Grand Love by JC Hawke

8

Nina

“Nina?”Rochelle’s eyes are sharp and zeroed in on me. She’s standing over Mason with a jug of water clenched in her hand.

Mason stands and buttons his jacket, a deep frown marring his handsome face. “Nina, I didn’t know you were working today.”

My nostrils flare as my body flushes hot. “I bet you didn’t.”

“Excuse me a moment, gentleman.”

My eyes flick around the room, noting the three men and a young girl in the corner who looks to be taking minutes. Unease suffocates me, but I’m too angry to allow my mind to catch up and put all the pieces together.

“Mr Lowell, I’m so very sorry for this interruption.” Rochelle’s lip curls as she looks at me. “She’s new. I’m sure we can offer some kind of compensation to you and your team, and rest assured she will be dealt with.” Her eyes scan me up and down in a judgemental stare and I snap.

“Oh, will you just fuck off!”

Mason’s head snaps to me, and Rochelle’s face drops, quickly losing all its colour.

“I beg your pardon?” she stammers.

“You heard me! This whole month you’ve been coming at me, telling me how much you hate me, how I could lose my job, and how tardy I am. Well, fuck you! You can shove your job up your arse.” I step up to her, knowing I should stop but not being able to. “You’re a piece of work, Rochelle. You must have a magic vagina or something to bed a man like Elliot. Good luck with that now.”

“Nina—”

Her hand connects with my face moments before Mason steps between us. I chuckle as I welcome the sting. I needed that.

“Nina.” She instantly panics.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing!” Mason’s voice is like thunder, vibrating through the entire room. My eyes drift closed as I turn and leave them. “You do not lay your hands on her!”

The hair on the back of my neck stands on end as I round the threshold. If I didn’t know Mason, I’d be afraid of him right now. His voice is deadly yet controlled.

“Mr Lowell, I’m…” Rochelle’s voice falls quieter and quieter the farther away I get from the room.

“Nina!” Mason snaps, and I turn, his tone leaving no room for me to do anything but submit. He steps up to me, taking my face in his hands, and I melt under his dark stare. I hate being so open and easy to him. My body doesn’t care though. Like it doesn’t know any better, it craves something inside of him.

Our eyes lock and find the perfect focus, as if we are looking through the same lens. He’s all I see—feel—breathe in the moment. Why can’t I take him back, why can’t I unlearn that look. Unlearn him.

My voice is hoarse as I lift my chin. “If I could make you a stranger to me I would. I’d go back to that first night and I’d—” My mind drifts to Ellis and I close my eyes, regretting my words immediately.

His hands fall from my face as I step back and out of his reach.

“Nina,” he warns, as my feet lead me backwards three steps. “Nina.”

I shake my head, clenching my hands at my side. “Not now, Mason.” Not ever. “I’m not doing this today,” I tell him.

Anger steals his features, his jaw tightening into a sharp line as he watches me. He knows I’m going to go. It’s the way it’s always been.

I make my way into the back office and get my things, grabbing everything I can that’s mine. Rushing through the reception and out onto the street, I spot the Audi parked at the curb.

Vinny spots me, smiling wide as he slides down the window. “Nina, I didn’t know you were working today.”

My eyes fill with tears before I can stop them. Vinny has become more than a friend to me over this past year. “Of all the people, I never believed you’d lie to me, Vin.”

“Nina!” Mason shouts from the hotel entrance.

I move quickly, stepping into a waiting taxi. “Please just drive,” I tell the driver.

He turns in his seat, looking me up and down before casually righting himself again. “I have a client.”

“Please!” I plead, not bothering to wipe my tears, knowing I must look ridiculous.

He huffs and pulls out onto the road. I twist in the seat to find the Audi following right behind us.

“Where to?” the driver asks me, bored.

I swipe at my cheeks, feeling like the vilest human on earth for using it against him. “Lowerwick Estate.”

* * *

There’ssomething so peaceful about the dead. Maybe it’s the quiet that surrounds me as I sit between the two headstones amongst Ellis’s garden. Or maybe it’s the unknown of what awaits us all. It could be anything really—we’ll never know until it’s our turn. But from my spot right now, with the sun on my face and the smell of fresh lavender blanketing me in the breeze, it seems like the most tranquil place on earth. I only ever come out here with Scarlet or Ellis, but today, when I realised that Scarlet was working and wouldn’t be home for a while, I knew this is where I’d wait.

There’s safety in silence.

Mason Lowell is so damn loud. A man of many words—yes. Yet his presence, his ability to consume my thoughts and drive my fears, smothers me. My anger towards him in the hotel was raging, so pent up from seven months of no contact, that when I rushed through the door and asked what he was doing, I said it with so much conviction, you’d think he was mine.

I feel stupid.

He isn’t mine.

And yet he stood in front of me. He stood up for me, held my face in his hands and told me with his eyes that it was okay.

“Why can’t this be easy?” I say aloud, looking up at the cloudless sky, then back to Ellis’s grave on my left. “He’s so difficult but so perfect. It’s impossible.” I sigh, dropping back to the grass so I’m lying flat. “It’s not that I don’t want anyone else to have him. He deserves to have someone. It’s just… I don’t know—”

“This is super weird.”

I startle and sit up, coming face-to-face with Elliot. “Ell, hey!”

He dips his head to the side, reading me as if he can see every page that plagues me. “You okay?”

The girls are good for a lot of things, but I’ve grown close to Elliot this past year. His love for my son and the way he’s stuck by me through everything isn’t something I will ever forget.

I nod my head, taking his outstretched hand and slipping into his open arms as he pulls me up.

“Mase called me. Said you lost your job,” he says into my hair. “What happened?”

“I thought he was meeting the stripper. The one from the photos. I walked in on his meeting.”

“What?” Elliot retorts. “You mean Jasmine?”

I want to be sick. “Her name’s Jasmine?”

“It’s not what you think. He’s helping her.”

“Helping himself more like.” I pop a brow, stepping away from him and walking towards the house.

“Mason’s never been with her. It really isn’t what you think. You two need to talk it out. It’s time,” Elliot tells me as he falls into step beside me, making our way through the iron gate.

“Don’t defend him, Ell, please.”

“He’s mad at you still. He doesn’t admit it, but he is.”

“I know.”

“And you know he never slept with her—”

“I thought that was the truth, but then I saw the invoice with Vinny’s name on it. I had photos delivered to me with her in his lap. You think it’s easy for me to believe that nothing has happened when all I get is reasons not to?”

“You had photos delivered to you, Nina.” He looks down at me, knowingly. “It’s bullshit. He was set up and—”

“I know,” I snap, cutting him off.

“I know you know.” He smiles, flashing me his teeth.

“You’re an idiot.” I lean into him as he throws his arm around my shoulders and chuckles. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Ell. What do you do when you want something you can’t have?” Because as much as I miss Mason, I know we aren’t going to be together again. Too much has happened. It would take a lifetime to repair the mess we made.

“Honestly? I go out and get laid.”

Rolling my eyes, I push out from under him and jog up the steps to the front door. “How come you came here anyway?”

“Mase was worried.”

I tut, fighting another eye roll.

“Luce is going to bring Ellis out here. Thought you might want to stay now you’ve come out.”

I nod. “Yeah, I will stay. Thank you,” I tell him sincerely.

“You just have to wait, Pix.”

My brows furrow as I turn to face him. “Huh?”

“One day you’ll have the answers you’re looking for. You just have to trust me when I tell you nothing’s going on, okay?”

* * *

Ellis is slumpedin my arms as I carry him through the house and up the stairs to his cot. I stand and watch him as he nestles around in his sleeping bag for nearly twenty minutes before I leave him to sleep. I’d never take him back. I’d never wish for a different life. The fact I threw that in Mason’s face tonight disgusts me.

As much as Elliot’s reassurance should put me at ease, I can’t seem to stop my mind from reeling. Mason once paid Cara off to keep a secret, and now he is paying for this woman’s hotel stays? I don’t understand what they expect me to think. Maybe Elliot is right and it’s time we sat down and talked about it.

Lucy is standing waiting at the bottom of the stairs when I reach the landing. I look down at her as she looks up at me with a judgemental stare.

“What’s that look?” I ask.

“We need a chat,” she tells me.

I join her at the bottom and sit on the step.

“Where’s your head at, Nina? Concerning Mason?” She gets straight to it, choosing to remain standing.

“I thought I made a mistake, leaving him.” My gaze lifts to look at her, my eyes prickling. “I started to believe he might not have done it. I thought maybe I got it wrong.”

Lucy drops down beside me, smoothing her hand over my back.

“He had a room booked, and they used it. I was cleaning opposite and saw her going inside. It was that day I told you.”

Lucy recoils, frowning. “What?”

“Then today I saw him at the hotel, and I thought he was meeting her again. I made a complete fool of myself. And then I ran.”

“Oh, babe.” She hugs me closer, resting her head on mine.

“I love him, Luce. I love him so much and I don’t know how to stop.”

“You want it to stop? Because love doesn’t come around often, Nina, sometimes you have to be willing to swallow your pride.”

Leaning back, I take in a deep breath and close my eyes, knowing there isn’t a quick fix tonight. “I need wine and a job.”

“Well, I can help with the wine.” She stands and grabs my hands, pulling me up. “And there’s no rush to find a job.”

“I don’t want to dip into Ellis’s money, so a job is priority.”

“Of course, but the money is there to support him, and you need to support yourself to do that.”

I know Lucy is right and I will use the money to keep us afloat, but it still kills me a little inside knowing it comes from Mason’s pocket.

“Logan’s mentioned the gym to you on more than one occasion, maybe it’s time you looked into that.”

“It’s located five hundred yards from The Montwell, Luce.” I give her a pointed look.

“It’s also a job. And a good one at that—it’s your thing.” She holds her hands out, as if it’s simple.

“I don’t know.” I shrug, not knowing what I should do.

“Worth a look, at least?”

I nod. “I’ll call him.”

“Everything happens for a reason. And you couldn’t suck at a job any more than you did at the hotel.” She snorts, pulling me into the kitchen.

“True.” I laugh. “I really did suck at it.”

“Who’s sucking what?” Elliot asks from the kitchen island.

Lucy rolls her eyes and pulls me into a hug. “The butt slut is making a comeback, watch this space, assholes.”

“Butt slut? Should I warn Mase?” Elliot grins.

“Absolutely not,” Lucy tells him. “She needs to find herself again, then maybe she’ll work on all that other stuff.”

“Mase seems busy enough at the moment anyway,” I add.

Elliot pauses with his drink midway to his mouth. “You don’t honestly believe Mason would sleep with that woman, do you?”

I shrug. Feeling like a broken record for bringing it up again.

“He wouldn’t, Nina. I believe him,” Scarlet voices from her spot at the other side of the kitchen.

“You bet your ass he wouldn’t!” Elliot snaps. “Jesus, I don’t think he’s slept with anyone since you pulled him out of his apartment the night before Ellis was born.”

“What?”

My head snaps to Scarlet who is burning holes through Elliot’s head with her eyes.

“What?!” I repeat again.

* * *

Mase

“She thoughtI was sleeping with Jasmine?” I question, falling back onto my bed with my hand clenched tight on my phone.

“Yeah, I told her you haven’t though, and Luce had a chat with her, told her that she needs to find herself again. Whatever that shit means.”

“Find herself?”

“And then Nina still didn’t believe that you wouldn’t sleep with Jasmine, and I thought I was helping.”

“Elliot…”

“So, I told her you haven’t slept with anyone since Ellis was born.”

“What?”

“Specifically, since the night before he was born, when Scar kicked your ass into line.”

“Fucking hell. What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“At the time, before the words came out of my mouth, I thought I was helping.”

“Jesus Christ.” I drag my hand through my hair.

“She seemed okay when I left. They went all girly bullshit on her ass and told her they would help her get back to her inner butt slut or something.”

“What?!” I bolt upright in the bed.

“No idea what that means. Oh, she’s looking for a job too.”

“Of course she is.” Nina never was one to sit around and do nothing, even when I sold the studio, she was trying to help everyone else.

“I feel like this is progress, mate. At least she’s actually talking about you now.”

“She lost her job, Elliot, because she thought I was sleeping with a fucking stripper. Again!” The fact she still thinks I’d do that… it’s a kick in the teeth.

Why do I care what she thinks?

“I’m now pulling into mine. That’s it, that’s all I’ve got, I’ll see you in the office tomorrow.”

“Yeah, thanks a bunch, mate!” I shake my head as he hangs up.

What a fucking mess.

* * *

It’smy night to have Ellis tonight and I normally pick him up once I finish work, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how Nina must be feeling. If it was me and I thought she had been sleeping with someone else, I don’t know how I would react.

I knock on the door and shove my hands in my pockets, waiting for her to answer.

The door swings open, and I watch as the light fades from her eyes. “Mason, you’re early.”

My eyes scan her body. Her yoga pants cling to her like a second skin and her cropped vest fits snuggly to her breasts. She has a sheen of sweat coating her body. My brows lift in surprise as I wonder what she was doing. “Yeah, I was hoping for a chat. Have you been dancing?” I ask.

She frowns, ignoring my question. “A chat about what?”

“Can I come in?” I look over her shoulder.

She pushes the door wide and stands off to the side to allow me access. “Ellis is napping. He was fussing and hasn’t long gone down.”

“That’s okay, I came to see you. We need to talk,” I tell her, smiling at her despite her folded arms and less than polite welcome.

“You should’ve called.”

“You wouldn’t have agreed.”

She answers me with her eyes, glaring at me. “Go on then. Say what you have to sa—”

Soft whimpers come from the hallway and her head quickly snaps in the direction before she huffs and drops her arms to her sides.

“I’ll go. You can carry on.” I gesture to the yoga mat that’s laid out on the floor. “I’ve got this.”

“I don—”

“It’s fine, Nina.” I nod, walking off towards their bedroom before she can stop me. Ellis is standing in his cot when I walk into the room, and my heart soars as his face transforms—dimples and all.

“Da, Da, Da!”

“Shhh. Sleep time now.” I kiss his head and reluctantly place him on his back. “Mummy’s busy, little guy.” I sit in the chair that’s placed beside the cot and look around at the room. It feels weird being in her space, which strangely surprises me. Maybe it’s because it’s so impersonal. Other than a picture of Ellis with the girls on her bedside, there’s nothing here that means anything.

Once Ellis is sleeping again, I slip from the room and make my way to the living area. The sight that greets me has me stopping in my tracks. Nina has her legs spread wide, her back is arched off the ground and she groans as she stretches her arms above her head.

My eyes are glued to her. Every perfect inch—which pisses me off, because it’s totally inappropriate to get hard for your kids’ mum when it’s three o’clock on a Thursday.

Bitch.

I clear my throat, and she instantly sits up. “He went back quickly.” She flushes, her cheeks turning a deep crimson. She stands and starts to roll the mat. “Sorry, just a second.”

“I thought you were dancing.”

“No.” She shakes her head, frowning. “I don’t really get the time anymore,” she says, lifting her hand to her collarbone subconsciously before realising and dropping it.

“Don’t lie to me,” I bite out.

She recoils, putting her hands on her hips. “Excuse me.”

I take a step closer to her. “Don’t lie to me. You have all the time in the world to dance, you choose not to.”

She steps away, putting distance between us again as her face grows sour. “That’s not true and it’s none of your business.”

Reaching out, I grasp her arm before she can turn, pulling her into me. I go to speak but the words die on my tongue the minute our eyes lock. We’re close, too close. She wets her lips as her eyes drop to my own. This is the closest we’ve been since Ellis was born, nearly eight months ago.

My hand instinctively goes to her waist, resting on her hip with a tight grip. I feel like I’m physically restraining myself from kissing her.

“I shouldn’t want you.” I grimace, flexing my fingers against the smooth skin.

“You don’t want me, Mason, trust me.” She grasps my wrist and pulls it from her waist. “What do you want? Why are you here?”

She spins and moves to the kitchen. I rearrange myself in my suit trousers, pissed at myself for being so weak to her. “Elliot, he told me about last night—”

“What about last night?” She doesn’t meet my eyes and I know she knows exactly what I’m talking about.

“When you left me, Nina… It was a hard time for me. You left, and with Dad being gone, I couldn’t find anything to bring me…”

“Are you trying to tell me the only thing that kept you sane in the months after you cheated on me was sleeping with an endless number of women?”

Fuck. “I—”

“Because if you are, you should stop! You have no idea what I went through, what I continue to go through.” She steps forward, pointing her finger into her chest. “I spend my weekends in this apartment alone, and then get judged for the friends I keep when I choose to fill the void.”

“I’m struggling to see the difference here. You think I enjoy living at the penthouse without my family. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you during your pregnancy, but that was your choice. I did what I did to keep myself fucking going. You did this. You broke us, Nina, not me!”

“Are you fucking serious!” she roars, her eyes like saucers.

“Deadly! I never fucking touched another woman and you know it. I couldn’t then and I fucking can’t now!”

She sniggers, looking anywhere but at me. “But there were five months where you found it really fucking easy apparently!”

She won’t ever understand this, why would she? She thinks I slept with Jasmine and now she knows I slept around after she left. “I couldn’t be at the penthouse alone.”

“You could’ve gone and lived with your sister.”

I scoff at her, turning. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“I don’t know why you did. Did you really think you could explain yourself and convince me to feel sorry for you when you were balls deep whilst I was in labour with your fucking son? You’re damn deluded, Mason.”

I move quickly until I’m in her space, my eyes like fire as they burn through her. “Do you truly think I slept with another woman whilst I was with you, the day after we got home from Bora Bora, you honestly believe I cheated on you?”

Her eyes don’t leave mine, her throat working on a swallow. She doesn’t answer me.

I nod my head, my body losing the fight it had moments ago. “Do you know why I don’t want you, Nina?”

Her eyes fill with tears, but they don’t affect me like they once did. She looks to the floor, not answering me. I lift her chin with my finger, bringing her face up to mine.

My lips brush her ear. “Do you know what a whore does when she’s finished?”

She says nothing, her body rigid.

“She leaves.”

I step away from her, my eyes dropping down her body.