Always Us by Lizzie Morton

 

 

 

Fifteen

 

 

Abby

 

 

“That bitch just doesn’t know when to leave it alone,” says Zoe angrily. She’s standing behind me, tugging at my hair as a vent for her frustration. She’s meant to be curling it as I’m getting ready to head out with Jake, but at the rate she’s going there may not be anything left to curl.

“Ow, watch it!” I yelp when she waves the searing hot curling tongues incredibly close to my face.

“You need to see things from her perspective,” says Sophie. “She’s heartbroken.”

Which is why I apologized. Not that I say this out loud.

Zoe lets out a shrill laugh. “Honestly, you guys and your heartbreak. You need to practice casual sex. There’s none of this heartbroken shit. I mean come on. It has been over two years. How can she still be pining for him? She needs to get a grip.”

“You could also be saying the same thing to me …” Feeling disheartened, I look down into my lap my gut sinking at her words.

Realizing her mistake, she begins to backtrack. “You know what I mean. It’s different with you guys, you have history—”

“But we weren’t together anywhere near as long as he and Amanda were,” I interrupt.

This quietens her for a few minutes, and she continues curling my hair into soft waves. I can see she’s concentrating hard, figuring out how to respond. She’s so lost in her own thoughts I’m worried she might end up burning my hair.

“I think what Zoe means is that Jake’s always shown he’s been interested in you. You keep going back to each other and the feelings are mutual,” says Sooz, joining in the conversation even though she’s trying to work from her laptop on the bed. “Jake wasn’t interested in Amanda for a long time, and she needs to accept that at some point. I’m also assuming he hasn’t given her any reason to believe he wants to be with her, especially as he’s spent most of the tour staring in your direction.”

“No, he hasn’t.” I shake my head dismissively which earns a hair tug from Zoe, along with a stern look, making me aware I need to sit still.

“Yes, he has,” confirms Sophie.

Wide eyed I ask, “When?”

“All the time. You spend so much time trying to avoid him and any contact with him it’s not surprising you’ve missed it.”

I noticed on the odd occasion that he was looking at me, but the rest of the time I’ve missed being stuck in my own little world of avoidance.

“Has anyone else noticed?” I ask.

“Everyone has noticed.” Nods Zoe. “We’ve got bets running on how long it will take for you two to fuck properly.”

“You were actually being serious about that?” I say, my voice going up a level in volume.

If she didn’t have half my hair in her grip, along with a dangerously hot object, I’d be doing more than raising my voice at her.

“Don’t worry. We haven’t told the others about what happened between the two of you. Your secret is safe, but it’s pretty damn obvious. Why do you think Amanda chewed your ass tonight? She knows something is happening again and that she can’t just sit back and wait. She’s scared of losing him, so she’s fighting for what she wants. Wasted energy if you ask me.”

I never knew that everything happening between Jake and I was so obvious to everyone else, but I don’t know why I’m surprised, in the past they’ve known that things were happening before we even knew it ourselves.

“Do you think tonight is a bad idea?”

Sooz coughs awkwardly, making it clear what her response would be. She’s all about work and staying professional, but knows when it comes to me and Jake, it’s a very blurry line. Sophie just looks at me and gives a gentle nod of her head. No matter what I decide, she always supports me and if I’m ever looking for the answer I want to hear, she’s the one I turn to.

Then there’s Zoe … “If I were in your position, I think my head would be as screwed as yours is.”

“Nice.”

“I mean that in the nicest possible way. I honestly wouldn’t be able to do what you’re doing, being around him like this and ignoring the feelings you have. It must be hard and must feel downright impossible at times.” It’s not often Zoe speaks about anything with such sincerity, so I relish in the words coming out of her mouth. “But you need to be careful and you need to follow your gut instinct. A couple of summers ago it was a shock for us all when you packed up and left, but looking back now, I get why you did it. Seeing how the band took off, and your career. Your paths never would have aligned, and you would have made things harder for yourselves. At least by cutting things off like you did, you were able to focus on what was important rather than muddying the waters with a relationship that truthfully, was never going to make it.”

It’s refreshing to hear that someone understands why I did what I did. Often, it’s not the case.

On a roll, she continues, “But, if it really wasn’t meant to be, there wouldn’t still be this pull between you both, which I guess you can’t ignore. There aren’t many people who can say that almost a decade down the line they still have the chemistry you guys have. That’s not to say you should ignore this thing with Dan … he’s the first guy to have caught your eye in a couple of years and it would be a shame to see that go to waste. I think there’s no harm in going on a date with both. You’re not committed to either of them so don’t let yourself feel guilty.”

In the mirror I give her a nod of appreciation, to show how much her words mean and that she gets it. I never thought out of everyone, she would be the one that understands everything I’m going through.

“So, I should just enjoy tonight?” I ask.

“Hell, yeah enjoy it! Christ, you’re not married to anyone so why shouldn’t you? But if things start to become more serious with one of them, then you need to remember there are other people’s feelings on the line, not just your own.”

“I know. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Deciding it’s time for Zoe to have a break from her speech, Sooz says, “They’re big boys, Abby, and they work in an industry where affairs and cheating is rife. They’re surrounded by it. I’m not saying you’re doing either of those things. You haven’t been on a date with either one of them yet, but they know what the real world is like and that it’s not all sunshine and roses. Give yourself a break. You’re never going to be able to choose between them if you don’t give yourself an opportunity to be with the both of them. You’ll never know which direction your heart wants to go in. It’s just unfortunate they’ve both come at the same time.”

“They’re right,” agrees Sophie. “You know I’m one hundred percent a supporter of being faithful to the partner you’re with, but in this situation, you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong. Just go with it and enjoy yourself for now.”

With their words fresh in my mind, I feel a renewed sense of energy going into the night with Jake. Maybe I don’t have to give it my absolute all and commit everything I have to either of them. All I have to do is enjoy myself. What harm is there in a bit of lighthearted fun?

I should have known though, when it comes to Jake, things are never quite as simple as being lighthearted.

 

***

 

It’s late when I finally head out for our date, not that it makes any difference. When you’re part of the festival world, the days are long and the nights are longer, merging into one. Time is unimportant as you become lost in the excitement of it all.

I got a message from Jake an hour ago confirming where to meet. I thought we’d stay local to the hotel where I’m staying and wherethe tour bus is parked but was surprised when his message said to meet back at the festival entrance. I can’t decide if I’m a little disappointed. I expected something more intimate for the evening, not where we spend our days working. Maybe this is a good thing. If it’s not too romantic, it might help us to keep some distance.

For the first time since the tour began, I’ve made an extra effort with my appearance. Before, I’ve always been too frazzled by the drama and didn’t see the point. Throw into the mix the ever-increasing humidity, and it seemed pointless spending hours on my makeup and hair, only to look exactly the same as when I started half an hour earlier.

Zoe used her expertise, dousing me in products that would make sure everything stayed put as it needed to, despite the stifling heat. Thanks to her best styling efforts, I know I look good. We might all laugh about her ‘career’ as an influencer, but there’s no denying she’s good when it comes to things related to fashion and beauty. Tonight, I’m a prime example of her talents.

I also chanced letting her help pick my outfit, something I would never normally allow. Deep down I know she wanted me to go for something more risqué, that would push me outside my comfort zone, so I was relieved when she pulled out a soft midi dress which flows lightly around my body. It’s comfy but hugs my curves in all the right places.

“Wow.”

I look up from the spot of grass I was staring at and my breath catches at the sight of Jake. He looks effortlessly cool in his usual band getup which has stayed the same since high school, and tonight is no different.

“Hey.” My smile is uncertain. All our interactions have been so angsty, that it seems strange to not be at each other’s throats straight away, to be doing something so normal.

“You look …” he tails off, appearing unsure how to continue.

He glances into the distance and rubs the back of his neck. I can tell it’s not just me who is nervous about tonight. It’s like we’re back in high school, dancing around each other, neither knowing how to move forward with the evening.

“Jake?” I prompt him to carry on, or at least direct us so we can move from the spot where we’re standing awkwardly.

He looks back down, then takes a couple of steps forward so he’s in my personal space. It should feel wrong, I should push him away after all the fighting we’ve been doing, but at the same time it feels so right, and I can’t deny that I’ve missed having him so close.

Finally, he finishes what he began saying. “You look beautiful.”

Capturing a lock of my hair that is blowing around in the breeze, he tucks it behind my ear. It’s such an intimate gesture, so gentle and a complete contrast to the last time we were alone together, when it was anything but sweet. Everything tingles and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath to try and gather myself together. I will never get over the effect he has on me, even after all the years that have passed. Without trying, he can render me, Abby West, the focused, career driven photographer, completely useless.

Panicking that I can’t quickly think of a cool way to respond, I say, “Thanks.” Just as I think I’ve gotten away without embarrassing myself, my mouth continues of its own accord. “You look beautiful too. I mean—” I stop myself babbling, trying to backtrack. Oh my God, did I seriously just say that? Cool Abby.

It’s not a lie though, he is beautiful, there’s no other way to describe him. His dark hair is swept back in the way I love, and I could get lost in those brown eyes which are glistening in the night light. He doesn’t fit the typical rock band image. Normally they go for the starving artist look that’s popular, either that or it’s a result of too much sex and drugs. But not Jake, he’s big, strong and just so God damn manly that I could drool just looking at him. Seriously, I need to chill out. We haven’t been together for five minutes and I’ve already lost the plot, struggling in the fight to stay away from him.

He echoes my own reply with a chuckle. “Thanks.”

Even though I’m mortified, I don’t need to be. He knows the effect he has on me. He always has.

I try to move on from my blunder and ask, “So what are we doing then? I thought you said dinner, but it doesn’t exactly look like we can get anything to eat around here.”

He’s been staring at me so intently, that my question takes him by surprise. “Right, sorry.”

“Are we going back into the festival?”

“Not quite, come with me.”

He grabs my hand, dragging me behind him. A small part of me wants to pull it back, keep it as my own and keep some distance between us, but who am I kidding. It feels too good to pull away. Even when I spent the summer back in Brooklyn, we were never together like this. We never had the chance to be a normal couple again and it feels right.

As we’re walking, I warn myself to keep my head on straight, this is Jake after all. We can’t really be together like this, it’s merely a test run to see how things go. Then I tell myself not to forget about Dan. Guilt makes my stomach twist in a knot as I think about seeing him again in a few days, when the tour moves to France and we agreed we would meet up. I’m meeting Dan for a date but then I’m here with Jake. I need to remember what the girls said. I’m not committed to anything, I’m a free agent and can do what I want.

Their words don’t change that this thing with Jake feels different and always will. I don’t know if Dan could ever truly compete with that. It doesn’t matter how much time goes by, there’s always something between us. It’s as if the universe keeps throwing us together, our paths crossing unexpectedly. How else is it possible to explain this summer and how we wound up working together when we were based on opposite sides of the world? There is no way it’s down to chance, it has to be fate.

Jake looks over his shoulder and down at me, with a frown, and I realize I’m dragging behind.

“Everything ok?” he asks.

“Fine,” I squeak at being caught out again, lost in my thoughts of him.

I need to get my head together and enjoy tonight. That or I need to put an end to it now. But could I really walk away from him when I finally have him all to myself like this? No way.

We’ve been walking for a few minutes and I notice that we’ve bypassed the festival where the band played. It’s a relief because I’m getting my fill of the festival buzz just through work. The thought of being flung back into it tonight, really isn’t appealing.

Eventually we arrive at a small carnival surrounded by a wooded area. It’s big without being too big so still has an intimate feel. It’s full of rides, food and game stalls as you’d expect, but the atmosphere is what makes it feel perfect for a date. In the background, music from the main stage at the festival can be heard. What steals my attention is the small stage which is set up over to one side of the carnival, where a folk acoustic band is playing and adds a lighthearted and romantic vibe to what I see before me. And then there’s the lighting. I’ve never seen anything like it before, thousands of lanterns and fairy lights hang above, twinkling against the almost darkened night sky. There’s only one way to describe it, magical.

Jake’s face seems unsure, like he’s regretting bringing me here. “You’ve gone quiet. Do you want to go back to the festival? Is this too much?”

I place a hand on his chest and his breathing steadily increases. I don’t miss it. I don’t miss anything.

“Jake, this is perfect. How did you know about it?”

“We’ve had a few days to ourselves and I was getting tired of the festival scene, even though that’s all the guys want to do. I agreed to come with them a couple of days ago and this caught my eye when I went for a walk on my own. I saw it and thought you’d like it.”

“Like it? I love it, it’s amazing. Thank you for bringing me.”

I realize my hand is still resting on his chest at the same time he does. Rather than holding my eye contact, he grimaces and looks away, as if having my hands on him is painful.

“Sorry.” I snatch my hand back and look away to avoid any further embarrassment.

“It’s not that.” He places his hands on my face and turns me back to face him. “It’s not that I don’t like having your hands on me, believe me, I more than like it. It’s hard that’s all.”

Holding my hands up, I twiddle my fingers at him playfully. “I get it, sorry. I promise no more hand action for the night.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say no to a bit of hand action.” He winks and some of the tension between us lifts.

I look around. “What now?”

His expression changes to a playful one, and I try not to squirm in excitement. It almost feels like we’re back to being the old Jake and Abby. Carefree, before everything went wrong.

“How about we have some fun?” he says.

We spend the next hour running around the carnival like kids, enjoying just being together. I don’t know what else I thought tonight would be. When I first arrived, I may have been slightly disappointed we weren’t spending time at some fancy restaurant in the city, but we could do that anywhere. I don’t know why I expected anything different. This is just so Jake, so us.

We make our way around the different games and Jake attempts to win but fails miserably, which has me crying with laughter. Then we venture on a few rides, but I don’t feel up to being thrown around. Eventually we decide to get some hot dogs and French fries, he did promise dinner after all, and sit on the grass watching the acoustic band on stage.

Sitting in an amicable silence, I feel content and have the urge to lean into Jake and snuggle. It takes everything in me not to, and I have to keep reminding myself that’s not why we’re here. Leading him on would be wrong when I don’t know how I feel about Dan. It doesn’t change how inviting the thought of cuddling into his warm chest and taking in his scent is.

After a while of contemplating the best way to express how I’m feeling, without making it too big a deal, I decide to just be honest.

“I’m happy we did this,” I say.

“Does that mean you’re glad I made you come?”

I arch an eyebrow. “You didn’t make me do anything Jake, I’m a big girl and make my own decisions.”

“Okay, you’re glad I encouraged you to come?” His attempt to turn his words around to something more appeasing makes me giggle.

“It’s been a great night.”

I don’t add the part on at the end that I wish it would never end, that I wish we could stay like this in our own little bubble forever.

“It’s not over yet.”

I don’t know what he means, but don’t have to wait long to find out. He jumps up and brushes crumbs away from his clothes, before grabbing our rubbish from the ground and stalking off.

“Jake, wait!” I shout, completely bewildered with what’s come over him.

I quickly get to my feet and chase behind. It doesn’t take long to figure out what he’s up to, as I watch him stalk towards a large, illuminated Ferris wheel.

Glancing back over his shoulder with a mischievous glint in his eye, he shouts back to me, “Hurry up, slow coach.”

Since it’s getting late and the carnival is winding down, we don’t have to stand in line. The families from earlier have left, and all that remains are groups of teenagers and couples, adding to the already romantic vibe. For the second time tonight, Jake grabs my hand as he drags me into one of the passenger cars and takes a seat. The door closes behind us. My mind tries to catch up to what is happening and then figures out how close we’re going to be for the next fifteen minutes. Maybe this isn’t the best idea. I don’t have a choice in the matter as the Ferris wheel begins moving and we’re rotated up through the sky.

We sit in silence for a while, moving slowly up through the air. It doesn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable, still, I can’t help wondering if Jake is unsure which direction to steer the rest of the night. I don’t think it’s a coincidence he’s managed to get me alone to the point where I cannot physically run away. Being stuck about two hundred feet in the air, there’s no escape.

All I’m aware of is how the side of his body presses against mine. He feels hot and everywhere his skin touches mine, it feels like electricity is sparking, causing goosebumps to erupt all over my body. Thanks to the strappy dress Zoe picked out for me, I can’t hide the evidence of how my body is reacting physically to him. I can feel his eyes watching me, watching my body. I stay looking straight ahead but sense as they trail up and settle on my face.

“Are you cold?”

“No.” I reply quietly.

I refuse to turn and look at him, because if I do, any resolve I have for us to keep this night purely on a friends-only basis will disappear. All it would take is one look into those deep brown eyes for me to give up and say fuck it.

Jake’s never respected the walls I’ve put up. He’s always smashed them down and pushed me out of my comfort zone, forced me to live and feel alive.

It catches me off guard when his tone changes and firmly he says, “Look at me, Abby.”

I swallow before mustering up the courage to raise my eyes and meet his. When they do, it only takes a fraction of a second before his lips comes crashing down on mine.

He literally has me caged with nowhere to go, but would I really run away from this? Never. The tension that’s been building since our night in that little dark room, comes pouring out as his hands tangle into my hair and pull my head back, trying to deepen the kiss as best he can.

Even though it feels urgent, it means so much more than the past couple of times we’ve let our guard down and been together. His lips are eager, yet gentle and hesitant at the same time. It’s as if he’s trying to pour everything into this moment, trying to make me feel everything he is. We’ve been unknowingly thrown into this summer together and somehow, we’ve made it to a point where we’re together again.

The kiss feels like it lasts an eternity, but it could never last long enough. I don’t know how long we stay, hanging in the sky along with the remnants of evening light, the sun settling in the horizon and the glow of the carnival below us.

The moment seems to come to an end, as Jake’s movements slow and he pulls away slightly, pressing his forehead to mine with his eyes still closed. But whatever goes through his head, he ignores and lets out a deep groan before kissing me again, this time more urgently. I have no control over anything my body does, and it appears he is the same. His hands untangle themselves from my hair and begin exploring my body over my dress.

Moving his kisses from my lips to my neck, it’s the place where only he knows I’m most sensitive and my body shudders. I’m struggling to keep ahold of my last little piece of control.

“God, Abby, you feel so good. I’ve missed you,” he whispers into my ear.

My heart warms, feeling like it could explode, so full of emotion from his confession.

I let out a soft moan in response. “Jake …”

That’s all we manage as we become lost in our kisses again, both hungrily running our hands over each other’s clothes, wishing they weren’t there. If we were anywhere but in this cage, hanging in the sky, I have no doubt that there would be no barriers left between us.

When his kisses move to my chest, he sucks down gently, just above my cleavage and leans his body over mine. His weight forces me back onto the bench and he presses every part of himself against me. I can’t stop myself squirming underneath him, needing some friction between us to ease the ache between my legs that signals how much I need him.

He’s lost in himself and my body, as he continues kissing me everywhere, forgetting where we are.

“God, if I’d have known forcing you to work with me was the way to get you back in my life, I would have done it sooner.”

A second passes and then my blood runs cold. Sensing my change in mood, he pulls away abruptly, unaware of exactly what he said out loud.

“Is everything ok?” he pants, desire still swirling in his eyes.

I push him away abruptly and sit back up, adjusting my dress into the right position.

“What do you mean you forced me to work with you?”

His face pales and he runs a hand over it. I want to add, Yes, ass-hat, you said that part out loud, but choose to try and keep my cool for now.

“Jake?”

I notice we’re still hanging at the top of the Ferris wheel even though it felt like time had sped up while we were kissing, as though we would never have enough. But no time has passed at all and if my gut is anything to go by, I have a feeling we’re going to want this thing to start moving soon, so we can get off and get away from each other.

“It was nothing. I was just caught up in the moment.” He looks guilty and rubs the back of his neck, the nervous tell which gives him away, every single time.

I frown. “Like fuck you were.”

“Always one for such delicate words.”

He attempts to lighten the mood by being playful, and reaches over to stroke my face, but I swat his hand away.

“Don’t fuck with me, Jake. I’m being serious. I heard what you said loud and clear. What did you mean you forced me to work with you?”

“We’re having this conversation then?”

“You bet we are. Tell me the truth now, or so help me God I will never speak to you again.”

“You probably won’t after this anyway, so what difference does it make?” He looks me straight in the eyes, and his own that were filled with so much lust, just a few seconds ago, are now filled with regret.

“Well?” I snap.

His voice drops low, as if he thinks that by speaking quietly, I won’t be able to hear what he says next. “I requested you work on the tour with us?”

I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”

My stomach is in knots, waiting to hear the full story of what he’s been up to, how he’s been messing with my life.

“Maybe not requested, more like ordered. I pulled some strings with the record label and personally demanded you be part of the tour. Said I wouldn’t do it unless you were working with us.”

Suddenly it all makes sense, the randomness of the whole situation. Why the work is split between two PR teams, which seemed ridiculous all along, but I figured it was fate playing her hand in our lives again. Fate my ass. It was Jake fucking Ross.

“How dare you.” My hands are twitching. Itching to slap him, punch him, pull him towards me and start kissing him again. I don’t know what I’m feeling or what I want to do. Ultimately, I feel rage. “You had no right to tamper with my life.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” He looks guilty, but it’s not enough.

“Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know. I had no idea what I was doing and was blinded by this sudden need to see you with no idea why. I didn’t expect this to happen between us, I swear. This wasn’t just an attempt to get in your pants, I promise.”

“Nice,” I reply bluntly, at him belittling what’s happened between us so far.

“Shit. I didn’t mean it like that, Abs, I swear. You know it was more than that between us.”

By some miracle, the Ferris wheel slowly begins moving, taking us steadily towards the ground. I cannot wait to get out of this cage and away from him. I feel like I can’t breathe or think straight when he is still so close, and I need space to properly comprehend the conversation we are having. I stare straight ahead, fuming, as we continue moving. As soon as the attendee opens the door, I dart out without looking back at Jake.

“Abby, wait!”

He chases behind me and it doesn’t take much for him to catch up, thanks to the huge height difference between us. He doesn’t expect me to turn around as abruptly as I do, almost crashing into me before coming to a halt.

“Damn, sorry.” Steadying himself with his hands on my exposed arms, I despise that even though I’m so angry with him, my body still tingles and responds to his touch.

My voice is quiet but my tone serious. “Get your hands off me. I hate you sometimes.”

The hurt on his face is so strong it makes me feel sick, but I don’t regret the words that have come out of my mouth, I’m too mad.

“You don’t mean that,” he says solemnly.

“Do you know how hard it was to walk away from you? I’d dreamed about us being together again for years, and I finally had you, but I had to give you up. I did it for you, for us. I know you think I didn’t and that I just ran away scared. But I did what I had to, so we didn’t hold each other back. You were so blinded by your own pride, you couldn’t see what I was trying to do, how I was trying to help the both of us.”

Just mentioning that night in Brooklyn, outside Riffs, causes his mood to change as the memories come to the forefront of his mind.

“What a load of bull. You were scared. You say you weren’t, but you were. You were scared to finally have what you wanted and let me back in again.”

“You’re wrong, I did it for us. It was you who was scared. You were the one who couldn’t give me the one thing I needed, an explanation, closure.” I don’t need to explain that I don’t trust him. His actions that have led to this point prove why.

“God, how many times do we need to have this conversation, Abby.” He runs his hands through his hair, tugging on the ends. I know I’m pushing him hard, but he needs this. If there’s any way anything will come of what’s between us, he needs to start telling the truth rather than hiding and doing things behind my back.

I narrow my eyes and calmly say, “Everything always has to be on your terms, doesn’t it? Why am I here this summer? Why are you making it so thatI can’t move on from you?”

“Because I wanted you here, ok? Why? I don’t know. At first I thought I wanted to mess with your head—”

I roll my eyes and look away. “Great.”

“Will you let me finish? You want an explanation and I’m trying to give it to you. I requested personally that we have you on this tour because I needed you here. The guys, everyone, knew I was drowning. Sam told me to sort my shit out and this happened. And now? Maybe I want more than why I originally had you brought here.”

Had me brought here … it annoys me the way he’s throwing his new power, fame and money around. He’s flaunting it in my face and showing me how he can use it to get his own way.

“I’m not a toy, Jake. You can’t just have me when you want me and then throw me to the side when you don’t. It was the same back in high school, one day you loved me, the next you didn’t. Then you interfere with anyone who shows any interest in me because you can’t decide what it is you really want.”

“It wasn’t my choice!” He roars. I’ve never seen him lose control of his temper like this and the people around us begin to stare with unease. It doesn’t help that the majority most likely don’t speak the same language as us, so don’t have a clue what is being said.

“What do you mean, it wasn’t your choice?” I ask, bemused. “Of course, it was your choice. Who else’s choice could it have been?”

He looks away and huffs. “Forget it, it doesn’t matter.”

“And once again we’ve done a full loop and we’re back to where we started. This, Jake, is one of the main reasons I walked away. How could we have fully committed to each other, when I never knew why you really left me the first time, why you threw me to the side like scraps you were ashamed to be seen with?”

“You believe that Abby. Believe whatever you want, but the night I told you I loved you, I meant it and you know I did, so fuck you if you don’t believe it. It took everything in me to open up to you like that, when I didn’t have a clue how you felt back. Like I’ve said before, my feelings for you have never, ever changed. It’s always been us.”

“It’s not enough Jake. I need more, I need answers. Until you give me them, then whatever this was, is done. We can’t keep pretending everything is ok and then when it gets to the end of the summer be in the exact same position we were back in Brooklyn. It’s not fair. So, until you decide finally that I’m worth the truth … that you can trust me the way you expect me to trust you … we’re done.”

I don’t know at what point tears began streaming down my face, maybe they have been all along. As I walk away, I probably look as much of a mess as I feel. This was one of the most romantic nights I’ve ever had, and it was ruined because something always gets in the way of me and Jake. Maybe it’s not fate, that sure became evident when I learnt I wasn’t here by accident. Maybe it hasn’t always been us like he thinks. Maybe we need to let go and accept we’re just not meant to be.

As I make my way through the exit of the carnival, leaving my night with Jake behind, my cell vibrates in the satchel bag that’s hanging down at my side. Pulling it out, my frown softens just a little.

“Dan, hi.”