Her Pack by Tamara White
Chapter Twelve
After about fortyminutes of driving filled with nothing but tense silence, we pull over at a rest stop.
Jake climbs out of the car, and scouts out the area to ensure it's safe. He glances back and gives Rick a nod, signaling the all clear.
Rick nods back before getting out of the car and opening the door for us. "We're only stopping here for a bit. Get out, stretch, and have something to eat. We'll be on the road again soon. We're not far out now."
Jonnie sighs, hurrying to take his belt off and get out of the van. I'm not far behind him and he's kind enough to hold a hand out to help me clamber out.
I let go so I can fully stretch my limbs. Being cooped up in the van was a bloody nightmare. It could have been worse, I'm sure, but still, it's a relief to be outside in the fresh air.
I take Jonnie's hand once I'm done stretching out and we walk around the small abandoned rest stop. Rick and Jake are also stretching out their bodies, talking about something to do with our journey. Most likely about the security. Even though most of us are capable of defending ourselves in the case of an ambush, they're Enforcers and it's their job to keep us safe.
Jason and Mitch are over by the small dingy rest stop toilets, each of them laughing about god knows what. I let go of Jonnie's hand to sit on one of the wooden poles that make a barrier to cut off the small wooded area beside the rest area.
I rest my hands on either side of me, and let my head fall back, enjoying the soft sunlight and fresh air. Jonnie takes a seat beside me, the creak of wood warning me that maybe these beams are too old to take both our weights for long.
"I'm sorry," I say, not looking directly at Jonnie, but still my words are for him. "You were right to fear me disappearing after the way I left you all, but I want you to understand something. I left because I thought it was the right choice at the time. The fear of not being worthy, not only to people I was meant to rule over, but to you guys, the people who I would spend the rest of my life with, it was overwhelming. Running seemed like the better option, even if it was stupid.”
After a few moments of tense silence, I wonder if he’s going to accept my apology or ream me out for being a selfish bitch. The longer he takes to speak, the more likely I think it will be the latter.
He lets out a long sigh, his tone soft but chiding. “You’re damn right it was stupid. Just because we’re not as mature as Eli, doesn’t mean we can’t help you. Instead, you run off with him. You made us all doubt our ability and our own worth to you. Why didn’t you just talk to us? We would have followed you in a heartbeat but you made it seem like we were a burden.”
“Ugh, I know. Damn it if I don’t realize that now, but all I was thinking about was everyone else. The pressure of being everything for everyone, of being Queen to a whole species of people, it had me doubting everything. My father taught me to be a strong woman, to handle anything life threw at me, but being the queen of an entire race and having them depend on me making the right decisions? It was just too much. To have you come with me would have left everyone vulnerable. I couldn’t ask that of you.”
Jonnie wraps an arm around my shoulders and scoots closer. “That's why you need to rely on us. Lean on us as your mates. We’re not just going to leave you when things get tough, we will be there with you every step of the way. Don’t lock us out because you’re scared.”
I close my eyes, fighting back tears. “I’ll try not to.” The truth is I’m terrified. I’ve tried to be tough, to pretend I know exactly what I’m doing but the reality is, I haven’t got a fucking clue. I’m running blind through this and just hoping that at the end of all this, I’ve made it through without too much damage happening to the packs.
Luke may want to kill me to wipe out what he perceives as a threat, but he’s not looking at the torment he’s causing on each of the packs. He should be uniting them, but even against someone he sees as threat, he’s too consumed with his own feelings that he doesn’t see the shitstorm he’s creating. It’s making it easier for me to bring the packs together but again, I worry that the only reason the packs are uniting under me this time is because of the Luke situation. What’s to say once that is all resolved, they don’t fracture again?
Jake whistles loudly, drawing my attention. “Time to get back on the road.” He nudges his head to the van, gesturing that we should get back in.
Jonnie and I make our way over to the car, as does everyone else. Once we’re all back in, Jake turns around in the passenger seat. “Everyone good?”
We all nod, and he turns back as Rick starts the car again. “Good. We should be there in about twenty minutes, so long as traffic isn’t too bad once we get through town.”
Jason is once again beside me, and the moment the car starts, his hands tense on his knees, forming a tight fist.
I reach over and unwind one of his hands, to twine my hand through his. He squeezes my hand tightly, and I let him even though it’s just on the side of pain.
He’s worried about his mother and his pack. And while I can offer him some fake enthusiasm, I can’t because deep down, it feels like nothing good will come of this meeting.
