cloying scent of perfume and alcohol was making his stomach roil.
Another woman approached him, eyes wide and excited. She was pretty, looked a bit like Summer. Noah’s heart picked up its pace as he took in her long reddish-blonde waves. Her eyes were blue instead of green, but they were a similar pale shade. She shyly handed him a t-shirt to sign, which he did, handing it back with a wink. It didn’t surprise him when she pulled out her phone and asked for a photo. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against him as she held her phone up to get them both in frame.
Noah’s hazy gaze took in the picture the two of them made on the screen. If he squinted, he could almost pretend it was Summer standing next to him. The angry, hurt part of him wondered whether he’d be able to keep right on pretending if he invited her up to his room after the party.
Strangely enough, that thought cleared the drunken fog from his mind, and nausea rolled through him again. Summer might have hurt him; he might be furious with her, but he knew there’d be no pretending this time. He wasn’t a fucking kid anymore, lonely, and heartbroken, and dropped into the middle of the rock star life with nothing to anchor him. Reverting to the same coping strategies he’d used last time he’d lost her wasn’t going to help. Just like it hadn’t helped back then. If he did what he’d briefly drunkenly contemplated, his self-disgust would probably send him into a spiral he might never pull out of.
He let the woman go, giving her a last smile and turning away, catching Zac watching him again, his hazel eyes assessing. Noah stiffened his spine and crossed his arms over his chest.
“What?” he growled.
Zac shook his head and Noah thought he wasn’t going to answer. He was surprised when the bassist rubbed his hand over his face and muttered, “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Zac sighed. “You know what, maybe you need to figure this one out on your own.” He thumped his empty beer bottle down on the table next to Noah and stalked off.
Noah scowled after him. What the fuck was his problem? He wasn’t the one whose woman didn’t want him. He wasn’t the one who was faced with being alone for the rest of his life or resigning himself to random, meaningless hookups.
Another woman sidled up next to him, but this time, he had zero interest in interacting.
“I’d love to have a photo with you,” she purred, her hand brushing against his forearm. He turned to look at her, his eyes taking in the jet-black hair, smokey cat eyes, and scarlet lips.
Smiling to hide his lack of enthusiasm, he said, “Sure,” and stepped closer to her. She whipped out her phone and stood up on her tiptoes, wrapping her arm around his neck and pressing her cheek against his while she held the phone up.
Noah’s smile was tight as she took a shot. “Just one more,” she said, and he nodded. But a fraction of a second before her finger tapped the button, she turned her head and pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth. Noah jerked back, anger coursing through him.
He narrowed his gaze on her glittering eyes, her mouth turning down in what she probably thought was a seductive pout, as if that would stop him being pissed off at her. As if, because of who he was, she had a right to put her lips on him without invitation. All his anger, all his hurt and disappointment, came roaring to the surface, and he opened his mouth to tell her exactly what he thought when a heavy, tattooed arm landed over his shoulders.
“Hey man, I need to talk to you for a second,” Tex said, then turned to the woman standing in front of them, her eyes bouncing between the two of them as her pout morphed into an excited smile. Maybe she thought she was going to get two for the price of one. “Sorry honey, important band business to discuss. Have you had a photo with Zac yet? If you move quickly, you can grab him while he’s on his own. Better get going though, there’s a big group of high school girls heading his way.”
When she turned to look, Tex steered Noah away. “You okay, man? You looked like you were about to rip her head off.”
Noah was shaking; his thoughts tumbling at breakneck speed. It was the same thing that had happened eleven years ago and that had lost him Summer in the first place. What the hell was he doing here? In this room, surrounded by these people that thought they had a right to him. When the only person who had the right to touch him was thousands of miles away, and he didn’t have a right to touch her anymore.
Tex stopped, turning Noah to face him with a hand on his shoulder. “You need to pull it together, Noah. I’m saying this for your sake, and for Summer’s. She is still in your life; your story isn’t over. Happily ever afters don’t always come easy; sometimes they hurt like a bitch. And sometimes you have to fight for them. If you get knocked down, you get right back up and keep fighting. That’s how you win. But right now, not only aren’t you fighting to win, you’re fucking conceding defeat.”
Noah stared at his friend’s concerned expression and something that had been drawn tight and hard inside his chest loosened. Just a little.
He’d never told anyone how much pain he was in the last time Summer had broken his heart. Had never let his friends know the true extent of what he was going through. Back then, he hadn’t even told them that he’d seen her kissing Deacon.
Instead, he’d drowned it all in alcohol and drumming and living the life of a rock star. He’d thought back then that it had worked; that he’d gotten through the experience unscathed. But that wasn’t true. Because it had all come pouring back the moment he’d seen her again. And he didn’t want to go through that again. Not alone. He didn’t want to keep pushing everything down, hoping it would go away.
Because he already knew it wouldn’t.
Noah raked both hands through his hair, then laced his hands together behind his neck. He exhaled heavily. “It fucking hurts, Tex. I feel like I’m walking around with my heart cut out of my chest right now. I need her. I need her in my life, but I’m terrified if I keep trying, and she pushes me away again, that’ll be it for me, there’ll be no coming back.”
“I get it, man. You, of all people, should know that I get it.”
Noah winced at the reminder of his role in what had happened between Tex and Eden. But it was true. If anyone understood how he felt, it was Tex.
It had all worked out for the two of them in the end, though. When it came down to it, neither of them had been able to let go—
Noah froze, his mind working.
He’d been asking Summer to trust him. To put her heart in his hands and trust that he wouldn’t let it go. He’d asked her to take his word for it that he’d always be there for her. But he’d fallen at the first hurdle. He’d let her go.
Again.
What was he doing, fucking moping around feeling sorry for himself? He needed to prove to Summer that he was always going to be there for her. No matter what. And he needed to trust whatever it was between them. Because the bond they had? It had lasted eleven fucking years. It hadn’t broken, no matter what had happened in between. No matter how badly they’d both been hurt, that bond hadn’t broken. He needed to trust in that if nothing else.
The words he’d said to Summer before the tour reverberated in his head: At some stage you’re going to have to stand your ground and fight….
If Summer didn’t love him, he could accept her decision and walk away. But she did. He knew she did. She was running scared, that was all. Which didn’t mean he should throw in the towel. All it meant was that he needed to fight harder. So, he was going to fight, and keep fighting, until there was no hope left.
Tex’s eyes were searching his, and he grinned at what he must have seen. “Looks like you’ve figured something out.”
Noah let a genuine smile cross his face. The first in the two weeks since she’d walked out his door. “I’m going to prove to her that even if she pushes me away, I’m going to be here for her. She’s fucking it for me. And even if all I get is to be her friend for the rest of my life, then I’ll be the best fucking friend she’s ever had.”
Tex cocked his head, a smirk tugging at his lips. “You’re going to be her best friend?”
Noah stared back at him, then rubbed his hand over his face and laughed. “No, fuck that. I’m not going to be her friend. I’m going to be the goddamn love of her life, whether she likes it or not.”