Always Us by Lizzie Morton
Thirteen
Abby
“She said what?” Zoe says.
“Shh,” I say.
We’re back to the joyous confines of the tour bus, en route to Denmark, so don’t have the luxury of that little thing called privacy. We all peer around the booth where we’re sitting and see that Amanda is further up the bus, too engaged with hanging all over Jake to be listening to what we’re saying.
“Who does she think she is saying something like that to you?”
“I always thought she was nice, but maybe there’s a side to her we didn’t see,” agrees Sophie.
“I sometimes got the vibe she wasn’t quite as nice as she made herself out to be. Especially once Jake and I started to get closer.”
“That’s because you bitches turn crazy when it comes to the big D.” We look up in surprise to find Sam standing in the walkway next to the booth.
“How much did you hear?” I ask, mortified.
He winks. “Enough, but don’t worry your secret is safe with me. Your voices didn’t quite carry all the way down the bus.”
“Do you think I should tell Jake?” I ask uncertainly.
“Nah, I’d leave it. He knows what she’s like. Let’s just say when they broke up, she showed her true colors.”
My eyes widen, “That bad, huh?”
“Worse.” He laughs awkwardly and says, “Jakey must be good in the sack to keep you all hanging on so long. I might need to get some tips from him.”
I shoot him an icy glare, hoping he gets the hint not to take the conversation any further. I’m not sure whether he knows what happened between me and Jake, but we need to keep the conversation away from sex in case he doesn’t. Zoe and Sophie aren’t exactly subtle, and I promised Sooz I would keep things professional, which won’t be possible if the whole tour group knows about my sex life.
I make an effort to change the subject. Luckily, Sam’s concentration span can be limited at times, so he doesn’t realize what I’m doing. “When is Shaun joining us?”
“Back in Spain, then it’s party time!” He hoots the last part loud enough for everyone to hear.
A ‘hell yeah’ comes from somewhere else on the bus. I assume it’s the other band member Ryan, who we have very little to do with. He just seems to be there in the background, loving life, not that it’s a problem. It’s nice for there to be one person on this tour who does their own thing and minds their own business. I wish everyone else would take a leaf out of his book.
“It’ll be nice to see him again.” I smile.
I’ve missed Shaun. Along with Sam, when I spent time in Brooklyn, I got close with him again, thanks to working in his bar. He’s so carefree and easy to get along with but has a deeper side that helped us connect on much more than a boss and employee level.
“Zoe’s excited, aren’t you, Zo,” Sam says and winks.
I don’t miss that her cheeks go bright red, which is unusual as she never gets embarrassed by anything to do with guys. But then I remember how they were all over each other on more than one occasion when I was home. Usually when alcohol was involved, but it feels significant.
“Shut up,” she snaps.
Sam catches the vibe and chooses to turn his attention to poor, unsuspecting Sophie. “Hey babe, how’s it going?”
“Babe? Seriously, get lost Sam.” She shoves him hard in the side.
I laugh but don’t miss that she looks flustered. What is wrong with my friends? They are both acting weird and not like themselves. I put it to the back of my mind, in a box for later, making a mental note to keep a close eye on them for the rest of this tour. I’ve been so absorbed in my own dramawith Dan and Jake that I may have neglected to see that my friends need something from me, which leaves me feeling like the worst friend in the world.
***
The drive to Denmark is straight forward and thankfully, for the sake of our sanity, we only have one overnight stop. We all need space from each other as there are far too many sexually charged hormones flying around the bus for any of us to get comfortable. The only person who seems to be able to keep their head on straight is Sooz, which is to be expected as she’s the one who has her shit together, and that’s because she makes sure there isn’t any shit to deal with.
The tour bus was scheduled to stop outside our hotel, so the girls and I could get unpacked and settled before any work that needed doing. But when it pulls up outside a tall building on the outskirts of Roskilde, it’s clear that somewhere along the line, the plan changed.
“Everything ok?” I ask Sooz.
“Fine,” she replies with a smile that doesn’t suggest there’s anything to be concerned about. “There’s been a slight change with the schedule. Nothing we can’t adapt to.”
“What are we doing here then?”
“Photoshoot. The one that was scheduled for tomorrow has been pulled forward to today as some of the models can’t make it otherwise, something to do with being double booked. Not our fault, but we need to get this done. The guys could have done with a good night’s sleep as they look like crap, but it’s nothing a bit of makeup won’t help. Maybe it will add to that rugged rocker image?”
“Maybe …” I focus on the word models.
“You good?”
“Fine,” I say quickly, managing to collect myself together and make it seem like I am, when actually my stomach is twisting. The thought of the band being with models bothers me, Jake being with models in particular. Gorgeous, Danish models whom I could only dream of looking like.
As if he’s in tune with what I’m thinking, Ryan shouts at the top of his voice, “Bring on the Danish pussy!”
Sooz swoops in on him instantly. “As your lead PR rep, I’m telling you now, you can’t say things like that. Are you trying to have a lawsuit handed to your ass?” I’ve only seen this side of her a couple of times, she’s like a panther. I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of her.
I don’t blame him when he cowers down and says, “Sorry ma’am.”
After Ryan’s outburst, the band and PR team gather their gear together and move off the bus and into the building where the photoshoot is to take place. Three floors and lots of panting later, we’re in a lofty space where, thanks to the Danish summer weather, the heat is unbearable.
“Just what I want to be doing. Watching models strut around while I sweat my ass off,” moans Amanda.
I look over in her direction and see she looks as flustered as I am. She catches my eye and offers a small smile which takes me by surprise. She’s been so cold since we first met on the tour and rightly so, but at this moment we share a common ground. We’re both about to reluctantly watch our ex, who we both still have feelings for, have models draped all over him. Meanwhile we sweat like pigs, working our asses off. Maybe for this short time, we can form a united front. Either that, or when this is all done, we can find a dark corner to lick our wounds together.
True model style, they’re all late and we end up spending an extra forty minutes, unnecessarily, in the stifling heat. If we thought we looked bad before, it’s nothing compared to what we look like now, as all the models waltz in looking effortlessly beautiful and completely unaffected by the temperature. Just to rub salt in the wound.
Sooz walks over to them and begins speaking in Danish, it doesn’t come as a shock that she knows how to speak it. At each of the locations we’ve been to so far, she’s known the local language. It’s just another reason why she’s so good at her job. People tend to underestimate her, seeing just a pretty face, working an easy job in an apparently easy industry. But I don’t know anyone who speaks as many languages as she does, who can coordinate anything like she can.
It’s hectic as we attempt to get everyone organized, in the right outfits and briefed on what we’re looking for from the photoshoot. We all breathe a sigh of relief when we’re done. It’s a great room to work from and the lighting is perfect. The lofty feel creates a cool vibe for the test shots I begin taking, which is fitting with the band’s image.
I start by taking photos of the group all together, which will work as great promo shots for new releases and generic media pieces about the band. According to Sooz there was a request from somewhere that the band’s image needs to be a bit sexier, hence the Danish models.
The rest of the band is easy work. Sam and Ryan revel in having blondes lounging all over them, making the atmosphere that filters into the images: fun while still being suggestive, staying true to their characters. Zach takes the whole process a bit more seriously, but that’s merely a reflection of his character and what I capture looks great.
Then there’s Jake. He awkwardly asks, “Where would you like me?”
The other guys did whatever they wanted, and I followed their lead, giving direction if needed. They loved the freedom of making the shoot work for them. Hearing Jake sound uncertain catches me off guard. I expected him to walk in and be all cocky. Seeing him so vulnerable tugs at my emotions and threatens to draw me in. Before I have a chance to reign in my feelings, my heart is hammering against my chest, aching at being near him and teased by a glimmer of the guy I fell in love with.
“Abs?” he asks quietly, so the others don’t catch on that I’ve lost my concentration. I snap out of my thoughts, embarrassed at being caught out losing my cool.
“Erm, sorry. I’m not sure. What do you want to do?”
“You’re the photographer, you tell me,” he says, frowning, as if he expected me to come back with an answer right away.
My mind goes into overdrive. Think on your feet Abby, you’re making yourself look like an idiot. A velour armchair in the corner of the room catches my attention and I have an idea. The other guys all took standing shots with the girls, but for Jake, something different and edgy would fit who he is and the hidden depths he has that no one gets to see.
I thought I might have been broken for a moment there, that I wouldn’t be able to go through with the shoot. Thankfully, instinct takes over and I finally act professional and show I’m capable of doing my job. Sooz lets out a sigh of relief from a corner of the room, I don’t doubt that she was apprehensive I would choke and mess it all up when it came to Jake.
When we manage to place the chair in the perfect position, I instruct him on how to sit, encouraging him to lounge back with one leg raised up over an arm. I turn away to inspect all the models, choosing the least attractive three, hoping no one will notice. When I shout for them to join us, they wander over smiling and I turn back to find Jake smirking. It’s not gone unnoticed with him the reason I chose the models I did. Whatever, he’d do the same thing if he were in my shoes.
I would never admit it, but the whole thing kills me inside. I hate having to position the models and encourage them into the sexiest poses I can, watching as they drape themselves over him. I direct him to place his hands on the two girls in closest reach, picking just the right places that the images will be sexy but not too provocative. When I’m happy with all of their positioning, I nod silent confirmation in his direction to let him know the photoshoot is about to begin. He’s still smirking, knowing exactly what this whole situation is doing to me, but not saying a word, which irks me. When I grab my camera, he takes on a more professional aura, the smirk gone from his face as he stares, waiting.
I raise the camera and look through the lens, beginning to snap away from all different angles. The hard work comes when I need to get closer. So far, I’ve managed to avoid looking into his eyes, but now there is no hiding from them. I step nearer, not wanting to use the zoom as it can reduce the quality of the image.
I become breathless looking back through the lens and into his smoldering eyes. He might have his hands all over other women ... Gorgeous, blonde, incredibly sexy women, but there’s only one-person he’s interested in, and that’s me. It doesn’t matter that there is a lens in the way. The heat of his gaze is searing and my heart pounds erratically, sending the blood coursing through my veins. Every part of my body feels alive. It also doesn’t matter that he made me come just a couple of days ago, I want him now, I need him. But we can’t be together again like that, ever, so I carry on snapping, trying to keep my focus and cover up everything I’m feeling.
When I’m happy with the shots, I put the camera down and lightheartedly say, “All done.” I’m determined to make it appear that I’ve been unaffected by the moment we shared. One bonus of the heat is being able to use it as an excuse for any flush lingering on my cheeks.
I glance over and watch as Jake detaches himself from the models, barely giving them the time of day as he thanks them politely. He’s completely oblivious and uncaring to the fact he’s just had their bodies pressed all over his own.
“Holy cow, that was so hot,” Zoe breathes out quietly, standing to my side. For once she’s managing to be discreet. “Did you see the looks he was giving you? He wants your ass again. I’m putting down bets that the other night was not a one-time thing.”
“It was and there won’t be another time,” I say and start packing away some of my gear.
I turn at the same moment Jake does and he catches my eye, looking at me like I’m the only person in the world that matters. He constantly gives off hot and cold vibes and I don’t have a clue what he wants from me but being near him is awakening the heart I’ve spent two years struggling to silence. I need to get out of here and stay as far away from him as I can.
