Always You by Lizzie Morton
Thirteen
“Road trip, baby!” Zoe bangs her palms against the steering wheel in a drum roll. “Seriously guys, this is going to be the best Placid trip yet!”
“I know!” Squeals Sophie from the back, leaning over the passenger seat where I’m sitting and pulling me into a bear hug from behind. “I can’t believe we’re finally getting to do this with you. You’re going to love it out there. Have you brought your camera?”
I laugh and say, “Do you even know me?”
“Of course. Silly me.” She rolls her eyes and settles back into her seat.
“Let’s get going. We’ve got a long ass trip ahead of us,” says Zoe. She hits the gas and pulls onto my parents’ street, which is deserted with it being 4.30am.
My body is protesting at being up at this hour after so little sleep. The conversation with Jake played on a constant loop in my mind and I spent the night going over every detail, trying to understand why he said it was hard to be around me.
The first couple of hours of the journey pass quickly, and we take it in turns driving. We pull over regularly so we each get decent breaks. With all the stops, and hitting traffic, the drive takes longer than intended.
We finally make a pit stop for breakfast, pulling into a diner at the side of the highway. When any of us get hangry, it’s not pretty, and we’re fast approaching that point. If this place has coffee, carbs and bacon, I couldn’t care less where we eat.
We relax back into our booth after ringing in our orders, and I almost kiss the waitress when she sets a vat of coffee on the table. The girls look at me amused.
“What? I’m exhausted,” I say, “some of us worked a long shift yesterday.”
Rather than feeding into my remark, Sophie asks, “Have you spoken to Michael much? We overheard the conversation you had that first night after you rescued us, but we haven’t brought it up in case it was a sore subject.”
“Yeah, we’ve spoken.” I pause to take my first gulp of coffee, sighing in content. “Things weren’t great when I left. He wasn’t handling the fact I chose to come back to Brooklyn, instead of spending the summer with him, very well. Especially as he doesn’t know what I’m going to decide with work and the overseas projects. I think we’ll get through it though.”
“Do you want to get through it?” asks Zoe, practically reading my mind.
There’s no point holding anything back when I answer, they know when I’m lying. They know all there is to know about me and they know what I’m thinking and what I’m going to do before I even do it.
I ponder for a moment, then answer honestly, “I don’t know. He wants me to move in with him … permanently. He wants me to be like all the other ball bunnies and follow him round while he works. But you guys know that’s not me. I’m my own person and I love my work. I can’t just drop everything for a guy.”
“Especially if he’s not The One,” nods Sophie.
“He’s a ball playing God. You’d definitely know if he was The One, and if you’re having doubts when he looks like that, with all that money … Maybe he really isn’t The One,’ agrees Zoe.
That’s the thing, Michael is an actual God to most women. He’s an NFL player. A tall, blond, muscular parcel of Greek godlikeness. Pretty much the entire female population would think I was insane if they knew I was having doubts about our relationship. Even though Zoe and Sophie agree he’s attractive, they don’t necessarily like him. He has a bad rep for being an ass, but I know there’s more to him.
“I love him. I guess I’m just not in love with him. Our hand is being forced and we can’t keep coasting by. I’ve realized there’s no spark there anymore.” I run my finger round the rim of my coffee cup, avoiding any eye contact that will give away the full extent of my feelings.
Zoe’s brows draw together and she says, “Keep explaining …”
“I dunno. I don’t think about him all hours of the day, how I feel isn’t all consuming. I’m fond of him and like him being around, but I don’t need him in my life, and that’s not fair on him. Especially when he’s talking about marriage and making babies.”
“Shut the front door,” says Sophie and her mouth hangs open. “He actually wants to make gurgling shit machines. We’re like only twenty-four though? What about all the partying and stuff we still have to do?”
“Exactly my point. I suppose I’m not ready for all that commitment. We’re not on the same page, and it’s not fair that I keep him from finding the person who is The One. I’m just too scared to break up with him because it’s going to be hard.”
“Abs, you really need to sort your head out. Things are a bit of a mess in there, aren’t they? Undecided on the boyfriend, undecided on the living situation, undecided on the job …” Zoe picks up her coffee, takes a gulp and then continues, “Even me and Sophie have our shit together more than you, and that’s saying something.”
“Lake Placid will be the perfect time to gain some clarity,” agrees Sophie. “We should definitely do yoga, it’s great for your yang and yin.”
Zoe spurts her coffee everywhere laughing. “Very deep of you, Soph, but I think you mean yin and yang?”
Hysterical laughter takes over me at the irony of the whole situation. I’m sitting in a dive in the middle of nowhere, getting advice from my friends, who are even bigger screw ups than me.
“Thanks, guys,” I say, “I know I can act high and mighty sometimes, but I appreciate you listening. I swear, sometimes I feel like my head is about to explode because I’m constantly going around in circles with it all.”
“That’s what we’re here for,” says Zoe and offers a warm smile. “We always have been, and just because we’re not perfect, doesn’t mean the advice we give isn’t good. We just don’t follow it ourselves, obviously.”
We sit in silence waiting for our food to arrive, mulling over what’s been said. After what feels like forever, the smell of sweet sugary pancakes and bacon reaches my nose, as the waitress makes her way to our table, balancing three of the biggest plates of food I’ve ever seen.
My eyes bug out of my head when I take in the sheer volume of food. There’s enough between the three of us to feed a football team. Not that this stops us annihilating the whole lot. When we want to eat, we can really eat. The guys have always laughed at us for it, saying we’re like a group of six-foot guys with the amount we pack away. Really, we’re pint sized, each just over five-foot, packing it in like energizer bunnies.
“Oh my God, I think I need to nap,” groans Sophie, lying down and stretching out in the booth.
Zoe whacks her in the arm. “Not a chance. UP. We gotta get a move on. We’re way behind the other guys after this pit stop.”
After giving Zoe the finger in disapproval, Sophie stands up and we throw down some money to cover the meal.
I strap myself into the driver’s seat and it becomes clear I’ve pulled the short straw having to drive when I feel so full. I agree with Sophie, a nap is needed.
To take my mind off the tiredness, I ask, “Are the others travelling up now as well?”
“Yeah. We thought it would be better to spread over three cars. More space with it being a longer journey. They should be there about the same time as us, that’s if they’re not there already,” replies Zoe.
I look in my rearview mirror and see that Sophie has given into her food coma and fallen asleep. I don’t mention it to Zoe, as she will wake her up thinking it’s funny.
We spend the remainder of the journey in silence and without any distractions the worry slowly creeps in. Worry over what the next few days have in store, especially meeting Jake’s girlfriend Amanda, and seeing them together. It might be juvenile, but part of me hopes she’s fat, ugly and boring. Of course, that’s not going to be the case, and really, I shouldn’t care, as Jake and I are in the past.
I wonder how much she knows about our past. Does she know we used to be a couple? Then there’s the issue of PDA. Yes, it was six years ago since things ended between me and Jake, and I shouldn’t be bothered if I’ve moved on like I keep saying I have. I pray they keep it tame in front of me, but if Amanda doesn’t know our history, she wouldn’t know to be mindful. I need to get out of this car ASAP and stop over-thinking things.
Of course, because she can read my mind, Zoe asks, “You ok? You’ve gone pretty quiet.”
“I’m just worrying about meeting Amanda,” I reply honestly.
“Ah …”
“Yeah.”
“From what I know she’s nice. I think you’ll like her.”
“That’s just it though. I don’t want to like her.”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, Abs, but her and Jake are very much together and happy. Prepare yourself.”
“Thanks,” I sigh.
“I’m telling you all this because I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I know. Let’s leave it. I think we’re here anyway?”
Zoe squints through the front windscreen and says, “Yeah, we are.”
She directs me to come off at the next exit, and we make our way into Lake Placid along the winding, tree lined roads. I turn up the music to lighten the mood after dwelling for the latter part of the journey, which causes Sophie to stir from her nap.
Driving through the town I try to take in as much of the surroundings as I can. The main street is quaint without being Hicksville. It’s incredibly picturesque, and although it’s only mid-morning, crowds are out and about, bustling and laughing. The lake glitters behind the old buildings that house quirky stores, bars, and restaurants, and in the distance, there is the mountain. It’s grand, without demanding attention, and adds to the outstanding beauty of the place.
It’s not long before we’re pulling into the lodge and exiting the car, getting ready to check in with the rest of the group. The lodge itself is huge but fitting with the area made completely of wood. The gardens surrounding it lead to the water’s edge and are luscious and full of colorful flowers. I can’t contain the squeal of excitement when I see the outdoor pool with sun-loungers and a hot tub. With the heatwave we’re experiencing, my body is literally aching to get in the cool water.
“Oh my God, guys. This place is amazing!”
I jump up and down then pull Sophie and Zoe into a group hug. We stand laughing and squealing like teenage girls. When we finally pull apart, I’m aware my hair has gone crazy and I look like a maniac, with my head thrown back as I laugh.
“Nice to see you finally letting your hair down and actually enjoying yourself.”
I turn to find Sam standing a few feet away beaming at us. None of us noticed Sam, Zach and Jake approach, too preoccupied with our group hug.
“Hardy har.” I punch him lightly in the arm, as he tugs me in for a quick hug.
When we pull apart, he moves on to greet Sophie and Zoe in the same way. I look over at Jake and Zach, determined to keep my promise to try and keep things amicable.
I offer a small wave and smile. “Hey guys,” I say. It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.
“Hey, Abby, it’s great to see you again. I’m glad you made it,” says Zach with a broad grin.
The more I’m around the guy the more I like him and can see why he’s become part of the group. All Jake offers back is a small smile, but it’s enough. We didn’t say we would be best friends, only that we would try to keep things pleasant.
It dawns on me that the whole group isn’t here yet, so I ask Sam, “Where are the others?” I opt for the word others as I don’t have it in me yet to say Amanda’s name out loud.
Sam replies, “Shaun had a job to do for the bar, He started early and is bringing Amanda with him when he’s finished. They should be here by this afternoon. Anyway, less about that, let’s call dibs on rooms!”
Secretly I’m relieved, as I get a few more hours to brace myself before Amanda arrives. I try not to let the relief show on my face, but Sophie and Zoe will notice, probably Jake too.
We move on to check in, and the room situation is decided quickly. Zoe, Sophie and I are in one of the two larger rooms, and Sam, Shaun and Zach are sharing the other. Which means Jake and Amanda are sharing the final room. I try to keep my expression neutral, even though every irrational part of me wants to scream and protest. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jake glance over. I look elsewhere, I don’t want him to think I care.
We plan to drop our bags in our rooms, change and then meet at the outdoor pool, as it’s already baking hot, despite only being 11am. After squealing and running around the room, bouncing on the beds like kids, I take my time unpacking. I pull out my bathing suit and Zoe looks over in horror.
“No way, you’re not wearing that. Not a chance,” she says.
I look down at the full swimsuit I’ve brought. It’s practical and won’t win in the fashion department, but it will do. I don’t mind being covered up in front of the guys.
“I have nothing else.”
“Well, it’s a good job I always over pack.” She begins rummaging through her suitcase, which is far too big for the short trip we have planned.
“Did you seriously need to pack that much stuff?” I grumble, wishing she didn’t have spare things, as it inevitably means I’m going to wind up hitting the pool with virtually no clothing on.
“I had to pack double, as you always under pack. And you wear crap like that,” she gestures at the swimsuit in my hand, “which doesn’t show anything off. It’s a sin not to when you have a banging body like yours.” She scans me up and down, rummages in her suitcase some more, then throws some scrappy pieces of material at me. “Here, try on this.”
I hold up the tiniest bikini I’ve ever seen. It’s deep red with a few ruffles around the edge and will cover up about as much as Zoe’s own turquoise bikini. Absolutely nothing.
Sophie comes out of the bathroom wearing an equally tiny yellow suit and chuckles when she sees what I have in my hands. “Good try, Zo. No way you’re getting her in that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.
‘There’s only been a few times I’ve seen you in a swimsuit, and they’ve had about four times the material. There’s no way you would dare wear that in front of the guys.” She pulls her long blonde hair over one shoulder and smiles at me sweetly, but there’s a challenge in her eyes.
I never back down from a challenge, so I say, “Fine, I’ll wear the suit.”
I quickly walk into the bathroom to change, leaving them laughing behind me. Laying the suit out on the side, I curse, realizing it’s even tinier than I thought.
“Fuck,” I hiss under my breath. Everyone is going to see everything, one of whom is Jake.
Once I’ve changed into the tiny bits of material, I look at myself in the full-length mirror, holding my breath. I’m surprised at what I see. It’s cut in just the right places, and despite the lack of material, it flatters my figure, emphasizing how toned I am from all the running. The color is great, and thanks to the year-round Florida sun, I have a slight bronze tone to my skin, which the swimsuit compliments. My dark hair is in my signature waves, hanging around my shoulders, and it doesn’t matter that I have on minimal makeup.
I take one last look, psyching myself up, and with a deep breath, walk out the bathroom to wolf whistles from the girls. We throw on our cover-ups and head down to the pool to meet the guys. The whole time I plaster a fake smile on my face, meanwhile, nausea sets in, as memories of the last time Jake saw me in a swimsuit flood my mind.
