The Retaliation You Deliver by Tracy Lorraine
Macie
Iknew it was a bad idea the second I agreed, but nothing could have prepared me for how I’d feel when I pulled Leon’s car door open and got assaulted by his scent.
Tears burn my eyes as memories of our time together flicker through my mind as I sway slightly on my feet.
But it’s the lesser of two evils.
I either stay in the house that I hate or I force myself to endure his scent for the long journey back to Maddison.
Leon might have hurt me yesterday but even still, he’s the lesser monster when the choice comes down to my memories of my uncle or him.
Sucking in a deep breath, I lower myself into his driver’s seat, unable to stop the laugh falling from my lips when my feet are miles away from the pedals.
It takes me a few minutes but eventually I manage to figure out how to move his seat, get the engine started and the mirrors just right.
Driving his car without him, possibly without his permission, feels all kinds of wrong. But it’s better than staying here or taking a bus back to campus.
Without overthinking it, I put the car into drive and press my foot on the accelerator, immediately regretting it when the car jolts forward with power that I’m not used to.
“Holy crap,” I breathe, my heart thundering in my chest, my foot slamming the brake pedal through the floor. “Shit.”
It takes me a few seconds to get a grip on myself, and when I’m ready to try again, I press it a little gentler. The last thing Leon needs right now is for his car to be smashed into pieces by me.
I’ve already done enough damage.
He might not deserve it, but I can’t help feeling like the least I can do is deliver his baby back to him in one piece.
The drive back to Maddison is long, but quick and that’s probably my own fault because I refuse to stop.
Once I was on the highway, all I wanted to do was to get as far away from Miami as possible, as quickly as possible.
By the time I pull up outside the address that Peyton messaged me with, it’s dark and my body aches from sitting in the same position for hours. My head steadily throbs from my concentration and dehydration. But none of it was enough to make me prolong this more than necessary.
My hands tremble as I stare up at the house he lives in for the first time.
It never really occurred to me before that he’d never invited me back here. He’d told me that it was full of football players and that was enough information for me not to walk through the front door, even if I was with him.
But now, I realize just how big of a red flag that probably should’ve been.
I was so swept away by the whirlwind that was Leon Dunn that I never really stopped to question some of the most obvious things.
I was too lost in my own insecurities. Too distracted by him to see it.
Feeling stupid, I climb out of the car, needing to get away from the constant reminder of him.
Pulling my cell from my bag, I find Peyton’s conversation and tap out a message to let her know that I’m here before taking off in the opposite direction of the house.
I have no idea if she’s inside. If he’s inside. But I do know that I haven’t got the energy to see either of them.
Every step I take away from the house feels like I’m walking through wet cement.
My eyes burn with tears but I refuse to shed any more.
I’m back now. I’m home.
I can put the past two weeks behind me like they never happened and move on with my quiet, secluded life without any parties or hot football players to distract me from what’s important.
My future.
My goals.
The walk back to my building is longer than I was expecting and by the time I step up to the front door, I can hardly keep my eyes open so the last thing I need is to find Letty sitting against the wall waiting for me.
“There you are,” Letty breathes, rushing over to me and pulling me into a hug.
I try to keep it together, I really, really do. But the second her arms engulf me, I lose every bit of control.
An ugly sob rips from my throat, my body trembling in her arms.
“I-I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice cracking with emotion.
“It’s okay,” she says, sounding almost as cut up as me, and when I pull back I discover that I’m not the only one with tears cascading down my cheeks. “I know, Macie. He told us.”
“Shit,” I breathe.
“I—we—had no idea.”
“Christ.” Wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands, I look up at the dark night sky above us, focusing on the twinkling stars for a few seconds.
“I had no idea it was him,” I whisper. “If I knew then—”
“Shall we go inside?” I look up at my floor, seeing the lights on in the living area.
It’s Friday night, I’m sure everyone’s out partying but I really don’t want to walk in there and discover they're having a rare night in and have to deal with all the questions.
“Or we could go to my place,” she offers. “Kane will be there but we can kick him out.”
“N-no, you don’t need—”
“Let me help.”
Before I know what’s happening, she’s got her arm around my shoulders and is leading me toward her car.
The short drive to her place is in silence, although it’s not an uncomfortable one.
Even with everything that’s happened, I still feel that connection to Letty. And the fact he’s told them and she doesn’t hate me tells me that she either feels it too, or he never got to the part that involved me. I’m seriously hoping for the former.
“This place is nice,” I say, looking around at their open plan apartment.
“Thanks. It’s not much but it’s home.”
Footsteps sound off from down a short hallway before Kane’s booming voice fills the space.
“I’ve been waiting for you, get your ass nak—oh, we have company,” he says, cutting himself off the second he sees me. The moment he registers that Letty’s been crying, his brows pinch, concern filling his handsome face. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice softer than I’m sure it usually is.
“I’ll tell you later. Do you mind giving us a little space?”
“You’re kicking me out?”
“No, just hang in the bedroom or something,” Letty suggests.
He stares at her, amusement filling his face.
“It’s no fun in bed alone, Princess. You know that.”
“Christ, you’re insufferable. Go hang out with Devin or something.”
“I’m sure I can find some trouble to get into,” he says, wrapping his hand around the back of her neck and pulling her in for a kiss that’s entirely too erotic considering they have company.
My cheeks heat as his tongue finds its way past her lips and I force myself to drag my eyes away from them.
Taking a few steps forward, I give them some privacy as I check out their place.
It’s cute, cozy. All the things I would say are the complete opposite of Kane. It amuses me that a man like him has fluffy cushions and a fuzzy blanket over his couch.
I guess it just goes to show what the love of a good woman can achieve.
He mutters something to Letty that makes her groan before chastising him and pushing him from the apartment.
“Sorry about that, he’s—”
“Completely in love with you,” I finish for her. “I think it’s cute.”
“It is. Just… don’t tell him that,” she jokes. “He doesn’t like that people know he has a soft side.”
“I’m sure everyone knows. It’s in his eyes every time he looks at you.”
She laughs. “If only it was always that way,” she mutters, walking into the kitchen and pulling the refrigerator open. “Wine?” she asks, holding up a bottle.
“Umm… I don’t really drink.”
“After the past twenty-four hours, I’m surprised you haven’t turned into an alcoholic.”
She’s kinda got a point.
“Just a small one. I’m the world's biggest lightweight,” I concede.
“I think you deserve it,” she says, pouring what I definitely wouldn’t describe as a small one.
“Thank you,” I whisper when she passes it over.
“Come sit.” She curls herself into one side of the couch while I take the other. She stares at me for a beat while I try to come up with where I should start. Thankfully, she beats me to it. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
I blow out a long breath at that question as I try to figure out the answer.
Did he hurt me? Yes.
But I wanted him to. I needed him to.
“I understand why he did what he did.”
“That’s not what I asked, Macie,” she warns.
“I know, I just…” I take a huge sip of wine as I try to get my thoughts together. “I knew it was too good to be true,” I blurt out.
“I’m going to kill him for hurting you. I warned him. I fucking warned him,” she seethes.
“You can’t be mad at him. What he went through—”
“Still doesn’t give him the right to hurt you no matter what’s happened. You were a kid, Macie. He said it was ten years ago, so you were what… eight?”
I nod.
“Did you even understand the significance of what you walked in on that day?”
I shake my head because I didn’t, I truly had no idea at the time. I knew it was bad. But I didn’t know things like that happened, that people could be just that evil to take advantage of kids like that.
My uncle being mean to me was one thing. But one of his boys. Never in a million years would I have thought that was even possible.
“No. I had no idea how serious it was. It was only in the years that followed that I understood what I even saw.”
“None of it was your fault, Macie. Leon had—has—no right to blame you for it.”
“He’s hurting, Let. It’s festered inside him all these years, slowly eating away at him.”
“You’re too understanding.”
“Trust me, I’m not letting him slip back into my life as if nothing happened, but I get it.”
“Your uncle… he hurt you too, didn’t he?” she asks, although from the concern on her face, I think she already knows the answer.
I nod. “Just not in the way he did Leon.”
“It doesn’t make it right, or better, or even easier to deal with.”
“I guess,” I mutter, not wanting to confess that over the years I’ve felt weirdly lucky that my uncle never touched me like he did Leon.
“Were there others?”
“I assume so, but Leon was the only one I ever saw. I was banished from that house not long after that incident.”
“You never told anyone?”
I shake my head ashamed that I was never brave enough to say anything.
“Christ,” she mutters, taking another giant mouthful of wine. “I knew he was hiding something awful, but I never thought it was something like this.”
We fall silent, both of us sipping on our drinks lost in thought.
It doesn’t take long for the alcohol to start to have an effect on me and by the time I sip the last drop into my mouth, my head is starting to spin.
Letty must sense it because she looks up at me.
“Ready to tell me what he did yet?”
“Umm…”
* * *
When I wake the next morning, it’s with my second ever hangover.
Rolling over, I groan into my pillow as my head pounds, my brain feeling like it’s suddenly too big for my head.
“Damn you, Leon Dunn,” I moan.
Before I found the courage to tell Letty the truth, she refilled my glass and before I knew it everything was pouring from my lips. To my relief she never once judged me, even when I confessed to wanting Leon to do what he did, that I was more than willing to take the punishment he was dishing out.
I understood when she opened up and confessed to having similar experiences with Kane at the beginning of their relationship.
Listening to her talk about how toxic the two of them were made me feel better about what happened, about how I felt when he was so lost in his anger, his darkness. It fed something twisted inside of me that I didn’t even know existed. But it seems I might not be the only one to have felt that way.
My cell pings dragging me from my hazy memories of the night before and I blindly reach out to grab it from my nightstand.
Letty: How are you feeling? ☺
“Ugh.” It’s the smiley face that does me in because it means that she probably feels completely fine whereas I’m once again dying.
This is all his fault. All of it.
If he never picked up Charlie that night then we might never have collided.
Is that what you’d rather have happened? To never have met him?
With another groan, I throw back the covers and make my way to the bathroom on unsteady legs.
I’m pleasantly surprised by the time I get there because I feel nowhere near as bad as the last time and when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel almost normal aside from the pounding at my temples.
But what stares back at me in my reflection, however, that is a freaking mess.
Leon Dunn, what have you done to me?
I stand there for long minutes just telling myself that I’m okay. What happened… happened. Now it’s time to move on.
I know that’s the truth, that he’s not going to want anything to do with me now, hell, I should want even less to do with him after the way he treated me. So why does my chest ache as I consider never seeing him again?
I want to say it’s fear for what he’s going to do now that he’s got the information he wanted. But it’s not. In all honesty, I don’t care what he does next. That’s exactly why I’ve done nothing about the fact he knows of my uncle’s whereabouts.
Plus, he’s safe there. He pays thousands a month to ensure his privacy and safety. I highly doubt Leon’s going to be able to walk straight in and act on the revenge he craves so much.
I wash up before pulling on an oversized hoodie to hide in and finally, when I can wait no longer for coffee, I slip out of my room.
Voices carry down the hall to me the second I close my door behind me and my stomach drops into my feet knowing I’m going to have to say something about why I’m here.
I should be in Miami having the time of my life with Leon. But here I am nursing a hangover and dare I say it… a broken heart.
No.
I slam that thought down the second it hits me.
He can’t have broken anything that didn’t belong to him.
Throwing my shoulders back, I gather some inner strength from somewhere deep inside, hell knows I know it exists after what I’ve been through in my life and with my head held high, I walk toward the kitchen as if this is just another Saturday morning.
“M-Macie?” Nathan stutters the second I emerge.
“Morning,” I sing, wincing as my overly happy voice hits my ears.
Way to go trying to look like everything is normal. Well done, Macie.
“Uh… shouldn’t you be in Miami?” he asks, his eyes following me toward the kitchen as I grab a mug.
“Yeah… change of plans.”
His stare burns into my back.
“You okay, Mace?” Jace pipes up.
“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be? I’d much rather be here than in Miami anyway.”
I kick myself for saying too much knowing that I look like I’m making too much of an effort to convince them.
I sense Nathan step up behind me and the dread in my belly only gets worse.
He’s not going to let this go. He’s already warned me what he’ll do if Leon hurts me.
“Macie? He growls, and I drop my arm from where I’ve just started the coffee maker.
“Everything is okay, Nate. Really.”
“Yeah? Then turn around and look me in the eyes as you say that.”
Fine.
Spinning on my toes, I tell myself that I can easily convince him I’m fine. I’ve been convincing the world of something similar since the day my mom died, sending my life into what seems to be one very long roller coaster ride that I just know is going to crash at some point.
My eyes lock on his jersey-covered chest once we’re face to face, but it takes me a couple of seconds to lift my eyes to his.
I hope like hell that by the time our gazes connect, I’ve found the strength I need to put his worry to bed.
I think it might be wishful thinking.
The second his concerned hazel eyes come into view, my own fills with tears and I can’t help but allow my bottom lip to tremble.
“Shit, Mace.”
He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight as I silently cry into his chest.
Most of it is for Leon and everything that happened, but some of the tears are just from pure frustration at how badly I’m handling all of this.
I shouldn’t care.
I knew he was going to pull the rug from under my feet at some point. I should have been prepared for this.
But instead, here I am sobbing like a baby.
Maybe it would have been different if he just got bored of me. If he cheated with a jersey chaser even.
I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the reality. For how painful, brutal, horrifying our truths really were.
“I-I’m o-okay,” I stutter against his chest as his hands rub up and down my back.
His body tenses at my lie.
“Jace, could you—”
“Yeah, I’m heading out anyway. Shall I tell the guys you’re not gonna make it?”
“Thanks, man,” he says, twisting me into his side and guiding me over to the couch.
“Y-you should go. You don’t have to stay and babysit me. I’m a big girl.”
“It’s okay,” he assures. “I’d rather make sure you’re okay than work out again.”
“Okay,” I breathe, knowing that I’m not going to win no matter how much I might protest.
He gently lowers me to the seat before returning to the kitchen for my coffee, preparing it for me, and bringing it over.
By the time he’s sitting beside me on the couch, Jace has left and the dorm has fallen silent.
I’ve got no idea where Charlie is. Sleeping probably, I guess the question is… in whose bed?
“I need to kick his ass, don’t I?”
I can’t help but burst out laughing at the serious expression on Nate’s face.
“No, Nate, you don’t.”
Leon’s been through enough. I don’t think having an angry basketball player on his back over this is what he really needs right now.
“Don’t protect him, Macie.”
“I’m not… I— It’s complicated.”
“I’ve got all day,” he says, resting back, getting comfortable with the story he thinks I’m going to tell.
Shaking my head, I keep my eyes on my knees knowing that he’s going to be disappointed in me for the words that are about to leave my lips.
“I knew it was all too good to be true. I saw this coming, I just didn’t—”
“Macie,” he growls just like I was expecting him too. “Do not put this on you. I don’t want to hear that you were never good enough for him and expected to be hurt. That’s not how it’s meant to be.”
“Maybe not, but it’s the truth. Come on, Nate,” I say, finally looking up at him. “He’s one of MKU’s kings and I’m…” I hold my hands out to my sides. “I’m just me. Shy, inexperienced geek. We were never going to work.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it, Mace. You’re worth a million of him.”
My breath catches at his words.
He might be my closest friend, but he’s never said anything like that to me before.
“I mean it, Macie. He’s a douchebag who can’t see what’s right in front of him.”
He scoots a little closer and my eyes widen when he reaches out, tucking my hair behind my ear.
It’s Leon’s move.
My heart pounds, my eyes fluttering closed as his finger brushes the shell of my ear.
In my head, it’s Leon and instinctively I lean a little closer, getting lost in the sensation and his touch.
It’s not until his lips brush mine that I come crashing back to Earth with a body jolting bang.
“Holy crap,” I jump up, my heart racing and my eyes wide as I stare down at Nate who’s still leaning over into the space I was just in. “What the hell was that?” I ask, barely able to speak through my increased breaths.
“I can’t see you sad, Mace. It kills me.”
“And that was your answer?”
He shrugs, a little regret creeping into his expression.
“I’m sorry, I—” He cuts himself off, his eyes dropping from mine for a beat.
When he glances up once again, he looks back in control. Like the Nathan I’m used to.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to wipe that look off your face. Leon is a fucking idiot for screwing this up.”
I shrug. “I’m not sure there was really anything to screw up. The whole thing was…” Incredible. Mind-blowing. “A mistake.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s not allowed to hurt, Mace.”
“I know, but I’m stronger than Leon Dunn. He can kiss my ass,” I say, throwing my hair over my shoulder.
“Damn right he can, but only after I’ve kept my promise to you.”
My brows pinch as I try to think back to what he might have said to me.
“Oh, no, no, no,” I chant when the penny drops. “Don’t go anywhere near him. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”
He pushes to stand and comes almost toe to toe with me.
“No one hurts you and gets away with it, Mace.”
“Please. Please don’t.”
“I can’t promise that. Just know that what I’m capable of isn’t anywhere near what he deserves.”
My lips part to argue for Leon. To tell Nathan that Leon’s already been to hell and back, but I soon slam them shut. That is not my story to tell. And I’ll take it to the grave with me if that’s what he wants.
“I don’t need you to defend my honor, Nate. Leon and I are done, and I think it’s probably for the best if we all just move on and forget it ever happened.” I know that’s what I’m going to try to do at least.
