Badge by K.L. Savage

 

Iflinch when I feel a soft touch against my back. I spin around to see Hope standing there, naked, the tips of her hair wet from the water and curving over her breasts. I can see the light pink dusting of her nipple peeking through the strands and I rake my eyes down her body.

Jesus Christ, she’s perfect. Her hips are wide and she has a dark blonde patch above her pussy, trimmed, and begging for my face to slide between her legs.

What the fuck is she doing in here?

She takes a step forward and I hold out my hands, blood still lingering on them. “What are you doing in here?” the question comes out as a harsh hiss. “If Bullseye notices that—”

“He isn’t here,” she explains. “And I’m not here for sex.” She grabs the loofah and squirts the body gel on it, then suds it up with her hands.

“This isn’t a good idea. You need to get out of here, Hope. What are you doing?” Her hands are coming for my chest, and I lean away, but I don’t have anywhere to go.

“I’m not going anywhere. Will you stop fighting for once in your life? I’m not here for sex,” she repeats, dragging the loofah down my arm. “I’m only here to take care of you.”

I close my eyes from the soft, gentle touch. Even with her kindness and good intentions, I can’t stop the lust pooling in my cock. I’m hard for her, but not once does she take her eyes off mine. She doesn’t look down.

“Let me take care of you,” she whispers, taking each of my fingers and cleaning them until the blood is gone. She finally glances down and inhales a sharp breath when she sees my cock, but she doesn’t say anything. She continues to bathe me.

I’ve never been in the shower with a woman and didn’t fuck. I can’t remember when I was intimate with a woman like this.

Sex? Oh, sure. But I think there’s a difference between intimacy and sex.

Sex can be mindless, without care or finesse.

Moments like this, of sharing space with a woman at my lowest point, are intimate.

I’ve never been more turned on than I am right now. Maybe it’s how she’s looking at me. She’s looking at me like she wants to fix all my problems.

She can’t fix me, but I can let her try since I can’t seem to myself.

I don’t move while she touches me. I can’t. If I do, I’m afraid I’ll throw her against the wall, lift her legs, and slide inside her, finally feeling her soft heat that I’ve been thinking about since she arrived at the clubhouse.

She’s someone I shouldn’t dare think about, someone I shouldn’t ever touch, but fighting her on top of everything else is so exhausting.

My will is breaking.

I lean forward and cup her face with my hands, not speaking a word as we look into each other’s eyes. I brush my thumbs over cheeks, wiping the water away, and peer into those gorgeous seafoam color irises that I have no business staring into.

“What are you doing to me?” I whisper.

“I’m taking care of you.”

“Why do you care so fucking much about me?” My voice is rough, demanding, and on the edge of anger, but really, I’m just confused.

I push people away. It’s what I’m good at, but she keeps coming back. The harder I push, the harder she tries.

“Someone has to.” She licks the water off her lips and I’m a goner.

I press my mouth against hers and it’s a zap to my system. I’m alive again. My tongue dives inside her mouth and I can taste the hint of coffee lingering. She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her body against mine.

My hard against all her soft. I can’t get enough.

Her nipples tease along my chest and the growl that escapes me is one of hunger and starvation. There’s no way I’ll ever be able to get enough. The craving for her will only run deeper now. Her fingers dig into the back of my neck and I press her back against the wall, pinning my arm above her head, then wrap my hand around her neck to control the kiss.

Her lips are so fucking soft.

Before I do something stupid, like pick her up, spin her around, and fuck her until she’s screaming my name, I break the kiss. I press my forehead to hers and try to catch my breath. Her leg lifts and hooks over my hip, and the underside of my cock presses against her folds.

“We can’t,” I rasp, rocking my forehead back and forth. “We can’t. We shouldn’t even be doing this. You shouldn’t be in this shower with me.”

“I know.”

I close my eyes as she runs her fingers through my hair, slicking it back with the water. “We should stop,” I add, my voice sounding a bit drowsy.

“I know.”

“This is bad.”

“I know,” she says again.

“I don’t want to stop.” I open my eyes and see her smirking at me.

“I know.”

Her hands keep running through my hair, then down my neck, and her nails scrape along my shoulders.

I’m so fucked.

“You kissed me,” she says.

“I know.” I take her words and use them against her.

“I didn’t think you wanted to.”

“If you didn’t think that, why did you climb into the shower?”

“Because I think you’re a worth a little pain for me to try again,” she admits, her words nearly making my knees buckle.

She’s so sweet and naïve to think that.

I skim my finger across her jaw and wonder what the hell I did to deserve someone like Hope being interested in a man like me. I think back on it, but I can’t come up with anything. I’ve been an asshole for the better part of my life so if anyone isn’t worth Hope’s time, it’s me.

“I think you’re more than what you pretend to be, Badge.” She places her hand on my chest and pushes me back underneath the flow of the water.

She grabs the shampoo bottle and beckons me to bend down, so I do without question. “No sex. Remember?” she reminds me while massaging my scalp.

“I’m good with that.” I’m a grown man. I don’t need sex. I fucking want it and I want it with her, but I think she’s trying to prove a point and I want to let her without our attraction getting in the way.

Plus, in the back of my mind, no matter how good it feels with her, there are a few things we have to discuss or realize about how this is never going to work.

Her age.

No, that’s a lie. I don’t give a fuck about her age.

But her dad… I don’t know where to begin to tackle that issue. Bullseye has become very close to his little girl and is very protective. He has made every guy swear not to touch her—well, the rest of us single guys. The guys with ol’ ladies would never.

“Don’t think so much, Badge. I see the wheels turning in your head.”

“It’s hard not to. I’m standing naked in the shower with Bullseye’s daughter and all I can think about is how fucking perfect she is. Your body…” My hands fall to her hips and a flush of pink runs across her cheeks, but I don’t know if it’s from being embarrassed or the heat of the shower. “I’m an old man, Hope.”

“Experienced,” she corrects.

I snort as I tilt my head back and rinse the shampoo out. “I’ll make sure to put that on the next piece of paperwork I fill out when I have to write in my age.” I turn the shower off and peel the curtain to the side. “I have no business messing around with someone over twenty years younger than me. That’s…. that’s…”

“Hot,” she finishes, and when I catch her looking at me, she’s staring at my ass.

I yank a towel off the rod and wrap it around my waist. “We can’t do this, Hope. Does it not help that you know how much I want you? You can rest easy at night now.” I need to go back to being an asshole.

“How can I rest easy when the person I want to lie with at night is in the next room? It keeps me awake at night, Badge. What about this can be so bad when it feels so right?” she asks as she gracefully struts towards me.

I swallow, my eyes locking on her hips as they sway back and forth. Her thighs are thick, and they rub together with every step. I want to bury my face between those thighs. I want to make them shake while I make her come.

Fuck, this isn’t good. This isn’t good at all. She’s seducing me and I have no way to say no.

“You’re gorgeous.” The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them. I meant to tell her to leave, but I don’t want her to go.

“What bothers you more, Badge? My age, or the fact that I’m your friend’s daughter?”

“He’ll kill me if I touch you. He’ll kill me if he ever finds out you’re in here right now.” The words trail off into silence as she stands in front of me again. Without touching me, I feel the pull to her, the energy, the magnetism, and it rights my soul in all the places that have felt wrong over the years.

She’s my little slice of heaven in the cruelty of life.

“Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll go,” she says, bending down to pick up her clothes. She slides on her panties, cotton, pink and plain. There’s nothing special about them, but since they’re on her, they are the sexiest fucking things I’ve ever seen. She slips on her yoga pants next, then her tank top.

I’m speechless.

“Listen, Badge—”

“—Forrest.”

“What?”

“My name. It’s Forrest.”

“Forrest,” she tries it out, and I love how my name sounds falling from her lips. “I like that. It suits you.”

“I don’t want you to go,” I admit, grabbing her hand in mine. I swallow when I think about what I want to say. “But I think it’s best if you do,” I say, hating myself even more when I see the smile disappear from her face. “You make me feel like I can be better.”

“And that’s bad?” she asks, wrinkles forming between her brows as she tries to make sense of me.

“Yes, because I can’t be. And you’re so young. You need to be with someone your own age. When I was your age… anyway, that was another life for me.”

“Sarah and Reaper have an age gap.”

“I know. I just think you deserve more than someone like me.”

“I’m a grown woman, Badge. I’ve been through a lot in my life already and I don’t like guys my age, but I will say this: I also know what I want. I want to be with someone. And while I really like you, I won’t wait around for you either. I’ve been rejected by you, then reeled in, then rejected again. A person can only take so much before they eventually step away forever.”

The thought of her with anyone else has me tightening my hold on her hand. This is what I want, right? I want to push her away. I want her to be with someone her own age.

I’m fucking lying to myself. Just like I’ve told myself for years that the pain of losing Amber will eventually fade, I know it won’t—just like how I don’t want Hope with anyone else except me.

She’s strong and I like that she goes after what she wants. She doesn’t act her age. It’s one of the many qualities I like about her.

“I think,” she begins to say as she stares at the necklace around my neck.

I haven’t taken it off. I won’t, either.

“I think you’re afraid of wanting me, not because of my age or my dad, but of wanting me. I don’t know why because you won’t tell me, but fear doesn’t make life better, and I want my life to only get better. I thought I could do that with you.”

“When I’m sixty and you’re in your thirties, what then? You can’t take care of an old man. I won’t let you do that with your life.”

“What I do with my life is no one’s decision but mine. That choice doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to me.” She lets go of my hand and massages her temples. “Badge, you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.” She stands on her tiptoes and kisses me, the fight leaving me once again.

I wrap my arms around her and deepen it, sliding our lips together in a sensual dance. She tastes like mine, all fucking mine. I grip her hips and the moment I bring her closer to me, she breaks the kiss. Her lips are swollen, red, and wet. Hope touches her mouth, closing her eyes and smiling contentedly as the memory of the kiss plays in her mind.

“When a kiss feels that good, how can you even second-guess it?” she asks, backing away from me.

I feel taken care of and broken all at the same time. I’m sure she expected this to go differently, maybe end up in bed tangled in the sheets, but I’m not that kind of man. I’m always too lost in my head, and I let my thoughts get the best of me.

“I hope one day, you don’t let your pain control you, Badge. Or you might lose out on a really great thing.” She opens the door, giving me one more final glance, and I want to move.

I want to shut the door and throw her on the bed.

But I don’t.

Instead, I let her walk away, trying to do what’s best for her. She might not see it now, but she’ll be thankful later when she’s not tied down to an old man. Sure, life would be good now, but what about when I’m actually old? How can I do that to her?

It would be cruel and selfish of me.

She deserves so much more and I’m only able to give that to her by letting her go.

I sit on the bed and hang my head in my hands. I still feel her touch everywhere. My skin is craving more of the soft grazes of her fingertips, but I’m a fucking idiot who loves to sabotage myself.

Opening the drawer, I take out the kid’s book and open it to the first page, staring at the young, scared-as-hell kid in the photo. I was terrified of being a father, but it was the best two months of my life. I’m holding Amber up, trying to show her off to the camera, and her pudgy cheeks are all I can see. They were huge compared to her body. I loved pinching them.

Her birthday is soon. Maybe that’s why I’m so fucked up in the head right now. Mars would know all about that. He relapsed because of his sister’s birthday coming up, and she died when he was just a kid. Birthdays are rough.

Especially when I never even got to celebrate one with my daughter. I toss the book back in the drawer and slap it shut.

I just had the prettiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on in the shower with me and I had to fuck it up by pushing her away. I need to get my head on straight and somehow convince her to give me another chance.

She makes me want to step out of the vault I’ve locked myself in.

I just need to figure out how to unlock it.

Standing, I shuck off my towel and get dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, wanting to go check on the baby I brought here. Everyone thinks I don’t care about anything, but man, are they wrong.

I fucking care about everything.

As I walk down the hallway, a few people are still in the kitchen, including Hope, who is now swaddling Faith. She won’t look at me, and Ruby is staring daggers into my soul.

Well, if no one hated me before, they do now.

“You okay?” Tank asks, squeezing my shoulder. “If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you. I know it couldn’t have been easy finding a baby like that, even if you don’t like kids.”

“I’m not a complete asshole. I’m not going to leave a baby to die in a dumpster.” I eye everyone in the room. “No matter what you think of me.”

“I would never think that.” Tank seems truly disturbed that I would ever think such a thing.

“Thanks, Tank. I appreciate that.”

“Sure, buddy. Anytime you need to talk.”

Tank is a gentle soul who is just too good for this world. I give him a tight smile and head downstairs. The lights are on and when I reach the bottom, I see Doc immediately, putting some type of medication in the IV for the baby.

“How’s he doing?” I sit down in the recliner next to the bed.

“He’s strong, considering,” Doc replies, writing something down in his chart. “I think he’ll make it, but Badge, I don’t think you’re telling me everything about this and Reaper knows you’re hiding something too. If you know more that can help this baby find his family, then—”

“—He doesn’t have anyone. That much I know, okay? Can I… can I hold him?”

Doc doesn’t seem to like that I’ve changed the subject, but he lets it go. “Take your shirt off. Skin to—”

“—Skin contact is the best. I know.” I shuck off my shirt and Doc opens the incubator and being mindful of the wires, he places him in my arms.

“How do you know?” Doc asks, trying to pry my secrets from me.

“That’s a story for another life,” I say, staring at the sweet face of an innocent baby. He’s already had such a tough introduction to the world and all of its ugliness. It’s a good thing he will never remember it.

“I didn’t think you liked kids.”

“I don’t,” I say, knowingly lying through my teeth.

“Yeah, sure looks like it. We need to contact social—”

“—Can we not? I’ll take care of him.”

“Badge, he isn’t your responsibility.”

I don’t say anything. I know he isn’t my responsibility, but I feel a connection with this baby and maybe it’s because I feel like this is my chance to be there for him the way I wasn’t for Amber.

His skin is soft against mine and he has wrinkly hands and feet. There’s a spattering of dark hair on his head, but he’s also very small. Too small. Maybe he was forced from his mother a little early.

“Look at that. His vitals are already showing improvement.”

“Sometimes all someone ever needs is someone to be there. And I’m not going anywhere. Not this time,” I say to him, even knowing he can’t understand me.

“This time?”

“Yeah, this time.” I don’t emphasize. My eyes burn. I haven’t held a baby like this since Amber. “You’re a handsome guy. We need to think of a name for you.”

This time, I’m going to be a good father.

This time, I’m going to be here and I’m never going to leave his side.