unREASONable by Arya Matthews

Track 33

Marshall

I find Alexandra later in the Nest’s family room. She’s snuggled in an enormous bean bag chair next to the couch, under a fluffy blanket, with a bowl of popcorn, watching Nacho Libre with Shane and Zach, who sit on the floor in front of her. My imagination immediately likens them to two loyal hounds at the feet of their goddess.

“Either stop hovering and sit down or go away,” Shane grumbles at me.

I pick the end of the couch near Alexandra. She doesn’t say anything or look at me, just munches on the popcorn. I want to scoop her up and place her on my lap and cuddle with her under that blanket, but as much as my heart urges my hands into insanity, I’ll stick to cutting things off between us before I hurt anyone. I don’t believe Alexandra’s messing around with me and CJ on purpose. I know she loves him. Or she was falling in love with him, and I mucked it up.

Zach turns to us and mouths something to Alexandra. She frowns and shakes her head. He drills her with an impatient look. She frowns harder and shakes her head again. Three slow, resolute movements—no, no, no. What does he want her to do?

Alexandra steals a sideways glance at me, then brings two fingers to her eyes and points at Zach. She’s watching him. What has he done to be in trouble with her?

Eyebrow raised, Zach does the same two-finger gesture at his eyes, then points at her, then raises two fingers. He’s watching her too.

Alexandra rolls her eyes.

Zach’s hands form a heart that he presses to his chest, all accompanied by a cutesy tilt of his head and an adoring smile. In response, she glares and taps her ear. Zach covers his own and quickly turns away.

As amusing as it has been to watch, what the heck?

I scoop some popcorn out of an enormous bowl on the coffee table into one of the smaller ones. The crispy, salty snack helps me mull over what I can say to Alexandra that wouldn’t hurt her feelings but get the message across. I’ll be a villain either way though. That grave has been dug. Time to lay down and die. I’ll try a text first.

I honestly thought you’d enjoy going to the opera with Zach more than you’d enjoy going with me.

Alexandra’s phone sits on the edge of the bean bag chair. When the message is delivered and the device buzzes, the vibration sends it toppling to the floor. Alexandra ignores the whole thing. I pick up her phone and hold it out to her. She continues refusing to look at me or take her phone.

“Please.” I speak softly so that Zach and Shane wouldn’t hear me over the movie.

Maybe too softly because it seems like she can’t hear me either.

I reach and place the device in her hand, and my fingertips graze her skin.

Alexandra tenses and squeezes the phone. Lips pursed, she swipes her thumb across the screen, reads my message, then types the response.

Matryoshka: Noted.

It’s enough for me. She’s opened the gate for a conversation, however mad at me she is.

I should’ve been more direct. I should’ve said I wouldn’t go.

Matryoshka: That would’ve been nice.

I had all these responses and excuses, but they have all evaporated. I type without thinking.

I shouldn’t have kissed you. We can’t be in a relationship. Look what happens to the band when we argue. The guys don’t deserve the uncertainty that would come with us being a package.

That’s the best I can do right now. Please, heaven and earth, let it work.

Matryoshka: I understand.

I check her expression.

She smiles at me. “Practice tomorrow as usual?”

That smile slices my heart in two, then three, then four, until I’m pulverized. It doesn’t reach her eyes at all. She’s putting on a brave face, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’ve hurt her badly. She has the right to be mad at me and let the whole world know about it. Instead, she says that we can continue making music. CJ or not, I don’t deserve her.

“Tomorrow as usual,” I say and head out of the room.

Zach watches me with pursed, disapproving lips, Shane gives me another glare, and a strong suspicion settles over me that the next time I pull something stupid, I may be the one who gets tossed out of the band.