Sacrificing his Highland Heart by Kenna Kendrick
Chapter Twenty
After she’d eaten her breakfast as quickly as possible, Rose hurried to the safety of her study. There, she let out a sudden wave of hot tears. They streamed down her cheeks, and she hurriedly wiped them away, furious at herself for having fallen far enough to feel such emotion for a man. A foolish man! One who had practically kidnapped her and forced her to his will. He had made love to her and now treated her just as she might have expected. If only she hadn’t been so blinded by his handsome smile and warm caresses.
She sank into a soft chair by the fire and turned to the expansive windows overlooking the sea. The breeze was gentle and cool that morning, and she closed her eyes and let it move over her, caressing her skin gently. After a few minutes, the tears slowed, as did her breathing.
You should not have become so attached in so short a time. You were a fool. You must be smarter in the future.
She was reprimanding herself for her foolish actions. One kiss and one bout of lovemaking, and she was a lost woman, it seemed. How shameful. She moved from the fire to the desk, and she cut a fresh piece of paper. She’d been so constant in writing to Henry and fanning the flames of revenge that she’d neglected to write often to her father or Mrs. Drummond. There was some guilt about writing to her father because she knew that he disapproved of the choice she’d made. He had hoped that she would have just let him die, but there had been no guarantee that Euan wouldn’t have made her marry him anyway, even after her father’s death.
So, she’d gone through with the marriage, and she’d not written to her father since. There was also the guilt about being happy in her new home, and she didn’t want to hurt her family any more than was necessary. Back in England, they might be scoffed at or seen as traitors by allying themselves with a Scot. She had no idea because she hadn’t asked them. It was time to remedy that, and she would start with a letter to Mrs. Drummond.
She opened the ornate pearl inkwell and dipped it the pen. She began to scrawl across the page, “Dear Mrs. Drummond….”
She told her housekeeper of all that had been going on since her arrival. She was desperate to complain, to tell them what a horrid man Euan had turned out to be, but she couldn’t. Not only was it a lie, but she also didn’t want to worry them and make Henry even more eager for revenge. Besides, it was not as if her fate was different from that of many other women. Her husband had turned out just like any other man, eager for a conquest and an heir.
She paused, thinking for a moment. An heir. It was possible she was already carrying Euan’s heir after last night. The thought didn’t anger her, even though it should. How could she raise a child with a husband who saw her merely as a thing to barter with? Her mind wandered to how gentle he’d been while at the same time rough and passionate. There had been so much feeling in their lovemaking that she was so shocked at his treatment today. Even if he didn’t love her, he didn’t have to act so cold.
She brushed a fresh tear away and continued writing. At the end of her letter to Mrs. Drummond, she wrote, “I wish that I could come home,” and then signed her name. Her heart yearned for the sights, sounds, and smells of her family’s land. The animals, the people, the way the sun fell across the grassy fields and the front steps of her home. She remembered her old chamber and the feel of Mrs. Drummond’s rough hand on her shoulder. The homesick feeling was hitting her like a punch in the stomach, and she swallowed it down, wanting it to pass. It only made her current pain of Euan’s blatant rejection even more unbearable.
She sealed the letter with wax, and when she heard Susan’s soft knock on the door, she smiled. She had an idea. “My lady, how are ye? The servants told me ye rushed from breakfast.” Susan was frowning as she stood in the doorway, looking concerned. “Is there something I can get for ye? I hope that ye are nae feeling ill.”
“No, nothing like that, Susan. Forgive me. I did not wish to worry anyone, but I wanted to write a letter, and I feared that if I continued eating for too long, I would forget what I wished to write.”
“And who are ye writing to, my lady?” Susan asked her former cheerfulness retuning. But then she blushed. “Och, I am sorry. I ken it is none of my business.”
Rose chuckled. “It is fine to ask, Susan. I am writing to Mrs. Drummond, the old housekeeper at my father’s house.”
“Och,” Susan nodded. “Ye are close with her?”
“Yes, we are very close. After my mother died, she became like a mother to me.”
“I see,” Susan said, looking a little sad. “Do ye miss them? All the people in yer house?”
“Of course. It would be very strange if I did not miss them,” Rose said matter-of-factly, but then at Susan’s even sadder look, she corrected herself. “But I have told them just how well things are going here in Scotland. I am very happy in my new home.”
Or at least I was until my husband threatened to break my heart with his cold manner.
“Och, that is good, my lady! Because we are delighted that ye are here.” Susan began to move about the room, dusting, and tidying as Rose came around to the other side of the desk and leaned against it. “Susan, is there a reason the people are not angry with Laird Rede for marrying an Englishwoman? Surely there would be some kind of unrest. But everyone was so kind and gentle and has been ever since I arrived.
Susan smiled. “It is our way. We have seen war, and many people wish never tae experience such a thing again. We want tae put the past behind us and be friendly tae strangers on our land. My parents taught me that, at least. And once everyone met ye and saw how lovely and kind ye are, they can have naething tae say. Ye are a perfect Lady Rede.”
Rose blushed and looked down, afraid that Susan’s sudden kind words would start her crying again. “That is very sweet of you, Susan. And I am glad for everyone’s hospitality. It is beginning to feel like home to me now.”
“Good,” Susan replied. “Now, I will take yer letter for the messenger, and is there anything else I can get for ye?”
“Yes. Please bring wine. And I shall take the mid-day meal in here and the nighttime meal in my chamber. There is much tae think of, and I do not wish to be disturbed. Where is Laird Rede?”
“He and Laird Prestone are training at the moment, my lady.”
“Fine then.”
“I will return shortly,” Susan said, curtsied and hurried out of the room to do her mistress’ bidding. Rose pulled a book from one of the shelves and sat down to read. She would spend the rest of the day tending to her own pleasures. She certainly wasn’t going to spend all her time sulking over Euan’s rejection, for that might give him just what he wanted. Her under his control. When she heard men laughing close to the seashore, she merely focused harder on her book. She would not be giving in to the temptation to see Euan’s naked body again. Not this time.
* * *
Euan was a little disappointed to find that his wife was not with him at the evening meal. The servant told him that she had elected to take her meal upstairs in her chamber. He’d accepted it with good grace, but he couldn’t help the disappointment. He understood her reasoning. He’d treated it her that morning as if she was a stranger.
Yet after the “conversation” he had with his father, he was still unable to come to any sort of helpful conclusion. He was now torn. He was on the brink of falling in love with a woman who came from a land that had tormented his own. It was a dangerous place to be, and the only thought he had now was self-preservation. He wanted to keep himself from the edge, and so he was pulling back. But it didn’t feel good. It felt like a terrible wrenching in his heart. Still, he hoped that this pain would be brief and preferable to falling into the clutches of a senseless passion.
He wanted control. He had always had control, and he was not about to give it up to a small yet fiery Sassenach lass. “Certainly nae,” he reminded himself as he stumbled up to bed. He was so exhausted, both from the festival and the swirl of thoughts that were constantly knocking around in his mind, not allowing him rest.
In his chamber, he removed his heavy boots, jacket and pulled off his shirt. He washed his hands and face in the basin and cleaned his teeth. He just wanted to fall into bed and forget the day had ever happened. Perhaps in the morning, he would have a bit more clarity, and then he could take his next steps.
But just as he sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing a hand over his growing beard and hair, there was a soft knock, and then Rose entered the room, fire in her eyes. Instantly, the fatigue left him. Everything felt alit inside him, and he was completely attuned to her presence, however surprising it might have been. He stood up.
“Rose, what in the bloody Hell are ye doing here?” he asked, more gruffly than he intended.
She closed the door and put her hands on her waist, reminding him how small and thin it was. She walked towards him, pinning him to the spot with her glare. “I am here to see just what kind of man you are.”
Euan swallowed. He was being taken to task, but for which wrong thing, he wasn’t sure. “What do ye mean?” he asked in a challenging tone.
She lifted a finger. “I wonder why a man should make love to his wife and then treat her as cold as he would a stranger the very next day?” She pursed her lips in anger, and Euan could tell she was drunk. Or at least had consumed at least as much as last evening at the festival, making her bold.
“Ye should go tae bed, lass. Ye have had much tae drink,” he replied with a little less gruffness, too embarrassed to answer her, knowing that she’d hit him right where he hurt.
“No. I will not go to bed. You are neglecting your husbandly duties.” She stood so close to him that she thrust a finger into his chest.
“Am I?” he asked, suddenly amused by this tiny person who held so much power in her little finger that it was overwhelming. He could feel his heart-melting towards her, but he had to remain cold and distant. He had to. He kept his hands at his sides, even though it felt like it was killing him to do so. Her scent was in his nose, filling his mind.
“You are,” she said haughtily. She stepped back and held out her arms to the sides. “Was I so terrible last evening that you treated me with such harshness and such unfeeling words this morning? Am I so hideous?”
Euan’s mouth fell open in surprise when he heard her question and saw the hurt in her eyes. Was that what she thought? That their coupling had disgusted him? That she was too ugly to be worthy of being bedded again? He almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it, but he held back.
“It is nae that, lass,” he said with a sigh. “Ye must nae believe that.”
“But why should I not? When your actions speak a thousand words to me. Look upon me now. Am I so hideous?” She removed the woolen robe she was wearing. It fell to the ground, exposing her beautiful white shift, which hung delicately over her curvaceous body. He swallowed again, his self-control growing thin.
He almost reached out to stop her when he saw her pull at the shift to lift it over her head, but he stopped when he saw just what she had revealed to him. He nearly grasped at his heart and fell to his knees; Rose Sayer was so beautiful. Just as he’d known when he first laid eyes upon her just outside of his castle gate, Rose was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. It almost hurt just how breathtaking she was. She was petite and slender, but at the same time, she had gentle, sloping curves. She was no weak waif but strong, and his eyes moved from her delicate neck to the mounds of her gorgeous breasts, which beckoned him to come closer, to taste them.
Euan’s mouth was dry. “Am I?” she repeated with a little more softness.
“Nae,” he said, practically whispering. Self-control was gone now. He wanted her just as much as he did last night, if not more. He wanted their bodies to touch, to feel warm skin sliding, lips touching, bodies uniting. He stepped forward and lifted her chin with his finger. “Ye are the most enchanting lass I have ever seen,” he breathed.
She sucked in a breath, her beautiful pink lips parting, begging him to come closer. “You do not think me hideous?”
He chuckled. “Nae. And I will be happy tae show ye.”
He grabbed her to him, and his mouth covered hers.
