The Degradation of Shelby Ann by Emma Cole
Chapter Five
Shelby
The sheets beside me were empty and cool to the touch. At some point, Dirk had slipped out of bed without me knowing, and the idea kinda rankled. I'd expected to wake up with him, but I was twisted up in the sumptuous bedding by myself instead.
With light filtering in around the heavy drapes, illuminating the room, I figured it was at least well into the morning. As a businessman who was likely used to getting up early, Dirk had woken up to his internal alarm and let me sleep in. I was convincing myself that he was just being a gentleman and deciding it was time to get up myself when my gaze landed on a pile of neatly folded clothes on top of the dresser. The items were familiar, and when I shook them out, the fresh scent indicated that they'd been recently laundered, as in, since I wore them last. The idea that someone had come in to collect my dirties while I was asleep, then put them back clean, without waking me, had my anxiety ratcheting up.
Oh, stop being a bumpkin. Servants do that shit all the time. Besides, your absent loverboy probably sent them out last night and put them in here himself.
I could nearly feel the eye roll coming from the snarky voice and blushed at my paranoia. At least no one had witnessed my aborted dash for the sheets in case someone was lurking in the nonexistent shadows of the bedroom. With my heart still beating a staccato rhythm, I took my clothes to the bathroom so I could shower and dress—behind a locked door, just in case.
* * *
"Shelby, darling, there you are," Dirk greeted me as I stepped out of the bedroom, feeling much calmer and put together after getting cleaned up. "I was beginning to wonder if you'd sleep the morning away." His grin belied the slight censure in his tone, and I wilted just a bit. Pointing to a metal cart with silver dome-covered plates, Dirk started to inform me of our plans for the day. "I took the liberty of ordering you breakfast. There's french toast or fruit and a vegetable omelette. I wasn't sure which you'd prefer." After my glance at the third place, he explained, "I've already dined, and as soon as you're finished, we'll meet the moving service at your mother's house to collect your belongings." When I didn't make a move for the food, Dirk frowned and straightened in his seat. "If you don't like either option, I can call for something else, but I would appreciate it if you'd eat. It will be quite a while before we make it back home."
Shock didn't begin to cover it. I was completely floored by the polite, nearly indifferent dictator in front of me.
You've done it now, girly. You let the hunter in, and now he's made himself at home. You'd better get used to that short leash you're wearing on your finger, or at least be sensible and break it off now.
Ignoring the brief thought that the voice was right, I forced a smile and attempted to derail my fiancé from his agenda. "I thought I'd speak to Mama myself after I got back home. She won’t like me showing up with company unannounced, especially after our row.” I winced internally at the understatement. Mama was more likely to throw me out on my ear after boxing them both than hear me out. Besides… “I don’t have much to gather anyhow, so there’s no need for the movers. Why don’t you drop me at our usual spot, and I can call when I’ve gotten what I want?” Oh no, I haven’t checked my phone at all. I doubted Mama had called, but I hadn’t given the thing a thought after sticking my purse in the closet yesterday. I dismissed the non-issue in favor of getting Dirk to cancel his plans.
Only Dirk wasn’t responding, making me bite my lip as my nervousness rose. He continued to stare at me in silence until I began to fidget, the white noise ringing in my ears drowning out any commentary that might have been going on in my head. “Who would you rather please, Shelby?” he asked quietly enough, yet his narrowed eyes and cool tone had goosebumps rising right along with the fine hairs on my arms. “Your betrothed, or the woman who would rip you away from me while systematically beating you down until you’re nothing but an imitation of her, a sad husk of the woman you could be?”
My mouth worked open and closed, but nothing came out. I couldn’t control the shiver that wracked me as hot and cold chills chased each other, signaling an impending attack if I didn’t get it under control. The only thing warding it off was the calm, measured breaths I forced on my rebellious body, but Dirk’s voice came at me like a whip, surprisingly snapping me out of my panic. “Eat your breakfast, Shelby, now! If you’re this indecisive over a simple question about your well-being, I’m glad to be able to take you home with me. Who knows how you’ve managed this long without proper guidance?” he muttered to himself as he went back to typing on his phone.
The frown he sent my way when he looked up and I hadn’t complied, had me speeding up until I sat at the small dinette with my plate and glass of orange juice. Which was not the best pairing for either meal, but I was afraid to ask for anything else at this point. My mild-mannered boyfriend had flipped his damn switch, and I wasn’t sure I was up to navigating this new persona on top of my own issues. Although it might be the lesser of two evils when I got within range of Mama…
Damn straight, girly. That woman is gonna be fit to be tied when you do your walk of shame back into her house!The accompanying cackle had me slouching down in my chair; even my muscle memory was embarrassed from that debacle.
I hadn’t even thought about the one time I’d come home after having sex. The only time I’d had sex. A shudder worked through me at the memory. At least this time I was showered and my underwear was clean. Having your panties ripped off of you might be sexy in a bodice-ripper novel, but when it was your psycho mother yelling about abortion being a sin, after leaving road rash up your crack while shaking the evidence of your tryst in your face, it became a whole other thing. The phantom palm-shaped heat flared as the scene replayed in my head. Mama’s slap had bruised enough that I’d had to call out of school and work the next day while I iced it.
"Shelby!" My attention snapped to Dirk, who stood next to the table, exasperation written all over his face. I hadn't even seen him move, having fallen too deeply into my thoughts. Sometimes I got lost in my own head, especially when I was stressed out.
Better hide your cracked psyche, fruitcake. He'll throw you back for sure. Can't have you popping out little miniature loons. It would ruin their pedigree—
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
"Shelby, what has gotten into you?" Dirk chided, staring down at me in his pressed slacks and button-up. "At least give me the courtesy of paying attention. I called your name three times before having to get up. If getting engaged means you're going to stop making an effort, maybe we should reassess how you imagine this relationship going?" At his arched brow, I dropped my fork onto the plate with a clatter and stammered out an apology.
"I-I-I'm sorry, Dirk, just stressed over everything." The blood drained from my face fast enough to leave me dizzy as I hurried to correct myself. "Not the engagement, just the fight with Mama, and those women, and now I'm moving in with you…" I looked up at him helplessly, begging with my eyes for him to understand.
With a sigh, he retook his seat, resting his elbows on his splayed knees while letting his hands dangle loosely between them. "That's another thing. Going forward, I'll expect better behavior. Not that they didn't deserve it, but your actions were just as uncouth as theirs." Tears pricked my eyes at his assessment of the situation, but I determinedly blinked them back as I stared down at my half-eaten plate. "Is that all you're going to eat?"
Jesus, when did he get so nitpicky?
About the time you met him? Girl, are you sure it's not rocks rattling around in here? Pay attention!
Ignoring the incessant commentator, I addressed Dirk with as much assertiveness as I could muster. "I ate what I can. I apologize for wasting food, but I'll make myself sick if I continue."
"For Christ's sake, Shelby, I won't force you to overeat. I'm not a monster." I didn't care what he was at the moment. I needed a damn break away from everything. And what hadhappened to darling? He hadn't used my name this much since we'd met. As if he read my mind, his tone softened. "Darling, I apologize. You're not the only one that deals with stress, but I didn't think about how you'd handle it compared to myself. Why don't you get ready to go? I'll take the cart out... and cancel the movers," he added as an afterthought.
Nodding stiffly, still hurt and annoyed, I left Dirk to handle his business while I took a breather. Who knew the compromises started before the wedding? For once, the voice was silent.
* * *
The ride back to Mama's was uncomfortable until Dirk reached over to hold my hand while he drove. At first, I remained stiff, but he persevered and twined our fingers together before beginning to rub his finger over the band of my engagement ring. "We'll get used to each other's quirks, darling. I sometimes forget the difference in our ages. I was headstrong and impetuous myself a decade ago."
I understood his backhanded apology and mostly accepted it, but I hoped the speed bumps in our relationship would be few and far between. Deciding it was better to change the subject than dwell on the issue, I squeezed his hand back and broached the subject of breaking the news to Mama.
"I think it would be best that I go in alone. There's not much to pack, and I can be in and out in thirty minutes, tops." When his hand tensed, I headed off the protest I knew was coming. "Please, Dirk? It's my mother. It should be me telling her I'm leaving, not you. Plus, it's embarrassing, and I need to stand up to her once and for all. The support is appreciated but not needed."
Dirk was quiet long enough that I began to worry he'd forbid it, and then we'd be having another argument because there was no way in hell I was taking him near Mama when she'd be in a snit.
Why not? He'll run for the hills, and then we'll be free from his high-handed bullshit.
I can make my own decisions, thank you very much!
Well, marrying that man is a poor one… dumbass.
There wasn't any point in arguing, so I didn't know why I bothered. Apparently, I had a knack for attracting thickheaded people, considering Mama and now Dirk. Although my crazy entity wasn't really a person, likely induced by dealing with my mother. When she'd first popped up, it had been someone to talk to and commiserate with when Mama had one of her episodes, or if I was lonely at the old clapboard house in the middle of nowhere. Back then, I had been 'little one,' maybe something my subconscious had picked up from Mama when I was too young to remember, but at some point, around puberty I think, it morphed into 'girly' and other things, things that weren't so nice. Like dumbass.
"That's the compromise, darling," Dirk said as I came back to the here and now. And with heat suffusing my cheeks, I realized I hadn't heard a damn thing he'd said. "Use your words, Shelby. I want to hear that you understand. Half an hour, not a minute more. I'll drop you at the usual spot. If you're not back, I'm coming up the drive, your mother's sensibilities be damned." I couldn't quite blame him for his ire, especially as I was getting off scot-free with my inattention.
"I understand, Dirk. I'll make it quicker if I can." My lips turned up at the corners in a mockery of a smile as I tipped my head to punctuate my agreement.
"Good, glad that's clear, then. If you need me, call. You have your phone, yes?" I nodded again, and that time he let my nonverbal answer go.
I knew he'd overheard at least some of the messages Mama had left. It had come as a surprise that she'd even attempted to call; usually, she waited for me to come home before laying into me. The first message was her cajoling voice attempting to get me to come back home. The second… well, my thumb hit the button to delete it about the time she got started on her fire and brimstone spiel. It was something she'd picked up at the last church she'd joined.
Mama went every Sunday, usually the morning service, and she'd dragged me along until I was old enough to start working at the diner and she couldn't say no to the tips that the churchgoers brought in. I had to be there to open to get that shift, so she'd switched to the evening service until I talked my boss into letting me work doubles. After that, with money no longer being so tight, she laid off for the most part. I didn't miss the hard pews under my butt, the little black and blue marks on my side from Mama's cruel fingers reminding me to sit up straight, or the sweltering heat in the summer when even the AC couldn't combat the crowds that would come in. No, church wasn't something I missed, but I would miss my job. I'd have to ask Dirk to swing by there before we left town again so I could put my resignation in.
Smiling over the memories of all that my boss, Sylvia, had done for me, like making sure I didn't have to go to the ‘Bible-thumping hall of shame,’ as she referred to it, I wondered if Dirk's family was overly religious. I decided right then and there that I'd find a way out of it if they were. Mama wasn't a good example of a Christian. Hell, she wasn't even a good example of a Sunday Christian. No, she was worse. She was a zealot and a hypocrite, and I wouldn't subject myself to it again. Pushing all that aside for another time, I relaxed back in my seat and tried to enjoy the drive.