Grand Love by JC Hawke

6

Nina

Thankfully,the girls were ready to leave when I went and found them. Vinny arrived not long after and now we are on our way home. I’m desperate to crawl into bed and forget the evening.

We drop the girls off at their apartment and they both try and get me to go in with them, but I decline, wanting to be home for when Ellis gets back in the morning.

Scarlet is staying at Mason’s so that Vinny won’t have to drive all the way out to Lowerwick this late.

The tree-lined road that houses Mason’s building comes into view and my stomach knots. I don’t know what happened tonight, but I knew I couldn’t kiss Pax when it was Mason on my mind. And then when I got to the office, the need to feel him… It was overwhelming. I don’t know if seeing him again is a good idea. Not when there’s clearly still so much between us.

“Thanks, Vinny,” Scarlet says as she unclips her seat belt.

“Will you need a lift home tomorrow, love?” Vinny asks.

“Uh, yeah, I probably will actually.” She pulls me in for a hug. “You sure you wanna go home alone? Don’t want to come inside and give me some moral support with my brother.”

I shake my head. “I can’t, Scar.” I know things have been strained between Mason and Scarlet. The only thing that keeps them in contact is Ellis these days and that upsets me. They both deserve more.

“Okay, see you and my little monster in the week.”

She gets out of the Audi and walks to the elevator, just like I’ve done myself so many times before.

My entire world lives behind those steel doors, lying asleep mere metres away.

I miss my home.

“You sure you don’t want to go to the girls’ apartment?” Vinny asks, watching me in the mirror.

“I want to be at home—”

“For Ellis. I know.” He smiles softly as he pulls out of the parking garage and onto the busy street.

* * *

Vinny walksme inside my building and to my door. As always, he stands waiting for me to be inside before he turns to leave.

“Vin.” I stop him, toying with the door handle as I try and articulate my words in a way that will make sense.

He turns in question.

My eyes prickle and I grit my teeth. “Did you ever… do you think Mason…” I frown, my throat growing tight. I can’t even say it.

“Do I think Mason cheated on you?” He steps closer, showing me the no nonsense side of him that I don’t always get.

I nod, heat rising in my gut.

“No, Nina. No, I don’t.” I close my eyes as pain slices through me. “Get to bed, love. Tomorrow is a new day.”

He squeezes my shoulder, giving me a warm smile before leaving.

The apartment door shuts behind me with a thwack and I’m instantly crippled by the silence that greets me. Not even the ticking of a clock can be heard. No leaky tap, no heater whirling, just silence.

I go through the motions, locking up then getting myself a glass of water and going to my bedroom. My eyes flick to Ellis’s cot and then to my empty bed, and I can’t help but think of Mason and Ellis at the penthouse. Where does he sleep? Does he sleep in our bed?

I clean my teeth and undress, then crawl under the covers, pulling them tight around my chin.

I always wondered about the photos. The way they were left at reception, and the fact the boys couldn’t find Mason that night.

I’m not stupid and something always told me it was odd how the night unfolded. But once you see something that can hurt you so deeply, a physical copy of something placed in your hand that sears itself into your mind… I think I always knew Mason was set up, but I never thought I could get over the fact he’d had his lips on another woman. It will always be too much to think about. I just don’t know how to be okay in this world alone anymore.

Throwing back my covers, I pull on my leggings and hoodie and take off out of my bedroom.

No matter how strong I want to be sometimes, loneliness wins.

I jog down the street to Joey’s building, my heart feeling heavier than it has in months as it pounds in my chest. Flipping through my key chain, I find the right one and unlock the door.

“Joe.” I shake his shoulder once in his bedroom. “Joe.”

“Hmmm,” he muses.

“Joe.”

“Nina?” He sits up, blinking at me until he can focus. “What’s up?”

“I just…” I pause, looking around the room as if it holds all the answers.

He pulls back the covers and climbs on top, creating a barrier. “Here.”

I slide under, putting my back to his front. He wraps me in his arms, but I don’t sleep. Joey isn’t my home, and I destroyed mine over something that might not have been true.

* * *

Mase

My head isheavy when I wake. Ellis is still sleeping soundly in his cot, so I go to the kitchen and make myself a coffee, taking his monitor with me. I couldn’t sleep last night. Nina sat on my office floor crying, haunted me till the early hours.

Why was she crying?

I knew seeing her after all this time would bring back feelings from before and it has, but I also feel angrier than ever. I came to terms with the fact that she would never come back to me the minute I left the hospital, and I didn’t want her back. Too many people have left me in my life. Too many important people. I can’t give her any more chances to fuck me up.

At first, I tried to shut Scar and the boys out, finding it easier to keep my distance and turn my feelings off.

You can’t hurt if you don’t feel.

Scarlet pulled my ass in line when I was at my lowest and thank fuck she did. Ellis didn’t need a deadbeat dad. I cleaned up my shit, stopped the drinking and meaningless fucking I’d been hiding behind, and made sure I was there for his birth and the days that followed.

Becoming a dad is my proudest moment to date. I’m a different man to who I was twelve months ago.

I drink my coffee and wake Ellis, dressing him and packing up his things. It’s only eight thirty, so we lie on my bed for a while. I let him babble, absorbing his every sound and committing them to memory.

I know little moments like these are special.

“Yeah… then what happened?” I ask him.

He continues to chatter, grabbing my stubble and pulling my head down to his.

“Well, I’d have to agree.”

He grins up at me and I smooth my thumb over his dimple before placing a kiss there.

“We have to go home soon, buddy,” I tell him. “You’ll be good for Mummy, won’t you? She needs extra cuddles today.”

“Da Da Da Da.”

“I’ll miss you, little dude. Wednesday will be here before we know it.”

* * *

I makesure we get to Nina’s by ten o’clock on the dot. She throws open the door and smiles wide when she sees Ellis.

“Hey, baby!” Leaning in, she takes him from my arms. He clings to her, bouncing in excitement. “Mummy has missed you.”

My eyes drop down her body, taking in her yoga pants and baggy tee. It’s not sexy, or it’s not supposed to be. But Nina, natural and in her comfy clothes, it does something to me. My mind goes back to the night before and the way she touched herself.

“Was he okay? Sleep okay?” she asks, looking up at me.

“Yeah, he was great. We took him to the park yesterday.” I shake off my wayward thoughts. “Me and the guys.”

“You went to the park?” she asks Ellis playfully. She looks back up at me again, biting on her full bottom lip as she openly stares.

“Did you want to come in, Mason?” she eventually asks, uncertainty lacing her voice.

I pause for absolutely no reason. I already know what I’m going to say. “No—”

“Nina!” I turn to find Joey walking up the steps behind me, making his way towards the door. “You left your bag.” He waves it in the air. “I worried until I saw you had your keys.”

Nina looks to me and then back to Joey. Ellis sits watching us on her hip. “Oh, yeah. Thanks, Joe.”

Is she for fucking real?

“Mason.” Joey holds his hand out for me to shake.

I place a foot in front of him, leaning across and kissing Ellis. I don’t say anything else. I don’t tell her I’ll be back Wednesday, because I can’t promise that I will be.

I leave and don’t look back.

“Mase?”

* * *

Nina

“And then he just left?”Ashley asks, licking her finger as she pries the paper apart.

“It was so awkward, Ash. I think he hates me. He definitely thinks something is going on between me and Joey. He’s asked Lucy in the past.”

She pops a brow at me. “Sounds like you care.”

I close my eyes, completely confused with the way I feel. “Of course, I care. He is Ellis’s dad.”

“But you said you could never be with him again. After…”

“I couldn’t.” Could I?

“You need to get laid.”

I roll my eyes and give her the finger. “Fuck—”

“Nina!!!” Rochelle hisses. “My office. Now!”

“I’m so sorry,” Ashley mouths as she cringes.

I close my eyes and shake my head, not shocked that the universe is fucking with me this hard. My eyes burn into the back of Rochelle’s head as I follow her into her office. I drop down into the chair and wait for her to round the table, but she stands. It makes me feel small.

“This is your second warning. The first was verbal. I will have it in writing by the end of the day. You will have some damn grace when you are working on the reception. We don’t go flipping people off in front of guests.”

“There wasn’t any g—”

“Let’s make one thing clear!” she speaks over me. “I don’t like you, Nina, and you don’t like me. Do your job and do it well, and you won’t have any issues with me. Got it?!”

I nod my head once, running my tongue across my teeth.

“Get out.”

So fucking rude. She makes me want to quit but I can’t. I need the money more than her manners right now.

I shake my head at Ashley, telling her with my eyes not to say a word. I know Rochelle will be able to hear us still. Rolling myself up to the computer I get my head down and start to process bookings, not letting anything else penetrate my headspace.

* * *

Elliot is sittingon my sofa when I get home later that evening. He stands when he sees me.

“Where’s Mason?” I ask, my shoulders dropping.

“He had to work this evening.”

Mason never worked on the days he had Ellis. I wonder if it has anything to do with Sunday. If I’m being honest, this suits me better. Last week was an emotional roller coaster.

“Did Ellis go down okay?”

“Yeah, he did actually.” He smiles proudly. “How was work?”

“Same old.” I shrug, then remember Rochelle’s comment. “Hey! Did you have anything to do with getting me a job at the hotel? My manager seems to think I’m there as a favour.”

A devilish smirk takes over his face. “What a favour that was.”

“Eww! That’s gross, Ell. She’s catty! She actually told me she hates me today.”

“She always did use her claws. Rochelle’s alright, you just have to learn how to tame her.” He waggles his brows.

“Oh god,” I snort. “I’m disappointed. You don’t still go there, do you?”

“Only when I have to, and you’re welcome by the way.”

I shake my head, leaving him in the lounge and going to the kitchen. Elliot follows, taking an apple from the fruit bowl.

“Did Mason mention anything about Joey today? He turned up when he dropped Ellis off on Sunday and then he just left. I think he was pissed.”

“Nah, Lowell’s had his hands full in the office this week, that’s all. Don’t take it personally.”

“Hands full with what?”

He takes a bite of his apple, not answering me, when his eyes meet mine, he raises them in question. “What’s he been busy with?” I ask again.

“Nothing you need to worry your pretty head about.” He leans over the edge of the breakfast bar and kisses my forehead. “Have Maggie booked in for next weekend. I want everyone out for my birthday.”

“Will Mason be there?” I ask to his back as he walks away, as if he didn’t just drop that bombshell.

“Of course he will be.”

“Well, I won’t be.”

“Yes, you will, Pix—”

“Ell!”

“Sorry, I forget.”

I roll my eyes, moving around the island and walking him to the door. “I’ll see if Maggie’s free, but I’m not making any promises. I don’t think Mason, alcohol, and me, is a good idea.”

“Could be a great idea.” He grins.

“Stop it.”

“Hey!” He throws his hands up in defence. “You guys made it through last week without killing each other. I have every bit of faith in you.”

“Well, that makes one of us.”

* * *

Mase

“Mason.Who is this girl? She just answered the phone! We cannot have her answering the phone. Have you heard her phone voice? It’s her regular voice but worse! Please tell me you have a plan here?”

George waltzes into my office, his finger running across the inside of his collar as if his bow tie is too tight. He’s become a solid fixture around here, and he gets shit done. The fact he has to deal with Jasmine makes me feel kind of shitty, but I don’t have the time.

“Did she leave yet?”

“No! She was late this morning. I made her stay on.” He shakes his head and I laugh.

“George, you can let her get home. Yourself too. You don’t need to be in this late.”

“She needs to be taught some discipline, Mason. Why are you being nice?”

George is right, Jasmine probably does need some discipline, but I also know this week has been hard for her.

“Let her get home now.” I nod, letting him know it’s not up for discussion.

“Okay.” He rolls his eyes, placing his hands on his hips and cursing under his breath. I lean back in my chair, waiting.

“Look, if she’s going to be staying and I’m going to be training her, it’s far more responsibility. I mean, I probably needed an assistant six months ago, and—”

“I will run it by Elliot, but I’m in agreement that you should be on a higher wage.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. You have more potential than some of the staff higher than you. You’re smart, George. Too smart for reception—”

“I love the reception.”

“I know, and we appreciate you.”

“Thank you, Mason.”

I tip my chin and focus back on my screen.

“How was Ellis today?” He walks over to my desk, picking up the photo of me and Ellis from the day he was born.

“Fussy. He has teeth coming.”

“You don’t normally come in on the days you have him. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, George. Thank you.” I tear my eyes from the screen and look at him. “Is that all?”

“Yeah, sorry.” He places the frame back on my desk and slips out of the office quietly.

I reach for the photo George had just been holding.

Ellis is wrapped up in his blanket, holding tightly onto my finger. Nina took the photo; she took so many photos. They’re all I have of her from the past year.

Pulling out my phone, I scroll back to the day he was born. Torturing myself as I look through the images of the three of us.

* * *

It’s latewhen I finally leave the office, and instead of going home, I opt to go to the twenty-four-hour gym that’s down the street from The Montwell. When Ellis isn’t with me, I try to spend as little time as possible at the penthouse. I prefer it that way.

I’m just pulling into the gym’s car park when Scarlet’s name lights up my screen.

“Hey, Scar.”

“Hi,” she says, sounding sad.

“What’s up?” I frown.

“Dad’s headstone,” she sniffs into the phone.

“Scar.”

“They called, said that the soil is settled enough. We can have it put on now.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. It’s been over twelve months and we’ve been putting it off due to the soil and the insane amount of rain we’ve been having. I never remember waiting so long for my mother’s headstone to be placed, but time flies when you’re a kid. “That’s good,” I tell her.

“Yeah… God, this place is lonely sometimes.” She laughs, but I can tell she is crying.

“Do you want to come to mine tonight? You could come for the weekend?”

“I can’t, I’ve had a bottle of wine already.” She sniffs, but there’s still light in her voice. “Could you come here?”

I scrub my hand over my face, gritting my teeth. “Scar, I…”

“I know, you can’t.”

“I want to.” I do.

“One day,” she deadpans. “I need to go, Mase. Speak to you soon, okay?”

“Scar.”

She hangs up. I chuck my phone into the footwell, punching my steering wheel and making the horn blare.

“FUCK!”