Badge by K.L. Savage

 

Badge didn’t come home last night and like the stupid girl I am with a schoolgirl crush, I was excited to give him his gift. I put on a little makeup, casually slipped on my new nightgown, and waited.

And like a damn fool, I got my hopes up.

“You seem sad.” Sarah sits down on the couch with Hendrix in a sling.

So many slings. So many babies in this household and there are more coming. Mars and Sunnie are expecting triplets and Daphne is pregnant.

I’d be okay if I didn’t get pregnant again for a while. I want to focus on Faith, and I don’t know if I want to have another baby. I wasn’t ready for Faith, but I guess no one is ever ready for a child. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I’m not. I love her more than life itself, but I hate how she was conceived. I can never change the place it happened or the pressure I felt to perform.

“I’m not sad,” I finally reply.

“Right. Right.” She doesn’t believe me for a second. “You look good. That hair color is amazing on you. It really brings out your eyes.” Without taking her attention off me, she snaps her fingers behind her. “Don’t even think about it, Skirt.”

I turn my head see Skirt trying to sneak to the oven where a freshly made apple pie is sitting on the stove to cool.

“But Sarah, come on,” he begs. “It smells so good. How can ye deny me?”

“Walk away. It isn’t ready.”

A snicker from somewhere has me looking over my shoulders and peering around the kitchen, but I didn’t laugh. Neither did Sarah.

“That’s just Tongue. He’s in the corner,” Sarah explains.

“You gave yourself away!” Porter, I think is his name, jumps from another corner. “You laughed. I win!”

“No, you don’t! Unfair. Skirt was being an ass,” Tongue reveals himself from the other corner.

“Awa’ an bile yer heid,” Skirt snaps. “I only wanted pie.” Skirt stomps out of the kitchen with his arms crossed.

“Fine, let’s do it again.”

“No. Don’t be a sore loser,” Porter says. “You said we would go get tacos after this.”

“Oh, yeah. Tacos.” Tongue and his brother run down the hallway, shoving each other to see who can get to the door first.

Sarah rubs her temples. “Ever since Porter came here with Tongue, it’s been non-stop sibling wars. It’s like all the years they spent apart are being lived now. It’s so sweet, but it’s like having two more children in the house.”

The basement door opens, and Delaney and Micah come out, run to the fridge, grab a few snacks, then head to the living room without looking at us.

“They are slowly coming around. That’s good,” I keep my voice low, so they don’t hear me. They are sensitive kids and only come out from the basement when they want. No one pushes them, but gaining their trust is difficult.

“Yeah, they are coming around. I hope we get to know them soon,” Sarah replies, rocking Hendrix in her arms.

“Mom! Mom!” Maizey comes bursting through the kitchen and slides on her socks across the floor as she attempts to come to a stop.

Sarah grins just as a piece of hair falls in her face and she blows it out of the way. “What is it, silly girl?”

“Can me and Aidan go to the swamp? Please, please, please?” she begs, folding her hands in front of her.

“You have to take someone with you. Why don’t you go ask Uncle Tongue? He is outside getting tacos right now, but someone has to go with you. You will not go by yourself, do you understand me?”

Maizey squeals and claps her hands. “Yes! Thank you, thank you! Aidan, let’s go get Uncle Tongue. We have to find someone to take us.” Maizey makes a ‘zoom’ sound with her mouth and spreads her arms out as she sprints down the back hallway. Aidan flies behind Sarah’s chair and his red hair glimmers like flames against the light.

Sarah’s cheeks blow out as she exhales a gigantic breath. “I need eighteen cups of coffee to get through this day.”

“Same,” I agree, lifting my mug to my lips to take a sip.

“Hellraiser. Come on,” Knives voice gets closer and Mary wobbles in, her hands on lower back, tears streaming down her face.

“No! I’m not taking a picture when I look like a freaking cow. You can forget it. I just want to lie down. Everything hurts. I can’t wait to go to the doctor. I can’t take this anymore.” Mary still tries to walk as fast as she can from Knives, but he swings her into his arms. “Put me down. I’m too heavy.”

“Nonsense. You’re gorgeous, and if you want to lie down, I’m taking you to bed and I’m going to rub every inch of you that aches,” he says, giving her a quick kiss.

“Aw,” Sarah and I say together.

Mary grins while she nestles her cheek against his shoulder, and he carries her to the bedroom.

“I bet every part of her hurts. She’s big. What if she has two in there? I mean that would explain it.”

“You think?”

“I don’t know. I mean, she’s double the size either of us were. I know it’s normal—”

“—Doc didn’t say anything about two, though.”

“Then she’s having a big baby and I hope she doesn’t deliver vaginally.” I flinch at the thought.

Hendrix begins to fuss, and Sarah whips out her breast since it’s just the two of us and begins feeding. “So, what has you so sad?”

“I’m not sad,” I repeat, knowing even as I say it that it doesn’t sound believable. I even sound sad. I debate on telling her the truth and chew on my bottom lip.

“I knew it. Spill.” She stands and moves her chair closer to me. “Come on, I need something. I speak to kids most of the day. I need some girl talk.” Her brown eyes get me, and I know I’m going to tell her.

“I’m just worried because Badge didn’t come home last night. He’s usually here.”

Her lips part and she slaps her hand on the table. “You like Badge? Badge? Mr. Grump-tastic? Really?”

“I never said—” I glance around to make sure we are alone “—I never said I liked him.”

“Girl…” she scoffs and rolls her eyes, deadpanning me with a look that I can’t decipher. “Women only worry about men they like or love.”

“I like what I’ve seen, and I want to get to know him. I don’t know anything about him. Do you guys?” I ask.

“Not really. He loved being a cop. He and Reaper have been tense about that. Being a cop was everything to Badge. I’m trying to get Reaper to relax on a few things—it’s not like we don’t have half the PD on our side anyway. All the guys have jobs, and Badge deserves his back, you know? But if you mean if we know anything about him personally, the answer is no. He keeps a tight lid on his personal life.”

“Is he the kind of guy that goes out and sleeps with different women and then doesn’t come back?” I grumble, tracing a groove along the table.

“You got it bad.”

I groan and drop my head on the table, tapping my forehead against it. “I know, and I don’t know what to do about it. No way is he interested in me and the age gap—”

“−We don’t care about age gaps around here, remember?” she interrupts with a wink.

“Yeah, but Dad…”

“Oh, yeah. That’s going to be a tough sell, but you know, you’re a grown woman and if Badge is who you want, you have to go for it.”

“Anyone seen Badge?” Reaper bellows as he stomps from his office.

“No! No, I haven’t,” I blurt a bit too quickly as if I’m guilty of seeing him. “I mean, no, sorry, I haven’t seen him since the night before last.” I realize how that sounds and begin to backtrack. “I didn’t mean that night when I did see him that I spent the night with him, that’s not what I meant.”

Great. That just made me seem even guiltier. My face feels hot. Reaper crosses his arms and hides his mouth with one of his hands.

“He helped me with Faith,” I explain. “She was being fussy, but I haven’t—uh—” my cheeks flame even hotter as this just gets worse and worse, “—I haven’t seen him.” I clear my throat and Sarah is laughing at me.

“Right. Well, if you see him, tell him I need to—” the door behind Reaper opens, interrupting his question. A steady pound echoes until Badge’s face shows. He has a five o’clock shadow and he looks like he hasn’t slept a wink. He ignores everyone in typical Badge fashion and heads straight to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water.

I bet if Reaper allowed beer in the Clubhouse, Badge would have grabbed it instead.

“Uncle Badge!” Maizey rips through the house again and hooks herself around his legs. “Come see Happy and Smiley with us,” she begs.

He shakes his head and grunts. “Not now, Maizey. I’m not in the mood.”

“You’re never in the mood. Please!”

“Maizey! I said not now,” he bellows, and she jumps away from him, her chin wobbling. “Ah, Maizey. I’m so sorry—”

“—You’re nothing but a mean old man!” She stomps on his foot and runs away, crying as she slams the door to her room.

He barely has time to take a breath before Reaper is throwing a punch across his face, busting Badge’s lip open. “You won’t ever raise your voice to my daughter again. Am I fucking clear?” Reaper has Badge by the shirt, but Badge doesn’t seem to even care if he dies at that moment.

“Yeah, Reaper. I’m sorry. It’s been a rough night. I already regret it,” he says earnestly.

Reaper lets him go by shoving him back and Badge stumbles, watching as Reaper marches down the hall to Maizey’s room. They have a cabin, but their time is split between here and there since there are so many responsibilities.

“Badge—”

“—I don’t want to talk about it, Sarah,” he exhales, disappearing once more to go to his room next to his office. The door slams and I jump. The unexpected bang wakes Faith and she begins to fuss.

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay,” I croon at her.

“I can see why you like him,” Sarah drawls in a monotone voice.

“He’s different. I’m telling you; he isn’t this guy he paints himself to be.”

“Well, you’re going to have issues convincing me. He doesn’t like kids, Hope. You just saw how he treated Maizey.”

“Yeah, but the stories you tell me, when he was Santa and when he plays dress-up with Maizey, you mean to tell me that’s him not liking kids?”

“I think it’s him in the mood to be tolerable.”

I shake my head, completely disagreeing with her. I can voice my reasons until I’m blue in the face, but it doesn’t mean a thing if I really don’t know Badge. What if he is an asshole and I’m just wrong? I don’t know anything about men or what they are really like. The only man I have experience with is Faith’s father, and his position was the same as mine. We made the best of a bad situation, but we only knew each other.

I just… I know. Like when your gut tells you danger is coming or someone is watching you, that’s how I know. Those instincts tell me Badge is different and I can’t wait to prove it to everyone.

“Well, I’m going to go give him his gift as a thank you, and a pack of ice.” Faith quickly falls back into a slumber and I’m able to move freely without worry. A burst of cold air hits my face when I open the freezer door. The ice pack is cold in my hand, and I open the drawer to grab a dish towel to wrap it in.

“Your funeral,” Sarah mumbles, stealing my half-empty coffee mug off the table.

I dip inside my bedroom and pick up the simple black box that has his necklace in it. I was so excited at first, but now I’m not sure. Badge doesn’t seem to be in the mood for company but the naïve part of me thought it might put him in a better mood.

Maybe. A big fat maybe.

“If he doesn’t like it, he can throw it away for all I care,” I mutter to myself. But as I walk out of the bedroom and Sarah gives me a thumbs up, I realize I do care. I want him to like it and I want him to like me.

I want him to trust me with who he is, not who he pretends to be.

Shoulders back. Spine straight. Don’t lose your nerve.

I knock on his door lightly, careful not to wake up Faith.

“What?” he calls aggressively.

“It’s me. It’s Hope.”

“Go away,” he huffs.

“No. I’m not going away. Open the dang door you freaking… ogre!” I gasp and throw a hand over my mouth when I realize what I called him.

The door swings open, and a shirtless Badge is standing in front of me with a tissue held against his lip. “Did you just call me an ogre?”

Focus. Focus on his face, not on his wide muscular chest and abs. Oh god, my mouth is watering.

“Well, maybe if you didn’t act like one, I wouldn’t have called you one.”

“So I can say when you’re being annoying and mouthy?” He tosses the tissue in his trash bin against the wall.

“So what if I am?” I own it. I won’t let his insults weigh me down.

“What do you and your little spawn want?” He sits on the edge of the bed and stares at me with bright blue eyes.

“Don’t call her that. You know you love her.” I lift my chin and wait for him to say something, but he just grunts and shifts his eyes away.

Ha. Knew it.

“Well? What do you want, Hope? I don’t have all day. I have work.”

“You’re such an ogre. I’m not even sorry.”

“I don’t care what you think of me. I stopped caring a long time ago when it comes to that. And besides, ogres have layers.” He rolls his lips together to stop himself from saying anything else, as if he has already revealed too much about himself.

“On top of being an ogre, I think you’re a liar.” I hold out the black box for him and he just stares at it like it might explode.

“What is it?”

“It’s a gift.”

“Why?”

“Why is it a gift? You’ve received them before, haven’t you?”

“Yes, but why are you giving me one?” he asks.

“Maybe I want us to get to know one another, Badge. We can be friends.” I don’t dare tell him that I want more.

“I don’t want friends. I don’t need friends.”

I press the ice pack to his lip, and he flinches before accepting it, sighing in relief as the ice begins to work. “Liar,” I say gently, and he places his hand over my mine to hold the pack in place.

It’s then that I finally see the true Badge. All those layers peel back and for the first time, I feel like I really see him. He is a gorgeous, tortured soul, living in a purgatory he’s created all on his own. Our eyes meet and the air changes around us, the energy shifting into a territory that should never be created. I slip my hand away and it breaks the contact with him, and I lower my eyes to Faith to make sure she’s sleeping soundly.

Badge clears his throat and takes the box out of my hand, his thick fingers grazing against mine.

He has working hands, with long, calloused fingers. I’ve always had a thing for hands. The feeling of being completely engulfed by palms that make me feel small has always turned me on.

“Thanks,” he opens the drawer and I get a glimpse of a kid’s book. He throws the gift in there and slams it shut. “Is that all?”

“That’s all, Badge.”

He nods and walks to the door, swinging it open to signal my need to leave. His cock is pressing against his sweatpants, the thick outline of the head making me wonder what weapon he is carrying under there.

Big is an understatement.

He’s uncomfortable with me here. He won’t meet my eyes now and I can tell he wants me.

“Bye, Badge. I hope you have a good day, and whatever happened last night, if you want to talk about it, I’m here for you. I won’t say a word, but I’ll listen.” I place my hand over his heart, the warmth of his body radiating like a furnace under my palm. His eyes close from the touch as if he has been deprived, but then he pulls away from me.

“I’m fine. Worry about Faith. You’re the one who can’t put her to sleep at night, remember?”

I know what he’s trying to do. He’s pushing me away before I even have a chance at getting closer. “Why would I do that when I clearly have you in the next room over? Talk to you later, Ogre,” I call out to him as I leave. I rock Faith back and forth as I walk with a pep in my step.

He might be a hard shell to crack, but I’ll figure it out. Badge is special and I want to figure out the beauty he has hidden underneath all that beast.

A snarly, mean-tempered, rude, timid… and scared beast.

Usually, all an animal needs is love.

And I plan on getting it.