Flipping the Switch by Brigham Vaughn

TWENTY-FOUR

Tony awoke to an empty bed. Not unusual, even when he was sharing it with Logan and Jude. They were usually up early, but given the rare opportunity to sleep in late, Tony was happy to take it.

This morning, he could hear the soft murmur of their voices in the other room, and he wanted them more than he wanted sleep. He smiled up at the ceiling and stretched before he hopped out of Logan’s bed.

After he texted the home health aide to make sure his dad was doing okay, made the bed, and brushed his teeth, he padded into the kitchen to find Jude cooking something that smelled delicious while Logan sipped coffee and read the paper.

“There he is!” Jude said with a smile. “Our sleeping beauty.”

Tony’s face warmed but he happily accepted a kiss from both of them.

“How are you?” Tony asked. “I mean, last night was kind of a mess but …”

Jude made a face, then turned back to stir something on the stove. “Okay, I guess.”

Tony hooked his chin over Jude’s shoulder and leaned against him, wrapping him in a big hug. “No, seriously. How are you doing?”

“Meh.” Jude sighed. “Last night sucked. I didn’t expect anything else, but it still sucked. Even if Archie and Ann and my mom were cool with it, it still sucks to—”

Tony could hear the thickness in his voice. “To have your dad not support you?”

“Yeah.” Jude’s swallow was audible. “And I know you know that as well as I do but …”

“It doesn’t make it any easier,” Logan said.

“No, it doesn’t.”

Tony pressed a kiss to the back of Jude’s neck, then turned to look at Logan who stood within reach. “What’s your dad like?”

“Gone, unfortunately,” Logan said with a sigh. “He died pretty young of a heart attack. That’s one of the things that convinced me to get in better shape. I wanted to be around longer than he was.”

“I want you to be around longer too,” Jude said with a little smile over his shoulder.

“Does the age difference worry either of you?” Logan asked. His tone was curious.

Tony shrugged. “No. I don’t think about it much, to be honest, but it’s more of an appeal than anything. It makes me feel like you have the experience to know how to deal with everything we’re doing.”

“I don’t know about that,” Logan murmured. “But I certainly will do my best to look out for all three of us.”

“I’m much more concerned with who you are than how long you’ve been rotating around the sun,” Jude said. “Whatever my father thinks, I’m not with you because I need a father figure. Support and guidance, yes, but it’s different.”

“I know that.” Logan gave him a reassuring smile.

“Would your dad have approved of us?” Tony glanced at Logan. “If he were still alive.” So far, none of them were doing great for parents, although Fiona seemed pretty wonderful.

“I don’t know,” Logan said, his tone thoughtful. “He was a quiet guy. Didn’t say a lot one way or the other about anything. But I’d like to think he would be able to get past his preconceived ideas to support me.”

“Unlike my father.” Jude said gloomily.

“Hey.” Logan stepped forward and rubbed Jude’s back. “He may come around yet.”

“You think so?” There was so much hope in Jude’s voice that Tony’s chest ached.

He knew what that felt like. Hoping just once to get something right. That his father would be pleased with him.

“Last night, he seemed pretty shook up about the possibility of losing you,” Tony pointed out. “Like he was really thinking about things.”

“He did,” Logan agreed. “Just give him some time. Jackson is stubborn and he is convinced that his view of how your life should be is the right one, but I think he’ll come around.”

“I hope so.” Jude flicked off the burner and turned to face them both. “Because as much as he drives me crazy, that shit hurt.”

“I know.” Jude was normally so light-hearted that Tony sometimes forgot how intense he was about everything. He loved hard, which meant things hurt him more easily.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Logan’s voice was soft and there was no judgment in it. “I’d understand if you didn’t.”

“I want this,” Jude said fiercely. “Yesterday fucking sucked but I want this. I want you. I … I love you. Both of you. No one, especially not my father, gets to tell me who I love or how I love.”

“I’m glad.” Logan cupped Jude’s cheek and kissed him. “I just have to be sure. I love you too.” He pulled Tony close. “And I love you.”

“I love you both and I’m not going anywhere either,” Tony promised.

No, last night hadn’t been fun but mostly he’d hated how much Jude had been hurt. If he could take that away for him, he would.

“What happens now?” Tony asked after they drew back.

Logan gave him a quizzical look. “With our relationship? Or in general?”

“All of it, I guess.” He licked his lips, not even sure what he was asking, just knowing there were unanswered questions swirling around in his head.

“Well, it’s Christmas Eve. Tony, you need to get back to Pendleton to check on your father, right?”

“By this evening at the latest, yeah. I checked in with the home health aide and he’s doing fine but I don’t want to be gone a crazy long time.”

“I understand.” Jude rubbed his back. “Other than seeing Logan, I have no reason to stick around Fort Benton.”

“I would like to spend some time with Archie and Jane today,” Logan said, his tone apologetic.

“Oh, of course.” Jude gave him a smile. “We get it.”

Tony nodded his agreement.

“I got a text from Ann this morning, inviting us all over for dinner at her place tonight. Though she said she understood it was short notice and might not work out.”

“Us?” Tony gestured to include the three of them.

“Yes.”

He grimaced. “I can’t. Not with my dad … maybe another time?” He wanted to say yes but he’d made an agreement with Ellen, and he didn’t want to push his dad too far on the idea of him being gone more often. He was hoping to ease him into it more slowly.

“Of course.” Logan squeezed his shoulder. “We’ll figure out a time when we can plan ahead. Archie surprised us with his visit. It’s great to see him but I couldn’t exactly plan around it.”

“I’d like to go.” Jude looked torn. “But I’m Tony’s ride and I’m not sure I’m feeling up to it tonight. Last night was a lot and I just kind of want to go home and not talk to people for a while.” He looked uncharacteristically subdued.

“Whatever you need,” Logan said.

“I have an idea though,” Jude said, his expression brightening a little. “Logan, what time are you planning to head back to Pendleton tomorrow?”

“Ann usually hosts a Christmas brunch, but I should be able to head out by mid-afternoon.”

“Perfect.” He turned toward Tony. “What if I came over and cooked for your dad tomorrow? Logan could meet us there and we could all have a nice Christmas dinner together tomorrow night.” Jude made a face. “I mean, that’s assuming you and your dad don’t already have plans.”

Tony blinked at Jude. “Uh, no. We don’t usually do much at all for the holidays. You really want to cook for us?”

“I do. I mean, I want to meet him anyway—if you’re ready for that—and hopefully a gesture like that will show him how much Logan and I care about you too.”

“I’d have to see how he felt about it but yeah, we could do that.” Tony’s head was spinning at the idea.

“Of course. If he doesn’t want to do that—or you don’t—no worries. I just thought I’d offer.”

“That’s a nice gesture, Jude.” Logan’s voice was soft.

“You both did so much for me last night, I want to do something for you.” His voice broke a little.

Tony and Logan crowded in, pressing Jude between them, and held him close.

* * *

Tony returned home to find his father laughing. That was such a rare thing he stood in the doorway to the living room and stared. Ellen sat in Tony’s usual chair. They were just watching TV, but she’d apparently said something funny, and his dad looked happier than Tony had seen him in a long time.

The aide was young and pretty and his dad had been a bit of a flirt back in the day. Not in a creepy way, but he’d always had a quick wit and he was good at charming the waitresses at The Good Yolk downtown. God, when was the last time they’d gone there?

Tony felt a flash of guilt. His father had been reluctant to leave the house but maybe Tony should have pushed him more. Being a shut-in couldn’t have helped with his mental health.

Ellen glanced up and smiled at Tony. “Your son is home, Mike.”

Mike laboriously turned in his chair. “So he is. Nice of you to join us.” For once, it didn’t sound as biting as usual.

“Glad to see you’ve been having a good time,” Tony said lightly. “How’d everything go?”

Ellen gave him a quick rundown—nothing really of note but he appreciated that she was thorough—then left.

“How are you feeling, Dad?” Tony took a seat in the chair.

“I’m all right. How was your fancy party?”

“I don’t think I like fancy parties much,” Tony admitted. “But I was glad to spend time with Logan and Jude.”

“You met Jude’s parents?”

“Yeah. His mom was nice. His dad … well, he doesn’t approve of us.”

“He’s still with you though?”

“Who? Jude? Yeah, of course.” Tony cleared his throat. “He actually offered to cook a holiday dinner for us tomorrow.”

Mike raised an eyebrow at him. “He did, huh?”

“Yeah. He’s a chef. His food is amazing and he’s about to open a restaurant in Pendleton.”

Mike gave him an assessing look. “Is he now?”

“Yes.”

“Then why does he want to cook here?”

“Because he cares about me. And wants to meet you. Food is kind of how … how he takes care of people, I think. And he wants you to like him. Logan would come too, if that’s okay.”

Mike let out a hmmph. “I guess they could do that. If you’re not ashamed of them seeing your old man.”

“Why would I be ashamed of you?” Tony asked, bewildered.

“I know I’m not much to be proud of, all broken down and useless.”

A lump rose in Tony’s throat. “No, Dad, I don’t feel that way at all. I think this disease has been really shitty and hard on you.” He looked down. “And I feel like I haven’t done a very good job helping you out with it.”

His dad straightened as much as he was able. “You did nothing wrong, son.” His eyes held a lot of pain, but Tony didn’t think it was physical. “I had some time to think while you’ve been gone and I realized I’ve tied you down to this house, to the business, to me …” He shook his head. “I can see that you’re happier now than you have been for years. Invite your boyfriends over for Christmas. I want to meet them.”

* * *

“Nice to meet you, Mike.” Jude’s smile was brilliant. “I’d shake your hand but mine are a bit full at the moment.” He held up several bags from the local market.

“Nice to meet you too. Kitchen’s through there.” Mike nodded toward it. He had insisted he could get up and greet Jude at the door.

“I see where you got your talkative nature from,” Jude said in a stage whisper as he and Tony walked toward the kitchen.

Tony chuckled. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Jude put the bags down on the counter, then gave him a brief warm kiss.

“So, this is going to be kind of rude but there are a few things I need to get going right away. I went traditional and did a turkey, but I need to get it in the oven ASAP if we’re going to eat on time.”

“Sure. I’ll see if I can get my dad to come in here so we can talk while you work, if that’s okay,” Tony said.

“That sounds great.”

“Then make yourself at home.”

Tony had spent a good portion of the morning scrubbing the kitchen from top to bottom. It was old and not fancy at all, but at least it was clean.

Jude was already rolling up his sleeves. “Oh, trust me, I will.”

Tony chuckled as he walked into the hallway. He found his dad hovering there as if unsure if he was supposed to go in or not. “Jude needs to get the turkey in the oven. Would you like to sit in the kitchen and we can all talk while he works?”

“Sure.”

His dad walked slowly into the room. Tony helped him into the chair and Jude glanced over with a smile. “Thanks for joining me. I didn’t think this through, I guess.”

“It’s okay,” Mike said gruffly. “I’m looking forward to the turkey.”

A turkey Jude had his fist up inside of at the moment. Tony tried not to snicker, but Jude gave him a little wink as if he knew exactly what Tony was thinking. He probably did.

Mike cleared his throat. “So, you’re a chef.”

“I am.” Jude shot a smile over his dish-towel-draped shoulder and he looked so relaxed and happy that Tony smiled. Much better than the tense brittleness two nights ago or the sadness yesterday morning. “So, I understand you have quite the scrap metal and towing business, Mike.”

“It’s mostly Tony,” his dad said gruffly. “I haven’t done much with it in years.”

“Sure, but you laid the foundation, right?”

“I did.”

It was slow to begin, but Tony wasn’t surprised by the way Jude coaxed his dad into opening up. Jude was charming and kind. Tony sighed involuntarily as he stared at Jude, more in love with him than ever.

A little while later, Jude slid the turkey into the oven with a smile. “There, turkey and stuffing are in. I just have a few more things to prep, then I can sit down and talk for a while.”

“How’d you get into cooking?” Mike asked.

Jude shrugged. “It was what I always wanted to do. As long as I could remember I loved being in the kitchen. If I’d had more time, I would have baked some of my mom’s Christmas cookies today. They’re my favorite. I remember rolling them out and decorating them with her. It was the best part of the holiday.”

Mike snorted. “Tony doesn’t have any memories of his mom like that. She was terrible in the kitchen.”

“I remember decorating the tree with her when I was little,” Tony said. “I’d almost forgotten but all three of us would go to the woods and cut one down. Blue spruce, right?”

“It was. They were the only thing sturdy enough to keep the ornaments from crashing to the ground when that damn cat would climb it.”

“You have a cat?” Jude asked looking around.

Tony shook his head. “Not anymore. It died when I was in high school.”

“I always wanted a pet,” Jude said wistfully. “But my mom’s allergic and I never had time with the hours I work.”

“We could get something,” Tony said.

“Really?” Jude’s eyes sparkled as he stabbed some sweet potatoes with a fork and placed them in a baking pan.

Tony chuckled to himself. “I mean, I’d be up for it. We’ll have to see if Logan’s okay with it.”

Mike looked between them. “You’re moving in together?”

“Not today or tomorrow.” Jude slid the pan into the oven and set another timer, the beeps punctuating his words. “But someday, I’d like for the three of us to live together.”

“You’re not afraid of what people will think?” Mike’s tone was more curious than judgmental.

“I’m more afraid of missing out on the best relationship I’ve ever had,” Jude said softly.

“Hmm.”

Jude glanced at Tony, who shrugged. He wasn’t sure if that was an approving or disapproving hmm either.

“What’ll happen to me?” Mike asked.

Oh shit. Definitely disapproving.

Tony cleared his throat. “Look, Dad, nothing’s set in stone yet. But, if you’re willing to consider it, I’d like you to think about making some changes around here.”

A knock on the door came before Mike could answer and Tony’s phone buzzed. A text from Logan. Tony rose to his feet, simultaneously glad Logan had arrived and sorry the moment had been lost.

“We’ll talk more about it later,” Tony promised. He patted his dad’s shoulder, then walked to the front door.

“Hey.” He greeted Logan with a kiss. He looked good. His cheeks were pink from the cold and snow dusted his silvery hair.

“Hey yourself. How’s it going so far?” His voice was quiet.

“Pretty good,” Tony said. “Jude actually pulled my dad into conversation.”

“He’s very charming.”

“Exactly.” Tony smiled. “How are Archie and Jane?”

“Pregnant.” Logan’s smile turned incandescent.

“Oh wow. That’s exciting.”

“It is.”

“Come on inside.”

When Tony had hung up Logan’s coat, he ushered him into the kitchen where he greeted Jude with a kiss on the cheek. Mike rose to his feet, his movements slow and clearly painful.

Tony didn’t lecture him. His father was proud and would want to greet him standing.

“Great to meet you, sir.” Logan held out a hand. Mike took it and shook, his expression assessing.

Had Tony mentioned Logan’s age to his father? He couldn’t remember.

“Tell me about yourself,” Mike said as they were all seated again. “I want to know more about the men my son is dating.”

* * *

The rest of the afternoon went better than Tony had expected. Both Logan and Jude were good at drawing his dad into conversation. He seemed impressed by Logan’s business and after the amazing dinner Jude had made, Tony had relaxed enough that he broached the subject of his woodworking.

“I’m almost done with the bar for your restaurant, Jude,” he said. “I’m going to spend the next few days focusing on that and hopefully I can get it installed by the end of the week.”

Although there were emergency towing services, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, the rest of Christensen’s shut down for the week between Christmas and New Year’s. He could devote all his time to the bar project.

“Oh really?” Jude’s eyes shone. “I am so excited to see it.”

“Not until it’s in place,” Tony teased. “I want to do a big reveal.”

Jude pouted. “Hey, no fair.”

Logan draped an arm over the back of Jude’s chair, laughing. “You love the drama, and you know it.”

“Maybe a little.” Jude’s eyes sparkled.

“Your son really does do incredible work,” Logan said with a glance at Mike. “I’m blown away by his craftsmanship.”

“I had nothing to do with it,” Mike said gruffly. “That was all him.”

Logan nodded. “Shame he isn’t doing it for a living.”

They’d talked about this ahead of time. Logan had suggested, assuming things were going well otherwise, that he talk up the idea of selling the business. That he could help talk Mike into the idea.

Tony wasn’t convinced, but he figured it was worth a try. He sure hadn’t had any luck on his own.

Mike glanced at Tony. “He keeps telling me he’s doing well at it.”

“I am, Dad,” Tony said earnestly. “If I wanted to, I could easily support myself with it.”

“But what would happen to the rest of it?”

“Christensen’s?”

Mike nodded.

Tony swallowed hard. “About that … I, uh, I talked to Keira about the idea, and we came up with a plan.” His father opened his mouth, but Tony held up a hand. “Nothing is set in stone. It was just a conversation and we pulled together a business plan so we could explore our options. She can’t afford to buy it but she said she’s willing to run it if we can find someone willing to buy the business. And we did.”

“You were going to sell it without even talking to me?” The hurt in his father’s voice was clear.

“No,” Tony said. He reached out and covered his dad’s hand with his. “Not at all. I just wanted to know if it was even possible. You know who Jarod Keener is, right? He owns the garage on the south side of town.”

“Yeah, I remember you said he was givin’ us a lot of work.”

“He is,” Tony said. “And he’s done a damn good job running his business. He does it well and he’s interested in buying Christensen’s.”

“Hmm.”

“Look, you don’t have to decide anything now,” Tony said. “It’s just an idea. But along with Keira, the three of us worked out a plan. He’d give us a great price for it and Keira would still manage it.”

“He’s not planning to make a bunch of changes?”

“No, not at all. He’s actually really pleased that Keira will run it on a daily basis. He’ll be the financial owner but all decisions will go through her. His investment, her business knowledge.”

Mike seemed to consider the idea. “You keep saying she’s done a good job managing the place.”

“She has. And I think this is the best way to keep it in the family as much as we can.”

“You really don’t want it?” There was sadness in Mike’s eyes.

“I don’t.” Tony’s heart ached, wishing he had a different answer. “I wish I did. But it—it feels like a burden to me.”

His dad briefly closed his eyes. “I never meant for that.”

“I know.”

Logan spoke softly. “Mike, I know you had hopes Tony would follow in your footsteps but he has his own path to follow.”

“With you?” His gaze flicked to Jude. “And him?”

“Hopefully,” Logan said. “But this isn’t about that. This is about someone who has an incredible talent who should be able to use it. Who should have the opportunity to be happy doing what he loves.” He took a deep breath. “I know a little about that myself.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. I had always hoped my son Archie would be interested in the construction business, but he wasn’t. He was miserable, in fact. All he wanted to be was a surgeon. I didn’t understand it. I had no idea where it came from, but it was what made him happy.”

He let out a rueful little laugh. “The kid read the Grey’s Anatomy textbook from cover to cover at the age of eleven. He didn’t know what half those words meant but he learned them. He poured over drawings. We spent hours at a time at the science museum in Chicago because he loved the exhibit about the human body. It was what made him light up and I eventually reached a point where I couldn’t bear to put that light out. I was disappointed, yes. But my VP is currently doing a beautiful job running the business. I was her mentor and she’s now stepping into the role in ways I could barely dream of and she’s thriving in it because it’s her passion. I could have pushed Archie to go that direction but we either would have had a falling out that broke our relationship completely or he would have wound up where Tony is.”

Mike stared at Logan. “And where’s that?”

“Doing something to please his father rather than what makes him happy.” Logan’s tone was soft and nonjudgmental, but Mike still flinched.

“That true, Tony?”

He nodded. “I just want you to be proud of me.” His voice broke and he looked down at the table, swallowing hard. Jude reached across the table to take his hand. It gave him the courage to lift his head and meet his father’s gaze. “Dad, I know things with Mom didn’t turn out the way you wanted, and it isn’t fair that you have this condition. I understand your disappointment in the way your life turned out. but sometimes I feel like you’re punishing me because of it.”

Mike froze, staring at him. “You don’t think I…”

Tony swallowed hard. “Not intentionally. But I think you’re pretty miserable and, yeah, I think you take it out on me sometimes. And I think you want me to stay here because you’re afraid I’ll leave like she did.”

“I never meant—”

Tony let go of Jude to cover his dad’s hand in his. “I know that.”

Mike was silent for several long moments. “I guess I am afraid if you sell the business and move out, I’ll never see you again.” It came out barely a whisper, but it was filled with pain.

“Dad,” Tony said softly, his heart aching. “I’m not going to just abandon you. If we sell Christensen’s and find you somewhere that you can live comfortably—with someone other than me who can help you out with what you need on a daily basis—I will come see you regularly. As much as I possibly can. I just … I want a chance at my own happiness. I want a life with people who love me. I want to do a job I’m excited about. I don’t want to look back fifty years from now and wonder what my life could have been like if only I’d taken a chance to go after my dreams, you know?”

Mike nodded. “I’ve been holding you back from all that.”

“Yeah.” His voice broke a little and his eyes were wet. “You have.”

Mike blew out a heavy breath. “Then what are we going to do to fix that?”

* * *

After a good conversation and a few tears, mostly on Tony’s part, they had a plan.

He’d been taking notes on a sheet of scrap paper about things Mike wanted to tweak in the business plan. All good suggestions, and Tony had written down some parameters around what kind of place he was willing to live in.

Mike was adamantly against moving into the retirement home outside of town but was willing to consider a small single-story house and round-the-clock care. As long as the house and business sold, it would be doable financially.

“Can you live with that, Dad?” Tony asked after he wrote down the minimum price his father would accept for the house and land.

“Yeah, I can,” Mike said gruffly. “Can you excuse me a minute?”

“Of course.” Tony retrieved his father’s cane. He took it and slowly shuffled out of the kitchen. He was due to take his meds soon, so Tony got up to get them, but Jude caught his wrist as he passed.

“How are you feeling?” Jude asked softly as he rose to his feet too.

“In shock, I guess,” Tony admitted. “That went better than I thought.” He glanced at Logan who had also stood and was staring at him with a soft, concerned expression.

“Thank you,” Tony whispered.

“For what?” Logan placed a hand on his back, rubbing his thumb against Tony’s shoulder blade. He leaned into the touch.

“Helping get through to my dad. He … it was hard for him to hear me.”

Logan nodded. “Fear will do that.”

“I understand him a lot better now, I think,” Tony said. “And vice versa. I’m really grateful you were both here for it.”

“We’ll be here any time you need it,” Jude said quietly. “Maybe moving forward, we can do a regular dinner with your dad or something. Might be tough with my hours at the restaurant but I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” Tony pressed his forehead to Jude’s and reached for Logan who had already wrapped his arms around them both. “Don’t know what I’d do without the two of you.”

“That’s true for both of us as well,” Logan said softly. “You make our lives better every day.”

Tony hugged them both hard, too choked up to speak. Those rough edges he’d been working so hard to sand down were slowly smoothing out, the pieces of his life that had felt jagged and wrong beginning to fit together.

He turned his head and kissed Jude, who ghosted a hand across his cheek and deepened the kiss. “Love you,” Jude whispered.

“I love you too.” Tony pressed his forehead to Jude’s for a moment before he looked at Logan. He was looking at Tony, gaze steady and loving as he smiled. “And you.”

“I love you too, sweet boy. I have never been more grateful to Jude for bringing us together. All of us.”

“Me too.” Tony hugged them both closer. “I’ve never been so excited about my future.”

“There’s a lot to be excited about,” Jude said as he squeezed Tony’s shoulder. “I’m just looking forward to exploring it all with you both.”

“So am I.”

The quiet tap of a cane alerted them that Mike was returning so they disentangled themselves and Tony reached for the cupboard where the meds were.

“Well,” Jude said as he leaned against the cabinets. “Who’s ready for pie?”

“You bake, huh?” Mike gave him an assessing look as he stepped into the kitchen. “You’re a damn good cook so I’m eager to try the pie.”

Jude grimaced. “I have to confess; I didn’t make this myself. I stopped at the bakery downtown.”

“Ahh well, no man’s perfect,” Mike said. “He’s all right though, Tony. They both are. I think you should keep them around.”

Tony had to blink back tears. “I’m planning on it,” he said in a choked voice.