All the Cuts and Scars We Hide by Garry Michael

Nine: Wyatt

Let’s Start Over Again

Iwanted the mocha, but because the universe had never been a fan of mine, it let Kai choose the drink that I wanted. The odd thing was, I wasn’t bothered, not even a little. I could’ve easily come out and asked him how he liked his coffee, but the group of teenagers that came in would’ve hogged the line, and since Andrea had sold out of their muffins, the café’s cookie collection was getting thin and I wanted Kai to try them all.

The uncomfortable silence between us was starting to gnaw at me. Why do I have to be so awkward? Feeling uneasy, I shifted in my seat and thought of ways to get a conversation going, but nothing came out. Instead, anxiety, panic, and nervousness heightened the prolonged silence, making every moment excruciating. Bullets of sweat began to form on my forehead while Kai studied me, a lazy smile on his dimpled face.

I thrived on silence, it’d been my comfort zone these past few years, but ironically, at this very moment, silence was the last thing I needed. It was a wonder I was able to secure a date in the past. If I’d met me, I wouldn’t pick me either.

Moments passed without a single word being spoken. I considered having pity on Kai and letting him out of whatever this was so he could be on his merry way, but I wasn’t willing to give up on this botched coffee date yet. It didn’t escape me that Kai took his time sipping my mocha. I wasn’t any better, I imitated his every move hoping to buy time and that he’d speak first.

We found ourselves in a staring duel and whenever he caught me staring at him, I forced myself to look away.

“Okay, it looks like we have two options here.” Kai finally spoke. “We could call it, and pretend this awkward day never happened.”

I held my breath, waiting for the other option and hoping that it didn’t include parting ways and forgetting this day ever happened. As painful as this was, I wanted to be there with him, even if all we did was stare at each other. But I knew it wasn’t fair to subject him to this social torture just because I wanted to be in his presence.

“Or…” he trailed off. “And I’m really hoping you pick this option.” He held his hand up and crossed his middle and index fingers. “We can start over again and maybe, more talk, less awkward?” he finished, beaming.

And just like that, the tension in the air was defused by his charm. How could he turn the bad into something so hopeful, so easily? He was about to say something, but I cut him off and said, “I’ll take the second option.” Flustered by the excitement of knowing that he didn’t want this day to end, just like I didn’t.

“Great!” Kai’s eyes widened, his face splitting from a breathtaking grin. “Wanna walk instead?”

“Yes,” I agreed and if I was flustered then, I was a goner now. His perfectly positioned dimples on each cheek and the way his light brown eyes dazzled with the sunlight reflecting through, made him irresistible. His red lips were accentuated by his tan complexion as if he were just coming from a long tropical vacation. Call me crazy but his skin actually glowed.

There was something about Kai that pulled me in, and I knew that it was more than just his striking good looks. I hadn’t planned on walking along Main Street, but I couldn’t seem to say no whenever he was around.

This had been a great idea. I don’t know why I didn’t spend more time out and about in our town. While we walked, I began to see things differently. The Victorian homes and sculptures from our local artists adorned Main Street of Friday Harbor. Our little town was charming. “Interesting.”

“What is?” Kai asked, pulling me out of my new discovery.

“Huh?”

“What's interesting?”

I didn’t realize that I’d said that out loud. “It’s beautiful here,” I shrugged.

“You’re just now realizing that?” he mused.

“I’ve passed by this place hundreds of times. I’ve seen all this, but I’ve never really noticed it. Somehow, it’s different,” I explained.

“I get that. Sometimes, we don’t appreciate the things we have until they’re gone, or you’re not there to see the beauty anymore.” Kai took a sip of his drink and peered at the water. It was only there for a split second, but there was a flash of sadness in his eyes, and his voice cracked ever so slightly saying those words. He took a long breath and continued, “How long have you lived here?”

“I’ve lived here my entire life, except when I left for college and a two-year deployment in Afghanistan after that.”

“Thank you for your service. This is truly a wonderful place. You’re lucky to be surrounded by all this beauty.”

We passed by the small park overlooking the Friday Harbor Marina and sat down on one of the wooden benches. The neighboring islands framed the glistening cold waters of Puget Sound as sailboats peppered the water with their bright colorful sails.

“Wyatt?” Kai asked.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something personal? You don’t have to answer if you’re uncomfortable with it.”

I was afraid this was about my breakdown and what brought it on.

There was a short pause before he continued. “Are you gay?”

Kai’s question confused me, not because of the question itself but because I thought he already knew the answer. I’d never hidden my sexuality after coming out in my senior year of high school. Everyone in our small town knew who I was because I grew up here, but I’d forgotten he wasn’t from around here.

Kai must’ve figured I was offended by his question when it took me a while to respond. The uneasiness in his eyes matched the jitters of his hand, which he quickly shoved into his pocket when he saw me glance at them. He looked so adorable chewing on his bottom lip between sips. Losing his patience, he asked, “Did I offend you?”

“Yes, I’m gay and I’ve been on my own ever since my old man kicked me out of the house.”

“Okay, that’s good news,” he smiled. “Not the being kicked out of the house part, because that’s awful, but the gay part,” he mumbled. “I am too, but I think you got that, but then again I shouldn’t just assume you do, you can’t just assume that someone’s gay,” he paused, taking a breath. “Like, hello, who does that?” he continued and readjusted on the wooden bench facing the water, staring at the horizon. His face turned red and his hands shook a bit when he took another sip of his drink.

“Kai, it’s okay. Breathe.”

“Okay,” he said and scooted closer.

“You’re funny,” I said, also scooting close enough for our hips to touch. I could hear my heart beating over the roar of Puget Sound and wondered if Kai could hear it too.