Feels Like Love by Jenna Hartley

Chapter Twenty

Iperused the cheese stall at the farmers market. I was hoping to make a special dish for Bennett and River inspired by something I’d seen on TheGreat British Bake Off. I picked up the Camembert, then set it down. Same with the Brie. I couldn’t seem to make up my mind, just like I was still trying to sort out my feelings about Bennett and the other night.

He’d made me dinner. Admitted to wooing me. But then he’d reverted to talking about coaching—giving me pointers, asking me about my dates. I was so confused.

Did Bennett have feelings for me that went beyond friendship? Lately, it certainly felt like more than friendship. And not just because we’d been building up to it for…what felt like forever.

Our relationship went deeper than physical. I was usually so hesitant and reserved when it came to men. But with Bennett, I never felt the need to hold back. He made me feel accepted and seen. And when we had sex—there was…a connection. A recognition. Like our souls were two puzzle pieces finally fitting together.

Despite all that, I hesitated to tell him how I really felt. Encountering rejection from random men I met on the internet was one thing. Facing it from Bennett was another entirely. And after what had happened with Kade—after the trust I’d placed in him, the love I’d given him—the idea of making myself that vulnerable again was terrifying.

Even so, I’d survived Kade leaving. I’d survived the betrayal, the hurt, the humiliation. But Bennett was different. He wasn’t just my friend; he was Liam’s best friend. And he was important to River.

If I weren’t careful, I’d ruin more than just Bennett’s friendship with Liam. I couldn’t stomach the idea of Bennett not being part of my life. Or River’s. I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Wren?” a familiar voice asked. I turned to see Arlo smiling at me from a few stalls away. He set down the jar of honey he’d been holding and thanked the merchant before heading my way, a beautiful dog at his side.

“Arlo, hey!” My voice sounded odd—high-pitched and cheery. Luckily, he didn’t notice or didn’t seem to care.

I felt everyone’s eyes on us, from the owner of Pore Over to the cheesemonger. God, this is going to end up on The Vine, isn’t it?

“And this must be Fern.” I smiled and crouched down to pet the black lab, who sniffed me and wagged her tail.

When I stood, Arlo pulled me into a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah,” I said, trying to force myself to sound enthusiastic.

What is wrong with me?

He was handsome, sweet, and interested in me. Interested in a future with me. There were no mixed signals; he was full steam ahead in dating mode.

“I’ve missed you.” His lips were right by my ear.

God, he was so sweet. And here I was, sleeping with Bennett.

Bennett. Oh god.

“Sorry,” I whispered, pulling back as Arlo’s dog sniffed me. “River’s here.”

“He is?” Arlo brightened.

He hadn’t met my son yet, but he’d been subtly hinting at it for a while. We both knew it was a big deal, but he was more excited about the prospect than I was.

“Mom!” River yelled as if on cue. I took a few steps back from Arlo just in time.

“Riv, hey, wait up,” Bennett’s deep voice called.

“Oh, sorry.” He shot Bennett a sheepish grin as Bennett ruffled his hair. It was all so natural. And I was struck by the rightness of it.

“Is that your brother?” Arlo asked as River and Bennett approached.

River was wearing a blue maxi dress, and Arlo didn’t even seem to notice. Didn’t blink or cringe. Nothing.

“No, um, that’s Bennett. He’s my brother’s best friend.”

“Bennett?” Arlo’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “He’s your roommate?”

I wanted to laugh, but at the moment, all I felt like doing was crying. Bennett and River joined us, and I watched as Arlo and Bennett sized each other up. River—completely, mercifully oblivious to the tension—said, “Hey! Cool dog. Can I pet her?”

“Absolutely.” Arlo crouched down to River’s level. “This is Fern. She’s really friendly. You just need to—” River held out his fist for Fern to sniff his knuckles. “Yeah. That’s right. Exactly like that.”

“I know.” River beamed, glancing up at Bennett. “B showed me. Did you know that Labrador retrievers can hit speeds of twelve miles per hour in just three seconds?”

“Wow. That’s amazing. I didn’t.” Arlo smiled. “I’m Arlo, by the way.”

“Hi,” River said. “I’m River. Cool accent. Are you from England?”

He chuckled. “Close. Australia.”

All the while, I was alternating between watching Arlo with River and then Bennett. He was standing off to the side, silent, a muscle ticking in his jaw.

“My mom loves British TV shows. Are you friends with my mom?”

“Yeah. We are.” Arlo peered up at me and winked.

“Right.” I clapped my hands together. “Where are my manners? Arlo, this is Bennett. And you’ve already met my son, River. Bennett, this is Arlo.”

Arlo stood and brushed his hands off before offering one to Bennett.

“Wren’s told me a lot about you,” Bennett said as they shook. And then that was it.

Silence.

Awkward.

I furrowed my brow, surprised that neither wasn’t his usual friendly self. Though maybe Bennett felt awkward, given the situation. Considering the fact that he was sleeping with me—coaching me, I reminded myself—while meeting the guy I was dating. I certainly felt uncomfortable, though luckily, Arlo hadn’t seemed to pick up on it.

Bennett crouched down, rubbing Fern’s belly, her tongue wagging. He and River talked in cutesy voices to the dog, and I shook my head with a smile. My boys.

“She likes you,” Arlo said to River, a warm smile playing at his lips.

“Did you know Bennett’s a veterinarian?” River asked.

“Gnarly,” Arlo said. “Maybe I’ll have to pop in. I’ve been going to the one over in St. Cecilia, but that drive knackers me.”

“Knackers?” Bennett asked.

“Wears me out.”

“Oh, right.” Bennett stood and handed Arlo a business card from his wallet. “I’d be happy to help. We’re located just off Mockingbird Lane.”

“Oh, fantastic.” Arlo flipped the card over then slid it into his back pocket. “Thanks, mate.”

When River started laughing, my attention snapped to him. Fern was licking his face, and he fell over backward, giggling. I really should consider getting him a dog.

“We should get going,” I said, eager to escape. This was too much—Bennett, Arlo, River. “We told Grandma we’d stop by the store. Remember?”

“Your mom has a store in town?” Arlo asked.

“Bibliolater,” I said.

“No way.” His jaw dropped. “That store is sick. Deborah’s your mom?”

I nodded, turning to glare at River while he pulled on my arm and tried to interrupt me. “River, just a minute.”

“But, Mom,” River whined, tugging on my arm. “I thought we were going to check out Wildflour Bakery.”

“Buddy, we have dessert at home.”

“Please?”

“River,” I said, my tone clipped. “It’s time to go.”

Bennett whispered something to River, and he grinned. “Oh, right. Totally forgot about the pavlova.”

“You made pavlova?” Arlo’s smile was approving.

I nodded, though the memory of that night had my skin heating and my heart racing. Bennett’s hands digging into my hips as I ground against him. His scruff teasing my breasts as his mouth set to work. His…

“Hey,” Arlo said, placing his hand on my forearm. “You okay? You’re looking a bit peaky.”

“What?” I shook my head as if to clear it. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m good.”

When I glanced at Bennett, he was smirking as if he knew exactly what I’d been thinking. “Nice to meet you, Arlo. Come on, River. Let’s go to the car and give your mom a minute.”

River stood, giving Fern another pat on the head. “Bye, girl. Bye, Arlo.” River waved as he skipped down the path with Bennett.

I glanced over at Arlo and found him smiling after River. “He’s a cute kid.”

Wow. If there’d been any lingering doubts in my mind about Arlo, he’d just dispelled them. He was everything I’d told Bennett I wanted in a partner. Arlo was nice. He treated me with respect. He wanted kids. But more than anything, he’d impressed me with the way he’d interacted with River.

“Thanks,” I said.

“When can I see you again?”

“I thought we had plans for next weekend?”

He leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Yeah, but that feels like a long time from now.”

I smiled and told myself it was a good thing. This was what I wanted, right? He was everything I wanted. Yet my heart wasn’t convinced.

“Maybe we can figure out something sooner.” Noncommittal. Vague.

Great. I was turning into any guy I’d ever dated.

“Well, I’d love to see you. Even for coffee.”

“Coffee sounds good.”

Low expectations. Daytime. Minimal chance for intimacy. Definitely good.

He gave me another hug, and then I walked back to the car as if in a daze. As attractive as Arlo was, it didn’t feel right to move forward with our physical relationship while I was still being…coached by Bennett. And the idea of having sex with anyone but Bennett made me physically ill.

* * *

It had been a busy week,and by Wednesday, nothing seemed to go right. River forgot his homework. I spilled coffee on my shirt. And I was dragging after several late-night practice sessions with Bennett. When I arrived at the studio, Harper was working on edits for the images for Meghan Hart’s latest cover, and she greeted me with a chipper hello.

I dropped my stuff in my chair, then said, “I’m going to grab some coffee from next door. And maybe a muffin. You want anything?”

“I’m good. Thanks.”

I was headed out the door when I ran into Arlo. He was carrying a beautiful bouquet of wild flowers and wearing an adorable smile. My heart flipped in my chest, but not for the reason I’d hoped.

“Arlo, hey.” I forced a smile. Crap. “What are you doing here?”

“Just wanted to stop by and say hi. Bring you these.” He held out the bouquet, and I took it, grateful to have something to do with my hands.

“Thank you,” I murmured, looking down at the colorful blooms instead of meeting his eyes. “They’re beautiful.”

“I probably should’ve called or texted first, but…do you want to grab some brekky?”

“I, um…” I glanced back inside.

“Or coffee?” he offered. “Since I assume that’s where you were headed.”

“Yeah. Sure.” I smiled. “That would be great. Let me just put these in some water.”

He followed me into the studio, chatting with Harper while I fussed with the flowers. Arlo was friendly and charming, but he wasn’t the man I wanted giving me flowers or surprising me at work.

Stop, Wren. Just stop.

Bennett wasn’t going to bring me flowers because what we were doing was a secret. We were nothing. And it was foolish to hope otherwise.

My stupid heart needed to shut up about Bennett and focus on the man before me.

Arlo never crossed my mind when I was with Bennett. But I found it impossible not to think about Bennett anytime I was with Arlo. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself, even now.

“You ready?” I asked Arlo.

He nodded, placing his hand on my lower back. As soon as we were alone in the hallway that connected the studio to Pore Over, he pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head.

“Hey,” he said. His scent was… Come on, Wren. Just give the man a chance.

“So, I was thinking…why don’t we bring River along this weekend?” He rubbed my shoulders, his tone hopeful.

River? I wasn’t sure I was ready to introduce River to a man I was dating, apart from the casual run-in at the farmers market. Besides, Bennett was moving out soon. I didn’t want to lose what little time we had left together.

I wasn’t ready to discuss Arlo meeting River, so instead, I said, “I’d rather do something just the two of us.”

“Mm.” He stepped closer, clearly misconstruing my intent. He flashed me a wicked smile. “How about a romantic weekend away, just the two of us? A chance to relax and spend some quality time together.”

Relax? Ha! A weekend away together with Arlo seemed like a big step. Like he might expect to take our relationship to the next level. In spite of Bennett’s coaching—or perhaps because of it—I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.

But could I really say no? And if I did, what would that mean for Arlo and me?

He was offering me the chance to have a relationship, a future. Something I’d never have with Bennett. And while I didn’t want my time with Bennett to end, I also wasn’t ready to give up on the possibility of something real with Arlo.

Ugh. Why was this so complicated?

“Wow. A weekend away. That sounds like something we’d need to plan.”

“I rang up a mate who works at a spa in St. Cecilia and got us a booking for the weekend. We could drive over, get massages, eat good food…” He grinned, likely imagining us doing all that and more.

“There’s just a lot going on right now.” When Arlo’s face fell, I added, “Let me think about it.”

“No worries,” he said. “I know I sprang it on you, but I wanted to surprise you.”

I nodded. “I will. And thanks. That was really sweet of you.”

He bent forward and pressed his lips to mine. It was…nice. But it wasn’t like kissing Bennett. It wasn’t searing and passionate. It wasn’t the kind of kiss that made me desperate for more.

“Arlo.” I laughed, pulling back, even as I kept my hands on his chest. “Anyone could see us.”

He lifted a shoulder. “So? Let them look.”

He seemed more affectionate than usual, more persistent. And I wondered if it had anything to do with meeting Bennett at the farmers market. Arlo and I had never discussed being exclusive, but I got the feeling I was the only woman he was pursuing.

Guilt twisted my gut, and I resolved to put forth more of a sincere effort with Arlo. Here he was wanting to meet my son. Offering to whisk me away for a romantic weekend. And I could barely make the time to be with him?

“Actually…” I smoothed my hands down his chest. “I’m supposed to hang out with my brother tonight. Do you want to come?”

What am I thinking?

“Really?” Arlo was way too excited about this. He had no idea…

“Yeah. He’s been asking about you.”

And maybe it would finally put the rumors to rest about Bennett and me. Not that they weren’t semitrue, but no one could ever know that.

“Awesome. I’m stoked.” He gave me a quick peck, seemingly mollified.

We grabbed some coffee and chatted a little bit, catching up on life. Talking about work. It was nothing like the deep conversations I had with Bennett, and I found myself yearning to talk about something more than just surface-level issues.

Sometimes I wondered if I knew Arlo at all. But then I reminded myself that I’d only met him a few weeks ago. Our relationship was evolving. We were still getting to know each other. I had to be patient.

When we finished the coffee, he walked me back to my office. I met Arlo’s eyes and looked at him for a moment, really looked at him.

He was handsome, but his weren’t the eyes I wanted gazing back at me. His hands weren’t the ones I wanted caressing my skin. I was attracted to Arlo—he was hot, for sure. But I didn’t feel that deep, thrumming need for him like I did with Bennett. That connection.

For weeks, I’d been telling myself it was because I hadn’t known Arlo that long. But deep down, I worried no amount of time would make any difference. Not when my heart belonged to Bennett.

“So, I’ll see you tonight.” He grinned before giving me one more kiss.

“I’ll text you the details.”

“Beauty!” He grabbed my cheeks and pressed his lips to mine once more. “I can’t wait.”

I texted Liam before I went back inside. He’d been surprisingly quiet about my love life lately, almost eerily so. Maybe telling him to back off had finally worked.

Perhaps it was time to introduce him to Arlo. See how the two of them got on. If nothing else, it would help dispel any doubts in either of their minds about my feelings toward Bennett.

Me: I’m bringing Arlo with me tonight, but only if you promise to be nice.

Liam: When am I ever anything but nice?

I rolled my eyes. Mm-hmm. Right.

“What’s that look?” Harper asked when I returned. I slumped down in my chair and said nothing. “Oh no. He didn’t break it off, did he?”

“No.” I barked out a laugh, thinking that would make things much simpler. “He asked me to go away with him for the weekend.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“It is when I’m still sleeping with Bennett,” I whispered.

One day, I’d confessed everything to Harper. She knew that it was fake. That Bennett was coaching me. But the more time we spent together, the more real it felt.

She shook her head with a laugh. “Okay… Well…” She was silent a moment, clearly thinking. “It’s not like you and Arlo have talked about being exclusive, right?”

I didn’t think Arlo was seeing anyone else, but who knew. I was sneaking around with Bennett after all. Bennett and I always used condoms, though he’d stopped asking about Arlo. And I’d stopped talking about my dates.

“No, but…”

“And Bennett knows the score.”

“True.” But…

“I don’t see a problem. But the fact that you’re feeling conflicted tells me that maybe you need to end things with one of them.”

“Bennett, right?”

She lifted a shoulder. “I didn’t say which one of them.”

I clenched my fists, my heartbeat thudding in my ears. “Well, he’s the obvious choice.”

“Is he?”

I threw my hands in the air with an exasperated sigh. “Whatever. You know what—forget I said anything.”

“Wren,” she pleaded.

I ducked behind my computer. “It’s fine. I’m just tired. I’ve been staying up late too many nights.”

She waggled her eyebrows. “All those coaching sessions, huh?”

That was true, but many nights Bennett and I stayed up late just talking. Laughing at old memories. Discovering what had happened in the years we hadn’t seen each other. Dreaming about life.

This was a mess.

“Oh god.” I hung my head in my hands. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing…what? Bennett?” She laughed.

“Lying. I’m lying to everyone. My brother. Bennett. Arlo. I wasn’t made to juggle more than one man at once!” I stood, arms flapping as I talked and walked in circles around the studio. I hadn’t even told her about Ben. We still chatted from time to time, but he was always traveling for work.

“Well…you could end it with Bennett.”

“But the sex,” I whined, my core clenching at the reminder. “God, it’s so good. I don’t know if I can walk away. And I’m still going to have to see him every day until he moves out. And I don’t want him to move out. River doesn’t either.” Crap. Had I really just admitted all of that?

It wasn’t just about the sex. The idea of ending things with Bennett made me want to cry. Crap.

“Maybe you should just let it run its course. He’s moving out soon, right?”

“Mm-hmm.” My stomach twisted, a solid knot forming in the pit like a cannonball. I honestly didn’t want to think about it. I spent a lot of time actively trying not to think about it.

“So, you keep on keepin’ on until he moves out.”

“Tempting,” I said.

Every time we kissed, my toes curled and my body melted. And the sex—god, the sex was amazing. He knew exactly what I needed. All the pheromones and hormones and whatever were filling my head with ridiculous ideas about how my life could be with Bennett in it as more than a friend.

“Except for the fact that you’re in love with him…” she said softly.

When I could take it no longer, I said, “Okay. Fine. I’m totally falling for him. I know it’s supposed to be fake, but it feels a lot like love.”

“Maybe you should tell him how you feel and see if he feels the same.”

In theory, that sounded great. But it was easier said than done.

“If Bennett wanted more, don’t you think he would’ve said so by now?” I asked. He didn’t exactly strike me as the kind of guy who would be okay with sharing. Though I never would’ve believed he’d lie to my brother either.

“What if there was a way to test the waters…”

I stilled. “What are you thinking?”

“Well…” She tapped her pen to her lips. “I have an idea.”

As I listened, I considered her plan. It was risky, and if I wasn’t careful, I’d lose them both. I’d lose everything. My friendship with Bennett, and the chance for a future with real love.