Her Pack by Tamara White
Chapter Forty-Eight
It's beena week since the attack on Eli's pack. Many people were injured, or worse killed. It's been a long hellish week of just trying to get things under control. To find some kind of way to move forward after everything that happened.
My wounds are almost healed, but I've got scars from where that bastard bit me. A permanent reminder of what he almost accomplished here. But I won't let him get to me, not today.
Today we're finally saying goodbye to my mate and all the people who lost their lives in the attack. So many families are gathered out here today to say goodbye to people they lost in the fight.
So many are still suffering the loss of their friends, family and loved ones. Many of the remaining packs have even made the journey to Eli's pack to be here and support their fellow wolves in what is truly a trying time for us all.
I guess the one good thing that has come from the attack is that none of the pack's have hesitated to show up. No one even thought of it as the rogue pack any longer. They simply turned out and offered their help where they could. It made my heart swell to see them all finally coming together as one. I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances.
With tears in my eyes, I listen to each and every person who is speaking about those they lost. The stories they tell, the lives they shared. It's so moving to hear.
My gaze flicks to the massive pyre that was assembled over the past seven days. At times, I wondered if there would even be enough wood to build something to support the bodies that were to be burned. There were just so many.
It should never have come to this. Even as we hold this funeral, there may still be others that will be held in the coming weeks. Some of the injured are healing, others are being taken care of as best they can. But it was clear some wouldn't survive their injuries.
Mitch is at my side, holding my hand tightly as he watches person after person go up front and speak about their loved ones. He's filled with nervous energy because his turn is coming up.
At first, he wanted me to do it, to farewell his brother, but I knew that I couldn't be responsible for that. I only knew Jonnie for a small amount of time compared to Mitchell. And with neither of the boys' mother's coming, it made sense that Mitch got to say the goodbye eulogy.
Mitch gives my hand a squeeze, then let's go. He moves to the place where every other pack member before him has stood, and clears his throat, clutching his hands together in front of him.
He clears his throat, tears in his eyes. "I know many of you may not be happy my brother is here today with your friends and family," he starts off, shrinking back when people mumble their agreement, some louder than others.
I growl lowly, a warning in my eyes as I glance around at the people closest to me. They will not make this harder for him. Not today.
It’s bad enough we had to fight tooth and nail with the council to even consider letting Jonnie be added to this farewell. The rest of the pack members in attendance kept saying his presence tainted their ritual which was just a load of bull in my opinion.
So what if Jonnie was with them? He was dead. It's not like he was barring them from moving on simply by being there. He deserved the honor to move on with the rest of the pack members, just as everyone else did.
Yes, he may have betrayed us, but he didn't do so out of malice. He simply did it because he wanted to save his father.
"My brother was an Alpha in name and blood, just as I am. And just like me, he never wanted the damn title. He never wanted all this responsibility. We both just wanted to live free, to do what we wanted, without always answering to the packs or being judged. We simply wanted to be loved. We wanted our family whole. It is because of that desire to heal our family that we're here today. A cruel man used my brother’s kind heart to take advantage of him. To manipulate him into hurting those who he loved dearly." Mitch pauses, taking in a breath, his eyes lowering to stare at the ground while he tries to rein in his emotions.
Cam inches closer on my left side, wrapping an arm around me as I cry silently. I can hear the utter heartbreak in Mitch's voice and wish I could be by his side offering the comfort he needs. But that is not how this is done. I need to follow the rules, at least until I change them.
Once Mitch is composed, he raises his eyes to the pack. The anger in his eyes is nothing short of terrifying. "I am so angry at him. He dealt with everything on his own. He never told me what was going on. Never asked for help. I'm annoyed that he tried to get our Dad back on his own when I could have helped him. Most of all I am pissed that he's dead and I won't ever be able to tell him how damn stupid he was for not just asking us for help." He lets out a stuttered breath, looking to the sky. "But I still love you. I will spend the rest of my days looking after our mate as you would." His gaze falls back to the people around us. "I will ensure that my brother's memory is not tarnished by one misguided act but of how much he cared for our pack and the people he loved. I will ensure his memory lives on by always ensuring those who ever find themselves in need of help, can ask for it."
Mitch bows his head, then slowly makes his way back to my right side. Cam lets go of me so I can snuggle into Mitch's side, offering what little comfort I can out here. "You did great," I murmur into his chest.
He probably won't believe me though. I think Mitch is just as torn as the rest of us by what happened with Jonnie. The worst part for us all is nothing can be done. We can't yell and scream at Jonnie to get our frustrations out. We're all simply stuck mourning him and trying to move on.
I have to believe that what Mitch said was true though. The more I thought on it, the more I realized if I was in Jonnie's place, I probably would have done the same damn thing.
The first full blown argument that erupted between us was just two days after the attack, and a day after I was up and about again.
We were all sitting quietly in the kitchen, discussing what to do next when Nate snapped. He asked why none of us had picked up on what was going on with Jonnie.
It flew everyone into a rage until I finally blew up at them for faulting him for doing something we all probably would have if the situation were reversed.
I told them that if my dad was alive, or if I suspected he was, then I would do everything I could to get him back. As much as I cared for each of my mates, my father was my blood, my family. If I truly had to choose between him or them, then there is every possibility I would have went down the same path Jonnie did.
I glance up at Mitch, offering him a reassuring smile. He did the best any brother could. He made sure everyone knew that Jonnie would not be remembered by one poor choice.
Mitch returns my smile, albeit his is a little shaky. We both turn back to the front and watch the few remaining people come up and say their goodbyes. It moves me to see so many people stepping up to honor their family members. Maybe this is something I will leave, but just modify so even those who betrayed the pack get the send off they deserve.
I'm thinking of people like Sarah, who may have betrayed me in the past, but has done nothing more since she's been here. Why should those lapses in judgement define her both in life and death? Everyone deserves a chance to say goodbye to their families.
If she had of died here, then her family would have mourned her privately rather than with the pack, which isn’t fair.
Many different people continue going up front for over another thirty minutes. Once the last person has spoken, Vivienne steps away from her place beside the pyre and stands where every other person has stood before.
A pack member I don't recognize comes to her when she gestures, and he hands her over a long wooden torch for her to light the pyre with.
Vivienne glances over at me, no doubt sensing my internal battle. It should be me setting fire to our fallen. Not her.
I take in a deep breath, and separate from Mitch, hoping he understands why I need to do this.
I approach her with a soft smile, still hesitant about messing this up, but determined to show everyone I have accepted my role as their Queen. Even if it won't last long.
People are whispering, no doubt just as surprised that I would step up to the plate and take on this responsibility from Vivienne. She hands me the torch with an encouraging smile before stepping back and leaving me to face the people assembled.
There are varying degrees of expressions, but most people are staring at me with nothing but hope and awe. It strengthens my resolve that I can do this.
"I want to thank everyone for coming today," I start off, knowing this is hard on a lot of them. "This is never a moment that I would want us to gather for, but I am hoping for all our sakes, this will be the last time such a gathering will need to be held. Today we're out here to say goodbye to our friends, our families, our loved ones, people who sacrificed their lives to keep the rest of us safe. They died with honor and it is with that honor that we now send them off to the next world to rest peacefully and watch over us until we meet again."
Tears start to fall and rather than be concerned the pack is seeing me cry, I let them see how much this hurts me too. I turn away from them and walk back the few steps to the pyre with the torch lowered, ready to start the flames.
Vivienne told me a few days ago how such a burning would work because of its size. There are points marked around the pyre, places where flames must touch for it to go up completely.
I questioned whether it was a good idea to do such a large fire because the humans would see the smoke but she assured me there was a reason they placed the pyres towards the edge of pack lands. It gave them a chance to clean up the remnants before any human investigated the cause of the supposed smoke.
With tears trailing my face, I walk around the pyre, setting it alight with the flames of the torch in each of the spots one by one until finally it's set completely ablaze.
Once it's done, I go to where the bucket of water is waiting and extinguish the torch within. Then I move to stand at Vivienne's side, watching as the fire light burns bright into the early morning. The heat from the sun, nothing compared to this.
When the whole thing is engulfed, no bodies no longer to be seen, I shift into my wolf, letting loose a mournful howl and a quiet wish that everyone has moved on to a better place.
The rest of the people gathered follow my lead, shifting and letting their cries of anguish fill the forest. My wolf urges me on and I run, everyone following after me as one. As a pack.
