Feels Like Love by Jenna Hartley

Chapter Eighteen

“Like that?” I asked, wrapping my hand around Bennett’s shaft and gliding toward the tip.

I was nervous and a heck of a lot turned on, desire pumping through me along with adrenaline. Making my hands shake. If he noticed, he didn’t comment on it, thankfully.

“Mm-hmm. Grip me a little harder.” A muscle in his neck twitched, and I loved the feeling of watching him unravel. Of knowing that he was closer to losing control and all because of what I was doing to him.

I was touching him. He was naked. I was almost naked. Oh my god. Was this really happening?

The longer we sat there, the more my confidence increased. I kept playing with different techniques, finally going for it and kissing the tip. Licking up the bottom side of his shaft, feeling the veins with my tongue. He was so big. I wasn’t sure how I was possibly going to fit all of him in my mouth.

“Oh god,” he moaned, his eyes glued to mine.

“Tell me what to do,” I said, gliding my hands up and down his shaft.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. Experiment. Everything feels…so good.” He shuddered.

I grinned and lowered my mouth once more. I kept varying the pressure and speed and suction to see how he’d react until I found what made him grip the sheets and groan with pleasure. Occasionally he’d offer guidance, but for the most part, his words were encouraging. “Yes.” “More.” “Fuck yes.” It made me feel like a freaking superstar.

I bobbed around the tip, licking and sucking as I gripped the rest of his shaft with my hand. His lips parted, eyes glued to mine. He was… God, he was so sexy. And I wanted to climb on top of him and see if he felt as good as I imagined. All that glorious skin—naked and warm. His muscles rippling, clenching, back arching as he struggled to hold on. I tried to commit each and every detail to memory, wishing I could grab my camera.

My core was throbbing, a bundle of nerves wound tight. The ache growing with every stroke, every sigh. I wanted to trap a pillow between my legs and ride my way to climax.

Instead, I settled for making him come. I had a feeling he was close. At least if the way his hands clenched the sheets was any indication.

Then he said, “Fuck, baby. I’m gonna come,” and tried to pull out, but I wouldn’t let him.

I kept sucking and working him, until warmth spurted down my throat. Salty. Sweet. Him.

I grinned, loving the way I could read him so easily. I wondered if it was because I knew him so well, but it wasn’t like we’d ever done anything like this. Even so, it felt…natural.

Finally, he placed his hand on my shoulder, chuckling. “Okay.” He laughed, flashing me a boneless smile. “Okay. You have to stop.”

I sat back and wiped the corner of my mouth. “Any tips?”

He surprised me by wrapping his free hand behind my neck and pulling me down for a kiss. It was gentle and sweet. “None,” he sighed. “That.” He gave me another kiss. “Was. Fucking.” One more. “Amazing.”

He let out a breath that seemed to release all his cares, and I smiled and said, “Good.”

“Worth the calories?” he teased, quoting Prue from GBBO.

“Oh my god.” I laughed, feeling much more at ease. “Yes. But seriously—” I tapped a finger to my chin “—are there calories in sperm?”

He lifted a shoulder. “Maybe, though I imagine it’s not many.”

“Mm.” I licked my lips. “Creamy and low-fat.”

He groaned, and I laughed. It felt as if it was an ordinary night hanging out. Not like I’d just stripped Bennett naked and watched him come as I sucked his cock.

“So…” I smiled, and his lips mirrored my own. “Any suggestions?”

He shook his head, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him so relaxed. Especially not these past few weeks. “None.”

“None?” I frowned. “Are you sure?” That seemed way too easy.

“Yes.” He laughed, standing from the bed, glancing around as if searching for something. “I’m sure. Wasn’t my enjoyment obvious?”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what?” He stood there, completely naked. Completely unabashed. His confidence was sexy as hell. I wanted to be as confident as Bennett was. Though it was easy to see why. Those thick thighs, dusted with blond hair. Trim waist with the V that led down…there. I swallowed hard, consumed with the intimate knowledge of his taste.

“Wren?” He tilted his head to the side, and I remembered he’d asked me a question.

“Um, nothing.”

“I’m going to go grab some water, then you can ask me all the questions you want.” He turned for the living room. “Can I get you anything?”

I was going to laugh, but when I saw his ass, I could scarcely breathe. The man was a god.

He pulled on some athletic shorts and snuck down the hall. When he returned a moment later, it was with a white box in hand. I’d barely even had time to consider whether to put my shirt back on. Or to attempt to fix my hair.

“Oh my god.” I pushed myself up on the bed. “Did you bring me pastries?”

“I did. Which one do you want?” He held the box open to me. I pointed at the one I wanted, and he removed it, holding it to my lips.

I took a bite and moaned around it, the flavors bursting on my tongue. He turned it to himself and took a bite. “Damn, that is good.”

He used his finger to swipe some of the cream filling then smeared it across my nipple. I gasped as it hardened in response, my nerve endings coming alive at the smells and sensations.

He grinned and did the same to my other nipple, then leaned forward to lick it away with his tongue. I swallowed hard, in love with this man and the way he played my body. Like it was his.

“You had questions?” he asked, his attention still on my nipples.

“Huh?” I tore my gaze from what he was doing. “You keep distracting me,” I said, though I didn’t mind. Anything to forget the fact that this was a training exercise and nothing more. “And I do.”

“Shoot.” His slow, sexy grin was doing funny things to my insides. Like melting my brain.

“Does it hurt when you come?” I asked, curiosity overriding my better sense. I couldn’t help it. Bennett had always made me feel comfortable, even now. I didn’t know if it was because I’d known him my whole life or just who he was, but I knew I could ask him—tell him—anything.

He chuckled, propping himself up on one elbow as he watched me. “No. It feels great. But that felt especially amazing.”

My cheeks heated from his compliment. “Good.”

His gaze was intense, and I shifted my legs, feeling the urge to move. “Does it hurt when you come?” he asked.

I glanced at the bedspread, picking at one of the thread flowers on it. “I don’t know.”

He started coughing. “Um, what?”

“I told you—I’m practically a virgin.” And the two times I’d had sex hadn’t been all that fun, and they’d ended quickly. Since then, I hadn’t gotten that far with anyone. Hadn’t had the time or interest, if I was being completely honest.

“Yeah, but don’t you ever…touch yourself?”

“I mean, yeah, I’ve tried. I’ve just never had much success with it. Sometimes, um—” My cheeks were on fire, and I stared at the comforter, unable to look at him. “Sometimes I’ll get close with a pillow.”

I wondered what he was thinking as he lay there. Next to me. With the knowledge I’d just shared.

“Damn. A pillow.” He rubbed his hand over his chin. “That’s hot,” he finally said.

“Really?” I met his gaze, shocked by the heat I found there, his eyes hooded with desire.

“Fuck yeah.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “Though close isn’t nearly good enough.”

“No.” I shook my head sadly. “It’s not.” It was frustrating as hell, especially lately. With Bennett constantly around—being his sweet, sexy self—I was full of pent-up energy just waiting to explode.

“Can I try?” he finally asked, shocking the hell out of me.

“You want to—” I gulped “—touch me?”

He kissed me. “And taste you.” I must’ve made a funny face because he added, “But only if you want me to.”

Was he kidding? I’d imagined his touch countless times. We’d bake something, and I’d watch the way his hands worked the dough with skill. His long fingers conveying a gentle touch despite their evident strength.

Even so, I hesitated, scared to finally take that next step. Not because of him, but because then I’d have to explain.

“What is it, Wren?”

I dipped my head. “I, um, I think I should tell you something first. It’s part of the reason why I haven’t been intimate with a man since…well, you know.”

“Okay.” His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he ran his fingers up and down my arm, over my back. It was so…relaxing.

“But…” I frowned. “It’s not the sexiest topic, and I’m scared it will ruin the mood.”

He tucked my hair behind my ear. “Nothing you say could ruin the mood. Besides, I’m a doctor. You can’t even imagine the stuff I see at work.” When I hesitated, he added, “Trust me.”

I considered it a moment before deciding it could wait. I didn’t want to focus on the past; I wanted to enjoy the present. I wanted to forget about everything but him.

“Later.” I kissed him, pulling him down on top of me.

He tensed briefly before relaxing into the kiss. Our tongues dancing, bodies touching. He explored my body with his hands until I was breathless, arching my hips to show him where I needed him most.

“Bennett, please,” I panted. He pulled back and held my gaze a moment then said, “You’ll tell me if there’s anything that doesn’t feel good or makes you uncomfortable. Good communication is the key to good sex. And a strong relationship.”

I nodded, scarcely able to speak with the way he was looking at me. This was happening, actually happening. All my childhood and adult fantasies about Bennett were about to become reality.

He brushed my hair over my shoulder, and I shivered. “Cold?”

I shook my head. I was burning up, my body in overdrive. He threaded his fingers through my hair, sending goose bumps over my skin. I was so attuned to him, so needy. And he seemed to know exactly what I needed, even when I didn’t.

He kissed me deeply, fusing our mouths together as my heart thundered in my chest. And suddenly this felt like more than a lesson. This felt…real.

He broke the kiss, only to trail his lips down my neck, lavishing attention on my collarbone, my shoulders. He cupped my breasts, pushing them up even higher, my cleavage nearly spilling out. Overflowing his hands the way my heart overflowed with love for this man.

As much as I’d tried to deny it, deep down, I knew it was true. I loved Bennett. I was in love with my brother’s best friend.

“Fuck me, your tits are so gorgeous. When you sent me that picture, I almost came just from looking at them.”

I moaned, leaning my head back. “You’re one to talk. I mean, damn, Bennett. Were you trying to torture me?”

“Me?” He pulled back. “Torture you? You started it!”

“What?” My jaw dropped. “I did not!”

“Did so.” He poked my side and started tickling me. I giggled uncontrollably. He’d always been vicious in a tickle fight. “Teasing me with all those sexy pajamas and no bra.”

“Says the man who walks around shirtless.” I grabbed his wrists, at least momentarily. But then he rolled us so that he was on top, straddling me. Tickling me mercilessly.

“You’re the one who made me watch the baking show with all the innuendos.”

“Stop that!” I said between laughter as I tried to grab his hands. “Bennett! I’m trying to be sexy here, and all my jiggly bits are… This is not flattering,” I huffed.

He sat back but continued straddling me. “Lesson number…” He glanced to the ceiling then back at me. “Who knows what number. Doesn’t matter. You have to love yourself. Love your body. Be confident. Confidence is sexy.”

“Easy for you to say,” I muttered and turned away.

He grabbed my chin and brought my focus back to him. “You’re confident in business. You’re confident as a mom. Why aren’t you confident in the bedroom?”

“Because I’m completely inexperienced.” Though it was more than that. The last time I’d trusted a man, it had ended badly.

“Honestly?” he asked. “That’s a huge fucking turn-on…for some guys.” He tacked on the last part as if it were an afterthought. I didn’t care about “some guys”; I wanted to ask if it was a turn-on for him.

“And I have to admit,” he continued, “there are few things I love more than seeing you laugh.”

I smiled, my chest warming at his compliment. He didn’t have to say stuff like that, yet he did. A small part of me wondered why. I knew he was sincere when he said it; I guess it just surprised me.

He bent forward, taking my lips in a tender kiss that was even more reassuring than his words. His mouth made love to mine, like I wanted him to make love to my body. Perhaps sensing my impatience, he kissed his way down the valley of my breasts. Down my stomach until he was kneeling before me, his head level with my belly button. His breath was warm on my skin, and I could feel the jagged in and out of it, even still as he was.

When he met my eyes, his were questioning.

“Don’t stop now,” I whispered.

He’d barely touched me, and already I was so much closer to release than I’d ever been. He kissed my hips, lowering my shorts before casting them aside. His movements were shaky. Is he nervous? I pushed away the thought. There was no way a man like Bennett was nervous. Especially knowing this wasn’t real.

That’s right, I reminded myself. This isn’t real. Better enjoy it while it lasts.

“What’s that look?” he asked, mouth poised above my sex. “Are you nervous?”

I nodded. “A little.”

“Do you trust me?”

More than anyone. “Yes.”

“Then trust me to make you feel good.” He nuzzled me through the material of my panties, and I wanted to cover my face. But I couldn’t stop watching him. Watching the way he seemed so into it. Was that how I’d looked when I’d been sucking him off? Intense. Sexy. Possessed.

He teased me through the fabric, my pleasure rising, building with every brush. Every pass. I arched my hips toward him, unable to hold back. It felt amazing. Way better than anything I’d ever experienced.

He peeled off my underwear, and then I was bare to him. Completely naked before my brother’s best friend. A man who was more like a god. His blond hair glinted in the low light, and I wanted to close my legs, but he spread my thighs apart and looked at me. Really looked at me.

And then he closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “Fuck, Wren.”

If he noticed my scar, he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he resumed his position between my legs. Everything was so much more intense without that fabric between us. His breath on my most sensitive place. His tongue. Oh god, his tongue. He licked lazy circles then shorter flicks as if he couldn’t make up his mind. As if I were an ice cream he wanted to devour while simultaneously prolonging the experience. I understood—it was exactly how I felt.

I gripped the sheets, twisting them between my hands. “That feels…” I gulped. “So, so good. So freaking good.” After that, my words became unintelligible as I unraveled. Spiraling out of control, muscles clenching around air, body convulsing from the intense waves of pleasure.

But he kept working me, pushing my body higher until I cried out again. Everything was blurry, hazy, magical, like an image with the perfect rainbow kaleidoscope of bokeh. And as my body floated back down to earth like dust motes in a barn, Bennett pulled me into his arms. He caught me, kissed me, letting me taste myself on his tongue.

I closed my eyes, enjoying his closeness as much as anything else we’d done. It was so nice to be held. To feel his warm chest against mine. His body cradling mine.

After a while, I said, “So…you may have noticed my scars.”

He pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. “The only thing I saw was you.”

I tugged at the corner of my eye, feeling more accepted and beautiful than I had maybe ever. And even though I never talked about this, I wanted to tell him. I felt compelled to for some reason.

“When River was born, I had a lot of complications. I ended up having an emergency C-section and contracted sepsis caused by a staph infection.”

He swallowed, hand stilling. “What?”

I nodded. Even now, it was still difficult to think back on that time. “I almost died. River almost…” I couldn’t say it. I swallowed back the emotions. “Anyway, I was very, very sick, and it took me a long time to recover.”

He cupped my cheeks. “You are so strong, Wren. So brave.”

I smiled sadly. There was more.

“We made it through that, but then when River was about two, I started getting tired all the time. Achy. I had some other symptoms I won’t go into. It took going to a few doctors, but they finally determined that I had a perianal abscess and drained it.”

He sucked air through his teeth and continued tracing his fingers up and down my arm, over my back. “I bet that hurt.”

I nodded. Oh boy, had it. Even to this day, I could still remember the appointment. To numb the area, it had felt like a bajillion tiny beestings on my ass. And that was just the beginning…

“Did it work? Or did it turn out to be a fistula? I’ve treated a German shepherd with one, though surgery is usually the last resort.”

I nodded, relieved that he understood the gist of the condition without my having to explain. The golf-ball–sized lump had been a bad enough omen, but then things had gotten worse.

“It was a fistula. And I had to have a colonoscopy, an MRI, and two surgeries to correct it.”

“But you’re okay now, right?” he asked, concern marring his features.

“For the most part. I have to be careful about my…diet,” I said, not wanting to completely ruin the evening by discussing the details.

If I wasn’t careful, I could create a bigger problem since the fistula had been so close to my sphincter muscle. Pooping had been painful and scary. And I’d been terrified of losing my ability to control my bowel movements. Luckily, the surgeries had been a success.

“But I have a scar,” I continued. “Well, two scars. The C-section and the one from the fistula.”

“Wren, baby.” He nuzzled his nose against mine. “I’m just glad you’re okay. And I’m sorry you had to go through so much.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“Were you afraid they’d bother me? Somehow be a turn-off?” he asked.

I lifted a shoulder. “Yeah. I guess.”

“Baby.” He placed his finger beneath my chin, bringing my gaze to him. “Your scars are part of you. They don’t define you, unless you let them.”

I stared into his gorgeous blue eyes and got swept away. “I know. It’s just…this is all new territory for me.”

“Which is why I’m here to help you practice.” He grinned, but my stomach soured at the reminder. “Besides, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“But I want to,” I said, as if he couldn’t tell from what we’d just done. “I really do. Well, I should preface that by saying that anal is off-limits.”

He chuckled. “I kind of figured. Though I’m not really into that anyway. I have my hand up enough asses at work.”

I laughed. “And here I’d been worried about ruining the mood.”

He smiled and kissed me, pushing me onto my back so that his body was draped over mine. “If you hadn’t noticed…I’m always in the mood when it comes to you.”

I could feel his dick hardening against my leg. “Seriously?” I laughed, surprised by how quickly he’d recovered. “That was…” I sighed and let my head fall back against the pillow. “I can’t believe you made me come twice.”

Two orgasms! He’d given me two orgasms using only his tongue. Damn.

So much for not sleeping with my brother’s best friend. If anything, now I wanted to even more.

He chuckled, and it rumbled through his chest. “You mean, only twice.”

“No.” I shook my head. “That was amazing. And you didn’t even…” I trailed off. “You know.”

“What? Use penetration?”

I nodded, distracted by the way his fingers were mapping my curves.

“Considering your success with a pillow, I thought we’d start off with clit stimulation. Many women can’t come from penetration alone.”

I stilled. I wanted to focus on the “I thought we’d start” part of his statement, but my mind kept getting stuck on the “many women.” As in…all the women he’d been with before.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and extracted myself from his arms before pushing out of bed. “I should probably head to my room.”

I wasn’t naïve. I knew Bennett had a past that included other women. I just didn’t want to think about it. Didn’t want to think about how I’d be joining those ranks in a few weeks.

That said, it was probably a good thing, spurring me into action. Reminding me what I’d signed up for in asking him to be my coach.

“Hey.” He grabbed my wrist. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Not at all.” I grabbed my clothes from the floor and started getting dressed. “It’s getting late. And it’s not like I want to explain to River what I’m doing here in the morning.”

He stood and grabbed his boxers before sliding into them. Watching him dress seemed somehow even more intimate than watching him undress. For a brief moment, I could imagine us sharing a room, getting ready in the morning together.

At least until he said, “Let me know when you’re ready for another practice session.”

I forced a smile, playing along. “Tomorrow night too soon?”

He smiled. “Not soon enough.”

He walked me to the door, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Good night, Wren. Sweet dreams.”

As I snuck down the hall to my room, I told myself to be more like Liam. To take emotions out the equation. Even though I’d bared myself to Bennett tonight more than any other man, I needed to remember that this was just sex, nothing more.