Awakened By The Lord’s Kiss by Meghan Sloan
Chapter 13
Henry was shaking as he left Caroline. It felt like someone had just ripped the air out of him, and he was struggling to breathe. Why did he have to be forced into a corner like that? He could have refused and left anyway. That’s what he should have done as soon as he got Caroline into the house.
But he couldn’t. Not when Caroline had asked him. That made him angry that all she had to do was say please, and he would do anything for her. That was not meant to happen. Henry had hoped that Caroline would push him away when he started holding her or that she would order him to leave as soon as they were safe. She should have kept up her hostility towards him.
But she hadn’t. She had clung onto him to the point that Henry didn’t think she would let go. He was sure she had been rubbing her face against his shirt. Her submissive state was something new to him, and Henry couldn’t stop his reaction to it. If Sarah hadn’t been there, he would have been pushing Caroline up against the wall and kissing her. It had taken a lot of self-control not to finish what his brother had started.
Then she wouldn’t take her eyes off him as Sarah mended her dress. She watched him with an unblinking gaze, even as Henry retreated into the shadows. They didn’t make him feel like he was protected. He was just glad Caroline didn’t look down and see how aroused he was. That would be very difficult to explain away.
His self-control had almost snapped when Sarah started taking down Caroline’s hair to pin it back up. Henry had not seen her with her hair loose, and it had him watching to reach out and see if it was as soft as it looked. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and savour it.
God, he really should have left as soon as he was able. Then he wouldn’t be feeling so aroused, and he wouldn’t have needed to answer Caroline’s question. Henry felt about two inches tall, admitting his futile admiration for her. Instead of feeling like the luckiest man alive, he felt terrible.
And that just made him angrier.
Henry didn’t want to go back to the party. After what James had done, he didn’t think he could maintain a cool facade. If he looked at James, there was going to be a fight. And, as always, Henry would get the blame. It didn’t matter what his little brother had done, Henry would be the one in trouble. His parents didn’t really need an excuse to say he was the one who was in the wrong.
If they had seen the way James had treated Caroline, would they feel differently? Henry wasn’t really sure, but he was leaning towards no.
He headed back to the family home with their carriage, not seeing it as his home anymore. It hadn’t been familiar or welcoming for a long time. Henry scowled into the night as the carriage rocked and trundled along. It was so tempting to pack everything up and leave. He should be going to the nearest port and keeping himself busy on the docks until it was time for him to go back to his ship. At least he could do something useful.
But then that would leave Caroline at James’ mercy. And James would see this as a win. Even if Caroline refused to have anything to do with him, James would pursue her. Maybe he would even mention that they had had an interlude, even if nothing beyond a ripped dress happened. That would work against Caroline, and she would be stuck with him.
Henry couldn’t leave her alone. Even if she wouldn’t take his help or accept his company again, Henry needed to protect her. It felt like a long time before James’ leave finished, but he was going before Henry’s leave was over. That was the only silver lining.
Caroline deserved someone on her side. And Henry wanted that to be him.
The house was quiet as Henry went inside. Chalmers, the under-butler, appeared as Henry was shrugging out of his coat.
“Lord Bannock. You’re home early.”
“I couldn’t stand it any longer. Something would have happened, and it really would have been my fault.” Henry headed towards the drawing room. “I don’t know when the duke and duchess and my brother are returning, so go to bed, Chalmers. There’s no need to stay up.”
“Yes, Lord Bannock.”
Henry entered the drawing room, noting that the fire was lit and blazing away in the grate. It seemed to take the chill out of the air. He went to the drinks cabinet and found the whisky, pouring out a healthy measure. Nobody was around to tell him that he shouldn’t be drinking so much, and after what he had witnessed and his confession, he really needed a drink.
For a moment, he felt guilty for leaving Caroline at the party, knowing that James was still there. But Sarah wouldn’t leave Caroline’s side, that much he was confident about. His friend was loyal to Caroline.
If only she had extended that to him. She had promised not to say anything about his admiration for Caroline, and yet she had pushed him to admit it. Henry was going to be having a word with her about that. He had thought he would go through life without ever needing to say anything. With the way she felt about him, Caroline would have scoffed at him and declared her hatred again.
This just made Henry hate James even more. The dislike had started shortly after Caroline was hurt the first time, and it had built into an intense hatred while he was at sea. Distance hadn’t helped. The rage he felt when he saw his brother as he walked into the room had been huge. Henry tried to keep it down, but it was getting harder to hold onto it.
If only James were taken to task. He had caused trouble left, right, and centre, and somehow he still managed to look perfect. Henry knew all about the lies their parents had been told and how they lapped them up. At this rate, the only thing that was going to expose James was when he was in the grave and unable to use that silver tongue of his.
Henry had finished his first drink, sitting in a chair staring into the fire, and was pouring out a second when he heard the front door opening and then closing with a loud bang. He could hear James singing very off-key, the lyrics not making any sense. Henry gritted his teeth. He really didn’t want this now.
Maybe you should. Caroline was hurt, and James never apologised. Maybe you should force it out of him.
Putting his glass aside, Henry headed towards the door just as James came wobbling in. He swayed and hiccoughed, his glazed eyes focusing on Henry.
“Oh. It’s you. Anything left to drink? I’m thirsty.”
Henry didn’t reply. He swung, catching James right in the mouth. The impact of his hand catching James’ teeth hurt, and his arm jolted from the pain, but it had James staggering back until he hit the wall and slid down to the floor. His expression was frozen, eyes wide in shock. Then he recovered and spluttered.
“What ... what ... what did you hit me for?”
“Because I didn’t do it earlier.” Henry massaged his fist. That had really hurt. “You assaulted Caroline.”
“We were having a little interlude. You interrupted us.”
“Does a canoodle include the word ‘no’? I heard Caroline tell you to leave her alone, and you ignored her.” Henry’s heart was racing as his rage began to climb. “You assaulted her, and you’re not even apologetic about it!”
“But I’m sure you helped her with your kind heart.” James sneered. “You had plenty of time to worm your way into her heart.”
“She knows about you making winning her heart a competition.”
“How?”
“Because I told her. I’m not going to lie if she asks what you were talking about.” Henry folded his arms. “I said I wasn’t going to be involved in it, and I know Caroline’s going to object to being seen as an object to play around with.”
James grunted. He held onto the wall as he managed to get to his feet.
“No matter. You’re not going to win her anyway. She still hates you.”
“I don’t care about the competition you created! I care that you treat her in such a foul way and expect that to be all right!”
“Who’s going to believe I accosted her? I’m a soldier and a gentleman.” James gestured at himself. “One look at me, and nobody’s going to think I’m a cad.”
“That’s only because they don’t know the truth about you,” Henry shot back. “You’ve not told Mother and Father that you deserted from the army twice, and if you go back, you’re going to be court-martialed for cowardice?”
James stiffened, his smirk fading.
“How do you know about that?”
“I have a few contacts. I know some people in your regiment. You’d be surprised what army and navy men talk about once they’ve got hold of something juicy.” Henry’s blood was pounding in his head. “They thought it would embarrass me that my younger brother was a failure and that I would be humiliated. But do you know what I felt? Nothing. I was not surprised you deserted. You were given the lowest officer rank because you’re the second son of a duke. You’ve had no fighting experience whatsoever, and you’ve never had anyone take your actions to task. The moment you were scolded, you stormed out like a spoiled child. And that didn’t surprise me because you’ve been doing that for years!”
James was breathing heavily, his hands clenched at his sides. He looked ready for a fight himself.
“And what are you going to do about it?” he said with a sneer. “Are you going to tell Mother and Father? Because I know they won’t believe you.”
“How you’ve kept it from them, I have no idea, but you can’t hide it forever. You have nowhere to go once your ‘leave’ is over. Even they will begin to suspect something if you say you’re going to extend your leave. You can’t go back to the army because of the court-martial, and I’m sure you can’t go and stay with friends because it will get back to our parents. You’re running out of options, James, and you need to address this before you get found out.”
“I have a way of doing that.” James drew himself up. “If I get married to Caroline, then I’ll have security. I can say I’m leaving the army to be a married man, and nobody would be any the wiser.”
Henry couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He really thought that would work?
“Don’t be a fool, James! It’s going to be found out soon. And after how you treated Caroline, I doubt she’ll want you anywhere near her.”
“She will. I’ll simply apologise and ask if we can start afresh.”
“She’s not going to forgive you. We both know how long she can hold a grudge, and she will remember this.”
“Not once I start turning on the charm again.” James sniggered. “You won’t stand a chance, Henry. You never did stand a chance. Doesn’t matter if Caroline knows how you feel about her; she’s not going to choose you.”
Henry wished that didn’t feel like a slap in the face. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Your drinking and your behaviour are going to get you found out. You almost put Caroline in a bad position. She doesn’t deserve that.”
“And you think she deserves you instead?”
“She doesn’t deserve either of us.”
That really hurt to say, but Henry did believe that. Caroline would not choose James because of his recent actions, but she wouldn’t choose him, either. Not when there was too much between them already.
“Well, I think I can change her mind.” James turned away and swayed towards the door. “I’m going to retire to bed. The company right now is very ... boring.”
Henry watched his brother leave the room, wishing he could charge after him and ram the man’s head into the wall.
#
“Are you ready to come out, Caroline?”
Caroline checked herself for the third time in the mirror. Her dress looked fine, and her corset was finally at a tightness that didn’t stop her from breathing. And her hair was braided and twisted onto her head by nothing short of brilliance by Sarah, who had said it was an enticing look.
“I ... I think so. I don’t look too bad.”
“Oh, darling, you look fine. Very presentable.” Sarah took her friend’s hand and tugged her towards the door. “Come on, the party’s already started, and the guests are arriving. Mother is going to send a search party after us if we don’t go down now.”
Caroline didn’t respond as they left Sarah’s bedchamber and headed downstairs. She was still in her whirling thoughts. Even seeing that she looked presentable, she didn’t feel so. She was wondering what was going to happen now. After Henry’s confession the week before, Caroline had felt off-kilter. She didn’t know what to think or what was going on.
Henry admired her? If he did, why had he hurt her in the past? She had two scars she could blame him for. If he admired her, he had a strange way of showing it.
But now, the doubts were beginning to creep in. Henry’s actions now were starting to suggest that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t the culprit. He had never shown her any type of disrespect unless Caroline directed it first. And the way he had held her and protected her from his brother…
He really did care about her. Caroline didn't need to be a genius to know that with the way he looked after her.
Which meant it was James who had hurt her? But that didn’t make sense. If James was the one who hurt her, why didn’t anyone back then correct her when she believed it was Henry? Why did he carry on with the lie, even now? They were grown up now, so he should have been confessing to her what he did. And yet he hadn’t. There was no indication that he even cared about it.
Either he was innocent, and Henry was just a manipulative psychopath, or James was so arrogant and self-centred that he didn’t care what he had done. Caroline was really hoping it was the second option now. With Henry’s recent actions and her friend’s defense of him, she didn’t think the first was correct.
And that raised another question. Why did Henry not protest his innocence? He could do that now, and yet he never tried.
But he’s been dropping hints. He’s been really subtle about it.
I need to ask him directly. Then I might be able to put this at rest.
Sarah and Caroline headed through the house and stepped out into the garden. Quite a few of the guests had arrived, and Caroline could see Sarah’s mother in enthusiastic conversation with an admiral and his wife. She could hear the laughter across the garden. Sarah smiled.
“I see Mother’s already made herself at home.”
“She’s always been able to keep a conversation going, no matter the situation.” Caroline wished she was able to do that. “Where’s your father? Didn’t he say he was going to be here?”
“He’s probably in his study. He might show himself later. And I know he will when he knows Henry’s going to be here.” Sarah squeezed Caroline’s hand. “Excuse me a moment, Caroline, I need to rescue my brother from a young lady.”
She headed down the steps and went over to where her brother, Jonathan, was practically pressed up against a bush as an attractive girl with vibrant red hair stood a little too close to him. Caroline had to giggle at the look on the brother’s face. He was terrible when it came to ladies and had no idea how to interact with them. The only women he could talk to without blushing bright red and looking to run were his mother, sister, and Caroline. It was rather sweet.
“I see Jonathan’s still not figured out how to talk to a woman.”
Caroline’s breath caught. Henry. He was here. She turned, looking up to see Henry stepping out from the French windows. He did look splendid in dark blue. Not his navy colours, but close enough. It was very easy to believe he was a nobleman. Caroline wondered what he looked like on a ship. He must cut a very fine figure.
She needed to get that image out of her head because her thoughts were starting to wander off to where they shouldn’t. That had Caroline shivering. What was happening to her?
“Are you all right?” Henry frowned. “You just shivered. Are you cold?”
“No, I’m not cold.” Caroline smoothed her hands down her skirts. “Your brother isn’t here, is he?”
“No, he’s not really a friend of the family. Sarah’s made a point of telling her parents that he’s not allowed on the property.” Henry tilted his head. “You’ll be safe from him this afternoon.”
But will I be safe from you? Caroline resisted the urge to fidget, feeling like her corset was tighter than she wanted. It was like her body had had a sudden shift with regards to his presence. She wasn’t sure she liked it.
“Have you seen the admiral already?” she asked. “I know he was looking forward to seeing you.”
“He spoke about me in your presence?”
“He did. I thought Sarah talking about you in warm terms was one thing, but the way the admiral talked about you was so much more.” Caroline managed a smile. “I think you’ve made an impression on him, and he’s not a man who can be pleased that easily.”
“Saving his youngest son from death certainly helps.” Henry stepped towards her, never taking his eyes away from hers. “And I saw the admiral just now. He and I had a talk. Once I’ve shown my face, I’ll more than likely hide away in his study and share a drink.”
“Oh.” Why did that disappoint her? Caroline cleared her throat. “Are you concerned that you’ll not find someone worthy of conversation?”
“I don’t know. It depends on what happens.” Henry’s eyes darkened. “Like if you and I actually talk without getting into an argument.”
“Do you think we will?”
“It depends.”
They stared at each other. Caroline was getting uncomfortable, feeling warmer than she had a short while ago. She squared her shoulders.
“Are you able to be in my company long enough to go for a walk? Or is that too much for you?”
Henry’s expression flickered. Then he gave her a smile that made Caroline weak at the knees. Oh, my. She had really forgotten how devastating he could be.
“I think I can manage being around you.” He arched an eyebrow. “As long as you and I are not going to find it uncomfortable.”
Uncomfortable? Caroline felt uncomfortable asking him to walk with her. She shouldn’t have suggested it at all, but Caroline had answers she needed, and she wouldn’t get that with everyone around her. She managed a smile.
“I believe I can cope. Don’t you think we should try and be in each other’s presence?”
“I think you know my answer to that.” Henry offered her his arm. “Shall we, My Lady?”
Caroline took his arm, feeling the muscles twitch under her fingers. She could feel the heat coming through his jacket. It made her wish she wasn’t wearing gloves right now. She swallowed, hoping she didn’t trip; her legs felt like they were going to buckle at any moment.
“I know of a path around the edge of the garden that we can use. We won’t be interrupted.”
“That sounds ominous.” Henry peered at her. “What are you up to?”
“I’ll explain in a while.” Caroline gently tugged him towards the far end of the terrace. “I have some things I need to talk to you about, and I can’t do that in front of everyone.”
Henry stopped short and stared at her.
“What do you want, Caroline?”
What did she want? Caroline wasn’t really sure. She went with the answer she could give.
“I want an explanation. I want to know about what happened before. Is that too much to ask?”
Henry’s expression went blank, his jaw hardening.
“You want the truth, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“And how do I know you’re going to believe me?”
“You don’t.” Caroline lifted her chin. “All I’m asking is that you trust me. I’m not going to judge you on anything. I just want an explanation.”
Henry stared at her. Then his eyes flicked up to the scar on her forehead, after which he took her hand and turned it over to show the scar across her palm. He sighed and lifted her hand to his mouth, kissing the scar. Caroline started and bit back a gasp. The feel of his lips on her skin sent warm shivers up her arm. She had not thought about what his mouth was like, but she had not been expecting such a soft, gentle touch. It was the complete opposite of what she had expected.
“All right. You asked me to tell you the truth, and you deserve that, at least.” Henry sighed and started walking away. “Show me where we can go. I don’t really want to do this in front of everyone.”
His voice sounded tight. Was he close to tears? Caroline was a little stunned by this. This naval officer, this strong-looking man, was close to tears. That did not fit with what she knew of him at all.
You don’t really know him at all. You only know what you’ve been told and what you made up in your head. You don’t know the real man.
But I want to. I really want to.
They were stepping off the terrace when Sarah appeared, looking bemused that they were even together. She peered at Caroline.
“Caroline, are you all right?”
“I’m perfectly well.” Caroline tried not to glance over at Henry. “Lord Bannock and I are going for a walk.”
“I see.” Sarah arched an eyebrow at Henry. “And you’re all right with that, are you, Henry?”
“Nothing untoward is going to happen, Sarah. Lady Caroline is safe with me.”
“I know she’s safe with you. I’m just surprised that she’s even suggesting being with you alone.” Sarah sighed and nodded towards a nearby path. “Take that path, and you’ll reach an oak tree with a bench underneath. That should be private enough for you.”
“That’s where we were going, Sarah.” Caroline paused. “If anyone needs us, can you come and find us?”
“Of course. Just …” Sarah hesitated. “Just don’t be stupid, Caroline.”
“I would never do that.”
Sarah walked away, shaking her head, and Henry arched an eyebrow.
“Are you sure you don’t want Sarah with us as a chaperone? It’s more appropriate.”
“I’ll lose my nerve if Sarah’s with us.”
“You make it sound like this is a momentous thing for you.”
“In a way, it is.” Caroline closed her eyes for a moment. “Can we go, please? I’m really going to back out if we don’t find somewhere to talk.”
If Henry kept questioning her, Caroline was going to blurt out what she wanted to ask. She didn’t want to do it in front of everyone when there was a chance she could end up getting emotional. What she had believed for close to a decade was about to change and shatter, and Caroline didn’t really want the other guests staring at them.
Henry looked like he wanted to call Sarah back, his indecision showing. Then he nodded, and they headed along the path. The huge green canopy of vines and bushes twisting around the trellis cast a green glow along the slabs, making them disappear from the rest of the guests. If anyone looked now, nobody would be able to see them. Very inappropriate, Caroline was aware, but she needed to do it. What she had to ask was going to make things shift.
She just wanted to get through this in private.
They walked on in silence until they reached the oak tree in the corner of the garden. It was huge, stretching up further than Caroline remembered. The branches hung low, almost touching the ground. It wasn’t until they ducked under the branches that they saw the bench against the tree.
Nobody would know they were there unless they came into the little cocoon created by the tree.
Caroline moved away from Henry and went to the bench, sitting on the edge, feeling even more nervous now.
“Caroline?” Henry stayed where he was, staring at her. “What is it you wanted to talk to me about?”
“A lot.” Caroline’s voice was croaked. “I have been told a lot about you, and I believed it. Everyone said you were the one who was the troublemaker, that you hurt me, and there was no remorse from you. But since you came back, things have made me question what really happened. And the only person I know who can give me an honest answer is you.”
“You would believe my word over everyone else?”
“I just want to hear it from you.” Caroline looked up at him. “Just tell me the truth, Henry. Tell me what happened that day when we first met. And then tell me if it wasn’t you, why didn’t you say a word about it?”