Grand Love by JC Hawke

7

Nina

“Let me get that for you,”Vinny tells me as he jumps from the driver’s side of the car and meets me at the boot. “You take the bags and I’ll get Ellis.”

“Thanks.” I start up the steps with our bags, turning to call over my shoulder. “His bear is next to the car seat.”

“Got it.” He holds it up, smiling.

I push open the large door, noting that the entire house is lit up like Christmas. “Scar?” I call out.

“Nina?” Scarlet’s head pops around the kitchen door, her hair piled on her head and her dungarees only done up on one side. “You came,” she says, sounding surprised.

“Of course I came!” I drop our bags and walk to her. “Come here.”

I pull her petite frame into a tight hug, wishing I could take away all the hurt. “I’m going to go settle Ellis in his cot and I’ll be back down. Get Vin a coffee for the road? He’s beat today.”

She nods, already turning back towards the kitchen. “Okay.”

Ellis is still fast asleep when Vinny brings him in from the car. I take him from his arms and carry him up the stairs to his bedroom. At first, Scarlet wanted his nursery to be on the east side of the house, but then she showed me his bedroom which sits in the west wing, and we both knew it was perfect. His bedroom has the perfect view overlooking the garden. His grandparents watch upon him whenever he is here, and it feels like the most special thing in the world.

Vinny is already gone when I get downstairs, which doesn’t surprise me—it’s gone eleven.

“I’m so sorry I called so late. I didn’t know who else to call, and you know how Freya can be,” Scarlet rants over the rim of her wine glass, clearly worked up.

“You can always call me, Scar. You know that.”

“I called Mase.” She drops her eyes, pulling in a deep breath and letting it out again.

I frown, pinching the stem of my wine glass between two fingers. “You told him about the headstone?”

She nods. “And asked him to come out here.” She lifts her eyes to mine. “Am I stupid to hold on to hope of him coming around?”

I walk around the island and wrap her in a hug. “No. You’re a good sister. He’ll do it one day, Scar. He just needs more time.”

“What about me? I don’t get the luxury of more time. It’s me who lays the flowers. It’s me who tends to the weeds. Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t even care.” Her jaw clenches and I know she doesn’t believe her words.

“I know, and it isn’t fair. But you’re strong. You make the people around you stronger. It’s not that Mason doesn’t care, it’s because he cares too much.” I roll my eyes. “I have a little faith in him, still, you know.”

She smiles as she swipes at her cheek. “Mum’s headstone is beautiful, but it’s such a reminder. The date—the loving words of the woman she was. I don’t want to look at the date Dad died. I don’t want to read how wonderful he was.”

“I’m sorry.” I drop my head to hers, not knowing what to say. “It might not mean anything to you, but I’d give anything to be able to have such wonderful words written on my parents’ headstones. God, if my mother died, I’d have no clue what I’d say. Is that terrible?”

“No.” She laughs, and it makes me grin. “It’s very you.”

“It only hurts because of the memories, Scar. Try and focus on the good and not the words carved in the stone.”

“Thank you, Nina.”

“Of course.” I smile, knowing that she will be okay.

* * *

“You’resure you’ll be okay?”

“Yes! If I knew you were going to linger all weekend, I wouldn’t have called you,” Scarlet tells me, smiling playfully down at Ellis who is wrapped up in her arms.

She has to be one of the strongest people I have ever met, and I know she would’ve gotten through the weekend without me, but she shouldn’t have to. I hoped Mason would come around and show up on Saturday, but that never happened.

We had Anthony’s headstone placed and then sat out in the garden for the afternoon whilst Ellis crawled amongst the wildflowers.

“I’m glad you called. Ellis had a great weekend. We really should come out more often.”

“It’s so far for you both that I never want to ask.”

I shake my head, smiling. “I want Ellis to know this place. It’s important to me that he has somewhere other than the apartment.” Not that I’d turn my nose up at what we have now, but I always wanted a little house on the outskirts of the city. Somewhere homely.

“He doesn’t know any different” —she waves me off— “and he has this place and Maggie and John’s, and I know the Montgomerys think of him as one of their own.” She places her finger on the end of his nose. “You, little man, are more loved than you’ll ever know.”

“He really is,” I snigger.

“Car’s loaded. Do you want me to take him?” Vinny asks from behind me, speaking to Scarlet.

“No! He’s mine for another five minutes.” She walks past us and out onto the front terrace.

I can see the annoyance on Vinny’s face. He’s been itching for a cuddle since he got here. “You can stay for tea tonight, Vin. If you want to.”

“That’s okay, I don’t want to intrude.”

He’s always been too polite for his own good. “I have Maggie and John coming over, I know they’d love to see you.”

He grins, perking up instantly. “John’s coming across? It’s the champions league final.”

“Yep.”

The two of them hit it off the minute John discovered Vinny to be a Tottenham fan. Vinny drove me out to the house one Sunday, and once he was invited in, that was it, he became my companion to all Sunday lunches at the Morgan’s.

I shake my head, helping to put the last of the bags into the boot. “Scar, we need to get back, I need to stop for supplies!” I call to her, feeling bad but knowing I have plenty to catch up on at home.

* * *

I’m leantacross the kitchen island watching as the boys sit on the edge of their seats. As always, my week hosting Sunday lunch for Maggie and John turned into feeding the five thousand. First Vinny, who I welcomed in, but then the hungover trio rock up, Lucy, Elliot and Lance.

I love them all, but they turn up, eat my food and leave. Which leaves me and Maggie in the kitchen to clean up the mess.

“Pass it!!!” John yells, red-faced. “Fucking shit—”

“John!” Maggie hisses from her spot next to me at the kitchen island. She nods towards Ellis who is watching John in wonder as he sits on the floor, happily chewing his fist.

“He doesn’t pass it, Mags!” he explains to her, as if it will make it okay.

“Yes! Yes! Yaaasssss! Get in there, you beauties!” Elliot jumps up, getting in John and Vinny’s faces in celebration.

“Stop shouting, please,” Lucy groans from the sofa, where she’s curled up with a blanket feeling sorry for herself.

“Sit down, you fool. You’re still losing,” Vinny tells Elliot.

“Just wait, old man.”

“How’s it been leaving Ellis? You seem to be settling into work well?” Maggie asks me, passing me the stack of dishes she’s finished drying.

“Good. It’s nice to have the independence and be able to pay for this place. I can’t say I love it at the hotel though.”

She nods in understanding; she knows it’s not the job I want. “And Mason, it still works for him to have the time off work?”

I smile to myself as I carefully place the plates in the cupboard. The thing with Maggie is she cares, probably more than anyone else, and she wants to be a part of our lives. But she isn’t pushy. She’ll let us know she’s here, and that she will help us, but she won’t force it. It’s what I love about her.

“I think it works. It gives them more time together in the week too.”

“That’s good.” She picks up a tray from the drainer.

“But I could ask Mason if he needs any help at all, maybe you could have him a day a week if he is ever too busy?”

“Whenever! I told the office I’m more than ready to drop down to three days now. I don’t want you ever having to pay for childcare.”

“I can’t see that ever being a problem.” I laugh, looking over at the people I call my family. “Do you think you can have Ellis next weekend, Mags? It would be overnight, which I know we haven’t tried before, but it’s Elliot’s birthday and Mason will be out with him. I might go too but if not, I’ll have him instead.”

“It’s Mason’s weekend?” she questions.

“Yeah, and he hasn’t asked me to ask, but he can have an extra night during the week or something.”

She puts her hand on her chest and beams at me. “His first sleepover? If Mason doesn’t mind, I’d love to.”

I watch her as she spins and picks up the sieve, her happiness making me smile. I shouldn’t feel sad, but I can’t help the hurt that swamps me. I have so much love around me, and Maggie is the mother and grandmother I always wished Ellis and myself to have. But she isn’t my mother. My mother hasn’t contacted me in months, and even then, it was me calling to tell her she had a new grandchild on the way. I’ve heard nothing since that day.

“What’s that look?” Maggie asks.

I scrunch up my nose in thought. “I think I made a mistake when I left Mason.” A lump forms in my throat.

Did I just say that out loud?

Maggie’s eyes go wide, and she recoils. “Nina. I—”

“I know.” I drop my head, waving it off. “It’s by the by now. I just wish I’d taken more time. I saw the photos and couldn’t see anything but that image when I made the decisions I did. Seeing him again this last week… It’s been odd. He hates me now.”

“I don’t believe that man could ever hate you.”

“I’m nearly thirty. I have Ellis now, and I live mostly off the money I get from his father. I feel like I’m in this weird middle zone of motherhood and trying to find… me again. I don’t know.” I huff. “What if I don’t find someone else?” I bite the inside of my cheek. “Being alone, it scares me.”

“You’ll never be alone, darling,” she soothes, pulling me into her side. “And someone will snap you up. You just have to learn to let them in.” She gives me a pointed look. “And dance, you need to dance again, Nina.”

Maybe she’s right, maybe dancing is the distraction I need to ease the chaos that Mason brings.

* * *

Every weekI tell myself that I will step out of my comfort zone and get the tube, go into Oxford Circus, and do my shopping. I hate relying on Vinny and Joey to take me everywhere; I know they’re both busy. But right now, as I look down at Ellis and watch as he goes red-faced and grunts his way through his ten a.m. poo, I know I should’ve asked someone for a lift.

Do I get off at an earlier stop? It’s busy and people are starting to stare.

“Ellis, what did you do?” I groan as he sits, smiling at me triumphantly.

* * *

Stupidly,I thought we’d be okay. I didn’t get off early and by the time we arrived, it had started to come out of the sides of the nappy.

I roll the pushchair through Mothercare and into their baby changing unit to clean him up.

As I leave the shop, I can smell the stench from the clothes that I placed in a nappy bag, and I know I will have to ditch them. I can’t walk around London with that smell getting under my nose.

Looking up and down the street, I search for a bin, finally spotting one on the opposite side. “Thank god.” I push forward with his stroller at the same time a woman steps past me. She kicks the wheel, causing her to trip, her phone falling to the floor.

“Oh, I’m so sorr—” I cut myself off when she turns, and my eyes zero in on her familiar face.

It’s the girl from the hotel. The one who had been crying. She’s made up now though and is wearing an expensive business dress.

She goes to speak but then stops, dropping her eyes to Ellis in the stroller. Her gaze lifts instantly, darting all over my face, her lips tight as if refraining from saying something. She bends and picks up her phone, then looks down at Ellis again. She pauses for a moment, her throat bobbing. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” She takes off quickly and all I can do is stand, frozen in place, watching as her back gets swallowed up in the crowd.

“It’s her.”

“Da Da Da Da.” Ellis claps.

I look down at him and then to the bag of soiled clothes in my hand. Moving quickly across the street, I toss the clothes into the bin and sit down on a nearby bench.

Needing to calm myself, I pull Ellis from his stroller and then reach for my phone and dial Lucy’s number.

“Hey! I’m on my way to a fitting, babe. Everything okay?”

“No. Luce, I just saw the stripper.”

“The stripper?” she asks. “Oh my god! The stripper?”

“Yes! She walked into me. I was about to cross the street.”

“Did you say anything? Jesus, Nina, did you hurt her?”

“What? No! I’ve seen her before though. In the hotel. She was going into a room when I was cleaning. I remember she was crying, and I just knew I’d seen her face before.”

She looked ten times better today than she did in the hotel, with her hair washed and her roots fixed. And her dress was smart—expensive even.

“At The Earl Marks?” she questions. “Shit, Nina, I have to go, me and Jean are just pulling up. I will call you after, okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry to call when you’re working. Speak later.”

I stare at the ground, completely lost in my own mind. It never bothered me to know who she was. She was a nobody to me. But now that I’ve seen her… I want to know more. Who is this girl, and how did she end up with Mason that night?

* * *

“I’m coming, baby boy!”I call into the lounge to a crying Ellis. “Just a second. Mummy is going as quick as she can.”

Since Mason has been coming to the apartment, Lucy has taken a step back in helping me in the mornings. It’s what I wanted, but it means on the days I have work and Mason picks up, I have to get us up and ready for seven thirty when Mason comes to get him. It’s a mad rush, especially when Ellis likes to nap so late into the morning.

He crawls into the kitchen and starts to climb up my legs until he’s standing clinging to me, swaying on his chunky legs.

“Come here.” I lift him into my arms and wipe away his tears. “Mummy was only getting your things ready, little man.”

I hear the door and then Vinny walks in. My brows crease. “You beat Mason this morning Vin, you okay?”

“’Morning, love. Mason needs to go into the office this morning. He asked if I could have Ellis for a couple hours after I dropped you in.”

“He didn’t say anything about it. You have time?”

“It’s not for long. And I don’t mind.” He smiles.

I know Vinny adores Ellis, but I sometimes worry he feels obliged to say yes. “If you’re sure.”

“Come on, what needs doing? You’re going to be late.”

* * *

Rochelle is waitingat reception when I get into work. Skirting past her, I slip into the staff office and hang up my coat. If you ask me, she’s making the place look untidy.

“Oh, hello, Nina. You decided you’d come in today then?”

“My son—” I snap my mouth closed, because explaining myself to this woman is pointless. She doesn’t have a compassionate bone in her body.

“You can stay on tonight, or your wages will be docked. Remember when you aren’t here, it’s everyone else having to pull the weight for your tardiness.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” I smooth out my skirt and try to step past her, but she blocks my exit.

“I hope so, because if you’re late again you will be fired, and I’ll make sure you never get a job in hospitality again.” She side-eyes me as I walk from the room, a glare plastered on her stony face.

The she-devil lingers until lunchtime, before finally retreating back to her office, giving me and Ashley some breathing room.

“You sure know how to piss that woman off, girl.” Her lip twitches, but she doesn’t take her eyes off the screen.

“I barely slept, then Ellis was fussing.” I drop my head into my hands, thinking about my shopping trip the day before. It’s the main reason I couldn’t sleep. “I saw the woman from the photos with Mason.”

“No way! Where?”

“On the street. She walked into Ellis’s stroller. It was kind of my fault, but she just picked up her phone and kept going.” The entire interaction has been messing with me all night. “If I wanted to look someone up—”

“Oh wow, are you going to hire a PI?”

“No!” I look over the top of the desk, making sure it’s clear. “I mean here, at the hotel.”

“Like a guest?”

I nod. “She’s been here before. I saw her.”

“Well yeah, you’d need her name or room number.”

“She was staying in a room opposite one of the ones I was cleaning. I saw her go inside. She was crying on the phone; I’d probably remember the door if I was up there again.”

She nods her head, then looks back to her computer, typing for a moment. “Did you do odds or evens that day?”

Shit, I don’t know… “Odds.”

“Hmm, do you know what time it was? You checked out each room which is helpful. And Emily helped you on two-thirteen, was it before or after Emily helped you?”

“It was straight after!”

“Well, then… two-fourteen!” She bounces in her seat as she finds the information I need.

That was too easy. “What’s her name? How much info is there?” I can’t sit in my seat any longer. I need the information and Ashley’s gone mute on me. Rochelle can kiss my ass.

Leaning over, I scan the invoice on the screen, searching for a name.

Ashley looks up at me over her shoulder. “Vinny Dukes? Is that?”

“Vinny.”

What the fuck?

* * *

Ignorance is bliss.

What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

What the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over.

They’re all sayings for a reason. Sometimes we think we have to know something; we think it’s for the best or that it will bring us peace of mind.

But my mind doesn’t feel peaceful right now.

It didn’t take me long to work out what Vinny paying for her hotel room meant, and yet the naive girl in me still hoped I was wrong. For the best part of a week, I’ve doubted my decisions and blamed myself for our situation. I feel stupid to have let him get to me so easily.

His fingers rap at the door and I take my time to get up and open it, making sure my head is clear before I do.

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

I swing open the door.

“Hi.” His eyes eat me up, just like they always do.

“Hi,” I reply.

So many feelings suffocate me as I lean in and take Ellis from his arms. Has he been with her today? Does he have Ellis around her?

“He napped around four, sorry. I think it’s his teeth.” He runs his hand through his hair, messing it up. He looks tired.

I drop my eyes to Ellis, not being able to answer him.

“Hey.” He places a hand on my arm, and I recoil. “What’s the matter?”

So much sits on the tip of my tongue. So many words I want to unleash on him. The damage is already done, though. There’s no going back. There was never any going back. For once my head and heart are in agreement.

I can’t seem to pull my eyes from Ellis. He’s the only safe territory here.

“Everything’s fine, Mason. We’ll see you on Thursday.”

He crosses his arms in front of his broad chest. “Something’s wrong, what is it?” he asks, his tone demanding.

“Do you think you deserve to know what’s the matter with me?” I snap.

He frowns, then drops his arms to his side with a thwack. “You know what, right now, I don’t care. I came to drop my son off, which by the way was what you suggested, but if that isn’t working, we can come up with a new arrangement. Your hostility is getting old.”

“What?!”

“I don’t care,” he repeats, hammering the knife even deeper into my chest. “I’ll see you in the week.”

His lips brush Ellis’s head, and then he leaves.

* * *

Rochelle calledthis morning and asked me to work an extra shift, which is why I’m currently stripping beds. I should ask if there are any jobs going in housekeeping. I much prefer it up here.

I didn’t want to leave Ellis this morning, but I knew I needed the distraction and Maggie has been desperate to have him. She was over the moon when I called.

Lucy came over last night and helped me find the bottom of the wine bottle while I bitched and moaned about Mason. She agreed with me that if Mason thinks he can have that woman around my son, he is deranged. I wonder if he plans on speaking to me about it first. The fact he uses somewhere to screw her proves the fact he wanted to hide her.

Pushing my trolley into the lift, I hit the button for the ground floor.

I already knew that Mason could hurt me easily. I’m used to it. The asshole sold my little studio, once upon a time. But what I didn’t expect or anticipate was Vinny. I never thought he’d hurt me, not intentionally. The last time he thought he would, he left. So why is he telling me he doesn’t believe anything happened when he knows full well what’s going on?

The doors slide open to the reception area, and lo and behold, Mason stands at the front desk, his hands in his pockets as he waits.

I watch as he turns and walks down the corridor and into a back room. My adrenaline starts pumping until it’s all I can hear.

All I can think about.

I see red.

The steel doors begin to close, and I shoot my hand out to stop them. Does Mason come here when I’m not working?

He comes here on my days off.

That bastard.

I leave my trolley in the lift and follow him, feeling completely unhinged as I push through the door, slamming it back against the plaster.

“What the fuck is going on?!” I rage, ready to unleash the pent-up anger I’ve kept at bay for the best part of a year.