Her Pack by Tamara White
Chapter One
Seven days.It's been seven long, agonizingly painful days since I last saw my mates. Since I left them behind.
And ever since, I’ve felt destroyed inside. As if I’m the most despicable person to walk this earth. I’ve spent the days wondering why I’m not being struck down for being such a horrible person.
I know in my heart that it was the right thing to do but I have to wonder whether there wasn't another way.
Maybe I could have brought them with me? Immediately reality slaps me in the face. If I had taken them with me, then there wouldn't be an alpha presence to provide the packs with the right leadership.
Sure, Tim and Laura are more than capable of handling most of the wolves if it really came to it, but it makes sense for the future Alphas to be there, especially if I can't be.
When Vivienne met us at the edge of the woods, we climbed into the car and she brought us straight home to her pack. Specifically, right to Eli's front door. And since I clambered out of the car, I've stayed holed up in the house like a pathetic child.
I want to go out, to explore, to try and get this cleansing process over with but the moment I go to step out the front door, a wave of anxiety so profound overwhelms my every being.
I can't help but think of the disappointment I am. To my mates, to my parents, to pretty much everyone who depends on me.
Which is why I've remained hiding out in Eli's home, too ashamed to step foot outside. I'm supposed to be a Queen, but I ran from everything. How worthy does that make me?
Eli has been kind since I've been here. He spends the days and nights talking to me about his life here or listening to me talk about my life. We sit up most nights when I can’t sleep and just talk about anything and everything. He doesn't pressure me to talk about the packs, or his own pack, just lets me talk about stories of my dad, mostly.
I think we both understand how hard it is without our fathers around. We talk about how much it hurts knowing the things they will miss.
For me, it kills me thinking of the things my father could have seen me do as a Queen.
He'll never see me grow up into a woman he's proud of. He'll never be able to witness the mating ceremony between me and my mates. He'll never see any children I might have.
There is just so much in this life that he won't ever get to see. A part of me had accepted my own mother wouldn't get to see those things but I also didn't grow up with her either.
I know that she sacrificed her life for me, but beyond that, I never really knew her or got to love. My father, however, was the one constant person in my life.
Things have changed a lot in the past few weeks and while I know that I'm no longer alone, and I never will be. I can't help the pain I feel in my heart when I think of my father not being a part of this world.
The door slamming open startles me out of my thoughts, and I roll over in bed facing the doorway. I woke up about an hour ago, not long after Eli had left for his pack duties, but I've yet to leave the comfort of my warm blankets.
The thundering footsteps on the hardwood floors are quickly preceded by loud voices. Eli and his mother, most likely. It wouldn't be the first time in the past week that she's dropped by in an attempt to get Eli to force me outside and into the pack.
Eli has been telling her to mind her own business and to give me time, something which I am eternally grateful for but even I know there is going to come a point when I have to stop hiding.
I sit up and brush my hair back, as I listen to them argue.
"She has to leave the house sometime, and if she does before we introduce her properly, I fear for her safety. Sooner or later, one of the pack members will grow impatient and if they come here to see their future Queen cowering in fear, then who knows how they will all react. They can handle a Queen who is fearful of her safety, but they will not tolerate a Queen who is being a childish brat."
As much as her words hurt, I can’t fault them either. I am afraid, and rather than pushing through the fear like anyone else would, I’m hiding from everything.
"Dani is adjusting, mother. If one of our pack is stupid enough to approach her, then they deserve everything she dishes out."
Vivienne sighs in frustration. I imagine she’s clenching her teeth as she stares at her son in annoyance. “I know what she’s capable of, Elijah, but you know just as well as I do, that she can’t hide from her destiny forever. She’s already had you call her other mates to tell them she has not yet been cleansed. The longer she drags this out, the longer we are left under the rule of a tyrant waiting to kill us all. Her inaction could lead to more deaths. Who will she blame when someone she knows or loves gets killed because she just hid away from her problems?”
A minute of silence is followed by the door slamming shut. Eli sighs, and I have to wonder if he feels the same way as his mom does? I mean he hasn’t said it, but even I know how stupid I’m being so he must think that way too.
Maybe it’s time for me to embrace the fear and just go out and meet the pack then get this cleansing over with? Vivienne is right. The longer I delay this, the longer Luke is in power. Even if people know I’m Queen. Until he’s locked away or dead, he will always have control over the packs.
After a few beats of silence, soft footsteps echo throughout the house as Eli makes his way back to my room. He hesitates outside the door before knocking gently. I smile to myself. He could have just barged in because he would have to know that I heard everything. Even if I had been asleep when they came home.
His scent comes under the door, smelling strongly of vanilla and coconut as he waits for an invite. "You can come in, Eli."
I stretch out in bed as he opens the door. He hesitates, peeking around it to ensure I'm decent before coming in with a soft smile. "You feeling any better today?"
I see the worry in his eyes as he approaches the bed and sits down on the edge. It's clear he wants to get close but is being considerate by staying out of reach.
"Don't worry Eli, I'm okay. And your mother is right. I need the pack to see me as strong, not someone weak that can easily be taken down. I need them to know I am ready to rule, not hide behind everyone else. That I can be the Queen they need me to be."
At least I hope I can. To be honest, I won’t really know until I step up and start but my hope is to do the best I can.
Eli smiles at me, his eyes filled with pride. “I’m glad, because we’re having a pack get together tonight and I would like to take you as my official date, if that’s okay?”
His vulnerability in asking me to be his date helps push back the immediate thoughts of fear at facing his pack. “I would love to be your date,” I tell him, reaching over to grip his hand.
He grins over at me. “Great! And I know you’re probably really worried, but I promise it will be a fun night. I even planned something of a surprise for you.”
I perk up slightly. "A surprise?" I ask, unable to hold back the smile. I love surprises. Okay, well not all surprises but who knows, maybe it will make me forget about how much of a fool I am. At least for a moment.
He grins in return. "Yes, I have the best present a future Alpha Queen could ever want. But you'll have to wait until after you’ve met the pack before I can hand it over. So how about we get out of this bed, get you dressed, and feed you?"
I grimace, the idea of food unappealing. I’ve been only eating a small amount here and there lately. Something Eli has noticed and hasn’t been impressed with.
"Dani, you need to eat. If the rest of your mates could see you now, they would hang me from a tree and beat me with sticks. I'm supposed to be looking after you, but I feel like I've failed in that duty. So let me do what they asked of me, please."
Shit. He's right. I've been stupid moping in here, rather than taking care of myself so the rest of my mates wouldn't worry. Instead, I've been stuck on the fact that I left them behind rather than focusing on things that could get me home to them sooner. Yeah, I'm a complete idiot. I need to overpower this stupid anxiety and get my cleansing ritual over with.
"I'm sorry, Eli. I guess I got too absorbed in the fact they aren't here, that I forgot to take care of myself. I will try harder, I promise."
He sighs softly, brushing a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "It's not that you have to try harder, my dear mate. I just don't want you to waste away because you're feeling guilty."
I lean into his touch, and he turns his hand to cup my cheek gently. "Now, time for you to get up and eat. I'll make us something light. Then we can do the real feasting tonight."
I smile softly at the tenderness in his tone. He can be so dominant one moment, yet so soft and gentle the next. I like this sweeter side of him.
"Okay. What am I supposed to wear tonight? I can’t wear the same set I’ve been recycling each day. Do you think your Mom would be able to lend me something?”
It may not fit on me, but I can tweak it a bit before tonight so it will be wearable. But I’ve been wearing the same clothes set since I’ve been here. The only time I change out of them is when I need to wash them and end up wearing one of Eli’s loose shirts while I wait for them to wash and dry.
Eli lets go of me, moving to the dresser by the wall. "Before you came here, one of the pack members filled the dresser with clothes for you. I thought you would have looked in here before now, but when I saw you wearing my shirt while you waited for your washing, there was just something hot about it that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you about the spare clothes."
I roll my eyes, only slightly annoyed that there have been clothes in here all along. I didn’t want to go prying in all his draws. It felt like an invasion of privacy.
"Wait, how did they know I would come here or that I would actually stay long enough to need a change of clothes?" I ask curiously as I pull back the covers.
When I get out of bed, he pulls out a set of clothes for me and lays them on the bed. I smile, glad he’s gone simple and passed over something basic enough to wear around the house but still presentable enough for me to wear later on. Unless it’s going to be some kind of formal event. Then I’ll have to reassess.
Eli stares at me intently as I take off the black yoga pants and teal tank top. I don’t bother shielding myself from his view while I get dressed. There’s really no point. As my mate, I’ve got to get used to this kind of thing around him and the others. Especially when I will be expected to strip in front of random people if I have to shift. I won’t always get the privacy I need.
"Well, my mother is a very wise woman to this pack and we take her very seriously around here. She sees these things, these visions and we've all learned by now that whether it happens in a day, a month or a year, they usually do come true."
As I strip down to my underwear, Eli turns away, his cheeks tinged pink.
"Isn't that strange though?"
His hands clench and unclench at his side as he speaks. "No, not really. In the days when the Enforcer line of ours was ruled by Malina, it was our sacred duty to protect her. It was said she gifted these visions to us to ensure we could see any threats that were coming our way."
I pull on my new clothes as I think that over. If Malina did that, and the Enforcer who tried to kidnap her had those powers, then how was he not able to see the futility of his actions? As I think this, the answer comes into my head, the information Vivienne downloaded once again feeling like an inbuilt search engine.
The ability the Enforcer line has is purely to help their ruler. Each vision is given to influence the Queen to stay alive. Not to help the Enforcers. Their one job is to protect the would be queen from death and nothing more.
Once I'm fully dressed, I walk over and wrap my arms around Eli's waist, pressing my head between his shoulders and breathing in deep. "You Enforcers have such a hard life. Seeing the visions that could kill us, possibly even see our deaths, knowing you have to prevent it. That must be a horrible thing to witness and a horrible burden to bear."
He heaves a breath and lets it out slowly, a slight tremble in his chest. "For all my life my mother tried to guide me, to train me for the preparation of when my visions would trigger and I thought I was more than ready. But when the time came, I thought I would cut out my own eyes to rid myself of the vision I had seen." He takes in another breath, and I feel the pain in his heart like it’s my own. "The night you left my restaurant, I came home and showered like usual. When I was in the midst of getting dressed, my head went fuzzy and I dropped to the floor unconscious, entering a kind of dream like state.”
I listen intently, pressing soft kisses to his back and offering what little comfort I can but not interrupting him. He needs to tell me this, I can feel it.
"When I came to, the vision was so clear in my mind and I was filled with an urgency to find you. What I saw, Dani, it was you, chained to a wall." A choked sob escapes his lips but rather than acknowledge it, I wait, letting him gather his strength to tell me what he witnessed. “The vision showed you on that wall, your hands and legs chained apart, while Luke did vile things to you, all the while gloating about you being the one to give him a true heir. It was why I resisted so hard in the basement we were locked in. I saw you over months, beaten repeatedly, and forced into having Luke's pup. You were nothing more than a lifeless rag doll when he was done with you. And when I came out of it, I threw up on my bedroom floor. I was so sick with the thought of what he would do to you and I knew I needed to follow you. To save you from enduring what I saw."
He turns in my arms to show me his anger and sorrow so clearly mirrored in his eyes. "Only when I tried to get close to you at the Bairn pack, I was captured by that sadistic bitch. I don't know how, but she knew exactly who I was, what pack I was from, and that you were my mate. Which should have been damn near impossible because we don't exactly advertise what pack we're from since it doesn't exactly get us a good reputation. And the more I've thought about it since coming home, I realised something. Only three people knew I was coming for you. My mother, and my two best friends."
I stare at him, sadness in my heart. His mother obviously wouldn't betray him but that leaves his two friends and to be betrayed by someone you trust more than anything, must be killing him.
"Dani, you were supposed to be safe here and now, I don't even know if I can promise you that. Yet, I know you have to remain here to be cleansed so you can take your rightful place on the throne. I’m torn between your safety, and your need to continue this journey you’ve been set on."
I reach up and cup his cheek, making him look into my eyes. "Hey, I know you’re worried about me but please don't be. I’m a big girl and I have to be capable of defending myself. I've already been taken off guard by what happened with Sonja. I can't be that weak again, so trust me I will be on my guard while we're here, until Luke is dead, it's safe to say I will never let my guard down again."
Eli rests his head against mine, his eyes closing with a sad sigh. "And that’s not fair to you either. You shouldn't feel like that. You’re not even eighteen yet. You should be free to be a teenager and do the stupid things we all did at such an age."
I give him a cocky smirk. "Well, instead of worrying, how about we go downstairs, watch a movie, and grab a bite to eat before this pack shindig tonight.”
At least if we have time to relax now, I may be a little more controlled tonight. I haven’t had any rage induced episodes since being here. I think all the anxiety I’ve had from being away from my mates has cancelled it all out somehow.
Yet, I still feel that anger brimming under the surface, ready to lash out a moment’s notice. Which makes being cleansed so much more important than even Eli realizes.
He sighs, his shoulders slumping before a small smile appears. “Alright, but I promise you when this is all over, I want you to live your life filled with reckless abandon. Well, not too much abandon. You are still going to be queen after all,” he winks.
He lets go of me and takes my hand, guiding me out of the spare bedroom through his home. Unlike when we first came in, I truly have time to appreciate the simplicity of the house. From the cream coloured walls to the beige carpet. It feels soft under my feet as we walk through the house and I have to assume he's never shifted inside. Either that or he's extremely neat, even when in wolf form.
I sit down on the plush grey two seater sofa in his living area and tuck my legs up under me as Eli smiles warmly and hands me the tv remote. "Here, you chuck something on, while I make us some food."
