Feels Like Love by Jenna Hartley

Chapter Twenty-One

“Dude, have you met Arlo?” Liam asked as I racked the weights.

“Yeah, briefly at the farmers market last weekend.”

After our run-in with Arlo, I’d tried to avoid Wren. I really had. And I’d lasted about a day before I’d caved and touched her again.

Liam nodded and switched places with me as I grabbed a barbell to do some squats. “He’s a cool guy, right?”

I stilled. “You like him?”

I hadn’t had the chance to talk to Wren before she’d left to hang out with Arlo and Liam. And I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Liam not only seemed to tolerate Arlo, but maybe even like the guy.

“Yeah. He’s got a good job. He has a dog, so he can’t be half bad. And Wren really seems to like him.”

Unbelievable. I moved over to one of the rowing machines. Liam followed, sitting on the one next to me. “I can’t believe you actually like a guy she’s dating.”

He lifted a shoulder as he clipped his feet in, and we started taking strokes. “He’s a fellow coffee aficionado. It’s like we’re speaking the same language. Plus, he introduced me to my new favorite drink—a flat white.”

“Oh, so that’s it?” I laughed, though the sound was forced. “That’s all it took to win you over?”

“No, but I realized that maybe I was being too hard on her. It’s just…after everything with Kade…” He let out a deep breath. “You have no idea, Bennett. We almost lost her.”

I squeezed my eyes shut briefly. I didn’t want to think about it. About what Wren had gone through.

“Sepsis is serious shit.”

His eyes flashed to mine. “She told you about that?”

I nodded. She’d also told me about her fistula, but I wasn’t going to admit that to Liam.

“She’s been through so much. I want her to be happy, and she definitely seems happier lately.”

I tightened my grip on the handle. Because of me.

The more he talked, the harder I pushed myself. Arlo this and Arlo that. And did you know that Arlo…

“Dude, slow down,” Liam said from next to me. “Are you trying to give yourself a heart attack?”

Maybe. At least then I wouldn’t have to listen to Liam gush about Wren’s new boyfriend. Better yet, I wouldn’t have to watch Wren and Arlo together.

I puffed out a breath, pushing hard off the machine with my feet. Just thinking about the two of them had blood whooshing through my ears, my heart seizing in my chest. It was easy to ignore the fact that she was dating him when we were alone. But then we’d run into him at the farmers market… And he was no longer a vague idea. He was flesh and blood. And he was clearly into Wren.

I didn’t realize how sweaty I’d gotten until the handle slipped out of my hands and hit the machine with a loud bang.

“You okay?” Liam asked as other people around us stopped and stared.

“I’m going to take a piss.” I quickly wiped down the machine and escaped to the locker room.

I splashed some water on my face and stared in the mirror for a long time. All of a sudden, things seemed to be progressing with Wren and Arlo’s relationship, getting more real. And I felt blindsided by it.

I banged my fist against the counter. Fucking idiot.

I should’ve known this was coming. This was my fault after all. I was the one who’d encouraged her. Coached her. But I’d also deluded myself into thinking that there was something between us. That what we had was special.

“What’s up with you today?” Liam asked, joining me at the sink. I hadn’t even realized he’d come in.

“Nothing.” I shrugged.

He leaned against the counter. “Did something happen with TM?”

I frowned. “Who’s TM?”

“The woman on your phone. The one you told me not to call by the nickname I originally came up with.”

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Tits McGee. I guess I should’ve been grateful for the latest version of Liam’s nickname.

“I told you.” I gnashed my teeth. “It’s nothing.”

But I wanted it to be something. Wren was my everything. River too.

This past weekend had made me realize how precarious my position was with Wren. I needed to tell her how I felt before I lost the chance forever.

I still didn’t think Liam would approve of our relationship, but his stance toward Arlo was definitely encouraging. I shook my head. I couldn’t think about that. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be without her.

That evening, I cooked Wren’s favorite meal and considered what I was going to say to her. River was a good distraction, at least until he went to bed. And then, Wren and I were finally alone together.

I poured us each a glass of wine and then joined her on the couch.

She smiled at me, though she seemed preoccupied. “Thanks.”

“My pleasure.” I kissed her cheek. “How was your day?”

“Good. Busy. I, um…” She tucked her hair behind her ear and set the wineglass on the coffee table before turning to face me. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Great.” Nerves filled my stomach, making it difficult to sit still. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about too.” I set my glass down next to hers. “What’s up?”

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Arlo invited me to go away with him for the weekend.”

Fuck!

“What did you say?” I asked, hoping my voice sounded calmer than I felt.

“I wanted to talk to you about it first,” she said, sidestepping the question. Though I guessed that was good. At least she hadn’t immediately told him yes. Which meant that I might still have a chance.

Don’t go. Stay with me.

Did she want to go with him? Was she asking for my permission? My blessing? I didn’t know what she wanted from me here.

I knew what I wanted—her.

But I also wanted Wren to be happy. So, I put my own feelings aside to focus on Wren and her happiness. And if she wanted to go away with this fuckingArlo, then I had to support that.

Releasing the breath I’d been holding, I said, “That’s a big step. Are you ready for that?”

She lifted a shoulder, her eyes pinned on mine. “Do you think I’m ready?”

What was I supposed to say? As much as I loved Wren, I wanted what was best for her. And in this case, that meant standing aside and letting her decide what she wanted.

“It’s not up to me,” I said, not that I was trying to encourage her to go. “This is a decision only you can make.”

She fell silent, the air vibrating with tension. With unspoken questions.

“Ugh. I don’t know. I don’t know!” She threw her hands in the air then grabbed her cheeks, shaking her head.

“Wren.” I took her hand in mine. “Can you see a future with Arlo?”

This was it. Everything hinged on this question. If she said yes, then I’d bow out and let her go.

Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

I held my breath, waiting for her answer. It took her a moment, but it felt like an eternity.

Finally, she said, “I could see a future with him, yes. But—”

Well, wasn’t that just a punch to the gut? Here I was imagining our life together. Our family. And she was planning hers with another man.

I missed what she’d said after that, though I caught the tail end. Something about River and taking care of him for the weekend.

“I’ll do it,” I blurted before thinking it through.

She jerked her head back. “What?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I’m on call Friday night, but I could pick him up from your mom’s on Saturday. And then we could have a boys’ weekend.”

She tilted her head to the side, appraising me. “Really? You’d do that for me.”

I’d do anything for you.

“Of course. I’d love to spend some time with my favorite human.”

“You really are the best, Bennett.” She placed her hand on mine then leaned over to press her lips to my cheek. “What was it you wanted to tell me?”

“Oh, um.” I cleared my throat. “The contractor called. My house should be finished Monday.”

“Monday?” She swallowed. “As in, this coming Monday? Four days from now?”

I nodded. “Yeah. So, a boys’ weekend with River will give me a chance to spend time with him before I move out.”

“Wow.” She ran a hand through her hair. “Wow. Okay. I didn’t realize your house was that close to being finished.”

“Yep. Doing a final walk-through this weekend. If you’re okay with it, I’ll take River with me.”

She wore a contemplative expression, and I wished I could read her mind. Because at the moment, I didn’t have a fucking clue what she was thinking.

“I thought you’d be happy to finally get me out of your hair,” I teased.

“You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you need. River will miss you.”

I’ll miss you.

“I’ll miss him too, but it’s probably for the best.” Lie.

It didn’t feel like it was for the best, but what could I say. She was falling for Arlo. They were going away together. That was the end of it. The end of us.

“Plus, this is good timing since things are getting more serious with Arlo. Right?”

There was no fucking way I could keep living here. Whether my house was done or not come Monday, I’d be gone.

She hesitated a moment, lost in thought, then downed the rest of her glass of wine and said, “Right. Yeah. Of course.”

“Want a refill?” I asked.

She nodded, and I finished off my glass while walking to the kitchen to grab the bottle. When I’d refilled our glasses, I raised mine. “Well, I guess this is a celebration,” I said, forcing the words through my lips. “Cheers to graduating dating school.”

She laughed, and fuck me, if it didn’t hurt.

“Cheers to your house being done.”

We clinked our glasses together, the chime sounding more like the signal you’d hear at the end of a boxing match. It was over. Done. I’d lost.

“Well,” she said after we’d finished our second glasses. “I guess I should tell Arlo the good news.”

“Guess so.” I poured myself another glass.

But she didn’t move to grab her phone. In fact, she pushed her empty glass closer to me on the coffee table. “Can I get a refill, please?”

I nodded and filled her glass. She took a sip, then said, “I’m just going to change. I did some shopping earlier, and I want your opinion.”

I grunted my acknowledgment and prepared myself. Fuck, this sucked. Here I was, nursing a broken heart, while she was planning a romantic getaway with another man. I’d always told myself a relationship with Wren was a bad idea because Liam would kill me, but now I knew the truth. Having to live without Wren was a million times worse.

I’d gladly die if it meant even a moment in her arms.

But I’d missed my chance.

She was moving forward with Arlo, and he was a good guy. Hell, even Liam liked him. I wanted to be happy for her, even if my heart was fucking shattered.

I switched to whiskey, needing something stronger. I was pouring myself a glass when Wren returned to the living room in a flowy lace nightgown that hit about mid-thigh. My mouth went dry, and I set the glass down on the counter with more force than necessary.

Was she trying to kill me?

“What do you think?” She spun around, the material floating about her legs. Giving me a glimpse of her ass.

“What’s that?” I asked in a strangled voice. I’d been expecting her to show me a dress, not… this.

“A nightgown. I figured if we’re sharing a room, I should wear something sexy to bed, right?”

What kind of hell is this? I didn’t want to agree or disagree. I didn’t want to think about her in another man’s bed ever, but I settled on, “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks.” She smiled, smoothing her hands down her stomach. “I just have one more I want to show you. You know, since we’ll be gone two nights.”

Was she trying to rub it in? Or did she really have no idea how I felt about her?

How could she, though? I’d always stuck to the script—her script. I was her dating coach. This was nothing more.

As soon as she left the room, I downed the glass of whiskey and poured another. Downing it too. Then she returned, and I nearly choked on my own damn tongue.

White lace. A tiny tank top that dipped low on her breasts and revealed a sliver of her stomach. She turned around. Shorts. Shorts that could barely be called that since the bottoms of her ass cheeks were on display.

She glanced over her shoulder, blond curls cascading down her back. “Is it too much?”

I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even think. It was as if the sight of her had scrambled my thoughts. This is my wife popped into my head. Along with the words Mine. Mine. Mine, whichkept pounding through my brain on repeat.

She walked across the living room to me, standing on her toes. “Bennett? Are you okay?”

I nodded, forcing myself to be happy for her. Or at least pretend to be. She wasn’t mine, and she never would be.

“Of course. You look great.”

“And you’re really okay with me going away with Arlo?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I snapped.

The way she looked at me, it was as if she was expecting something. What exactly, I wasn’t sure. Then her face fell, but she quickly masked it. I told myself I’d imagined it—it was a by-product of all the alcohol and regret currently swirling through my system.

She placed her hands on my chest. “I know you said I’d graduated, but I never had a final exam.”

“What kind of final exam?” My voice was gruff, my gaze focused on her lips as lust and alcohol clouded my better sense.

“I don’t know.” She blinked up at me from beneath her lashes. “You’re the coach, not me.”

“We’ve already covered the basics—hand jobs, blow jobs, sex. What more could you need?” More importantly, what more did I have left to give? I’d given Wren everything, even my heart.

Could I really do this? Have sex with her one more time, knowing it would be the last? Could I sleep with her, knowing she’d be thinking of Arlo the entire time?

This was…I was fucked.

It was like being in a car while watching a truck crash into you in slow motion. You knew it was going to hurt like a motherfucker when you finally stopped spinning. But for the moment, all you could do was ride it out. That was how it felt lately with Wren—I was spinning, bracing for impact.

When my eyes met hers, I had my answer. I was going to give her a night to remember. A night that would eclipse anything that had come before or anything that would happen after. I was going to show her just how much I loved her through my actions. Our connection. And if she still wanted to go with Arlo on this romantic getaway, then I would finally let her go.