Grand Love by JC Hawke

24

Nina

I pushout through the apartment doors of Joey’s building and hurry towards the taxi that’s idling at the curb. I step back so the gentleman that is climbing from it can retrieve his coat then pull open the passenger door.

“Can I get in? I only have Apple pay.”

“Sure.”

Feeling relieved, I climb into the front seat and quickly close my eyes. Mason will be bringing Ellis home soon, but I don’t want Joey coming after me.

“Rough morning?”

My eyes open and I turn to look at the driver. He gives me a smile that doesn’t quite meet his eyes, then looks back to the road. “Yeah. It’s been a day already.”

Joey tried to kiss me.

Tears fill my eyes and I try to blink them away. I feel so stupid for all the times I defended him. I know he’s hurting and he never would’ve done this if he wasn’t, but Mason doesn’t deserve it. Not when he’s always believed Joey’s intentions weren’t pure. Maybe they weren’t. But I trusted him to be my friend. I know this will hurt Mason. He’ll be furious.

I text Mason and tell him that I’ll meet him at his.

I know I have to tell him. After the weekend we’ve had together, I know we need to be honest with one another going forward. This has to work out. There’s no one else I want to do this with.

I get to the penthouse and make my way to the elevator, using the code Vinny gave me last week. My phone rings just as the doors start to close. It’s Mason.

“Hey.”

“Hey, you’re at mine?” he asks, sounding surprised.

“Yeah, I just got here.” I roll my lips. “Could I stay tonight?” My voice cracks and I look to the ceiling.

“What’s wrong?” I hear wood scraping across tile. He’s still at the estate.

“I’m fine. I just needed to be close to you… after last night. Don’t rush back, okay? I’m just being silly.”

“Nina.”

“Mase, I’m fine.” I soften my voice and chuckle to try and persuade him that I’m okay. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

“We won’t be long.”

“Okay, love you.” I hang up and drop my head back. Why does this have to be so difficult?

What was Joey thinking?

He wasn’t thinking, I know that, and I already know that I can’t expect Mason to understand. Because I wouldn’t. I didn’t. I just have to be straight with him.

The elevator pings and the doors slide open. Every muscle in my body relaxes as I take a step into the familiar space, but it’s short lived. I stop short at the realisation that the lights are on. I walk to the edge of the wall that divides the foyer from the living area, then peek around it.

“Lance?” He lifts his head that was buried in his hands in a rush, and I know I’ve startled him as much as he has me.

“Nina. Where’s Mase?”

“At the estate.” I tilt my head to the side, frowning at the folder on the coffee table and the USB stick that sits on top of it. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see Mase.”

I nod, my eyes flicking to the coffee table again. “What’s that?”

He steeples his hands in front of his mouth as he rocks on his bouncing knees. He doesn’t look at me, his eyes focused on the folder. My stomach seems to freeze, turning my blood cold as I step closer.

“I fucked up—”

“Lance—”

“I watched it happen with Cara and I thought you were going to do it too. I-I—”

“Lance.” I stop him, moving to sit next to him on the sofa. “Stop.”

He turns his head, his hands falling from his face.

My body mirrors his on the sofa, but where his eyes burn into the side of my head, mine stay locked on the file. “You set him up, didn’t you,” I say in disbelief. “It was you.”

“You’d been together a couple of months. I didn’t think he was so deep and if I knew you were pregnant, Nina.”

I turn my head towards him, his eyes wide and unfocused. “Lance.”

“I’m so sorry, Nina. I couldn’t keep it from you and Mase anymore, it’s not right. I can’t live with it.”

I frown, shaking my head. “Did you plan it before hand? Did you plan it before Bora Bora?”

“I was off my face that night. It’s no excuse but Lowell was fucking all over the place for months. Everything came out about Marcus and Cara, and I felt like everything I spent the year burying was being dug up.”

“So after?” I ask, filling in the missing pieces. “You planned it after the holiday?”

“It was after you spoke to your mum on the phone. At the lodge. You told her you’d send her money and I read it all wrong. I read you so wrong, Nina, I’m so sorry.”

A tear rolls down my cheek as I look at him. Lance has been in my home, he’s spent hours and hours with my son, with me.

“You’re in love with Scarlet,” I say absentmindedly, my lip trembling. “What will she say? What will she do, Lance?”

He drops his head again, running his hands through his hair as he shakes his head no. “She told you about us?”

“No.” I snigger, wiping the tears from my face. “It’s painfully obvious though. It has been since Anthony passed away. I knew she wasn’t alone.”

“Does Mason know?” he questions.

“No. But it wouldn’t’ve been long. He heard you last night in the kitchen.”

He scrubs at his face, his body vibrating with pent-up energy. Mason will be home soon, and I have to tell him that Joey tried to kiss me. I have to tell him that the one thing I swore wouldn’t happen, that I called him out on, happened. I have to hurt him a little bit, knowing it’s the right thing to do so that we can take another step. A step towards our family.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry,” Lance repeats, swiping at the corner of his eye. My gaze catches on the tattoo that peeks out from his rolled-up sleeves. Lavender branches wrap around his forearm in a spiral, disappearing under his shirt. “I have it all here, every copy of everything that was sent to me. I will stay away from you, from Scarlet too, I won’t be around.”

“He’s your best friend.”

“I know.”

“She won’t forgive you.”

He grits his teeth as tears fall down his face that he refuses to wipe away. “I know.”

I run my hands through my hair then stand, gathering up the USB and file. “Go home, Lance.”

“I can’t,” he huffs. “It has to come from me.”

“No. Go home, Lance.”

“Nina.”

“GO HOME, LANCE!” I yell, my own tears prickling my eyes. “You’ve caused so much unnecessary pain. You’ve kept me from my family,” I cry. “But telling Mason that you did this won’t lessen it. It won’t change anything and it will break him. The boys too.” My tears fall, and my stomach dips. Do I really want to keep this from him? Will it protect him like I need it to? “I want my family back now. I want to stop hurting him. I want to see him happy. I need to see him happy.”

His face screws up almost painfully. “You want to keep it from him?”

“Not just him.” My head tilts. “Mason would never forgive you, and that would hurt both of you enough, but Scarlet wouldn’t forgive you either.”

He starts to openly cry, breaking down where he stands as his secrets marinate between us. It has my brows drawing in as I fight to keep myself from going to him. “Nina, I don’t deserve her.”

I shrug. “Maybe not, but Scar’s the only person who gets to decide that. Telling them won’t change this, Lance. It only brings it all back, for us all.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Go home,” I tell him, layering it with all the conviction I can scrape from the depths of me. “You’ve made a lot of mistakes. We all have. But don’t let her be one of them.”

His nostrils flare as he steps up to me. His head shakes with fear, gratitude, reluctance—I don’t know, but I let him pull me into him. Amongst the anger, pain and uncertainty I feel inside of me, I know that this man loves the very same people I do. He wouldn’t act out of malice—not towards them. It’s a fierce thing, love. It’s dangerous. I’ve hurt Mason so many times. Every time I’ve run, every time I’ve found annoyance in his giving, and each and every time I didn’t believe him. I don’t deserve his love any more than Lance because I left him. I made a mistake far more detrimental than Lance’s. I did what I never dreamed I’d do. I walked away from my family.

Maybe I don’t deserve his love at all.

“You’re more than he could ever wish for. You came along right when he needed you and I’m sorry I didn’t see that.”

Lance leaves and I dispose of the files, burning them out on the balcony and washing the remnants away once I’m finished. Then I do all I can to damage the USB before putting it in the bin.

* * *

Mason walksthrough the door not an hour after our phone call, yet it feels like days—a lifetime. I smile despite the unease I feel and stand from the sofa to take the changing bag from him. Ellis is asleep in his arms, and he whispers with a frown, “I’m going to take him up.”

I nod my head, watching as he disappears up the stairs.

I have to do this.

It’s better for everyone.

Mason finds me in the kitchen once he has Ellis settled in his bed. His face is full of concern as he walks towards me. “What is it, Angel?” I wrap myself in him the second I can reach him, and he holds me, his hands slipping under my T-shirt so he can run his hands up my back. “Nina.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell him.

“Sorry for what?” he says defensively, pulling away from me.

“I need you to promise me something—”

“Nina,” he grits out.

“Promise me that you will trust me enough to let this go. I know I don’t deserve it and I’ve not given you enough reason to… but I need you to know that I will let him go. Because I need this to work. You and Ellis are my only priority, and we have to make this work.” I rush out the words. My gaze locked on his.

“Who? Who will you let go?” he snaps, clearly confused.

“Joey.” I draw in a deep breath. “Promise me, Mase.”

He scowls down at me, his brows furrowing as his spine straightens. “What did he do?”

“He tried to kiss me.”

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t do anything. But inside I get the feeling that he’s at boiling point. “Mase, I would never have gone to his apartment if I knew he was in the state he was in, if I knew he’d come at me.” I grab his hand as I try to make him understand. “His brother died just a few days ago and I wanted to check in, that’s it. I won’t see him for a while. I’m telling you because this—we—mean so much more than what he did and I won’t let it set us back, not when I feel so damn close to having you again.”

“You said he tried to kiss you.”

I nod. “I’m so sorry for putting you in this position.”

He swallows thickly again, taking a rough breath in then scrubbing a hand over his mouth. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

“Mase.” I panic.

“I know!” he snaps, turning away from me and leaning against the kitchen island.

“I pushed him away. Nothing happened, and I left right away. I won’t go back to his again.”

“Did he hurt you?” His voice is sharp, deadly even.

“No.” I watch his back, wanting to reach out and touch him but not knowing how he’d react. “What are you going to do?” I ask.

He lifts his head, eying me over his shoulder. “Nothing.” He sniggers. “Not a damn thing.” There’s an instant relief that comes with his words, but also huge shock. I stand in wonder as to whether I’ve heard him correctly. “I’ve never doubted your faithfulness, Nina. I don’t like this, but I won’t let it come between us. We’re going to make this work this time. Me, you, Ellis.”

My chin wobbles and I try to stop it, covering my face with my hands. “I’m sorry.”

My tears break as his arms wrap around me. “Shh,” he soothes, rubbing a hand over my back. “It’s okay.”

I breathe in a lungful of air, hoping it will stop the emotion that’s bubbling in my throat. I need my family, and if that means carrying Lance’s betrayal and taking a step away from Joey then that’s the price I pay.

“I didn’t know what you’d say. I thought you’d push me away.”

When he doesn’t say a word, I pull back so I can see him. After last night, I hate the thought of him not being himself with me.

“Mase.”

“Hmmm.” He stares down at me, his face hard and his body strung tight.

My hands smooth over his shoulders in the hope that it will relax him. “Thank you,” I tell him. “For not making this what it could have been. You have every right to be mad.”

“I’m not mad, at least not at you.” His eyes pinch in as he squeezes my hips. “I’m trying here, Nina.”

“I know, I can see that.” I smile gingerly up at him, my love for him growing to impossible levels as the seconds pass.

“Don’t,” he rasps out, dropping his forehead to mine.

“Don’t what?”

“That fucking smile.” His thumb dusts over my cheek.

“I love you, Mason Lowell,” I tell him, not blinking as I lean in and peck at his lips. He shuffles closer, his jaw clenching as if he’s fighting to keep his words to himself. “What is it?” I ask.

My body heats as his nostrils flare. His hand comes up to grip my chin, our lips all but touching. “I want to hurt him. I want to cause him pain.” I frown, hating myself for caring so much. “But more than that, I want to fuck you. I want the world to see me take you so that they know you’re mine, and that nobody else can have you.”

“You could just fuck me here so that I know,” I suggest, even though he has my pulse racing with his words.

He shakes his head no. “I’m mad at myself,” he states. “We aren’t doing this again.”

“Doing what?” I ask, concern lacing my voice as he steps away. His cheeks are flushed and I can very clearly see his erection straining behind his trousers.

“I’m serious about getting this right, Nina.” Reaching out, he smooths his hand over my cheek, then wraps it around my neck. His hands on me, possessing me in a way only he ever has. It brings me right back down to where I need to be. “I won’t sleep with you. It’s the only thing we’re good at. We need to learn to do everything else. I want to do this properly.”

“You. Mason Lowell… Do not want to have sex.” I blink. “Have I got that correct?”

“We are going to date instead.” He frowns as he says it as if the idea is only now coming to him. “No sex.”

“What?” I snap, a smile tugging on my lips. “Mase…” I reach out, palming his straining length through his trousers. “Have we not deprived ourselves for long enough?”

He growls deep in his throat, grinding his hips into my hand. The sound calls out to my wicked soul.

I squeeze him.

“Nina, I’m serious. I want to try it my way.” He steps away from me, his eyes heavy-lidded and tired. Probably due to the lack of sleep last night.

“But sex is your way. You think I couldn’t go without it?” I smile up at him. “You forget I went over a year!” I step back, biting my lip to suppress my laugh. “I’ll date you. No sex.”

“Good.” He nods.

“Good?” I question.

He’s gone mad. I can’t wait to see how long this will last.

“Yes, good. Now come to bed with me.” He pulls me by the hand and out of the kitchen.

“We can’t sleep together, people who date don’t sleep together.”

Leaning in, he kisses me. It’s deep and loving and everything that I needed. “Get up those stairs and into my bed. Now,” he groans against my lips.

Backing me up the stairs, he places light kisses to my lips, pausing every now and then, letting our lips linger. We walk through the bedroom door and my legs hit the back of the bed. Then I’m falling to the mattress with him on top of me.

He looks down at me, running his hand down my tank, exposing my bra. “Promise me when I—”

I cut him off with a shake of the head. “Nope!” I grin. “I can’t promise you that.”

He wets his lips, smiling lazily. “Good girl.” Climbing from the bed, he goes to his draw and fishes out a T-shirt, then tosses it to me. I watch as he pulls back the covers and then starts to unbuckle his belt.

His gaze meets mine. “Go get changed.”

This man has seen every inch of me, discovered every inch of me. Yet he expects me to go hide away to change. I smile as I slip into the bathroom, pulling the tee over my head and letting it fall to my thighs.

Tonight has been bittersweet. I feel sad about lying to Mason by not telling him about Lance, and I still don’t know how I will fully forgive him for what he’s done. But if I can’t forgive Lance, how can I ever expect Mason to forgive me? And he’s going to try, despite his lack of trust in me he wants to try this. He wants to date me. I smile and look into the mirror, cringing when I see my red blotchy eyes. It will be hard not seeing Joey, and I feel like I’m betraying him by not being there when he probably needs me most, but I also know that this will be a new beginning for me and Mason. Ellis too. I can’t let anything else get in our way.

I leave the bathroom and round the bed, feeling his eyes on me the entire time. Crawling under the sheets, I roll to my side to face him. His arm reaches out, curling around my waist and pulling me into him. Our legs entwine, slotting us together like a perfect jigsaw puzzle—creased corners and all.

It’s been too long since I’ve been here, in this bed and in his arms. Tears flood my eyes, but I don’t let them show.

“Mase,” I whisper against his warm chest, his woodsy scent making me heady.

“Hmmm,” he mutters, already sounding sated.

“I love you.”