Always You by Lizzie Morton
Seven
I make my way over to Williamsburg to see Shaun the following afternoon. Zoe and Sophie are in tow, refusing to be left behind with such a good excuse to go to their favorite bar.
It’s not at all what I expected, despite seeing pictures online. It’s in a huge, old warehouse that’s been converted into a mix of bars and eateries. Shaun’s place takes up a good chunk of a side unit and even has an outdoor area, unheard of in New York.
It’s seriously cool. I’m impressed with what he’s set up. The high ceilings provide good acoustics and are perfect for live music, making it obvious why it’s become the go to venue for bands. The large outdoor area has been landscaped with shrubs, tables and chairs, and an open-air stage for in the summer months. There’s also a retractable ceiling which is genius, meaning no matter the weather, the space is still useable.
I’m so distracted taking everything in, I fail to notice Shaun walking over to us.
His gruff voice startles me from my daze. “Welcome to Riffs. How are you doing, Abby? Glad you could make it.” He smiles down at me, then nods in the girls’ direction “Soph, Zo …”
Realizing it could be inappropriate that I’ve brought them if we’re treating this as a formal interview, I gesture at the girls and say, “I hope you don’t mind that they came? They refused to be left behind.’
He throws his head back and laughs. “No need to explain, they’re part of the furniture.”
I notice the way his smile reaches his eyes and softens his rugged image. He’s aged well in the time I’ve been away, filling out considerably like the rest of the guys. The photos on social media don’t do him justice.
Glancing between the three of us, his eyes linger a second longer on Zoe, but I don’t have time to analyze it before he’s directing us to a quiet table near the bar. Sophie and Zoe grab a separate one, and some drinks, while Shaun and I spend the next half hour going over the position he needs filling. I’m already sold on the job as I’ve done bar work in the past. He reassures me that the shifts are on a casual basis, meaning I can work them around my freelance photography work.
“… there might be a few other odd jobs I need you to do from time to time. If we get busy on food, etc. I might need you to jump in and lend a hand, but it’s pretty basic bar stuff and you can cook, right? I mean you can heat things up because that’s all it is really,” he says.
I offer a reassuring smile. “I can find my way around a kitchen if needed.”
“Great. The last guy made the microwave explode. I mean, who doesn’t know how to use one of those? Also … there was something else I was wondering if you could help with?”
“Shoot …”
He runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. “Well … we’re getting quite a following in the music scene and we could do with some decent images. I know it’d help a lot of the bands out, and it’d be great for the bar, we need some proper marketing material. I need to start being all professional and shit.”
I could let him carry on rambling, but I put him out of his misery, placing my hand on his arm. “Shaun, it’s fine. Just let me know when you need things doing and we can figure something out.”
“That was easy. Abs, you’re a life saver.” The relief on his face shows he appreciates the help.
“Remember though, I’m leaving at the end of the summer. No matter what.”
“That’s fine. We just need you while it’s busy. Plus, it’ll be good getting to spend time with you now that you’re finally back. It’s been forever.”
His eyes crinkle in that friendly way again, and I feel slightly flustered under his gaze. Nobody could blame me, I’m human, and as Shaun has aged, he’s also gotten unbelievably hot. Unlike his brother, Sam, his blond hair is long and shaggy, in that Kurt Cobain sort of way. A flame tattoo peeks out from underneath his shirt collar and a giant Enso sign inks his forearm. The eyebrow piercing finishes his whole grunge rocker look off to a T.
Throw in the rugged bar owner gig he’s got working for him, and it’s no wonder most of the women in the bar keep gazing over longingly. The undivided attention I’m receiving gets me a few hacky looks.
“You’re happy then? Being back, I mean.” It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why he sounds concerned. It feels like all anyone wants to do is talk about Jake.
“Yes, I’m happy.” I keep my answer simple, but he doesn’t take the hint.
“It’s been a long time since you’ve been back. Six years. A lot of things have changed.”
“I know but it’s fine. I’m fine.” I shrug and look around the bar as my stomach churns. I don’t want to talk about this.
“Have you seen Jake?”
His bluntness sucks the air right out of me.
I grind my teeth trying to hide my irritation as I choose my words carefully. “I’ve seen him. Not out of choice though.”
Shaun leans forwards, eyes wide. “How was it?”
“Crap. How else would it be? We didn’t exactly leave things on good terms.”
He sighs, clearly not happy with my response. “He’s changed a lot you know. He’s grown up.”
Great, another person that is team Jake.
“You could have fooled me. The guy I met was still an asshole. But I get what you’re saying, we’ve all grown up. I’m not the pushover I was before I left. I’m back for the summer and that’s it. I need to stay focused on my career and what’s important, so I can leave without any regrets.”
I’m fully aware it sounds like a speech I’ve rehearsed, but there’s no other way I can convince other people, and myself, that my feelings for Jake are gone.
For a guy that plays the cool card incredibly well, he’s always been intuitive with people. He raises an eyebrow and says, “Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself? Don’t forget where you came from, Abby. Your friends and family helped you get to where you are. Remember that when you run off and leave us behind for another six years.”
His last comment stings, but only because it’s true.
“I have a life outside of New York now. I have a boyfriend and things are great. I’m finally happy and we’ve both moved on. I know he has a girlfriend ...”
I look down at the table and begin playing with a beer mat, attempting to hide my face because it will give away how I really feel about Jake having a girlfriend.
Shaun’s too surprised to notice anything apart from what I’ve said.
“You know about Amanda?”
I shrug and reply, “Sophie and Zoe let it slip the other day. I don’t get why it would need to be a secret?”
“Because he probably would have rather spoken to you about it himself-”
“And how would he do that, when it took less than ten minutes for us to be at each other’s throats?” I say cutting him off. “It’s not a big deal. Really. Plus, we’re barely gonna see each other, if at all …”
Shaun looks skeptical, “Come on, Abs. Who are you kidding? Brooklyn isn’t that big, especially when you’re trying to avoid someone as much as you are Jake.”
I hate that he’s right and I hate how it makes me feel torn up inside.
I should be feeling dread at the thought of bumping into Jake again, but all I feel is butterflies. It’s too much to compute, especially when he looked like he did. My mind wanders, remembering how he towered over me in the club, piercing me with those dark brown eyes, and how his once boyish figure has filled out. Then there were those muscles, muscles covered in tattoos. God, I’m getting turned on in the middle of a job interview just thinking about him, and if I carry on blushing like I know I am, Shaun will know exactly what I’m thinking about. Cringe.
If he’s noticed my suddenly flushed appearance, he doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to move away from the topic of Jake. “Anyway, are you free to start tomorrow night? It’ll be quiet, but better to get you started and familiar with the place as soon as we can.”
“Sure, that sounds great. I don’t have any plans, apart from those two tagging along with me wherever I go.”
We both laugh, looking over at Sophie and Zoe, who judging by the empty glasses on the table have managed to make their way through at least three drinks and it’s not even 4pm. Perfect.
Standing, Shaun beckons for me to join him. “I better make a move before it gets busy. Let’s aim for you to start at six tomorrow. Get here a bit earlier so you’re ready to start on time.”
I lean in playfully with a smirk on my face and say, “Yes, boss.” To the outside world it might look like I’m flirting, but Shaun will know otherwise, which is why I push it further, knowing I can get away with it. I stand on my tiptoes and whisper the last part in his ear. “Whatever you need …”
“Eghem …”
Turning around quickly, five pairs of eyes stare back at us with a mixture of expressions. Sophie and Zoe are both bright red in the face as they try to hold in their laughter at the irony of the situation. Sam and a guy I’ve not met before looking confused. And then, of course, there’s Jake. To most people, his face would look unaffected by the scenario, but I’m not most people, I can see the storm brewing in his eyes as he stares. He narrows them, glancing between us, trying to assess what exactly has been interrupted.
“So, what’s going on here?” Sam asks the question everyone was most likely thinking.
Under normal circumstances I’d be open about what was going on, however the look of distaste Jake is giving me, has me acting out of character. He’s making me feel like crap and I haven’t done anything wrong.
I flutter my eyelashes and with an overly sweet tone reply to Sam, “I was just letting my boss know that I’m here at his beck and call for the summer.”
I shrug my shoulders and look away innocently. The guys stand wide eyed, while Zoe and Sophie snort, unable to contain their laughter any longer. Zoe then complains that she’s thirsty and heads to the bar with Sophie following closely behind.
My eyes fall on Jake, but he doesn’t say a word and his expression is blank. He gives his head a small shake and follows the girls along with the other guy I have yet to be introduced to.
“Abby, really? You don’t need to be such a bitch whenever he’s around,” Sam complains. The reason behind my little performance hasn’t been lost on him.
“Tell that to Jake’s judgey face.” It’s a struggle not to snap, but Sam doesn’t deserve my wrath.
“It’s not you I’m worried about,” he mutters under his breath. I hear him loud and clear and narrow my eyes. Of course, I forgot that everyone was defending Jake these days, forgetting how he treated me back in high school.
Reading the frustration on both of our faces, Shaun steps in and says, “Guys, there’s no need for this drama. Abby’s only just got back in town, try and have a good time?”
Whatever Sam has left to say, he chooses to hold back. We join the rest of the group at the bar and I make sure I’m as far away from Jake as possible. choosing to introduce myself to the new guy in the group.
I focus my attention on the new guy to the group, extending my arm to shake his hand. “Hey, I’m Abby.”
He takes my hand and smiles as he replies, “Zach …” Then he gives me a look, as if he already really knows me, but I’m not sure how that’s possible when we’ve never met. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Abby.”
Confused, I say, “Finally?”
Rather than answering Zach shrugs and turns to order a drink. As I hardly know him, I don’t feel comfortable probing any further, so I make a mental note to chase it up later.
We settle at a table when we all have our drinks and some of the tension lingering from earlier disappears. Most likely because Jake chose to stay at the bar with Zach.
When the others appear to be preoccupied with other conversations, I hiss in Sophie’s ear, “Who’s the new guy? And why does he seem to know me?”
“It’s Jake’s best friend. They’ve been in the band together a few years,” she replies quietly.
Not quietly enough, as Zoe jumps in to finish the explanation, “He’s so sexy.”
“You think anything with a penis is sexy,” laughs Sophie.
Missing the humor in her voice, Zoe says, “Are you calling me a slut?”
Sophie shakes her head. “You call yourself a slut, all the time. You know I’m joking.”
“Whatever …” grumbles Zoe. Sophie’s comments seem to be affecting her more than normal and they continue bickering between themselves.
I switch off and my eyes trail, involuntarily, to where Jake is standing at the bar. The tension he was carrying earlier has gone and he laughs at something Zach says.
I chew on the inside of my cheek. Just being in the same room together is stirring up feelings I’m not ready to acknowledge. After six years of nothing, everything is flooding back with an intensity that makes my pulse race. But it was always this way with us, and the emotions after we broke up were like nothing I’d ever experienced.
First there was a long period of pining, where I’d sit in my room crying for hours. Then there was the social stage, where I’d use any gathering as an opportunity to see him, in a last ditched attempt to change his mind. All of it was in vain because nothing changed.
When we broke up, the Jake I knew disappeared overnight, leaving me questioning whether our relationship had been a figment of my imagination. For at least a year I was a shell of myself, and I scared the hell out of my parents and friends. Finally, when it all got too much and the opportunity arose, I ran away from Brooklyn and didn’t look back.
People keep saying that he’s grown up and changed, but it feels like there’s more to the story and I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. I can’t help that everything still feels so raw. A part of me wants to fight, make up for what I didn’t do back in high school, but doing so would create unnecessary drama for the group. They appear even closer than the old days, which Sophie and Zoe neglected to tell me.
It’s obvious Shaun’s bar is the group’s main hangout, and if I’m going to work here, I need to get my shit together. Jake and I need to at least be amicable around each other and make life easier for everyone else. Tomorrow’s a new day and all that.
“Right guys, I better get back to work.” Shaun stands, bringing me out of my train of thought and back to reality. “I’ll see you tomorrow, new employee.”
He rubs my shoulder and winks before walking away. I look over to the bar where Jake is still standing. A wave of anger flashes through his eyes as he watches Shaun. It’s subtle and I wonder if anyone else noticed.
“You’re playing with fire …” Sam murmurs, answering my question.
I roll my eyes. “He’s a big boy, Sam.”
“Let’s not do another round tonight. We never let this get between us before, so why now?”
“Jake was non-existent before and refused to be in the same room as me. Things have changed and he keeps being very much existent.”
“We’ll get through it. What time does the slave driver have you starting tomorrow? We could catch up over coffee before?” The cheeky grin he flashes, wins me over, so I back down.
I shake my head. “No can do tomorrow, or the next few days. I have a lot on …” His expression falls at my response. “… but I can do Friday?”
Visibly brightening, he says, “Great, you’ve got my cellphone number. Drop me a line later in the week and we’ll sort something.”
“Perfect. Anyway, I better get going I have an early morning shoot and need my sleep unlike you party animals.”
Zoe and Sophie are unhappy I’m leaving, but I never get wasted before work. It’s a rule I’ve stuck with all these years, and the reason I’ve done so well for myself. Some might call me boring. I call it professional.
When I manage to say goodbye to everyone, I stand up and offer a small wave, then leave the bar quickly, avoiding Jake and Zach. I keep my head down as I pass through the door, missing the look Jake gives me over his shoulder. A look that lasts a moment too long for someone who is meant to hate me.
