Always You by Lizzie Morton

 

 

 

Eight

 

 

6 years earlier

 

He’s standing so close behind me I can feel every part of his body, even the rise and fall of his chest. Our moments alone are made of this. Small intimate gestures and whispers to each other.

“Relax, Abby,” he murmurs into my ear. “Just swing, don’t over think it.”

Turning slightly, I look up into his eyes. It feels like there’s more to what he’s saying.

“What do you mean?”

“Take the plunge and swing, what have you got to lose?”

Trusting what he’s saying, I forget about making an idiot of myself. I draw back the hockey stick, and with Jake’s arms still wrapped around me, guiding me, I swing. We both watch as the puck flies through the air, sailing into the makeshift goal he made earlier.

If only I had the courage to take the plunge with him.

 

***

 

 

 

 

Present Day

 

Thankfully, things continue drama free and I settle into a day-to-day routine, beginning to feel like my old self as I adjust back to life in Brooklyn. Days go quickly. It’s what draws people in, making you never want to leave the hustle and bustle, the franticness of everyday life. I’m no exception.

Already I’ve found myself becoming distant with Michael. Between juggling photography jobs I’ve picked up and my nights working at Riffs, there’s been no time to snatch even a few minutes for a quick call. It’s the one thing he feared. That I’d come back to Brooklyn and forget about him. I guess his fears weren’t without reason. I haven’t forgotten that things were strained when we ended our conversation the night I first arrived. If I leave it any longer to clear the air, it will only create a bigger void between us.

If I’m honest with myself, space is what we need. I need time to breathe and get my head straight. Make sure we’re on the same page before we move on to the next chapter of our lives. I’m determined to make this summer a good thing and gain some clarity.

It’s already Friday, which marks the end of my first full week back home. Despite Fridays being busy, I’ve managed to bag a day shift at Riff’s rather than what are becoming my regular evening ones. As I’m working the rest of the weekend, the sting feels a little less having the night off. It’s also my first night without any plans, and the rest is needed, although I’m not sure how long my night will remain free.

I’m clocking out of my shift when Shaun walks over. “Hey, sexy lady, what’re you up to tonight?”

“If you’re coming on to me, be prepared for the mob to arrive soon.”

“You know I don’t mix work and pleasure.”

I’m victim to another of his winks and I realize it’s his signature move. Shaun is a winker. I chuckle to myself and he stares at me like I’m losing it.

“You mean you don’t mix the help with pleasure. I’m pretty sure taking home customers is still classed as work.”

It’s not a secret that he regularly takes women from the bar to his apartment upstairs. Really, who would blame him when they throw themselves at him like they do?

He folds his arms across his chest and says, “Touché. Can’t get much past you, can we now?”

“What can I say? I have a player radar that never fails.” It’s a shame my radar doesn’t pick up when a guy is about to break your heart into a million pieces.

“Back to what we were saying before you decided to start calling me out on my promiscuous ways. What are you doing tonight?”

“I was hoping to get some chill time, but I doubt Zoe will let that happen,” I reply.

“Good, she shouldn’t. I know the last thing you want to do is be in work on your night off, but we have a big band playing tonight, they’re great. I thought you could drop by as everyone will be here, and we can properly celebrate you being home.”

He gives me puppy dog eyes and I can see how eager he is for me to say yes, but alarm bells ring. This isn’t a good idea. If the whole group is going to be there, that also means Jake.

Despite the internal battle I’m having, I find myself reluctantly saying yes to Shaun’s invite. As I leave work, there’s a sinking feeling in my gut, knowing I’ve committed myself to a night full of potential drama.

 

***

 

My cell starts vibrating and Sam’s name flashes on the screen, along with a ridiculous picture he must have taken when he saved his number. Even though I’m running late getting ready, I quickly answer.

I’m greeted with his warm voice. “Hey, Abs, you coming tonight?”

“Of course.”

I’m halfway through drawing on eyeliner with my cell balanced between my shoulder and ear. My response sounds a little off, but I’m too busy concentrating at the task in hand.

Sam picks up on my tone, misreading it. “We good?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” I place my eyeliner down so I can focus on the conversation, making sure I sound friendlier.

“I dunno. The other day was a bit weird, seeing you and Shaun so close.”

Letting out a sigh, I reply, “We work together, Sam.”

“I know, but it looked like more.” He sounds unhappy at the idea.

“Believe me it wasn’t. I have a boyfriend.”

I don’t know why I keep having to remind everyone of this.

“Yeah?” If he sounded unhappy before, he sounds almost pained now. I’ve no idea why. Sam and I have a small bit of history. The tiny, insignificant kind. Especially to him … I think.

“Like four years yeah,” I reply, “Soph and Zoe never mentioned it?”

“Shit, that’s a long time.” He sounds resigned, but I don’t understand why. I would have expected my friend to be happy for me, not the opposite.

Choosing not to leave another question unanswered and another thing to dwell on, I ask, “Is that a bad thing?”

“For some yes …”

“What do you mean for some? Who would it be bad for?” I try not to sound snappy but I’m becoming agitated by his cryptic answers.

I can imagine him shaking his head and rubbing a hand over his face as he says, “Never mind. It’s me being weird. So, can we hang out tonight without any drama? I’ve missed you, Abs.”

I choose to ignore the voices in my head telling me he’s acting suspiciously. I reply, “Yes, to hanging out. Is it enough if I say I’ll try my best with the no drama?”

“I guess it will do.” I can hear his smile down the line, and I involuntarily smile back. Sam has that effect on people, his positive attitude and love of life can be infectious.

We agree to meet at Riffs in the next hour and hanging up, I realize I barely have time to finish getting ready. Luckily, I’m not one for high maintenance routines. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to care less about what people think, so I often go for looking acceptable over making too much effort.

I avoid washing my hair and instead add some gentle waves with a quiff at the front to keep it out of my face. The copper highlights in my dark brown hair catch the light perfectly. I opt for some cut-off denim shorts, a black tank top and my converse. The past few days have been sweltering, and I refuse to be uncomfortable for the sake of fashion. Luckily, Riffs isn’t that sort of place.

When I’m happy with what I see in the mirror, I make a move to leave, but when I catch my dad’s reflection, I stop in my tracks.

“Hey, everything ok?” I ask.

“I just thought I’d catch you quickly. We’ve not seen much of you this week. Has work been good?”

“Yep, great. I’ve had positive feedback with the photos, and the bar is great. Besides that, I’ve, just been catching up with people, the usual. I’m actually off to Riffs now with the group to see a new band.”

“Ok, just be careful.”

I forgot that living under your parents’ roof also came with their constant worry over what you’re doing and where you are. Not that it ever goes away no matter where you are but it’s usually less obvious.

“Come on, Dad. I’ve lived on my own for six years. I’ll be perfectly safe at a small gig.” I state the obvious but know what he’s getting at. There’s a hidden meaning behind his words which I choose not to acknowledge.

He frowns. “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

“Why don’t you clear it up for me, because I’m not a mind reader.” I hate the tone I’ve taken with him and that it’s verging on rude, but I know we’re about to have a conversation about Jake, and it’s bringing out the worst in me.

“Watch your tone. You might be older but that doesn’t mean you get to speak to your father like that.” His eyes look hurt. It’s not often we have disagreements but any we have had, are always Jake related.

“Sorry. I’m taking things out on you. Everyone keeps making these cryptic comments and I don’t really know what’s going on. It’s frustrating.” I look away and take a deep breath trying to calm myself down.

“I don’t suppose they’re trying to warn you off Jake?”

“Sometimes it feels like the opposite.” I sigh. “I have a boyfriend, and it’s been six years, all that stuff between us is in the past.” I want the last part to sound convincing, but if I can’t convince myself my feelings for Jake are in the past, how am I supposed to convince anyone else?

“Does Jake know that you have a boyfriend?” he asks.

“What does it matter? We’ve both moved on. Yes, I might bump into him, but we’ll just get on with it and hopefully get through the summer in one piece.”

My little speech isn’t just to convince Dad, it’s to remind myself what the game plan is.

“Just be careful. I don’t want to see you getting hurt again.” He looks sad and I know he’s remembering the first time Jake hurt me.

“Honestly, Dad. I’ll be fine. We hate each other, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Abby … Jake could never hate you.” Oh yeah, I forgot they work together now. Apparently, he has knows more about our relationship than I do.

“Funny, it seemed like he did when we broke up. His face looks like he can’t even stand to be in the same room as me, so I’d say otherwise.”

He shrugs. “Maybe he has his reasons?”

Again, with the mixed messages.

I narrow my eyes. “Are you trying to make me stay away from him, or fight his corner? I’m confused.”

“It doesn’t matter. I know you’re in a rush, but I did want to talk to you about Jake, before we even got onto that topic. I needed you to hear it from me before anyone else says anything. The label has decided to sign his band, imminently.”

As hard as it is, I manage to contain my emotions and focus on putting his mind at ease. He obviously feels guilty for his connection to Jake, but it’s important for the band and their success, that I don’t let the past become a problem.

I paste on the most convincing smile I can muster. “Don’t worry, it’s fine. I’m glad you told me though. Like I keep saying, you don’t have anything to worry about. When it comes to me and Jake, the past is in the past.”

“I don’t want to keep going on, but just remember, you’re here for one summer. Trust your gut. You’re both going places. Don’t let things get in the way of that.”

“I won’t, Daddy, I promise. It’s good to be home.” I avoid saying anything else and stand on my tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek.

He kisses me on the head in return. “It’s good having you home, we’ve missed you. Have fun tonight. Let your hair down, you’ve been working too hard.”

Alone in my room when he’s left, there are far too many questions floating around in my head. I glanceat the clock on my bedside table and curse. I’m going to have to run in this heat to make sure I get to the gig on time. Basically, I’m going to be a sweaty mess.

As I’m sprinting down the stairs, I fly past my mom, who, like Dad I’ve barely seen.

“You look nice, honey.”

I feel guilty that I’m about to leave when she looks like she wants to talk.

“Thanks, Mom. Sorry, I’m already running late to meet everyone. Can I catch you later?”

If she’s disappointed, she doesn’t show it. “Sure,” she says, “don’t worry about it. Have a great night.”

“Thanks, I’ll try,” I reply.

I let out a deep breath as I leave the house. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous at the thought of bumping into Jake again. We need to get over the past and find a way to be around each other amicably. Hopefully, tonight can be the start of that.

Pulling on my big girl panties and making my way to Riffs like I don’t have a care in the world, I decide that maybe in the process of convincing everyone else I’m fine, I can convince myself.