The Retaliation You Deliver by Tracy Lorraine
Macie
Ilay on my bed staring up at the ceiling as the sounds of the others getting ready for their night out stirs around me.
They begged for me to come but I’m not interested. I would rather be in my own room, curled up and watching Netflix.
I’ve easily reverted back to my old reclusive life, but I can’t find it in me to care.
The Macie I was when I was with Leon wasn’t the real me, I rationalize. He made me crazy, pulled me from the place I feel safe—my comfort zone. I spent so much of my life not knowing what’s around the corner and where the next hit is going to come from that I’m more than happy being locked away and being completely in control.
The music from the living room is so loud that I have no idea we’ve got visitors until someone knocks on my door.
“Macie?” Nate shouts, and I wince.
Earlier it was hella awkward. I appreciated his concern, his need to go and hurt Leon for what he’s done, but what I really didn’t need was for him to step over the line like he did.
I’ve never felt that way about him, and I was under the impression he didn’t feel that way toward me either. But now, I’m wondering if that’s not the case.
I want to think that he was just feeling sorry for me, took pity on me for being screwed over by the first guy I ever let close but I’m terrified it’s more than that and the friendship that I’ve valued since starting here is about to be destroyed because of it.
“You’ve got visitors.”
My heart jumps into my throat as the first face that pops into my head is Leon.
I know it’s stupid. There’s no way he’s going to seek me out after everything but my stupid, naïve little heart can’t help hoping.
“Okay, hang on.” I roll off my bed and pull on an oversized cardigan over my shoulders before heading to the door.
“Hey, what’s—oh,” I breathe when I see more people than I was expecting, only one of which I recognize, standing behind Nate.
“I hope you don’t mind us gatecrashing but I had a feeling you might need some fun.” Letty smiles as she steps around Nathan and invites herself into my room.
“Uh…”
“You were in bed at seven pm on a Saturday night, weren’t you?” she asks, seeing the messy sheets.
“Um…”
“You definitely need us.”
Dumping two bags onto my bed that I didn’t realize she had carried in, the others step around a confused looking Nathan and they join us.
“You okay?” Nate asks, ignoring the newcomers and looking directly into my eyes.
“Y-yeah. I think I am.” I have no idea what Letty is planning. But I trust her. I know she only has my best interests at heart.
He hesitates for a couple of seconds as Letty and the others pull drinks and food out of the bags they brought with them and begin making themselves at home.
“Okay, well… we’re heading out in a bit.”
“Have a good night.” I smile at him, but it doesn’t come as easy as it used to and I hate it.
I see the same hesitation on his face too.
“We’re going to be okay, right?” he asks, clearly feeling as uneasy about this as I am. “Earlier, I didn’t mean for it to—”
“We’re fine, Nate. Promise,” I say, hoping that I’m right. It would kill me to lose him because of this.
With a smile and nod, he slips from my room.
“He was hot,” one of the girls says.
“Hands off, Vi. He’s a freshman, you’d eat him alive.”
“He looks like he’s man enough.”
“Ignore them,” Letty says as she and the one with pink hair step up to me while the other two continue to bicker. “That’s Ella,” she says, pointing to the petite blonde. “And the one who wants to screw your roommate is Violet.”
“And I’m Peyton. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Pink says, shocking the hell out of me by pulling me in for a hug. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers in my ear. “If we had any clue then—”
“It’s okay,” I tell her.
All of this is no one's fault but my own. I knew from the first time I looked into his eyes that I was making a bad decision. If only I’d listened to myself.
“So we thought you might need a night full of distraction. We’ve got drinks, food, face masks, the works.”
My smile almost splits my face as I look between the four of them.
“I’ve never had a girls’ night in before.”
“Well you’re about to have one. Boy talk is banned, in fact, from this moment on, the male species doesn’t exist.”
“What the hell will we talk about? Anyway, I want to know if Leon Dunn is as good in the sack as everyo— ow, what the hell was that for?” Violet sulks as Letty throws her cell at her. “What? I’m just curious.”
“I’d love to tell you,” I say, swallowing down the emotion her question drags up. “But I don’t have anything to compare it to.”
“He made you scream though right.”
“Jesus,” Peyton mutters. “You need to get laid, Vi.”
“It’s like you’re forgetting that you got railed by a frat guy last night,” Ella mutters. “And—” she adds before Violet gets a chance to argue. “I heard it all so don’t even try to deny it. What was his name? Peter, Percy…” Letty, Peyton and I snort with laughter as Violet’s face twists in horror.
“Perry, it was Perry. Jesus, El, I wouldn’t screw a Percy, who do you think I am?”
“Desperate is what you are.”
“I’m sorry,” Letty says softly. “I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea.”
“It’s perfect,” I assure her, my eyes not leaving Ella and Violet. “They’re a good distraction.”
“They were warned not to mention his name,” Peyton mutters. “Glad they listened.”
“I’m going to have to get used to it. It’s kind of like a rite of passage to regret your first, right?”
They both stare at me with sympathy written all over their faces making me think that I’m wrong.
“Everything will work out,” Peyton assures me.
“N-no, I don’t think there’s a future for—”
“Like I said, things will work out.”
I want to argue with her and insist that everything between Leon and I is over, but even thinking about the words makes my chest ache.
I hate him for what he did. But I also understand his motivation.
My head spins with the whole thing.
“Drinks,” Ella calls, holding up a neon bottle of something I already know is going to ruin my Sunday.
“Just a small one,” Letty says with a wink.
“Oh yeah, I know exactly what your small ones are like.”
She snorts a laugh. “I don’t do small things.” She winks and my cheeks burn, the image of her and Kane that first night I met them flashing before my eyes. “I know you don’t either,” she whispers quietly in my ear, making my entire face heat.
“Okay, pass it over,” I say, knowing that I’m going to need it.
I don’t think anything of it and throw the bright green drink back in one, regretting it instantly.
“What the hell is that?” I mutter as my mouth continues to water with the sour taste while my throat burns with the strength of the alcohol.
“Sour apple. We’ve got raspberry, too,” Violet says happily, holding up a bright pink bottle.
“This is going to hurt tomorrow.”
* * *
Three hours, more drinks than I can count, and a face mask that has been on way too long and I’ve got my arms above my head dancing around my dorm room with Ella and Violet who are singing Taylor Swift at the top of their lungs.
“I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun,” I shout, my head spinning, the wide smile on my face making my cheeks ache as my hips move with the music.
“It was time for you to let your hair down,” Letty says excitedly, coming up to dance with me.
“We should go dancing. Like, dancing, dancing,” Violet suggests.
“We’re having a night in, remember,” Letty says, the only one that seems to have kept her head tonight.
“No, let’s go dancing,” I say, forgetting about everything other than how good this feels right now.
“Are you sure?” Letty asks.
“I’m finding us a party,” Ella announces, grabbing her cell from the side and immediately focusing on it, or at least trying to. I can’t imagine she’s seeing things all that straight right now.
“I need to get changed,” I blurt out, knowing that my pajamas aren’t going to cut it for wherever we’re going to end up.
“Let’s find you something sexy,” Violet says, dramatically pulling open my closet and rummaging through it.
“Ugh, Macie. You need to go shopping, girl.”
“I’ve got something. I brought spares,” Ella shouts, throwing her cell on my bed and diving for one of the bags she brought with her. “Here,” she says, throwing a scrap of fabric at me.
“What the hell is this?” My face scrunches up as I wrestle with the material, trying to figure out which way up it even goes.
“It’s a dress. Come on,” she says, stepping up to me. “Off.”
“B-but I don’t—” I don’t get a chance to argue because she has my top off in a heartbeat ensuring I flash them all my bare breasts.
My arms fly to cover myself up.
“Chill, girl. We’ve all seen a pair before. Here.” She tugs the fabric over my head and down over my exposed body. “Shorts off. Sexy panties on,” she demands, swatting me on the ass before turning back toward her bag for another almost nonexistent dress.
In only a little over an hour, all four of us have managed epic transformations.
Gone are the caked on face masks and in their place is flawless makeup provided by Ella and expertly styled hair courtesy of Violet.
I stand in front of my mirror with another drink in my hand and stare at the woman looking back at me.
“Hot, right?” Ella asks, coming to stand beside me.
She’s gorgeous, petite, yet curvy. A classical beauty. I bet she has men following her everywhere.
“I… uh…”
“Any man would be lucky to get anywhere near you, Macie. Start embracing the fact you’re a sexy woman with curves women around the world would die for.”
“Are we ready?” Violet asks.
Looking over my shoulder, I find she’s wearing a short skirt and crop top which shows more skin than I think I’d ever be able to, unless I was on the beach, but she looks stunning.
“Yes,” Letty agrees.
“Good, I’ve got us a ride. Come on girls, it’s time to show MKU how it’s done.”
My stomach knots as the sudden realization that this might have been a bad idea rolls through me.
Letty must sense my hesitation because as the other two grab their purses and head out of the door, she lingers back, catching my hand in hers.
“You’re allowed to enjoy yourself, Macie. The past is in the past. You don’t need to hide from him, from anyone.”
Her dark eyes hold mine as emotion clogs my throat.
“I…” I swallow, not entirely sure what it is I want to say. “I think I’ve spent all my life hiding,” I confess.
“Well then, it’s time to break free of your cocoon, Macie. It’s time to own the beautiful butterfly you’ve become.”
My hands tremble at the thought of embarking on a life everyone else around campus sees as normal.
“El,” she calls, startling me.
“Yo, bitch, what’s up?” she shouts back from down the hall, her voice slurred.
“Whose party are we going to?”
“Basketball,” is all that comes back and knowing that Nate, Jace and Charlie will be there settles something inside me.
Yeah, they’ll probably be pissed that I turned them down, yet I’m willing to turn up with the girls, but I know they’ll understand, and look out for me.
“Okay,” I say, throwing my shoulders back in the hope I both feel and look a little more confident. “Let’s do this.”
Linking her arm through mine, Letty leads me from my room and then the dorm.
There’s a car waiting out in the parking lot with music booming from the windows. Violet immediately heads toward the driver’s side, sticks her ass out, ensuring her skirt rises just that little bit too high to be out in public as she threads her hand around the back of the guy's neck and slams her lips down on his.
“Uh… who’s that?”
“I have no idea,” Letty confesses. “Violet gets a little crazy when she drinks.”
“You don’t say,” I mutter as we watch her crawl through the window so she can sit plastered to the guy’s side.
“You’re a whore,” Ella shouts happily, making Violet flip her off before turning her attention back to the guy.
“Come on then, our carriage awaits.”
The three of us slide into the back, the booming bass of the music rattles through my body as the guy flies from the parking lot.
Violet screams as he floors the gas, throwing her arms up in the air as if she’s on a roller coaster.
“Is she always this…”
“Wild?” Ella finishes. “Yeah. And they think I’m the crazy one.”
“Oh because you’re totally sane,” Letty mutters.
“You love me.”
“Yeah, but you’re totally crazy.”
“Alright, ladies. I take payment in the form of kisses and blowjobs,” the guy driving announces as the car jolts to a stop outside a massive house.
My eyes meet his in the rearview mirror and he winks, making my eyes widen in shock and my stomach to drop to my feet.
“He’s kidding,” Ella says. “And if he’s not. Vi can make payment in full. Come on.”
I slide out behind Letty, more than happy to leave Violet to do whatever she needs to do.
Without looking back for fear of what I’ll see, I allow both Letty and Ella to lace their arms through mine and lead me toward the house.
There are drunk students filling the front yard. Some call out as we pass but I keep my eyes on where we’re going. My legs are already unsteady, I don’t need anything else distracting me.
“Ignore them. We’re just here to enjoy ourselves,” Letty whispers in my ear as we step into the house.
“Oh my God,” I breathe. There are people everywhere but the whole place has an entirely different vibe to the Harris party that Leon took me to.
Where that was intense, this is… I don’t know, chill.
Everyone is laughing, having a good time. And as we pass, no one really pays us any attention.
“Drinks, ladies, then we dance,” Ella says, grabbing a couple of Solo cups and filling them with some vodka. “To girls’ night,” she says loudly, holding her cup up so that we can tap ours against it.
Together we down our drinks. I’ve had so much to drink now that I barely even feel the burn as it hits my throat.
“Right, let’s do this.”
As if she knows exactly where to go, Ella leads us to a room, which is full of bodies moving in time with the music that booms from the speakers someone has set up in the corners.
Anyone would think Ella owns the place as she pushes through the crowd and finds us a space in the middle.
Forgetting about where I am and the eyes that I’m sure are on me with the dress I’m wearing, I pretend that I’m back in my dorm room just with the girls and without a care in the world.
Closing my eyes, I focus on the beat, of how my body moves and the tingles running through my veins from the copious amounts of drinks I’ve had tonight.
It feels good. Freeing. I push every single thing about my life from my head and just enjoy it.
I have no idea how many songs pass when I sense someone step up behind me.
“Who are you and what have you done with Macie?” A familiar voice shouts in my ear.
Spinning on the spot, I find Nate smiling as he runs his eyes over me.
My initial reaction is to cover up, but the alcohol coursing through me soon reminds me that I’m not that Macie tonight. Tonight, I’m just like Letty, Ella, and Violet. I’m enjoying myself and not caring what anyone else thinks of me, what I’m wearing, how I dance or what I do.
“Hey,” I say, a confident smile curling at my lips.
“Dance with me?”
I hesitate for a second and hurt covers his face.
“It’s not like that, Mace. I just wanna hang out with my friend.”
“O-okay,” I stutter, concerned about leading him on.
He grabs my hand before I have a chance to change my mind and pulls me toward him, although not up against him and I sigh in relief.
“Relax, Mace. What I did earlier was a mistake. I’m sorry. I’m glad they managed to get you here though, you deserve this.” He spins me away from his body and I squeal in excitement.
We dance like idiots together for the longest time. A wide smile plays on my lips as I just enjoy this time with my friend that I never would have had if I kept myself locked up in my bedroom.
Maybe this kind of life isn’t so bad.
“Oh no. No, no, no,” someone squeals behind us. “If you think you get to just turn up here and expect—”
I spin around just in time to see Ella’s tiny palm connect with a guy's face.
Anger flickers through his expression as the red handprint on his cheek blooms but it's soon pushed aside for something else. Something I wouldn’t have recognized if it weren’t for my time with Leon.
Heat.
It surges through him like a tsunami as he steps toward Ella. His eyes wide and dark, his nostrils flared.
If I were her, I’d probably be terrified because the guy is huge, but thankfully Ella isn’t me because she squares right up to him.
“Uh… who’s that?” I mutter to Nate who’s standing behind me, watching the show.
“That’s Colt. He’s the Panther’s running back.”
“R-running b—” I don’t get to question him about it because my answer appears in front of me as Kane sweeps Letty into his arms, while Luca Dunn does the same to Peyton.
“I-I need to get out of here,” I breathe, keeping my eyes on the floor, too terrified to find him and have to look into those eyes again.
“Y-yeah, okay. Let’s go.”
Nate laces his fingers with mine and begins pulling me through the crowd.
My skin tingles more with every step we take. And I know exactly why.
He’s here.
And he’s watching.
