Feels Like Love by Jenna Hartley

Chapter Twenty-Two

Bennett lay on top of me, lining himself up with my center. There was a new intensity to him, one I hadn’t seen before. Tonight was different. Maybe because we both knew it was the last time. Maybe it was just me and my melancholy feelings, but the way he looked at me was more tender. Almost loving.

Inwardly, I rolled my eyes at myself. Stop seeing something that isn’t there.

If he loved you, he would’ve tried to stop you from going away with Arlo. If he loved you, he’d tell you. A man like Bennett didn’t hold back with his feelings. He told River he loved him, the animals he worked with. Hell, I’d even heard him tell my brother he loved him. Why wouldn’t he say those three words to me? Why wouldn’t he ask me to stay?

Because he doesn’t love you.

Granted, I loved Bennett, and I was afraid to tell him. Which was why I’d attempted Harper’s plan. I’d even gone so far as to buy lingerie just to entice him to confess his feelings. And while I didn’t think he feared rejection like I did, perhaps he had his own reasons for staying silent. My brother came to mind as a big one.

“Be here,” Bennett said, filling me, making me whole. “With me.”

I peered into his eyes, sweeping his hair away from his face. I brushed my fingertips along his forehead, his eyebrows, his cheekbones, as we moved together in harmony. He was such a beautiful man. Such a beautiful, caring man. And when I was with him—when we were like this—it felt real.

He worshiped me with his body as we made love in silence. Our bodies doing all the talking. Connecting. Aligning.

Bennett had been living with us for almost two months now, and he’d slipped into our routine so easily, it was as if he’d always been a part of it. But this was it. The end.

All along, I’d told myself not to get too attached. Too comfortable having him around. Yet here I was…falling apart at the idea of him leaving.

“What am I going to do without you?” I asked, holding back tears.

He didn’t answer my question, instead taking my mouth in a kiss that stole my breath. I tried to shake away the crushing feeling of sadness. I tried to focus on being present—enjoying this moment with him. But it was all too much. Too painful.

But what could I say?

Don’t go. I think I’m in love with you.

There was no dirty talk tonight. No teasing and laughter. No promise of next time. Of a future.

And when I came, it was with tears in my eyes and his name on my lips. His body owning mine. He followed soon after, his cock jerking before he finally let go.

And then he pushed off me. Got up and out of bed. And went over to the bathroom.

I stared at the ceiling a moment then got dressed, quickly wiping away my tears. I did not want him to see me cry. I would not let him see me cry.

“Where are you going?” he asked when he returned to the room.

“Back to my room,” I said with my back to him.

“Oh.” He cleared his throat. “Okay.”

My heart felt as if it were shattering into a thousand pieces, and I kept waiting for Bennett to say he’d changed his mind. To ask me to stay. To tell me not to go with Arlo.

But he didn’t. He said nothing. And the silence was more telling than anything he could’ve said.

I crawled into bed, alone. I felt sick to my stomach—physically sick—at the thought of him leaving. He was moving out, moving on. We both were. I’d known it was coming, but that didn’t make it any easier.

I kept telling myself this was a good thing. Now I knew where we stood. Now I could finally move forward with Arlo without being held back by whatever I’d hoped for with Bennett. And Arlo was an amazing guy. He was handsome, kind, generous…all the things I’d wanted in a partner.

But he didn’t make me feel like Bennett did. No one made me feel like Bennett did. But Bennett didn’t love me.

* * *

The next morning,Harper took one look at me and said, “You look terrible. What happened?”

I slumped down in my chair. “I’m going out of town with Arlo.”

“Ugh. I can’t believe Bennett’s just going to let you go.”

“Yep.” I turned to my computer. I didn’t want to talk about it. We’d both made our decision. I was moving on.

“But, but…the way he looks at you.”

I tilted my head to the side. “How does he look at me?”

“Like you’re his entire reason for existing.”

My breath caught, but I shut it down quickly.

“I know you doubt your judgment when it comes to dating,” she continued, “but the man is in love with you.”

Harper was wrong. Last night had proved that. I wished I’d never listened to her stupid plan. Bennett was more than okay with me going out of town with Arlo. I’d given him enough opportunities to say no, but he hadn’t even hesitated. He’d answered quickly and without hesitation. His tone sharp. His words to the point.

“I don’t want to talk about Bennett. Arlo is perfect. Like, literally perfect. He checks every item on my list. He loves kids, and he’s great with River. He’s generous and kind. He’s funny and hot. I mean, I could go on and on.”

Harper sighed and took a sip of her coffee.

“What?” I snapped, knowing she was biting back a comment. I wasn’t being fair to her, but my emotions were all over the place.

“Honestly…sometimes it feels like you’re trying to talk yourself into Arlo.”

I jerked my head back. “What?”

“No one’s perfect. And even if Arlo was, that’s not what matters. What you need to ask yourself is not if a man is perfect, but is he perfect for you?”

Bennett was perfect for me. But…

I thought back to last night when I’d told him Arlo had invited me away for a romantic weekend. I’d lost count of how many times I’d replayed it in my head. Bennett had never once given me any indication he wanted me to stay. He’d asked me questions—was I ready? Could I see a future with Arlo? But nothing more.

I could’ve pushed. Maybe I should’ve. But I was scared. I was scared to be so vulnerable, only to discover that he didn’t feel the same way. At least this way, I could still save face.

“Wren.” Harper came around the table to sit beside me. “Do you love him?”

I nodded, a single tear falling. “I think I always have.”

She smiled, placing her hand over mine. “Take it from someone who nearly missed out on something amazing… Don’t live with regrets.”

“Right.” I laughed, though the sound was hollow. “Have you forgotten that it was fake? He was only touching me, kissing me, because I asked him to. Because I wanted him to help me not be…so awkward with guys.” I studied my hands as if they were the most interesting thing on the planet.

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten. But I don’t think everything was fake.”

“Neither did I, but I think that’s just because I wanted so badly for it to be real.”

She let out a deep breath. “The truth is, I think you’re both lying to yourselves and each other because you’re scared of getting hurt. You tell yourself that everything he did was all because he was your dating coach. And he—” She shook her head with a little laugh. “He’s probably telling himself the same thing about you.”

I blinked a few times, letting her words sink in. “Do you really believe that?”

“Yes! The man worships the ground you walk on. He adores your son. He would do anything for the two of you.”

“Because I’m his best friend’s sister.”

“No.” Her voice rose. “Because you’re the woman he loves.”

“But…”

“If you’re going to tell me—again—that he’s your brother’s best friend, save your breath.”

“I appreciate your advice, but I’m going with Arlo.”

She held up her hands. “Sure. Fine. See how it goes. You might have more fun than you think.”

I nodded, hoping she was right. Even though I knew she was only saying it to placate me. By that point, we were so exasperated with each other, it was best just to focus on work.

The rest of the afternoon passed by in a blur of shoots and edits, and I was thankful for the distraction. When the end of the day rolled around, I wanted to crawl into bed and hide under the covers, but I couldn’t. Instead, I went home to pack and tried to force myself to feel excited.

I should be excited. I was going away for a romantic weekend with a guy I actually liked. A guy that—were it not for Bennett—I would definitely see a future with. But with every item I placed in my suitcase, my growing sense of dread was magnified.

My phone chimed with a new message, and I opened the LoveBirds app, assuming it was from Arlo. He’d been messaging me on and off all day, and I knew he was excited. I hoped I sounded more enthusiastic than I felt.

There was a new message from Arlo, but there was also one from Ben. I stared at the screen in disbelief. I hadn’t heard from Ben in over a week. Though I knew he’d been away for work again.

Ben: Hey, Wren! I’ve missed chatting.

I debated whether to even respond, but I didn’t want to be rude. We were friends, if nothing else.

Me: Good to hear from you. How was your trip?

Ben: Pretty good.

Ben: Would you want to meet up soon?

I blinked a few times. He wanted to meet now? Now that I’d decided to move forward with Arlo. Was this the universe’s idea of a joke?

Me: I’d love to, but I have to be completely honest. I’m kind of seeing someone.

Ben: Is it serious?

I frowned. That wasn’t the response I’d expected.

Me: We’re going away together for the weekend.

I’d let him read into that what he wanted.

When he didn’t respond, I scoffed and tossed my phone on the bed. Figures.

Ben: I thought we had something here. A connection.

I considered holding back, but I was over it. Over letting men yank me around.

Me: So did I, but you never seemed to want to meet up.

Ben: My job has kept me busy, but I’d love to see you when you get back.

I stared at the device a minute, my anger growing stronger by the second. Three dots danced on the screen. Appearing then disappearing again. Why was I even messaging him? I needed to pack. Arlo was going to be here in less than an hour. I closed the app and pushed it and Ben from my mind.

I heard the back door open and close and frowned. What was Bennett doing here? He wasn’t supposed to be home until later.

His footsteps pounded in the hallway until they stopped at my door. “Don’t go.”

I froze with my back still to him. “What?”

“You heard me.” His pants rustled as he stepped closer until his front was pressed to my back. “Don’t. Go.”

First Ben, now this? Unbelievable. For years, I’d struggled to find one man who was interested in me. Now I had three.

“Why?”

“Because—” He placed one hand on my hip, the other across my breasts, pulling me to him. “You’re mine.”

I swallowed hard, desire and hope unfurling within me at his words.

“Damn it, Wren. You’re mine,” he rasped in my ear, and my body shuddered in response. “And I’m yours.”

“Since when?” I asked, spinning to face him.

His blue eyes held mine. “Since always. Baby…” He cupped my cheeks. “Baby, please don’t go.”

“Why are you doing this now?” I whispered, my voice breaking. “Why not last night before I said yes to Arlo?” Why not any of the million chances he’d had over the past few weeks when I’d agonized and wondered…

Bennett grazed my nose with his as he continued to keep his hands on my cheeks. Desire and anger and regret and every other emotion swirled between us. It was so intense. He was so intense.

“Because I love you, and I’d do anything for you. Even let you go, if I thought that was what would make you happy.”

“You love me?” Did he really just say that?

“Yes, baby. I should’ve told you from the start…”

I frowned. “Told me what?”

“That every time I imagined you dating another guy, kissing another guy, another piece of me died. I should’ve told you that I wanted you all for myself.”

“You do?” Was I dreaming?

His expression softened. “I love you, Wren. I’m in love with you. I have been for years.”

My jaw dropped. “You…what?” It came out as more of a shriek. Years? He’d loved me for years? No freaking way.

He chuckled, smoothing his thumb along my cheekbone. “Yes freaking way,” he said, making me realize I’d said the last part aloud.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I finally asked. “All this time…” I stared at him in wonder.

“Why do you think?”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “My brother.”

He dropped his head. Liam. “Do you know who encouraged me to go to vet school?”

I shook my head.

“Liam. Do you know who suggested that I move back to the Alondra Valley?”

“Liam,” I said.

He nodded. “He even found me my first job. He’s always encouraged me, built me up, even when no one else did.”

I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

He sank down on the edge of the bed, and I joined him. “I never fit the mold my parents had for a son.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was nurturing. I loved animals. I didn’t play football—at least, not well. I got bullied.”

“You?” I couldn’t imagine Bennett being bullied, but I hadn’t been in the same schools at the same time. To me, he was always my older brother’s cool friend. But seeing him now through a different lens, I wondered if that hadn’t always been the case for him.

He nodded. “I was…overly emotional. Embarrassing. A disappointment.”

I squeezed his hand, wanting him to know he had my support. All the while, I was thinking of how angry I was on his behalf. How dare they…

“Nothing I did was ever good enough. It didn’t matter how hard I tried, and boy did I try. I was desperate for their approval. Their love always seemed out of reach.”

“Bennett, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

He lifted a shoulder. “It’s not like they were bad parents. I had a nice home, food. They just…weren’t very loving or compassionate. Nothing like the way you are with River.”

“And you,” I said. “You’re incredible with him.”

“Thank you.” He dipped his head. “I can’t tell you how much it means to hear you say that.”

“I mean it. He adores you.”

“And what about his mom?” he asked, peering up at me.

I opened my mouth to respond, but then the doorbell rang. I squeezed my eyes shut. Crap.

“Arlo?” he asked.

“Wait here,” I said, standing.

“I’ll wait for you—as long as it takes.” His expression was so sincere and loving it stole my breath.

When the bell rang again, I dashed toward the front. “Coming,” I called.

Did that really just happen? Had Bennett just told me he loved me?

What the heck was I supposed to do now?